Dealing with microaggressions from customers at work?

[howdy12]

Hi all,
I was hoping that someone might have some advice or experience with mentally coping with microagressions at work. Namely from customers. 


I work at a coffee shop in a small town in a very Republican state. Everyone here is "polite" so no one has the gall to be open about their hostility toward me. It's in small things like throwing money on the counter, getting less tips than my other co-workers despite us providing the same level of customer service, regular customers talking/treating me differently than my other co-workers (i.e don't say please/thank you, don't say hi, are more impatient, don't smile even though I am, etc), I take orders on the drive-thru (I have a woman's voice) and I see some people's faces change when they see me physically at the window (I get disgust and amusement mainly). 
I don't dress or look like a woman and many men will rudely and blatantly call me "ma'am" when there's no need. I rarely, if ever, hear them addressing my other co-workers as ma'am or sir. 

I tend to ignore it and smile through it, as I have to unless I want to be fired, but I struggle with it everyday. I want to quit but a new job would probably make little difference, it's the same town. 
It's so subtle I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes (but I've talked to a few trusted co-workers about it, my therapist, and my gf, and these experiences definitely happen). 

Anyway, any advice on how to deal with these types of interactions? 

[Trinity]

Hi Howdi.

We have to be tough i think.

Let roll off.

Its a good thread topic, a hard one to answer.

I have an attitude, its not hostile but its a way i carry myself, like i wont tolerate any crap.

Just knowing we are not "less than" because they want to make us feel like that.

Yah good topic.

Its tough.

[howdy12]

Thanks for your response!
That's a good way to "deal" with it. I already try to act that way in a sense (I try not to be on the defensive because I feel that gives them more "power") so it's nice to know others do and feel the same.
I at least feel fortunate that I know who I am and can have pride in that and do my job well. I can feel empowered to look them in the eyes and carry on as if their behaviors don't affect me, as if I don't even notice them. Which, as you said, takes away the feeling they want to evoke from us, the feeling that we are "less than."

Ultimately, it really does say so much more about them than about us.

[Leena]

Have you considered a different line of work?

A similar but completely different in focus is a sales job. Sales is all about the product, customer service is all about you. I much prefer working in sales to customer service, though lately I prefer jobs where I don't have to deal with customers at all...

The people that get the most tips in any sort of job that is paid by tips are going to be those that society considers most attractive. It might not be right, but it's what happens. Being really friendly or interesting sometimes can help. Any individual might have their own reasons for acting like they do which may be different than your assumptions, but even if your assumptions are correct, being angry about the last customer while dealing with the next customer likely will not...

[Jennifer (Tink)]

Feb 26, 2017 13:13:20 GMT 8 howdy12 said:

Hi all,
I was hoping that someone might have some advice or experience with mentally coping with microagressions at work. Namely from customers. 


I work at a coffee shop in a small town in a very Republican state. Everyone here is "polite" so no one has the gall to be open about their hostility toward me. It's in small things like throwing money on the counter, getting less tips than my other co-workers despite us providing the same level of customer service, regular customers talking/treating me differently than my other co-workers (i.e don't say please/thank you, don't say hi, are more impatient, don't smile even though I am, etc), I take orders on the drive-thru (I have a woman's voice) and I see some people's faces change when they see me physically at the window (I get disgust and amusement mainly). 
I don't dress or look like a woman and many men will rudely and blatantly call me "ma'am" when there's no need. I rarely, if ever, hear them addressing my other co-workers as ma'am or sir. 

I tend to ignore it and smile through it, as I have to unless I want to be fired, but I struggle with it everyday. I want to quit but a new job would probably make little difference, it's the same town. 
It's so subtle I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes (but I've talked to a few trusted co-workers about it, my therapist, and my gf, and these experiences definitely happen). 

Anyway, any advice on how to deal with these types of interactions? 

Trinity is right (unfortunately so). We have to be tougher and rise above it all.

I deal with the military mostly at the 1 star+ General. Many times people will come in the room with a perception about me. However, I carry on being professional, making my experience and professionalism the focus of our conversation. Anything else that may happen I just let it go.

When it comes to your job, it's just that. A job. Do it to the best of your ability, with a smile and a manner that shows that you care about what your customers want.

The term "Kill them with kindness" comes to mind

It's a hard road, more so than just about anyone else. Stay around here and you will see that this community can help with some great information and experience.

:hugs:

-- Jenn