Dysphoria vs aa depression

[FlamingOrchid]

Hey everyone,

I've been up and down with my hrt for close to two years and have been feeling the effects. I've been "low male" in the testosterone range for about that long, and getting under that number has been very hard for me. Started hrt fairly young, 22 or so. I'm 28 now. Since cutting my aa dose I've gained a lot of energy and clear headedness, but unfortunately with that comes physical side effects - receding hairline/ widows peak, honestly, I think some frontal bossing. I'm not losing it, I swear I have developed frontal bossing. It hurts. It's distressing. Its not me. But every time I increase my spiro above 100 per day, or take any amount of finasteride, my energy levels plummet, my head fogs up, and I start a downward spiral of depression (in the case of finasteride, suicidal ideation). I can't do my job, which requires my strength and mental awareness, plus patience for people (also something that gets short on aas). So you can see, I'm stuck.

I've thought of ways around this. Sticking with 4 estradion and 100 spiro per day (What I'm on now; sweet spot for energy/ "low male" T here unfortunately) and doing a few things to help dysphoria (which gets intense):

1. Let hair thin out and get a wig.
2. Save as much money as possible for ffs (hair still may thin)
3. Deal with it and avoid all mirrors and pictures (been doing this already. Also not realistic).
4. Take more aas (aweful choice).
5. Have testes removed.

Testes removed may be a good idea... guess I'm just scared that maybe it's the T giving me energy, and I would miss it. Has anyone had the procedure done? What was it like and how did you feel before and after? Would love to know.

Finasteride is the only thing I can think of that will help my hair grow back (because it has in the past) but it makes me suicidal, which really sucks. Like... I'm trying not to victimize myself about it, but it's hard not to feel like, "fuck, really?"

Thanks for reading

[Ativan Prescribed]

Sometimes increasing the E settles the T back.
It isn't the numbers themselves as much as it is the ratio.
When you first started E, your body made more T to compensate, and they used to prescribe Spiro and such to counter it.
The idea was to get you to that female ratio faster, which is what most want, but the spiro has it's other side effects as do all of those.
They are using the side effects of them as if they are the purpose of them, the spiro like things.
I don't know the equivalent of that E you're taking, but the battle if you are on and off is going to continue until you stay steady and then deal with it.
But going high on E is going to eventually bring T down so that the ratio is the same or closer to female.
It takes time for the adjustments, your body sees it as going out of adjustment and counters it until it finally goes with the flow.
The spiro stuff is some of the worst things you can use, you're using them for side effects so what they are for is not a side effect from them, they are still like the prostate shrinker spiro is.
The long list of bad from those hardly makes them worthwhile, look for alternatives and cutting off the main source with surgery is probably a better option.
As far as energy, if it was all about T, then woman would be couch potatoes and men would run in even more circles trying to get things done.
It's an adjustment and you have to be steady and you can't expect the exact results you want, the variables are to many and E alone or with spiro isn't going to account for all of the variables.
Drink more coffee for energy, there is nothing wrong with it, 6 cups a day isn't a problem, other things like energy drinks are just simply bad and they are looking at banning them, or they were, you never know with trump still here.
If the E isn't at the high point, then take more and keep going if a little more isn't enough.
I know in patches you can get pretty far above other choices and not have the bad from them, they are the safest bet and if one of the highest isn't enough, use two.
They are readily available, more so than some other forms, they are the go to for women who need extra E in their diet, Dr recommended because they are the safest.
Kick scream and throw fits until you get an equivalent dose that is higher to get the numbers where they should be, being in the twilight zone of one foot in each might be your biggest problem.
But this is just what I know, the condensed info from my old Dr who is pretty far ahead of the ones who read for information, she does the studies that they read about.
Not to say that it is the last word, maybe they are formulating something that is better than birthcontrol to use as a source for E, but that is for now the safest and most used way to up your E.
Once it is done and your body has adjusted, then things should be more normal, but the on and off is just screwing with the entire process, and trying to counter T with things like spiro is so last century.
The off feelings and that are because of the bouncing around and trying to get ahead when your body just wants to normalize and for what you want, that means gett the E where it needs to in relation to T, it's all about the ratio, the actual numbers don't mean a thing.
You can have very low numbers for both and be fine, you can have really high for both and be fine, but bouncing them around isn't giving yourself enough time to get to where you need to be.
If hairline is a problem, then stop the E and go T, same with everything, energy isn't from T, it's because it is there but once you get used to it, the energy wears off, E is pretty laid back and that, but a person can stand up and just go without the T energy levels.
Stabilize yourself and things will fall into the way they are going to be and if there is something you don't like, then find what you need to do without constantly confusing you body.
Hormones are what makes virtually everything in you do what it is supposed to do, the brain chemicals are nothing more than hormones, if the balance is off, then bad things can happen, and if the sex hormones are having an effect just because, then there is the depression thing.
you alter the ratios of hormones in yourself, it isn't a simple matter of this happens, change one and another one is going to change, but the more likely is that a bunch are going to change, and who knows which ones, each person is different.
Luckily messing with sex hormones isn't likely to make other ones fall off the charts, your body can easily compensate, but changing the E and T ratio is a radical thing and it can affect other stuff, like hairlines.
It could be that there is going to nothing you can do about that as far as messing with hormones, because it is just as common with woman as it is for men, woman don't have the same pattern, but it mostly thins and done enough, it looks kinda the same.
And men also lose their hair by thinning and no pattern, so it isn't that exclusive with hair loss, the answer for it isn't T, if it was, then that would be the thing for it, just take T until it grows back, but you can't do that, the side effects are to messy.
Work on the ration instead of using the numbers individually, because it is in the balance that each person needs that counts, and each person is different, the biggest problem with any drugs, they aren't for everyone and if you have run through all the antidepressants, then you know that if one of that kind doesn't work, then taking a different one of the same kind is futility, you have to break away from that and the most useless if it doesn't work is the prozac kind, all of them are just barely better than a placebo, a true fact.
Just like you need a balanced diet, you need to have your hormones all in balance and you can change that balance with sex hormones by staying with it until your body adjusts and thinks its all normal.

[Leena]

Not on HRT yet, but have you tried minoxidil?

Minoxidil and Nizoral shampoo slowed my hair loss a lot, and I regrew quite a bit. It was looking really bad a few years ago, like I couldn't look in the mirror without getting dysphoric unless I was wearing a partial wig or a hat. I still kind of like wearing a hat, it's a good temporary fix that can be part of your style...

[Trinity]

May 5, 2019 3:07:15 GMT 8 Leena said:

Not on HRT yet, but have you tried minoxidil?

Minoxidil and Nizoral shampoo slowed my hair loss a lot, and I regrew quite a bit. It was looking really bad a few years ago, like I couldn't look in the mirror without getting dysphoric unless I was wearing a partial wig or a hat. I still kind of like wearing a hat, it's a good temporary fix that can be part of your style...

Minoxidil, 100 mg progesterone at night, go to the patch and boost E, ditch spiro.

Progesterone also counters finesteride damage in the brain.

Progesterone is best used after finishing trans puberty, technically after at least 2 yrs hrt.

Ditch the blocker.

As to ditching the marbles, dunno on that.  Sometimes they are kept around to have material for the neovagina unless prosthetic marbles are put in to minimize shrinkage.

If they are gone, erections may o r may not become impossible.