AshZeUnsure
New Member
Posts: 3
Gender: Questioning MTF or non-binary
Presentation: Femininely androgynous
Pronouns: He/His/Him
Orientation: Queer
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AshZeUnsure
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Jan 8, 2019 10:41:03 GMT 8
January 2019
ashzeunsure
Questioning MTF or non-binary
Femininely androgynous
He/His/Him
Queer
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Hi?
Jan 10, 2019 10:01:44 GMT 8
Post by AshZeUnsure on Jan 10, 2019 10:01:44 GMT 8
Hi, I'm Ash. I'm going by he/him pronouns for now. Just a quick question before I introduce myself more thoroughly, is this forum still active? Sorry if that sounds rude.
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violynne
Non-Binary
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
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Hi?
Jan 10, 2019 10:12:57 GMT 8
Post by Yuki on Jan 10, 2019 10:12:57 GMT 8
Hi, I'm Ash. I'm going by he/him pronouns for now. Just a quick question before I introduce myself more thoroughly, is this forum still active? Sorry if that sounds rude. Hi, Ash! Yes, we're active. Some of us have been busy lately and haven't posted as much, and we generally have a relatively small group that talks often anyway, with lots of others that come check in every once in a while. But we are active.
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Hi?
Jan 10, 2019 11:49:33 GMT 8
Post by Ativan Prescribed on Jan 10, 2019 11:49:33 GMT 8
Where a lot of stuff is, is in the past posts and threads, seems like we have gone over so much of it and there is a lot of things in those. There is the usual core group and people from that come and go all the time, it's worth it to just go ahead and post and ask questions, they get talked about and the answers might be what you are looking for. It's been slow the last few weeks, holidays and that, and it seems like it is slow in getting going again. The core group is a day to day kind of thing, we do talk about things not related directly to nb, but from our viewpoint, everything we say and do is connected, whether obvious or not. But dig around and see if there is any interesting things here for you, ask questions, there are no wrong or dumb questions, ever. Some pretty knowledgeable people and some of us go back to a forum before this one, so kinda a been there done those things, have stuff to say, but you have to ask the questions. Just look at it as more of a family than anything else, it gets political from me, others have some very interesting ways of seeing the world, and people come and go all the time. There is a consistent 200 or so guests on at any given time, and I can see them looking at past stuff, and the day to day things, so it is active even if there are no really active threads. Start those up if you want, there is no harm in much of anything, trolls get piled on and driven away so that kind of interference isn't going on. But like I said, there is no dumb questions and threads go where they just go to, there isn't much structure and there are no monitors, haven't had the need for them from day one here.
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Trinity
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trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Hi?
Jan 10, 2019 12:12:50 GMT 8
Post by Trinity on Jan 10, 2019 12:12:50 GMT 8
Yes we are active.
Small place, but deep knowledge of nb.
You found the rare unicorns of the deep forest.
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She/Her
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Hi?
Jan 10, 2019 12:13:41 GMT 8
Post by Leena on Jan 10, 2019 12:13:41 GMT 8
Hi Ash! Welcome to the forum.
Yeah, this forum is active, though I suppose some of the subforums not having recent posts might make it look like it is less active than it is. We just post in a handful of threads that are really, really long mostly, I don't know why that is, but I do it myself rather than starting new threads most of the time. Feel free to start a new thread though, or just post in the threads we post in.
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rebeccas
Demigirl
Androgynous
In private, feminine
They/Their/Them
(she/her/hers in safe spaces)
Queer
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Hi?
Jan 10, 2019 22:22:07 GMT 8
Post by Becky on Jan 10, 2019 22:22:07 GMT 8
Hi, I'm Ash. I'm going by he/him pronouns for now. Just a quick question before I introduce myself more thoroughly, is this forum still active? Sorry if that sounds rude. Hi, Ash! Welcome to the Forum! Feel free to look at previous posts, or even create your own. New members are always good for waking things up.
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AshZeUnsure
New Member
Posts: 3
Gender: Questioning MTF or non-binary
Presentation: Femininely androgynous
Pronouns: He/His/Him
Orientation: Queer
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Jan 16, 2019 6:57:50 GMT 8
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AshZeUnsure
3
Jan 8, 2019 10:41:03 GMT 8
January 2019
ashzeunsure
Questioning MTF or non-binary
Femininely androgynous
He/His/Him
Queer
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Hi?
Jan 11, 2019 10:41:19 GMT 8
Post by AshZeUnsure on Jan 11, 2019 10:41:19 GMT 8
Phew, thanks. I was worried there for a second. So, onto the real introduction. I was born and raised female. I knew about transgender and LGBTQ+ stuff from a young age (my parents are super supportive) but I never really thought it applied to me. I felt happy with my body. Then, when I moved to a different state and started public school for the first time I realized I was gay (this was in 5th grade). Or I thought I was, anyway. I was certainly attracted to girls (I still am). Now I've realized that I'm also attracted to non-binary peoples and, well, pretty much most genders but male, but I still go with gay just to make things simpler. I'm still MOSTLY attracted to girls, but also occasionally to other people. Then in 6th grade I read this book that had a genderfluid character in it, and I immediately thought, "oh my gosh that's me!" I started experimenting with androgyny and pronouns on my own. However, I soon realized that that wasn't right. I thought, at the time, that I didn't really feel like a boy that much. I experimented with a bunch of different labels like demigirl and bigender, but never really found one that felt right. I sort of gave up for a bit, but in late 6th/early 7th I revisited gender. I began to think that I was non-binary. I started asking some of my close friends to call me by they/them pronouns and by B (a nickname of my real name). For a while I was satisfied with that, still with fairly frequent periods of questioning, but in the end I would always go back to non-binary. Now I'm unsure again. I recently came out to one of my friends, but he misunderstood me and thought that I was FTM trans and wanted he/him pronouns. For some reason, I never corrected him about the pronouns. I told him that I was more non-binary, but he thought that I was more on the demiGUY end of the spectrum, while I had always considered myself on the other side. Something about he/him pronouns just felt ... exciting. Is that weird? When I was still experimenting with pronouns he/him had always felt cool, but I thought that since I didn't really feel like a boy he/him couldn't work. Now I'm unsure about the 'not feeling like a boy part' as well. I feel like, on the surface I sort of feel mostly non-binary with a hint of female, but when I dig deep I find this big male side to me. But I don't want to live fully as a guy. I want a flatter, if not completely flat chest, but I definitely don't want facial hair or male sexual organs or an Adam's apple. However, there are always things that make me think maybe I'm just making up these feelings to myself to get attention or to feel 'special'. For one, I never questioned my gender until reading that book, after which I immediately thought that I was genderfluid. I don't even think I was thinking that for real, I think it was just the allure of something new that enticed me. Second, when I started experimenting with pronouns it wasn't because I disliked she/her, it was because I thought it was a 'requirement' of having a gender off the binary. Yet now I genuinely dislike she/her and feel mental twinges whenever people call me by that. Third, I had the same thing happen with binding. I didn't ask for a chest binder because I experienced dysphoria, I asked for it because I thought it was a 'requirement'. Yet now (although I don't experience any extreme dysphoria regarding my body) I feel high amounts of euphoria when looking at or feeling myself with a flat chest. Fourth, when I first came out as gay to an after-school group of mine, it was almost like I had this high. Everyone was hugging me and being encouraging and it just felt so good. Plus, a girl who I had a major crush on was there, but that's a story for another day. Knowing that I felt this way just makes me think, what if I only say that I'm feeling this because I want to come out again and experience that high? Anyways, sorry for this long rant, I just really need somewhere where I can say this and not be judged. But do you think I'm valid and my feelings are real? Or am I just making this up for attention/specialness/the coming out high?
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Yuki
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Aug 24, 2016 11:03:57 GMT 8
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violynne
Non-Binary
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
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Hi?
Jan 11, 2019 11:04:12 GMT 8
via mobile
Post by Yuki on Jan 11, 2019 11:04:12 GMT 8
Phew, thanks. I was worried there for a second. So, onto the real introduction. I was born and raised female. I knew about transgender and LGBTQ+ stuff from a young age (my parents are super supportive) but I never really thought it applied to me. I felt happy with my body. Then, when I moved to a different state and started public school for the first time I realized I was gay (this was in 5th grade). Or I thought I was, anyway. I was certainly attracted to girls (I still am). Now I've realized that I'm also attracted to non-binary peoples and, well, pretty much most genders but male, but I still go with gay just to make things simpler. I'm still MOSTLY attracted to girls, but also occasionally to other people. Then in 6th grade I read this book that had a genderfluid character in it, and I immediately thought, "oh my gosh that's me!" I started experimenting with androgyny and pronouns on my own. However, I soon realized that that wasn't right. I thought, at the time, that I didn't really feel like a boy that much. I experimented with a bunch of different labels like demigirl and bigender, but never really found one that felt right. I sort of gave up for a bit, but in late 6th/early 7th I revisited gender. I began to think that I was non-binary. I started asking some of my close friends to call me by they/them pronouns and by B (a nickname of my real name). For a while I was satisfied with that, still with fairly frequent periods of questioning, but in the end I would always go back to non-binary. Now I'm unsure again. I recently came out to one of my friends, but he misunderstood me and thought that I was FTM trans and wanted he/him pronouns. For some reason, I never corrected him about the pronouns. I told him that I was more non-binary, but he thought that I was more on the demiGUY end of the spectrum, while I had always considered myself on the other side. Something about he/him pronouns just felt ... exciting. Is that weird? When I was still experimenting with pronouns he/him had always felt cool, but I thought that since I didn't really feel like a boy he/him couldn't work. Now I'm unsure about the 'not feeling like a boy part' as well. I feel like, on the surface I sort of feel mostly non-binary with a hint of female, but when I dig deep I find this big male side to me. But I don't want to live fully as a guy. I want a flatter, if not completely flat chest, but I definitely don't want facial hair or male sexual organs or an Adam's apple. However, there are always things that make me think maybe I'm just making up these feelings to myself to get attention or to feel 'special'. For one, I never questioned my gender until reading that book, after which I immediately thought that I was genderfluid. I don't even think I was thinking that for real, I think it was just the allure of something new that enticed me. Second, when I started experimenting with pronouns it wasn't because I disliked she/her, it was because I thought it was a 'requirement' of having a gender off the binary. Yet now I genuinely dislike she/her and feel mental twinges whenever people call me by that. Third, I had the same thing happen with binding. I didn't ask for a chest binder because I experienced dysphoria, I asked for it because I thought it was a 'requirement'. Yet now (although I don't experience any extreme dysphoria regarding my body) I feel high amounts of euphoria when looking at or feeling myself with a flat chest. Fourth, when I first came out as gay to an after-school group of mine, it was almost like I had this high. Everyone was hugging me and being encouraging and it just felt so good. Plus, a girl who I had a major crush on was there, but that's a story for another day. Knowing that I felt this way just makes me think, what if I only say that I'm feeling this because I want to come out again and experience that high? Anyways, sorry for this long rant, I just really need somewhere where I can say this and not be judged. But do you think I'm valid and my feelings are real? Or am I just making this up for attention/specialness/the coming out high? Sounds valid to me. I think a lot of us started out very similar. I mean, how could you know that you're a different gender until you learn that it exists? And even if you know it exists, it might not feel like it applies to you until you hear about someone else's experiences and how similar they feel to yours (in your case, it was the character in your book.) It's also normal to have doubts and to wonder if you're faking. Lots of us go through that stage at one point or another. I actually tried very hard to be "more cis" for a little bit. Partially because I felt like there might be some other explanation as to why I thought I was nonbinary, and partially out of shame and feeling like a fake. But then I felt worse. And I finally realized that the only way I felt like myself was if I accepted that I really am nonbinary. That sounds kind of like where you are now... slowly realizing that the new pronouns feel better, and so does the flatter chest. It happened the same way with me. Not everyone knows they have dysphoria at a young age. Sometimes we might mistake it for other things, or we might just bury it because we don't know what to do with the feelings. Even if that's hard for you to imagine right now, because you did think that you felt okay with how everything was before. But the more you get to know yourself, the more you'll realize "oh wait, maybe I do actually have dysphoria and I just never realized" It happens and it's pretty normal. Everyone is a little different. Just give yourself some time and allow yourself to explore your gender. Even if you find out later that you aren't nonbinary... you didn't hurt anyone by trying it out for a while to see if it fits. But something tells me that you probably are.
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charley83
Everyone elses crazy is my normal
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Dec 1, 2018 1:02:00 GMT 8
November 2018
charley83
Other
Non binary
Gender Neutral
Depends on the day as to how I present.
She/Her
Pansexual
Demi-Pan
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Post by charley83 on Jan 12, 2019 1:30:12 GMT 8
Phew, thanks. I was worried there for a second. So, onto the real introduction. I was born and raised female. I knew about transgender and LGBTQ+ stuff from a young age (my parents are super supportive) but I never really thought it applied to me. I felt happy with my body. Then, when I moved to a different state and started public school for the first time I realized I was gay (this was in 5th grade). Or I thought I was, anyway. I was certainly attracted to girls (I still am). Now I've realized that I'm also attracted to non-binary peoples and, well, pretty much most genders but male, but I still go with gay just to make things simpler. I'm still MOSTLY attracted to girls, but also occasionally to other people. Then in 6th grade I read this book that had a genderfluid character in it, and I immediately thought, "oh my gosh that's me!" I started experimenting with androgyny and pronouns on my own. However, I soon realized that that wasn't right. I thought, at the time, that I didn't really feel like a boy that much. I experimented with a bunch of different labels like demigirl and bigender, but never really found one that felt right. I sort of gave up for a bit, but in late 6th/early 7th I revisited gender. I began to think that I was non-binary. I started asking some of my close friends to call me by they/them pronouns and by B (a nickname of my real name). For a while I was satisfied with that, still with fairly frequent periods of questioning, but in the end I would always go back to non-binary. Now I'm unsure again. I recently came out to one of my friends, but he misunderstood me and thought that I was FTM trans and wanted he/him pronouns. For some reason, I never corrected him about the pronouns. I told him that I was more non-binary, but he thought that I was more on the demiGUY end of the spectrum, while I had always considered myself on the other side. Something about he/him pronouns just felt ... exciting. Is that weird? When I was still experimenting with pronouns he/him had always felt cool, but I thought that since I didn't really feel like a boy he/him couldn't work. Now I'm unsure about the 'not feeling like a boy part' as well. I feel like, on the surface I sort of feel mostly non-binary with a hint of female, but when I dig deep I find this big male side to me. But I don't want to live fully as a guy. I want a flatter, if not completely flat chest, but I definitely don't want facial hair or male sexual organs or an Adam's apple. However, there are always things that make me think maybe I'm just making up these feelings to myself to get attention or to feel 'special'. For one, I never questioned my gender until reading that book, after which I immediately thought that I was genderfluid. I don't even think I was thinking that for real, I think it was just the allure of something new that enticed me. Second, when I started experimenting with pronouns it wasn't because I disliked she/her, it was because I thought it was a 'requirement' of having a gender off the binary. Yet now I genuinely dislike she/her and feel mental twinges whenever people call me by that. Third, I had the same thing happen with binding. I didn't ask for a chest binder because I experienced dysphoria, I asked for it because I thought it was a 'requirement'. Yet now (although I don't experience any extreme dysphoria regarding my body) I feel high amounts of euphoria when looking at or feeling myself with a flat chest. Fourth, when I first came out as gay to an after-school group of mine, it was almost like I had this high. Everyone was hugging me and being encouraging and it just felt so good. Plus, a girl who I had a major crush on was there, but that's a story for another day. Knowing that I felt this way just makes me think, what if I only say that I'm feeling this because I want to come out again and experience that high? Anyways, sorry for this long rant, I just really need somewhere where I can say this and not be judged. But do you think I'm valid and my feelings are real? Or am I just making this up for attention/specialness/the coming out high? You are valid! When I first started really questioning my gender I was so focused on a label that I just made myself crazy. I was born female and most of the time I would consider myself bigender. I have times that i feel female but its very rare that I feel full female. I tend to feel more male but I don't want to transition and be male all the time. I dress gender neutral most of the time. I have a large chest and chose not to bind for comfort reasons. Most of my dysphoria is with my chest and hair. You dont need to label yourself. Just present how you feel comfortable and if your gender changes so be it. If she and he pronouns don't seem right to you then stick with they and them. There is no right or wrong way to be be non-binary. Its an umbrella term that is under trans bit it encompasses so many people. Just be you and things will be like clearer. I'm 35 and still struggle day to day with my gender. There will always be someone here if you need us and since I've been part of the group I have encountered unfailing support and acceptance from all the awesome people here. So I say welcome to our family, pull up a seat, make yourself at home and remember You Are Valid!
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AshZeUnsure
New Member
Posts: 3
Gender: Questioning MTF or non-binary
Presentation: Femininely androgynous
Pronouns: He/His/Him
Orientation: Queer
inherit
684
0
Jan 16, 2019 6:57:50 GMT 8
0
AshZeUnsure
3
Jan 8, 2019 10:41:03 GMT 8
January 2019
ashzeunsure
Questioning MTF or non-binary
Femininely androgynous
He/His/Him
Queer
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Hi?
Jan 12, 2019 12:36:49 GMT 8
Post by AshZeUnsure on Jan 12, 2019 12:36:49 GMT 8
Thank you! I guess I was sort of coming to this conclusion myself, but these responses made me feel so much better and more confident. Thanks again! You guys are awesome.
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Physics Buff
Junior Member
Posts: 81
Gender: Trans woman
Presentation: Still a little masculine until I can grow my hair out
Pronouns: She/Her
Orientation: Pansexual
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651
0
Jun 7, 2019 17:58:52 GMT 8
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Physics Buff
81
Oct 26, 2018 8:26:05 GMT 8
October 2018
naden
Trans woman
Still a little masculine until I can grow my hair out
She/Her
Pansexual
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Hi?
Jan 16, 2019 20:49:28 GMT 8
Post by Physics Buff on Jan 16, 2019 20:49:28 GMT 8
Hi AshZeUnsure, Yes your concern about pronouns and labels is valid. We need labels to see what groups we might be part of and to connect to others who are like us. Obviously, any label is incomplete as a description of who each of us, as a unique individual, is. Labels have limitations and are sometimes not helpful but we need them.
And as somebody pointed out, even if in the end you do not identify as nonbinary you have harmed no one by experimenting. I think no one here will judge you for calling yourself a certain type of person for a while. So I say, go ahead and experiment!
I have found much help in my own identity exploration by going to groups of people who meet weekly "in real life" (not virtual, not internet). It has really helped me to understand and accept who I am. If you are in a major city there will likely be many groups. If you are in a small town, though, you may have to approach individuals who seem to be like you in terms of sexual orientation or gender identity. Good luck!
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