What does gender dysphoria mean to you?

[Physics Buff]

I think I had nearly fatal gender dysphoria when I was like seven years old. That is, I was acutely distressed by the clash between the emotions I felt and the ones I was supposed to feel based on my assigned gender. That drove me to seriously consider suicide at the age of ten. And it set me on a road of psychological development to the point where as an adult I often don't know what my true feelings are. I am hoping that as my social life - including the local genderqueer group - develops, I will get a little more emotional intelligence. For example, the night before last I expressed tender feelings towards a neighbor, telling him how glad I was to have him in my life. That was a conscious break from the stereotypical male attitude of taking actions first and neglecting feelings. He responded positively and I think we are closer as a result.

I don't dislike shaving or having a penis. If I have dysphoria it is more about feelings and relationships. But I don't have much clarity about it. What does dysphoria mean to you?

[Becky]

To me, dysphoria has been a constant low hum of dissatisfaction and dislike at my physical appearance. It's never been so strong that I considered suicide. However, any time I "take care of" one of the things that make me dysphoric, the sudden joy I feel is unmistakable. I've learned to live with mild depression for so long, it's the absence of dysphoria that I notice most.

What causes my dysphoria? I hate having body hair and I can't stand having a flat chest. I feel an actual absence of the breasts I'm expecting to be there. I also dislike having a masculine shape to my body and face.  And I really, REALLY would prefer to wear dresses and skirts.

Strangely enough, I'm totally okay with the bottom half of my body. This is where I was really relieved that a non-binary identity was a thing.