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Post by M on Mar 27, 2018 11:32:24 GMT 8
Hi, I was born a guy and most everyone thinks I am one. I'm not a guy or a girl. I'm out to my parents and a few close friends, but that doesn't feel right. I want to be ME all the time but I don't know how to do that. I'm in middle school and many kids can be really anti lgbtq+ to the point that I feel scarred. I know that my school would protect me, but I'm nervous and don't really know what to do. I want to be out as queer, but need advice.
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November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 27, 2018 11:39:17 GMT 8
Being out to your parents and close friends is huge.
I dodnt do midfle school well, nut it was a long time ago.
Are your friends supportive?
Sometimes theres youg folks groups at the local lgbtg centers too.
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Post by M on Mar 27, 2018 11:40:35 GMT 8
Sorry, typo I said scarred, I meant scared.
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 27, 2018 11:42:37 GMT 8
I said nut I meant but.
We are even lol
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Post by M on Mar 27, 2018 22:04:11 GMT 8
My friends and family are the best thing that u could have asked for. They are so supportive. My parents and I are part of the lgbtq support group where I live as well. I guess the only place I feel unwelcome is school, where, sadly, I spend most of my life now. I'm just worried that if I was out at school, I would be treated differently/badly especially because I'm still struggling with my sexuality.
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
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Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 28, 2018 0:19:08 GMT 8
My friends and family are the best thing that u could have asked for. They are so supportive. My parents and I are part of the lgbtq support group where I live as well. I guess the only place I feel unwelcome is school, where, sadly, I spend most of my life now. I'm just worried that if I was out at school, I would be treated differently/badly especially because I'm still struggling with my sexuality. M Probably a valid concern. Middle school was hell for me. It takes a lot of bravery for you to do it, but if you did do that, it would help the cause so to speak. AMAB teens have a tendency to be horrible, I don't like to remember that time of my life. But with the support, you can make a good decision. And you never know who else it would help. If you don't have issues with depression, have the good support you need, and can basically say, F U to the guys that try to make your life miserable, it should be ok. My body and body language gave me away anyway. I'd rather be seen as a nonbinary and own that, than as an effeminate guy trying to be masculine and playing into all that bullcrap that they do. So, I can't give advice, but I think maybe just being you and having fun with that is the best option. And you can always say its none of their business if they go after you or ask bully type questions. And the trump card is, zero tolerance for bullying, someone messes with you, you report it, to your peers first and then to the authorities. It cannot be tolerated, and we all know that. And if they threaten with you are being a wimp or a tattletale, just tell them no, you have allies, and they are not taking on you, they are taking on your whole clan, the people who stand behind you. They won't like that much, realizing that they are being idiots when the rest of the peer pressure is against them. Bullying rallies around others agreeing with their bullshit, and it falls apart as soon as you say that its bullshit and totally uncool and if they don't agree why don't they take on the million plus kids that just marched on Washington saying that this is NOT ok anymore and they have had enough. -T.
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
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Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 28, 2018 0:20:34 GMT 8
M you should consider joining the forum. There are a couple others that are young, but we need someone around when they reach out, the young folk don't stay because we don't have many around. They need mentors, you could be one. Or just hang out with us.
We could set up a young peoples section in the nonbinary area for folk to come to, its own area for talking....
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Oct 5, 2017 2:57:54 GMT 8
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NB / Demimale
Soft Masculine
They/Their/Them
He/Him/His
Queer
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Post by Von on Mar 28, 2018 0:45:44 GMT 8
Oh wow, I can't imagine doing this stuff when I was your age. Middle school was my private hell, the kids seem to be more vicious there than in high school for some reason.
But if your school as some kind of club, you might consider joining. If anyone questions it, say you're an ally! If you're gonna be out at school, I highly recommend not traveling alone as much as possible if you think someone has it in for you. A witness to a fight or similar gives you leverage. Just don't fight people yourself - too many schools have zero-tolerance policy for fighting now, and even if you're defending yourself, you could find yourself suspended or something. Either run, travel in packs, or let school staff know you have problems with harassment.
Not like it was for me - I beat the crap out of my attackers and bullies, or at least made them think there was some risk of bodily harm if they continued poking the badger. My school sided with me because i was an exemplary student, and teachers were often a witness to the cruelty.
If you feel really unsafe, maybe stay stealth a while longer. The good people in your life know. That's what matters. You can support yourself by putting little subtle touches into your wardrobe, like pride bracelets or things. Often unless they're a big gay rainbow(tm), people won't know what the colors signify, and ignore it. I have a beaded bracelet in the Genderqueer colors, as well as a pendant of interlocking rings. Few people ask about them, they just assume they're my fav colors.
But do consider becoming a full member of the forum - our elders have a lot of good advice to give, and are very supportive and great at listening.
Either way, I hope you can be happy and safe. Fair travels, friend!
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Mar 19, 2018 2:50:15 GMT 8
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rebeccas
Demigirl
Androgynous
In private, feminine
They/Their/Them
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Queer
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Post by Becky on Mar 28, 2018 5:06:07 GMT 8
I'm so glad most schools have adopted zero-tolerance policies toward bullying, and that some even have LGBTQ groups. These can be life preservers in the terrifying ocean of middle school.
I have not so fond memories of being tripped, shoved into lockers and, on one occasion, having a tray of treats I had baked knocked out of my hands onto the floor. My only escapes were through music groups (band and orchestra) and my oddball group of friends at lunchtime. Based on my memories, I think everyone at that table was probably gay or trans without realizing it at the time. (I haven't kept in touch with them, and it's been 31 years!)
Please find a group of friends that accepts you, including the kind folks on this forum. Many of us have struggled with these issues, and it really does get better.
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Post by M on Mar 28, 2018 7:34:38 GMT 8
Thanks so much for all the good advice. This definitely helps. I think that I'll just try being me in a way where it isn't too obvious. I will talk to my principal and try to work something out to make things easier for me (Swim for PE is hell). I'll see how that works out. Other than that, I guess I'll go stealth a little longer, at least until summer. Thank you for all your advice.
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Mar 28, 2018 23:11:56 GMT 8
via mobile
Post by M on Mar 28, 2018 23:11:56 GMT 8
I asked my family to not use any pronouns when referring to me at home in private. Most of the time, they seem to forget, and that gets me to be really annoyed. When I confronted my mom about it, she said that I was being dramatic and couldn't expect her to remember all the time. That is strange because my family had always been super supportive of lgbtq+ people. What should I do?
M
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Petri
Junior Member
Posts: 92
Gender: Non-Binary
Presentation: Female
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Pansexual
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petri
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Female
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
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Post by Petri on Mar 29, 2018 0:17:08 GMT 8
I asked my family to not use any pronouns when referring to me at home in private. Most of the time, they seem to forget, and that gets me to be really annoyed. When I confronted my mom about it, she said that I was being dramatic and couldn't expect her to remember all the time. That is strange because my family had always been super supportive of lgbtq+ people. What should I do? M Maybe your mother had had a stressful day and she said things that she regretted afterwards? It's my first thought if she's usually supportive. When I came out to my partner he had a very tough time getting my pronouns right, I had to correct him a lot, and he'd get frustrated and sometimes I'd get frustrated too. I don't know how long you've been out to your family but the readjustment can take time, and suddenly it just seems to click and they get it right.
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