Personal safety in the Matrix

[Trinity]

What steps do you take to stay personally safe while out in Public?

Shopping?

Living?

Working?

And what do you define as safe.... living with condemnation?   Threat of violence?  Loss of job?

Loss of spouse?  Family?

All issues we face daring the matrix.  I have been through all of them, did ok, but almost died.

But it was good, beat all the odds, nice.

And it was very carefully living in the matrix, but the matrix agents did have their violent way with me, socially, physically.

Yet for me it was all worth doing.

HOWEVER- I do hide in plain sight, and I am somewhat careful and reserved in the neighborhood.

So there are a number of issues.  Assessing the danger, the payoff, the amount of harm it causes me to hide, or not be out, or conceal a component, or reveal it.

There is a biblical saying "Don't throw your pearls to the pigs, or they will turn on you and tear you to peices."

Very interesting saying, full of many meanings.   

I so agree with that.  And the first thing to do is to identify the agents, the pigs, and remove their ability to harm me.

Conceal, or attack, reveal, or hide, stealth or free.  I do all of these things.

How concerned are you for your personal safety, and how do you define that?

Nails out, hair down, heart wide open.....Satinjoy

[Leena]

I'm playing it perhaps too safe. Others here don't seem to.

I sometimes push it more feminine, but then I tend to be less social. This is really starting to bother me, I used to have really bad social phobia when I was younger, I got over it mainly by pushing myself and eventually working in sales. Many of the techniques I used then do not quite apply because I didn't fear for my physical safety doing that. A lot of things that worked were telling myself things like they really do want my product, they aren't going to be rude, etc...what can I tell myself when I go out en femme when there is a pretty good chance I will encounter some transphobic person?

I tone things down and they still stare, but rarely say anything, not sure how much difference it would be in a dress vs what I do now, but then there will be the bathroom issues if I go somewhere I'll be for a while or far away.

I think I'd rather be closeted than be agoraphobic, and I have a real concern that is what I will be if I push my transition much further. At the same time, I done with both really, it's not like I'm not going to die anyway eventually, I'd rather be able to say I at least really lived as the woman I really am most of the time, and not just the slightly androgynous compromise I feel compelled to make when I go out...

[peanut]

I'm not so conscious of physical violence. Not sure if it's naivety speaking but I don't think people respond to me in such a physical way but an emotional way.

When I was living in Czech Republic I would get stared at so I toned myself down and attempted to blend in as much as I could (hard enough when you are not white). Czechs, in general, aren't violent or vocal people but you still know silently when people are disapproving of how much you stand out (effects of an ex-communist state). I felt like I was suppressing myself there. I definitely did not feel comfortable talking about my gender among coworkers because they were blatantly transphobic. I already experienced sexism as it was and it would have damaged my career further if I spoke up about it. I think it was the first time I was conscious that I would always be "the female" no matter how I spoke or presented myself or how many times I try to reassure them I am just human like them.

I waited until I broke up with my long-term partner before I felt safe to explore what gender meant to me. My ex was awful anyway, but I was scared at being ridiculed, belittled, ignored and patronised. Perhaps the only time I was scared of physical violence.

Now I am in the UK, there are plenty of people that I see every day in London who I think could be genderqueer. I feel, regardless of what I call myself, I can present myself how I want to. Sure, there is a higher threat of violence here but there always is.

Shopping I struggle with, but I can't tell if it's just me being self-conscious or if people actually care when they see what they probably presumed to be an androgynous woman shopping among men. When I walk into public bathrooms I'll get looks. I always pick women's side but I think if anyone had any doubt about my gender until that point it just clicks for them like "Oh, they must be female" so it doesn't cause controversy.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I blend as a rule of sorts, it's the way I have always been, to be like those around me.
I don't follow their logis when it comes to being bigoted, and racism has just never been a thing in my life, my parents most certainly were not.
But for me, just blending is a natural, to the point that I was doing one of the sales things I was doing when I was in sales, and had never been in sales.
But that is to talk back to people with the words they used, but in the way that tells them I understand, and that makes you on equal turf with most people.
Even the clothes to a point, I've never gone out in blatantly fem clothes, but there has been some of it at times, taller heels for one.
But I never had anyone come up to me and accuse me of being anything they didn't like in terms of bigotry.
I think of it as urban camouflage, you pick the general appearance and other things if need be to blend with most of the people right where you are going to be.
Like around here and even where I used to live, the camo cargo pants are the best thing, better than jeans, to give the look they accept.
Black T's in the warm weather and black hoodies and a black winter coat, over the same black T's, always the same, it has advantages of sorts that keep idiots away from me.
I have the walk that is intimidating to a point, a lot of swagger and lean into it, it's nice to be away from people so I can just walk like I normally do.
There are the gestures and the slang in conversations, there to is the slight intimidation kind of thing, people accept what I have to say to them or at least they don't argue the point.
So it's all very natural for me and I have always done this, sales was a breeze once I figured it out, to use peoples word back at them and to adapt their attitudes, even the bigoted racist one.
A sale is a sale and the sencong they are gone, I'm right back in the sales person mode to blend with the store...
I've had challenges made for reasons that aren't about NB, and have had my ass handed to me, so it isn't like it's foolproof, but it works most of the time.