Post by chameleongirl on Jan 4, 2017 9:51:20 GMT 8
Hi, this is my first post.
I'm a 31 year old biological female, and mostly happy being so - I use the pronoun 'she' - but I've never been 100% Ok with it. As a child, I often felt like a boy, insisting friends called me by my 'boy name' (a male approximation I chose of my birth name) and I was very much a tomboy, there was nothing feminine about me. I acted this way for years but eventually stopped as high school drew near, knowing I would be singled out because of it, suppressing my boy-side for years. As I became sexually aware (about 17 years old, late bloomer I guess) I was always very attracted to gay men. I still am (all the pornography I watch is m/m.) I have always felt an extremely strong kinship with the LGBTQ community and gay men, even though none of my family know. It took quite a while for me to discover that you can be something other than a boy or girl, and even though as I say I'm fairly happy being a girl, there is a strong part of me which feels male. I find myself feeling increasingly frustrated about it, and a longing to explore it in a way that wasn't possible when I was younger. Namely, I really want to express what I've mentally called my 'boy days' for years, where at certain times the urge to present as male is particularly powerful; I want a chest binder, more male clothing (I already wear a lot of men's t-shirts and jumpers) and I want a packer. I very recently had my hair cut very short for the first time.
I'm married to a bisexual man (he's not out to anyone but me.) We're monogamous and happy, I love him dearly. I sometimes get to channel my male-self by wearing a strap-on during sex, which he enjoys, but I don't think he realises quite how masculine I feel when we do that and how important it is to me to feel that way sometimes (he just enjoys the pleasure of that play.) I've mentioned to him how much I'd like a binder and packer and to present as male when those boy days hit me, but despite how open-minded and supportive he is of me in all other aspects of life, this one thing seems to make him uncomfortable. I've assured him I don't have any notions of transitioning or presenting as male all the time, that I just want an outlet for these feelings I've had my whole life, but it still bothers him. He says he doesn't know what to say about it.
I don't have anyone else to talk to and I guess I just really need a sounding board or emotional support over this. I think a big part of why it's bothering me so much as time goes on is that I have zero outlet. Thanks for reading.
I'm a 31 year old biological female, and mostly happy being so - I use the pronoun 'she' - but I've never been 100% Ok with it. As a child, I often felt like a boy, insisting friends called me by my 'boy name' (a male approximation I chose of my birth name) and I was very much a tomboy, there was nothing feminine about me. I acted this way for years but eventually stopped as high school drew near, knowing I would be singled out because of it, suppressing my boy-side for years. As I became sexually aware (about 17 years old, late bloomer I guess) I was always very attracted to gay men. I still am (all the pornography I watch is m/m.) I have always felt an extremely strong kinship with the LGBTQ community and gay men, even though none of my family know. It took quite a while for me to discover that you can be something other than a boy or girl, and even though as I say I'm fairly happy being a girl, there is a strong part of me which feels male. I find myself feeling increasingly frustrated about it, and a longing to explore it in a way that wasn't possible when I was younger. Namely, I really want to express what I've mentally called my 'boy days' for years, where at certain times the urge to present as male is particularly powerful; I want a chest binder, more male clothing (I already wear a lot of men's t-shirts and jumpers) and I want a packer. I very recently had my hair cut very short for the first time.
I'm married to a bisexual man (he's not out to anyone but me.) We're monogamous and happy, I love him dearly. I sometimes get to channel my male-self by wearing a strap-on during sex, which he enjoys, but I don't think he realises quite how masculine I feel when we do that and how important it is to me to feel that way sometimes (he just enjoys the pleasure of that play.) I've mentioned to him how much I'd like a binder and packer and to present as male when those boy days hit me, but despite how open-minded and supportive he is of me in all other aspects of life, this one thing seems to make him uncomfortable. I've assured him I don't have any notions of transitioning or presenting as male all the time, that I just want an outlet for these feelings I've had my whole life, but it still bothers him. He says he doesn't know what to say about it.
I don't have anyone else to talk to and I guess I just really need a sounding board or emotional support over this. I think a big part of why it's bothering me so much as time goes on is that I have zero outlet. Thanks for reading.
