ceremony
Junior Member
Posts: 83
Gender: Non-Binary
Gender: non-binary
Presentation: Male
Presentation: Wouldn't care, don't care
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Heterosexual
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ceremony
Non-Binary
non-binary
Male
Wouldn't care, don't care
They/Their/Them
Heterosexual
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Jul 4, 2019 1:55:30 GMT 8
Post by ceremony on Jul 4, 2019 1:55:30 GMT 8
Hi, I've had 3 weeks to process this beginning. I was at a Pride concert, and when I was home that night, it was clear to me I'm non binary. That is still developing while I read more from others experiences and learn the language that's common for expressing myself. I'm older, and I've not had experience talking about this. I've been a cishet in a monogamous relationship for over 39 years. This will not be accepted by my partner, and that is one part of my life that will have to change in the coming years. I note years, because the events where manageable change occurs in my life, have taken years. Sobriety, mental health, sexual assault, bullied, and unrecognized ptsd. All of that has been in process mode going 19 yrs for the first to 3 years of the later. That has been enough time for my ability to reason with myself regarding who I am and how my life is going.
I have lived a male all this time, and was raised through the '60s 'til '79 when I broke ties concerning my core family. About 3 years later I met my current partner. The situation and conditions have been a strain. I've found many people relate to drinking during especially stressed parts of their lives, which helped keep the worst at bay. Sobriety has helped me reach this moment. The many issues are beginning to have less burdensome responses.
My identity revealed to me over time. The past 4 years I've had opportunity to engage with blogs and other with trans and other lgbtqia people. I had a lot of time to read a blog from one woman in particular, who transitioned in the '90s and worked as a professor. Reading her blog gave me confidence to reach out more, and in time I was writing about myself. Now I am working to see myself as more than decades of cishet male.
In time, I want to have someone say, 'you go girl', whether I'm presenting femme or not. My mind accepts it, my body relaxes, and I feel relief. Being an identity of male has a lot of baggage, and one mental illness. It's hard to share, it's not dysphoria, it's body dysmorphic disorder. I have had an obsession for decades and the first break with it has been to identify non binary. That relief is a very big deal to me, and I hope accepted. To me, I've understood dysphoria as a cishet like few possibly can. The obsession fixated so badly, it created too much anxiety, isolation, and excuses to live life. This new relief and examining myself through the decades explains a lot to me.
There are some concerns I have, and because I'm older, my concerns are looking into acceptance from others, and seeking to engage with people where I'm comfortable being me. I may not have clear opportunities to present myself other than male, and that gives rise to fear of being judged? I can't expect to be a member of a community I fear presenting myself to, so I'm going to keep telling myself I'm worthy of acceptance, and friendship just as I am. The words will come to me, and what I need to know and live as myself will be the real me.
I'm non binary, monogamous, and for now, uninterested in my sexuality. Perhaps some would think I'm asexual? That's not what I see in myself, but I have become more interested in friendship than sexual relationship.
Thank you who've read this, and I welcome any who respond in the future. I will respond to others threads as I get acquainted here. Best wishes.
Ceremony
the Joy Division/New Order song.
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Post by Trinity on Jul 4, 2019 3:07:43 GMT 8
Hi, I've had 3 weeks to process this beginning. I was at a Pride concert, and when I was home that night, it was clear to me I'm non binary. That is still developing while I read more from others experiences and learn the language that's common for expressing myself. I'm older, and I've not had experience talking about this. I've been a cishet in a monogamous relationship for over 39 years. This will not be accepted by my partner, and that is one part of my life that will have to change in the coming years. I note years, because the events where manageable change occurs in my life, have taken years. Sobriety, mental health, sexual assault, bullied, and unrecognized ptsd. All of that has been in process mode going 19 yrs for the first to 3 years of the later. That has been enough time for my ability to reason with myself regarding who I am and how my life is going. I have lived a male all this time, and was raised through the '60s 'til '79 when I broke ties concerning my core family. About 3 years later I met my current partner. The situation and conditions have been a strain. I've found many people relate to drinking during especially stressed parts of their lives, which helped keep the worst at bay. Sobriety has helped me reach this moment. The many issues are beginning to have less burdensome responses. My identity revealed to me over time. The past 4 years I've had opportunity to engage with blogs and other with trans and other lgbtqia people. I had a lot of time to read a blog from one woman in particular, who transitioned in the '90s and worked as a professor. Reading her blog gave me confidence to reach out more, and in time I was writing about myself. Now I am working to see myself as more than decades of cishet male. In time, I want to have someone say, 'you go girl', whether I'm presenting femme or not. My mind accepts it, my body relaxes, and I feel relief. Being an identity of male has a lot of baggage, and one mental illness. It's hard to share, it's not dysphoria, it's body dysmorphic disorder. I have had an obsession for decades and the first break with it has been to identify non binary. That relief is a very big deal to me, and I hope accepted. To me, I've understood dysphoria as a cishet like few possibly can. The obsession fixated so badly, it created too much anxiety, isolation, and excuses to live life. This new relief and examining myself through the decades explains a lot to me. There are some concerns I have, and because I'm older, my concerns are looking into acceptance from others, and seeking to engage with people where I'm comfortable being me. I may not have clear opportunities to present myself other than male, and that gives rise to fear of being judged? I can't expect to be a member of a community I fear presenting myself to, so I'm going to keep telling myself I'm worthy of acceptance, and friendship just as I am. The words will come to me, and what I need to know and live as myself will be the real me. I'm non binary, monogamous, and for now, uninterested in my sexuality. Perhaps some would think I'm asexual? That's not what I see in myself, but I have become more interested in friendship than sexual relationship. Thank you who've read this, and I welcome any who respond in the future. I will respond to others threads as I get acquainted here. Best wishes. Ceremony the Joy Division/New Order song. This should be a good forum for you. Read the past posts, and now that you are a member, the members only section also has a lot in it that can be helpful, its where the really heavy stuff gets talked about out of the public eye. Keep it simple, there are no labels we get hung up on here, its just a journey into our truth. Where that leads you is up to you, and whatever your spiritual journey is as well, for me it is God. I was fortunate enough to preserve a 25 year marriage, its usually unpredictable how that goes. More later when I can, ask questions, feel safe, explore the past rich history of the forum. Its a small group, you may see time gaps in responses. Many come, find what they needed, and move on, some stay. Trust comes over time. I am unfamiliar with dysphmorphia, but that doesn't matter, I am very familiar with crippling dysphoria, and I imagine its similar in its pain and coping skills. -Trinity
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Post by Leena on Jul 4, 2019 5:00:03 GMT 8
Welcome to the forum!
This forum helped me out quite a lot. Dealing with others is probably the hardest part of being non-binary.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Jul 4, 2019 9:37:04 GMT 8
There is no one way or even a really common way that NB is supposed to be, if you think you are, then you are. How you present has nothing to do with it, how much you reveal yourself to binary and binary cis is up to you, that can be a hard thing to deal with. But who you are is just a matter of who you want to be, there are no rules and there is no handbook and avoid like the plague those video blogs especially the ones on youtube that tell you or even suggest that you need to be a certain way, you don't. While those things might work for that one person or even a supposed following of that person, it doesn't mean that it is right for you. What will happen is that while taking into consideration what others say and do, how things work for them, you'll develop your own style of being NB. Forget about those tons of labels that are as bad as the ingredients on bad boxed dinners, if you don't know what it is, then it isn't for you, you don't need a label, you are you and that is good enough. NB is the umbrella that covers all of those and the thing that gets most people is that if they choose one of the way to many labels, they then feel obligated to live up to that. That alone is going to make life hard on you, and it doesn't have to be, it's like presentation, however you are comfortable is what is right for you, if it is total masculine, then it is, but that doesn't take away from being NB. There are people on this forum who most certainly have their same look as they always have had, there are those who have changed it to make themselves feel better, there are those who go the other way, all are NB. So read through the back posts and use the search function, but that is going to give you more than you are looking for usually, the labels for threads sometimes just isn't the thread, they tend to go off on tangents all the time. Some fun stuff, light hearted posts from people can give you an insight just as much as the more serious threads can, and the main function of the forum for many is just a place to hang out, some just sit on the side and that's fine. There are some very serious threads and there are some pretty hard in your face posts at times, but it's how this forum works, there are no moderators, there hasn't been a need for them. You might run across stuff that you totally disagree with or find not to your liking, but keep in mind those are just people's opinions and you can block people, but I just look at it as more grown up than some like it to be. There are no dumb or stupid questions, and you'll get answers usually to them, it depends, sometimes you will, other times no, it depends on who has been here to read them, there is no staff to guide those questions, so be persistent if you want. But, there is no handbook, there most certainly is no plan of any sort that you should follow, everything is up to you and you just go at your own speed, take things as they come to you, it generally goes in waves for most people. Hang out, read posts and make posts, the more involved you are the more others will know you and that is what it takes, there isn't anyone to hold your hand here, but you shouldn't need that here anyways, it's user friendly. So post and make threads and read others stuff, it's a little hard to get through some of it because it is just mostly NB people hanging out. A few of us are always looking out for others and if life is really getting them down, we're there and others will be to help when they need it, if you ever do. Easiest pronouns to use are the generally accepted they ones, most of the others aren't used enough for most people to remember them, they seems to work the best, and it is and can be singular, I can prove it, so... See you on the boards.
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Post by Taka on Jul 9, 2019 23:29:11 GMT 8
Being nb sometimes just means accepting that there is more to oneself than what shows on the surface.
There is no right or wrong way to present. Even presenting is the wrong way to go about it in my opinion. Being you is the start, and sometimes less wrong is a much better option than trying to do it right all the time.
Only you know what is right or wrong to you, and your life situation or society may place some restrictions on what is safe (whether for your physical or mental wellbeing). Figuring it out slowly might just be the thing that works for you, never making any surface changes may be just as good. Don't let anyone judge you for the choices you make for improving your own life.
We aren't a cult. There are no weird rules here. Some will always try to tell you how to do it right, but always consult your gut thrice on whatever others tell you. Ask for advice, but take it all with a grain of salt, or a fistful, depending on.
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ceremony
Junior Member
Posts: 83
Gender: Non-Binary
Gender: non-binary
Presentation: Male
Presentation: Wouldn't care, don't care
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Heterosexual
inherit
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ceremony
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Jul 2, 2019 1:02:07 GMT 8
July 2019
ceremony
Non-Binary
non-binary
Male
Wouldn't care, don't care
They/Their/Them
Heterosexual
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Post by ceremony on Jul 10, 2019 1:35:25 GMT 8
Being nb sometimes just means accepting that there is more to oneself than what shows on the surface. There is no right or wrong way to present. Even presenting is the wrong way to go about it in my opinion. Being you is the start, and sometimes less wrong is a much better option than trying to do it right all the time. Only you know what is right or wrong to you, and your life situation or society may place some restrictions on what is safe (whether for your physical or mental wellbeing). Figuring it out slowly might just be the thing that works for you, never making any surface changes may be just as good. Don't let anyone judge you for the choices you make for improving your own life. We aren't a cult. There are no weird rules here. Some will always try to tell you how to do it right, but always consult your gut thrice on whatever others tell you. Ask for advice, but take it all with a grain of salt, or a fistful, depending on. Thanks Taka, In the short time I'm processing being me, it's more relaxing. Relief is where I've been going with this. I've had enough therapy now to know what might be processing rather than over thinking, or faulting myself. Joining here is helping me to gain perspective. There are some new words and concepts about how language is used, and my focus is to be able to interpret; failing that, to ask for clarification. One such word came up at Pride in late June, and thankfully urban dictionary gave me a clue. It was 'cupcake', and when asked, I Declined "thank you, I'm waiting to eat when I get home." I was okay after I did the search on that, and discovered it was likely a proposition for comforting contact, (to put it in my words). That person walked away from me, after we had initially just had a bit of small talk about the band sound checking at the time. I'm glad to learn new things, and am not bothered by what might be a meaning or not. I'll go with the flow, let it happen in good time, and enjoy the experiences I can. I'm hoping that my experiences will soon include joining a f to f group to be myself, which will be exciting. I'll not have had enough experiences about that, so I get to be what feels right and enjoyable, allow for awkwardness; and know that awkwardness if just fine. The song, how's it go? up up and away... beautiful balloon... here we go:
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