Hello and questioning
Nov 2, 2018 0:24:46 GMT 8
EchelonHunt, Ativan Prescribed, and 3 more like this
Post by daylight on Nov 2, 2018 0:24:46 GMT 8
Hi Everyone. I'm called Daylight, for now. I've been on a quest for a while, relative to my 28 years of life. It started with my discovery of ethical non-monogamy, which allowed me to uncover and explore my bisexuality. Now lately I've been questioning my gender (afab). I've basically been an anxious/OCD/ADD and depressed ball of sadness for most of my life, despite growing up with many societal privileges. I have a long history of... let's call it gender rebellion, and I'm trying to disentangle whether i'm really a gender other than female or if I just hate being told what to do. That being said I've never actually felt that I am a tomboy. I have no desire to be male, nor do I want to be particularly masculine. But I only want to be seen as female partially. Sometimes dressing in extremely feminine ways feels powerful and nice. Other times it feels uncomfortable and inauthentic, and I hate the thought that others might see me as a girl.
I like cutting my hair in short masculine styles and then growing it out again to my shoulders, repeat forever. I have myriad examples of wanting to change my gender presentation as a teenager but being encouraged/forced by parents and other loved ones to be more feminine. I led a secret life as a teen on long-form RPG forums where I only ever played male characters because my attempts at female characters just wouldn't flow. I am often known to say casually, "I'm so bad at being a girl." Recently I had an encounter with a store employee who had obviously been trained in inclusive language, who referred to me only as "this person" before they learned my name, and it felt surprisingly good. I tried experimenting with putting "they" in my pronouns list in addition to she/her at a recent bi+ meetup, where I felt safe doing so, but I felt like a faker, like I didn't know what I was talking about and need to explore more.
When I was browsing this forum as a guest I saw many relatable posts so I thought I would join. I'm confused by and continually researching many of the terms under the non-binary umbrella (ex. genderfluid vs. genderqueer, agender vs. gender neutral), and hope I can find label(s) that fit me, or none at all I guess. I also hope that I can lend my support to others, even though I know nothing, relatively. Thanks for reading all of that and well met.
I like cutting my hair in short masculine styles and then growing it out again to my shoulders, repeat forever. I have myriad examples of wanting to change my gender presentation as a teenager but being encouraged/forced by parents and other loved ones to be more feminine. I led a secret life as a teen on long-form RPG forums where I only ever played male characters because my attempts at female characters just wouldn't flow. I am often known to say casually, "I'm so bad at being a girl." Recently I had an encounter with a store employee who had obviously been trained in inclusive language, who referred to me only as "this person" before they learned my name, and it felt surprisingly good. I tried experimenting with putting "they" in my pronouns list in addition to she/her at a recent bi+ meetup, where I felt safe doing so, but I felt like a faker, like I didn't know what I was talking about and need to explore more.
When I was browsing this forum as a guest I saw many relatable posts so I thought I would join. I'm confused by and continually researching many of the terms under the non-binary umbrella (ex. genderfluid vs. genderqueer, agender vs. gender neutral), and hope I can find label(s) that fit me, or none at all I guess. I also hope that I can lend my support to others, even though I know nothing, relatively. Thanks for reading all of that and well met.
