An Introduction from Rebecca S.

[Becky]

Hi Everyone, my name is Rebecca Strauss. I am 44 years old, and live in Southern Kentucky. I am a professional music teacher and composer. My hobbies include cooking, sewing, stage makeup, and clowning. I adore long, flowing dresses, burgundy lipstick, and shiny metallic nail polish.



Why am I here? Because I’m a man, I am confused, and I am deeply in the closet. Rebecca isn’t my real name – it’s what my parents would have named me if I had been born a girl. If only!



I have a wife and a son, and I am happy to be a husband and father. My wife is actually more “butch” and I am more “femme” in our relationship. She tolerates the few ways I openly express my androgyny (painting my toenails and plucking my eyebrows into oblivion), and makes light of discovering “secret” things like high heels and tights when I am careless with my stuff. For all I know, I may not be as much in the closet as I thought. I am, however, too afraid right now to have a full discussion with her about who I am.

I’m also too confused to have that conversation. I am basically a woman, not only with the way I want to express myself, but also the way I feel. Most days, I feel like the only part of me that is masculine is my anatomy. The fact that I don’t mind keeping my boy parts is what confuses me. Am I androgynous, or heading toward being transgender? The term “demigirl” really resonates with me, not only because I get to call myself a girl, but also because I am basically a girl except for my plumbing. I also like the term “two spirit,” because I feel that with some hard work I could get the masculine and feminine parts of me to come into some kind of balance.

I am really looking forward to continuing this journey with all of you, rather than on my own. It’s incredibly lonely to be different than everyone around me, and to have to keep such a huge secret. I’m hoping that I can get a clearer sense of who I am, what to call myself, and how to be content with it.

[Avery]

Welcome, Rebecca

You've certainly found the right place, and you are definitely not alone.

It helps to refer the the "plumbing" as you say without calling it "boy parts." That might help you reconcile your feelings.

Also, just a note, I have no idea about your heritage or ancestry obviously but whenever I read the term Two Spirit it gives me a bit of pause. That is a term that can and should only be used by and for indigenous people. If you are indigenous then claim it proudly! (and let's talk about transness in ceremony - I don't know any other indigenous trans folk)

If you aren't indigenous though, I ask that you please please not use that term. It is an indigenous identity term and part of our culture. We have had so much taken from us. Instead, you could look into words like bigender, genderqueer, gender-flux, demigirl, etc.

Not blaming you for considering the word, of course, and you remain very welcome, just a learning opportunity and an important conversation!

[Trinity]

Mar 20, 2018 4:04:47 GMT 8 Becky said:

Hi Everyone, my name is Rebecca Strauss. I am 44 years old, and live in Southern Kentucky. I am a professional music teacher and composer. My hobbies include cooking, sewing, stage makeup, and clowning. I adore long, flowing dresses, burgundy lipstick, and shiny metallic nail polish.



Why am I here? Because I’m a man, I am confused, and I am deeply in the closet. Rebecca isn’t my real name – it’s what my parents would have named me if I had been born a girl. If only!



I have a wife and a son, and I am happy to be a husband and father. My wife is actually more “butch” and I am more “femme” in our relationship. She tolerates the few ways I openly express my androgyny (painting my toenails and plucking my eyebrows into oblivion), and makes light of discovering “secret” things like high heels and tights when I am careless with my stuff. For all I know, I may not be as much in the closet as I thought. I am, however, too afraid right now to have a full discussion with her about who I am.

I’m also too confused to have that conversation. I am basically a woman, not only with the way I want to express myself, but also the way I feel. Most days, I feel like the only part of me that is masculine is my anatomy. The fact that I don’t mind keeping my boy parts is what confuses me. Am I androgynous, or heading toward being transgender? The term “demigirl” really resonates with me, not only because I get to call myself a girl, but also because I am basically a girl except for my plumbing. I also like the term “two spirit,” because I feel that with some hard work I could get the masculine and feminine parts of me to come into some kind of balance.

I am really looking forward to continuing this journey with all of you, rather than on my own. It’s incredibly lonely to be different than everyone around me, and to have to keep such a huge secret. I’m hoping that I can get a clearer sense of who I am, what to call myself, and how to be content with it.

Welcome to the forum!

There is a lot to learn about gender identity, it doesn't normally fit into a nice little box with a bow on it.  

I suspect your wife already knows the truth, and that should bring down your fear levels.  Kentucky is probably a rough place based on what we have heard, but I think you can relax into who you are readily enough, even if you don't choose to reveal it outside safe areas.  I don't reveal mine when its not safe to do so.

So feel free to ask questions, there are a lot to ask, I hope you feel safe asking it.

I didn't know about the indignous two spirit concept, glad that was raised, because I'll avoid that myself.  I don't use it, but I am glad to know it is a hot button.

My own experience of gender is that it is not a boy/girl thing but is instead very much a me thing, I am a whole, but in the beginning, due to repression, I percieved it as being split gendered.

It takes a while for it to all fall into place.

So I hope you are able to share with us a lot, and feel safe doing so.  You are far from alone.

Generally I hang out in long satin robes and sleepwear.  My full name is Trinity Satin Joy.  

Yup.   Love the stuff.

Join the party. 

My anatomy is that of an androgyne, but I am full transition to that reality.  You don't need to feel confused or conflicted about it, I think though you might feel greatful, some of us have acute pain dealing with the, shall we say, plumbing.

My discomfort with that is moderate.   I keep it around for my wife, so she does not percieve herself to be a lesbian.

Enjoy the forum.

[Ativan Prescribed]

It helps a lot to not identify things as girl and boy, man and woman, those are the boxed terms used by Binary people to simplify things for them.
Nonbinary confuses most of them because of it, 'Can't Be!', oh yes it can and there are more of us than there are the transexual trans.
It helps a lot to identify things that are yourself without the labels usually given, we all have them, everyone does, just in different amounts and realizations of them, aspects of gender... they slide into and match up with things, but not for the next person, it's an individual thing.
There is no sliding scale, no line from here to there, we are not a spot on that imaginary line, if you wanted to see it as a line, then we are the line.
Consider that by using that kind of imaginary that so many use and then define themselves as one or the other can't be true, there is only the one absolute female and the same for male, everyone else falls somewhere off the end points that really don't exist, I tend to think of us as everywhere but that imaginary line, it's a horrible way to express things and solves nothing, causes confusion, like what percentage kind of stuff, billions and billions of points then and we are simply a mixture of them, but that means identifying them as either female in direction or male, the binary is there again, so I do without it.
Lots of threads and posts on here, personal blogs and more, the range of things and people are great and we all get along for the most part, the golden rule.
So usually I just say dig around and see what interests you, but really, the more you're on here and just talking about anything, the more responses you'll get, there isn't a thing that is off limits, trolling people isn't a good idea, it'll come back to you and that's the thing here, honor system of peace between people, there are plenty of places here that you can express whatever you want without hurting anyones feelings or such.
No moderators, we haven't had the need and nobody wants to do it anyways, it works here because we want it to work, so jump in, have fun.
Here's my take on how it is a better way to imagine who we are: link to nonlinear aspects of gender. just another way to look at things.

[Becky]

Thank you all for your support! It feels amazing to hear from folks that are dealing with the same things I am.

Avery, I really appreciate the advice about using the term "two spirit." I am a tiny, tiny bit indigenous, from the Miami tribe of Indiana. However, I don't personally have any cultural traditions from that tribe, so I think I'll stick with "demigirl" for the time being.

Kentucky is a rough place to be anything on the LGBTQIA spectrum, and gernderqueer is certainly a doozy. I'm not planning on outing myself in public, but it's at least awfully nice to have a few hours per week to be femme at home.

I can't wait to chat more with everyone!

[Von]

Hello and welcome.
We have a lot of introspective threads, and ones not so serious, so we can blow off steam and play.
Hope to see you around them, we're a fun bunch. (Are we?! )

[EchelonHunt]

Welcome Rebecca!

Sorry for the late welcome!

I'm coming from the opposite direction but finding I'm relating more and more to AMAB folks who are feminine in gender identity but don't mind keeping their original plumbing.

Hope to see you around