Encouraging people to challenge society

[Valerie]

So last night while closing my coworkers and I were talking, and we came to point where i mentioned how i've literally had people say to me on multiple occasions, "I knew you were gay as soon as you walked in room & opened your mouth" and was telling them how'd it always threw me because like thanks??? Like how do you want me to respond to that?? Like yea i'm fully comfortable with myself, and i just be me 100% of the time, but it's also always really uncomfortable to hear because it's like heteros can instantly clock me, and what if someone decides to target me?

But anyways from there my coworker she was saying how usually men who were raised by single moms, or grew up around women are more in touch with their feminine side, and a lot softer compared to those who are around their fathers, or masculine figures. Which honestly yeah, i can understand her point, and can agree with how that could play a factor, but honestly it made me uncomfortable to hear because that's the exact same rhetoric people make all time when ever someone comes out gay, or trans. I just felt like that statement is backing up people claims of always blaming the mother! Like my mom was a single mother, and I would still see my dad during the summer, and school breaks so he was still apart of my life. Then my mom married my stepfather when I was 10, so i've grown up with masculine figures around, and i've still always just been the way I am. Also, my younger cousin is being raised by just his father, and he loves the color pink(I know colors means nothing gender wise, but the cis heteros seem to care soooooo much. *eyerolls*) and he's more sensitive and in touch with his emotions like seriously there's nothing wrong with that, and him just being himself. Like there's flamboyant gay men, and trans people who still end up being who they are even if they have the most stereotypical mother and father figures in their life who are living out societal norms/expectations. So why always gotta blame the single parents?  

So I spoke up and said how that's a kinda sexist thing to say because not everyone who's raised by women end up being feminine, and I told her that what people are always confusing as sexuality could just be the kid's gender expression, or just them being themselves. Then my manager was like, not everyone is as progressive as you it's gonna be a few years till others reach where you're at. I was just like, yea true i guess, and i dropped it. But honestly you know I was thinking about it more i don't think that because i'm more progressive than others means I should not speak up, it means i should be speaking up more, and trying to encourage people to question, and challenge the societal norms/expectations, and everything they're taught, or know. Like totally stop, question, and challenge gender norms/expectations/roles, why i think like this/believe this, how you're socially conditioned in a certain way, and just you know encourage people to just not take everything at face value, or "well that's just how things have always been" Like legit I realize and understand how to question everything you're taught, or have known is hard, and difficult to deprogram how we're socially conditioned, but in the long run you're a lot more freer within life, and yourself once you stop letting cis heteronormativity, and how ever way you're socially conditioned to live. Like I wasn't just born progressive, I had to do a lot of research, educating myself, watching documentaries, going to workshops, listening to others experiences, and just questioning myself, and why i'm thinking in this certain way, and digging to the root of it. Like i just think encouraging, and having more open conversations with people of hey have you ever thought looking at ___ in a critical way, and questioning why are we conditioned in this way to believe it? 

[Trinity]

I have challenged it and it has cost me.

But, what would the cost be if I had not challenged it, if I chose to live in fear and closet, if I chose to kiss the hairy ass of those who rule the Matrix?

And here we go again, I am being pressured to detransition a bit, back it way down, cut the hair, be a guy, get a job.

No. Just stop. Please, enough is enough.

I don't know the niche I will fill in the end. I suspect my days in the public eye in construction may be over. I suspect my days in the performance eye may be just beginning, or like an old car that doesn't start, it may stall and go nowhere.

But that isn't up to me, is it? They can make their own calls, I shouldn't disqualify myself because I am trans, should I? If anything it should be an edge, it cuts competition from 3000 down to 170 actors.

But aside from that, its the big question isn't it? And it starts with counting the cost of being out.

Yeah the price was high. Unbelievably high, in lost wages. But, not in self esteem.

I think we have to challenge, but we also need to know the Agent of the Matrix we are facing, or the sleeper battery that we are trying to unplug.

Its a judgement call. Personally, like Trinity, I am willing to go very far to stand up for my nonbinary trans rights.

I was out, nonbinary today. The unisex bathroom was locked. And I said, screw it, and used the mens room, cause I had no makeup on, and was wearing both male and female clothing concurrently.

Screw it.... but it was readable, so I wasn't going into the girls room. I was flat out nonbinary.

I use the stalls, and I pee standing up anyway - unless in a ladies room. If the men in there can't handle that, well, they aren't very manly, are they?

Let them deal with it. Screw this, I have so had it with bullies and attitudes.

Diamond heart warriors. May cost me someday physically, could get killed over it, but I don't freaking care anymore.

I have so had it with these assholes that harm our trans children with their ignorant bullshit and rules, and I am more than willing to face the bastards down.

Trinity

[Leena]

I tend to think you encourage people more by doing rather than talking. Most people don't really listen to rational arguments. People care much more about style and confidence.

Conservatives know this in part because they tend to come from the business world. Are commercials usually a long list of facts about a product, or something exciting, colorful, and loud? That is the main reason progressives have a hard time with their messaging.

You got to be bold, and then people might think you are cool and then listen to you. Or not, they hate you, and they've shown their cards, and you know trying to convince them is a waste of time.

There was a time I wasn't sure I could be the bold, confident, trans woman I need to be in order to be out. I'm not going to let a few vocal transphobes keep me in the closet.

[Luyas]

well i think it is very good trying to show your opinion from a person who actually has experienced what those conservatives are saying and i always admire people who can say their opinion without backing down (like i do)

[Wormmms]

Honestly speaking as a person who has a really difficult time challenging other people's misled statements irl, it's really encouraging to see people who are willing to speak up. It creates an environment where questioning is normalized, and that opens the door for conversations that could change people's minds or expose them to new ideas. Keep challenging society, don't wait for everyone to catch up with you on their own!

[Taka]

speaking up in a not heated discussion is good. but when they answer with disagreement, it's also wise to stop there and ket it just be this fun fact that they can think about if they want to.

as ling as they've heard or read a different view, they'll have one more thing to consider when trying to understand the world around them.

but if you try to make a point, or try to convince, or tell them they're wrong to disagree, you'll just get them trapped inside their own world view through the backfire effect (that's a real thing).

of course, it it's injustice, you should speak up even if the whole world goes against you (if you care that much). but if it's just challenging someone's world view, make it less challenging for them and they may end up considering what you said.

[Trinity]

Living our truths is the strongest thing we can do for ourselves. As they realize that we are not who they were told we are, but are human beings with feelings and hearts and needs, they begin to question themselves. They go... everyone says these people are (insert stereotype) but I met so and so and they don't match that.

Exactly.

There is a lot of bullshit out there right now, as we all know.

Personally, I am writing a play.

As you get older, I think get to this place where the bs factor is just not really tolerated and you don't give a f--- what they say anymore.

I personally find the bigots so offensive now that I don't want to do anything at all to appease them. I see them as nothing more than bullies with big penises that think with those instead of their brains, and I have so had it with that.

Unfortunately, the level of harm those people have done to me is too extreme and I suffer from rage and other emotional baggage as a result.

Right now, in this place, I can be me. When I move back to Florida, I am going to be real nervous. There will be more pressure to be a guy.

I find it interesting that I am moving right into the heart of where the votes can tip an election one way or another. I hope to be active down there doing political theater designed to win some hearts to our cause. Its not easy to do that, not when we are being ground to powder by something as powerful as rich, organized, politicized religion controlled by a bunch of narrowminded straight old white men that sold themselves out.

Ooops. My rage is showing.

I agree with Taka too.

Just being, thats a big deal. Its hard though. Drains you. Have to have a recharge plan, a safe environment where you rebuild yourself, jack out of the Matrix, unwind. Very important to have a safe place to be you and let your hair down (or put it up).

Trinity