Hello (from the other side)

[hawkeyeace]

... Sorry, couldn't resist the Adele reference!


My name is Hope and I'm trying to work out all this gender stuff. I've been comfortable with my asexuality for a while now but it's been a longer journey trying to define who I am. For now, I'm going with non-binary but I think Neutrois might fight a little better? I don't suffer from gender dysphoria but I've always been more aligned to masculine traits and things even before I really understood that stuff. As a kid/teenager I got pigeon-holed as a tom boy and I think for a while that hid the truth. For me, the ideal would to just be neutral - kind of neither? I've also been considering drag and have begun coming up with a King persona. I'm hoping this forum can really help me get to grips with it all.

Aside from gender stuff, I'm an MA student, keen reader and writer, video game player, gym enthusiast, martial artist and pole dancer. Phew!

So hello! 

[Yuki]

Hi and welcome fellow neutrois person!

[hawkeyeace]

Hi! *waves*

Finding this forum is proving a bit of a kick up my butt to do some real deep soul-searching. This weekend was my brother's wedding reception and I got the usual questions around when-am-I-bringing-a-boy-home from more distant relatives and your-choice-in-glitter-is-'odd' comments from ruder relatives. Even my parents said it was probably the only wedding they were going to see as parents (ouch). Now most of that obviously lies in my asexuality (and beyond that, my homoromantic inclinations) but I think one of the reasons I'm so detached and uninterested is that I don't know where I stand in terms of who I am.

So it's probably time to grow a spine and speak to a counsellor. And possibly the NHS. As soon as I've moved house ... =/

[arvin]

Hey there!

Ugh, weddings can really be one of the worst things as a gender non-conforming person. All the questions from strangers about when one is going start being a more norm-conforming person. Questions about partners, children etc etc etc. It's really one of the settings where I feel like most of an alien, like, am I even from the same universe as all these norm conformers?

So very courageous of you to sign up here and start to think more about all of these things that seem to go through your head right now! It's a tough journey. I first started thinking about all things gender related like 5 years ago, and I still discover new things bout myself way more often than what I really have the energy to deal with. I love the journey of having to figure myself out, I find it to be as much a blessing as it might be a curse. I really like the person it is helping me to become. I hope your journey will be as interesting and giving as I have found mine to be so far.

[Trinity]

Aug 8, 2017 1:06:03 GMT 8 hawkeyeace said:

Hi! *waves*

Finding this forum is proving a bit of a kick up my butt to do some real deep soul-searching. This weekend was my brother's wedding reception and I got the usual questions around when-am-I-bringing-a-boy-home from more distant relatives and your-choice-in-glitter-is-'odd' comments from ruder relatives. Even my parents said it was probably the only wedding they were going to see as parents (ouch). Now most of that obviously lies in my asexuality (and beyond that, my homoromantic inclinations) but I think one of the reasons I'm so detached and uninterested is that I don't know where I stand in terms of who I am.

So it's probably time to grow a spine and speak to a counsellor. And possibly the NHS. As soon as I've moved house ... =/

Lousy parental comment.  


Glad you had the guts to be you.

[hawkeyeace]

Lousy parental comment.

It wasn't great, but they didn't realise it would do me harm so please don't get the wrong impression! My parents are very lovely people and as a whole are very supportive (helps that my mum is LGBT herself) but they used to spend a lot of time pressuring me about dates/relationships and now they've kind of done a 180 and assume I won't ever have anyone which they're very concerned about from a loneliness point of view. They've always been very open about sex and relationships and I think they're just struggling to wrap their head around how asexuality works. My mother especially would feel awful to know the comment had stung. I'd take the accidental microaggression over anything more sinister any day. 


It's also difficult as I'm their only 'daughter' so I don't feel like I can be truly honest with them about how deep this gender stuff runs. They know I'm not a girlie-girl, that I think gender is a terrible concept and that I bind, but the rest is probably a complete mystery to them. They're still very much in the binary. But to my dad I'm his 'little girl' and that's going to be one hell of a barrier to get over.

My brother though... when I told him he just responded. 'Gender is a spectrum, just be you' and then asked for pronouns. What a cutie. 

[dianadiejagerin]

I'm so glad your brother at least is being supportive. I'm still very much exploring my own gender, so I have no advice to give. I would like ask... are there gender neutral terms for daughter/son? I guess just "kid"?

My mom is part of friend group of moms, and one of the kids is genderfluid, and the few times I've brought up LGBTQ issues, my mom has been... let's say stuffy about it. She seems to think they are going through a faze and will settle on a gender. She's still new at understanding trans and was okay with my bisexuality. I guess I'm planning on getting more comfortable with myself with my (non)gender before I tell her anything? She's pretty clueless about pronouns so any helpful tips would be nice.

I guess I'm saying... I'm in a similar boat as you hawkeyace.