Feeling lonely

[princeollie]

Recently, my closest friend, whom I consider family, revealed to me that they have been dating someone. Two of my other best friends are also in a relationship, leaving me completely alone in regards to romance. I was only ever in one relationship which was based only online, unhealthy, rushed, and we were both too young to really understand how relationships are supposed to work. We were found out by their parents and were both forced out of it; in hindsight, this was the best thing for us, since I was more of a caretaker/therapist for my partner than an actual romantic partner which I was not comfortable with but did not speak up about, because (again) I didn't know how relationships were supposed to work.

Anyways, after this incident (which occurred during the summer break between eighth grade and freshman year of high school), I have been single ever since, and I'm wondering/worrying if there is something wrong with me. I'm quite shy due to my social anxiety, so I have a hard time initiating conversations both in real life and online and not being quiet and awkward during conversations. However, my aforementioned friend is as introverted, if not more so, than me, yet they've found someone they like and plan to move in with. I know I'm still young (18, almost 19), but I've reached this point where I just want to connect with someone in a more-than-platonic way. I've even started to consider dating apps to find people, more specifically, fellow queer folk to talk to and, hopefully, foster a relationship with. Maybe it's my impatience fueling this fire (it probably is. I've been more and more impatient recently). 

I have a hard time thinking about my lack of a romantic relationship, too. Whenever I dwell on the thought that all of my friends have fulfilled this basic human need, I get increasingly and overwhelmingly upset. I start wondering if there's something wrong with me, am I ugly/unattractive, are all of my worst, middle school, secretly dysphoria-fueled thoughts true?

In the famous words of Queen, "Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

[Trinity]

Hi


18 was 42 years ago, it was the mid 70s and the life we live wasnt even a dream, it was science fiction stuff.

But, 18 was just beginning the discovery of who i was, and freedom. Raging hormones driving me and everyone else crazy too.

My mother saysctheres a lid for every pot.

These things come to you. I dont know how but they do.

Meanwhile, there is an entire world out there for you to discover.

Me, it was bars, theater casts...I was a rabbit.

As long as you are out doing stuff, even going to a library, anything can happen.

And there are the lgbt centers and stuff.

It will come to you, in the right time.

I know it can be hard. I have a daughter going through it.

Warm hugs

Trinity

[Ativan Prescribed]

There is a difference between introverted and having social anxiety.
The anxiety can be real anxiety and if bad enough can be dealt with through therapy and even meds.
Introverted has no known cure because it doesn't need one, introverts can be as outgoing as anyone else in bursts.
And the difference between introverts and the world is that introverts just have a way of thinking that requires downtime to be able to recharge and go out there and do it again, I've been introverted my entire life and I'm 65, I can be just as and even more of an extroverted like person at will.
The down side is more time to recharge from too much of it, but it isn't a big deal, not even to the most introverted people out there.
Extroverts have to stop and recharge, the difference is they seem to have extra outgoing needs that they have to fill, while introverts aren't burdened with them, don't have the need to be center stage and all that, but we can be and I can do it anytime I want, I just don't have the need but can do it to fill the situation as needed, it isn't hard to do at all.
That said, don't fall back on some idea that introverts are just the quiet and shy people and that the extroverts make the world go round, it's actually the opposite, they spend to much time and energy burning off that desire to be out in front when a lot of time they simply don't know the extent of what they are out in front of, they have to backpedal all the time for going to far with things not properly thought out.
Social anxiety is a simple enough thing to get past for most people, you get up and go do things, stop worrying that everyone else is getting somewhere and you don't know how, not true, they don't know anymore than anyone else.
Dating apps are a good source of friendship if done right and the only way to learn is to go do it, it's that way with almost all things social, if you don't get out there, you don't know how to work it, and there isn't a right time to do that, it's right if it works for you.
Getting on forums like this one can be good, this one seems to most of the time, but it goes through it's share of people like most of them do, it's a forum thing.
Just going out and people watching in a relaxed state of mind works good, watch and learn how others do things, there isn't any reason that you can't, if you don't try nothing happens, and that's the biggest problem most people have socially, they don't try to be a part of it, just the watchers and it does little good to watch and then be angry that you aren't a part of it when you don't try to become a part of it.
The very worst thing you can do is become resentful of your friends and others because you think they got something that you can't have, that's bs, they took the chance to go out and do the things that get them where they are, you just gotta do the same kind of things and it doesn't matter if you stumble and fall.
I'll clue anyone in on how that works, it happens to everyone and at a bout the same rate, the difference is in how you hit the ground when you fall and more importantly, how you get back up, recovery is everything in appearing to be able to just brush the shit that life hands out to everyone, nobody escapes it just because they look like they do, in their quiet moments they have to deal wit it just like everyone else does.
Stop looking at the world with expectations that it owes you anything, it doesn't, you go and do the things the right way to get to where you want to go and be, and relationships never just happen to come along and are all super ok and instant, that's the movies, it takes a lot to get one started, it's true that you can meet someone and just click, but then you have to make it work from there, so get out and into the circles of people where you can find someone.
Don't ever come up with excuses for not being able to have the things others have, you do and that's the start of the resentment and anger and both of those will stop you cold in finding the life you want, anger and the hurt of resentment just kill it for anyone, if you find yourself doing that, turn it around and see that it doesn't become the thing that is making those things happen, it's a snowball down the side of the mountain, get out in front of that stuff.
Here is a good place to start, a lot of people who have answers or at least pay attention to what you have to say, there is no introverted and extroverted here, just good people.

[Yuki]

Jul 26, 2018 15:17:00 GMT 8 princeollie said:

Recently, my closest friend, whom I consider family, revealed to me that they have been dating someone. Two of my other best friends are also in a relationship, leaving me completely alone in regards to romance. I was only ever in one relationship which was based only online, unhealthy, rushed, and we were both too young to really understand how relationships are supposed to work. We were found out by their parents and were both forced out of it; in hindsight, this was the best thing for us, since I was more of a caretaker/therapist for my partner than an actual romantic partner which I was not comfortable with but did not speak up about, because (again) I didn't know how relationships were supposed to work.

Anyways, after this incident (which occurred during the summer break between eighth grade and freshman year of high school), I have been single ever since, and I'm wondering/worrying if there is something wrong with me. I'm quite shy due to my social anxiety, so I have a hard time initiating conversations both in real life and online and not being quiet and awkward during conversations. However, my aforementioned friend is as introverted, if not more so, than me, yet they've found someone they like and plan to move in with. I know I'm still young (18, almost 19), but I've reached this point where I just want to connect with someone in a more-than-platonic way. I've even started to consider dating apps to find people, more specifically, fellow queer folk to talk to and, hopefully, foster a relationship with. Maybe it's my impatience fueling this fire (it probably is. I've been more and more impatient recently). 

I have a hard time thinking about my lack of a romantic relationship, too. Whenever I dwell on the thought that all of my friends have fulfilled this basic human need, I get increasingly and overwhelmingly upset. I start wondering if there's something wrong with me, am I ugly/unattractive, are all of my worst, middle school, secretly dysphoria-fueled thoughts true?

In the famous words of Queen, "Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

You sound a lot like my husband. He was similar... really only had a relationship online when he was too young to know what to do.

And.. he was also kind of impatient about it, from what he’s said. Lol. Until he got to a point where he assumed he’d be single forever.

He had social anxiety too, and can be terrible at talking to people. Awkward, and always says the wrong things without thinking.. then realizes later he shouldn’t have said that. Lol. But I’m awkward, too, so I can’t say much... anyway..

We met online, on a video game. He was 24 when we got together and it took us a couple months before we were able to even meet in person.

And it really happened out of nowhere. Neither of us was actively trying.

You really never know when and where you might meet someone.

It doesn’t have to be by a certain age... honestly, we had people telling us we were still too young to even get married. I think that says a lot.. like people expect you to be even older before you find someone.

Sorry you’re feeling lonely... I know that isn’t easy.

But just try to make friends in random places, and keep your mind open... but don’t expect too much.

You’ll find someone. Sometimes in the last place you’d expect.

[RAYtch]

Knowing what I know now at 37, I would have skipped 99% of my relationships so far if I could go back lol but I all seriousness, I remember being impatient about meetin* people but then I just accepted anyone who would take me, well almost. You’re young and have years to meet people, you may find you have lots of relati9nships or just 1 throughout you’re life. Feeling lonely can be really hard and I understand. Perhaps concerntrate on things you enjoy doing and see what happens or if you do online dating etc be careful, make sure you really like the person and vice versa before embarking on a full on relationship. The mistake I made over and over.