inherit
519
0
Jul 4, 2022 20:18:56 GMT 8
1,352
Becky
1,514
Mar 19, 2018 2:50:15 GMT 8
March 2018
rebeccas
Demigirl
Androgynous
In private, feminine
They/Their/Them
(she/her/hers in safe spaces)
Queer
|
Post by Becky on Apr 12, 2018 3:34:59 GMT 8
I'm really curious about our self-awareness as non-binary people. When did you first realize that you were something other than cisgender? Feel free to share - I'll go first.
|
|
inherit
519
0
Jul 4, 2022 20:18:56 GMT 8
1,352
Becky
1,514
Mar 19, 2018 2:50:15 GMT 8
March 2018
rebeccas
Demigirl
Androgynous
In private, feminine
They/Their/Them
(she/her/hers in safe spaces)
Queer
|
Post by Becky on Apr 12, 2018 3:43:16 GMT 8
Growing up, I was always different from other boys. I was not at all interested in sports, cars or even dinosaurs. I loved cooking and sewing. And, privately, I was playing with makeup. Either anything I could steal from my mom's collection or awful stuff I created with tempera paint and moisturizer. Despite all this, I felt like I was just weird. Really weird. And my classmates at school were only too happy to reinforce that.
In college, I became close friends with several women. At one point, I "dared" them to make me into a woman for Halloween. I wanted them to do this ever so much, so it wasn't much of a dare. They were theatre students - only too eager to meet my dare head on.
That Halloween night, for the first time ever, I was in a dress, with a "bust," and I had a fully made-up face. I looked in the mirror, and realized it wasn't a costume at all. I heard angels singing from heaven, and everything felt RIGHT. That shock - the sudden awareness that I felt more natural presenting as a woman - is something I'll never forget.
It's also something I've had to deal with for years. I didn't even hear the term "genderqueer" until about 15 years AFTER I had this epiphany. That's a long time of trying to figure out whether you're gay, trans, or just insane. I'm pretty glad the non-binary concept came around, because it fits me completely.
|
|
inherit
51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
|
Post by Leena on Apr 12, 2018 5:45:42 GMT 8
I knew when I was a kid. I used to wear my some of my sister's clothes to school under mine, and everyone eventually found out. It wasn't something the kid's ever quit reminding me of either, they often called me by a feminine version of my birth name and used female pronouns for me without me asking, though some were perhaps trying to bully me, I liked it so it backfired and I actually got a glimpse of what it might be like. My parents moved to another state when I was in middle school, and I somehow buried being trans
Halloween was my first time fully en femme too, for me it was senior year in high school. I got talking into going as a girl by my ex, her friend, and her friend's mom. It was the best day of my life until I came home and my mom acted like it was something to be ashamed of...
I buried it again, though not as well, until about 5 years ago, when I joined another forum, and found out what nonbinary was, and felt like I was more like that concept than I was like the binary trans women there.
|
|
inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
|
Post by Trinity on Apr 12, 2018 11:18:04 GMT 8
Earliest memory had the body mismatch.
1st grade, I was different.
But trans?
Its been a hell of a long journey.
But yeah. I vould have transitioned at 14 if we knew what yrans was back then.
|
|
inherit
217
0
Jan 22, 2024 13:25:05 GMT 8
2,316
Yuki
1,762
Aug 24, 2016 11:03:57 GMT 8
August 2016
violynne
Non-Binary
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
|
Post by Yuki on Apr 13, 2018 8:56:42 GMT 8
I'm not really sure when, exactly, since I have a few different things that make me feel different from everyone else. It's hard to say what part of that feeling of being different was my gender, and what part was the other things.
No one really liked any of those things, though. I do remember that much.
My mom didn't like, or care to understand, my way of communicating. She also didn't like that I wasn't the little princess she was looking forward to having. (Which is why gender reveal parties and things like that make me uncomfortable. Everyone focuses on being excited about a baby's genitals, and what they think the baby will like because of said genitals. Then they feel like they've lost something when they don't get the person they expected to get.)
I do remember hating being dressed up. Dresses were itchy. Feminine clothes were confining. Most of them were too tight in weird places and just felt unnatural. My mom didn't let me cut my hair once until middle school, so it was long.. past my knees. I hated that, too.
But on the other hand... I liked painting my nails. I liked sewing and crafts and other stereotypically feminine things.
I also liked stereotypically masculine things, though, too. Which I was shamed for, most of the time.
I didn't feel like I belonged with the girls. I never spent time with them... I felt too different from them. I preferred the boys, or to just be by myself.
I still feel the same... just fundamentally different from women, even if I still like some feminine things. I feel more similar to some men. But, not entirely.
But as a kid I never thought about my gender, or why I felt different from the girls. The stuff they did just didn't interest me and I left it at that. I know in high school I had some masculine clothes I wore sometimes, and when people couldn't tell my gender by looking at me I felt comfortable. But I didn't think too much of it at the time.
I only really thought about gender a few years ago, when I saw other people talking about being nonbinary and realizing how similar their stories were to mine.
|
|
smallpal
New Member
Posts: 30
Gender: Non-Binary
Gender: Sure is Something
Presentation: Masculine?
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Queer
inherit
527
0
Jun 3, 2019 8:51:39 GMT 8
33
smallpal
30
Apr 3, 2018 8:57:17 GMT 8
April 2018
smallpal
Non-Binary
Sure is Something
Masculine?
They/Their/Them
Queer
|
Post by smallpal on Apr 13, 2018 11:55:41 GMT 8
I came across information that you could be Something other than cisgender in my junior year of highschool, and I started acting on it during my senior year (I had gotten a binder my junior year for costume purposes, but i started sneaking it with me to school where I'd change into it and hope for the best). I jumped on the idea of being non-binary then. I didn't actively start going by new pronouns or anything until my freshman year of college (which was complicated bc they put me in an all-girl dorm and I was identifying fully as a guy then - luckily my roommate was cool, and there was someone upstairs who would end up being in the same boat). I've been out as a dude since then, only now I'm looping back around to the non-binary identity that I had in highschool. Everything shifts and grows though, so who knows how I'll be identifying by this time next year! All I know is that I'm definitely not cis.
|
|
inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
|
Post by Trinity on Apr 14, 2018 1:19:24 GMT 8
It was a quick answer the first time, my time is limited...
Earliest crib memory was that I was a girl, dressed girl, back in those days we wore plastic pants over the diapers, I liked the way that felt.
Not much different from 1970's see through bikini panties.
Earliest sexual fantasies was me in a dress with a girl with me, both of us in the same clothes, same underwear. As in one dress, one set of undies, me and her in both.
The gender therapist pointed out that it actually became the reality.
Looking in the mirror, I always saw she, the woman or girl staring back at me. I hated it, it was always there, I tried to run away from it. It was always that way, it got worse in puberty.
I always, always had the wrong body and percieved mine as female. I was always a bottom, always wanted to be penetrated.
I always moved as a female moves, I wish I had got it earlier, before I unlearned all that and put a false male movement over it. But even now, my natural movement is famale, not male.
I was never male in the first place, as far as I am concerned.
So it was always that way. I never felt like I was a boy, never felt like I was a girl either, I was always the other, the one that did not fit in.
I would spend my time alone on playgrounds, would climb the high bars, and just sit and watch the other kids play.
I'd get bullied, it was constant. And everywhere that i went, the kids would laugh at me and call me faggot.
I couldn't do anything with a ball, but eventually I got good at touch football. i was desperate to fit in. I liked toy cars, minibikes, horsepower, sandbox, typical boy toys, thats what I liked, and stuffed animals. Lego, blowing things up with fire crackers, shooting the crap out of model airplanes.
A music and theater and writing genious, I drank most of that away though. I hid my physical need, tried to escape it, became a wrestler, a badass person, a person of great courage...
She became feral in me, went into hiding, the sensitive one that cried so easily, the female emotions that are mine, that are a part of me, that part, is not male.
Binary thinking here, but its the only way I can describe it all.
in the end, it nearly killed me.
My story is much darker than this, but that is enough to reveal now.
When did I know?
I have always known. But I never knew what it was or what it meant.
|
|
danishcouple
Junior Member
Both afab have the x marker in transition to become hermaphrodite
Posts: 62
Gender: Non-Binary
Presentation: bigender
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Queer
inherit
996
0
Mar 14, 2024 2:28:47 GMT 8
36
danishcouple
Both afab have the x marker in transition to become hermaphrodite
62
Jan 22, 2021 23:13:18 GMT 8
January 2021
danishcouple
Non-Binary
bigender
They/Their/Them
Queer
|
Post by danishcouple on Dec 1, 2021 1:54:30 GMT 8
We know it from early age that we are bigender, because we weren't typical females, but females with manly manners. That's why we use testosterone from an early age with out e blockers and surgery's and became X third gender
|
|