Helping people discover their gender

[Deleted]

I think its wild ride ground here, that there is potential to mislead and harm by exerting a one view aspect of it.

How do we best help someone in the discovery of who they truly are as relates to gender?

Do we tell them what to do aka the old place, where it was marital doom and inevitable full transition?  (Bullshit).

Or whether we just ask questionss?

Warn about falling over the edge?

Send to therapy and forgetabout it, wash our hands, cop out?

How do we genuinely share our experience strength and hope, without being dominating or God forbid dead wrong?

Much to offer.  The thread is triggered by a comment made by Mark and my response to it, and I realized I was quickly in over my head.

Not about loving ourselves though, that one is spot on.  But I have no idea what Mark's gender is, how it works, or about anyone elses.  I am just fascinated by it.

So I kind of punted the ball back to Mark in the thread.  And started this one...

How do we best help others in the discovery of gender?

Pretty sure just listening and asking questions is a big part of it.

Without manipulating.

How do you do it, what do you think?

Love to all here

Trinity

[Laura J]

Great topic.
Its very difficult to answer others questions about their own gender, especially when they face things I never did, or are a different identity as me.?
I tend not to offer much "how to" advice on gender specific questions, but seem to do well sharing common life advice, which often ties in to, or can be a root cause of some peoples gender issues, problems, etc..

I tend to hesitate more trying to help more mature people, but am much more willing to share advice with teens and younger people. I always wanted to help teens with my experience, ever since I first started discovering these things about myself, that was always in the back of my mind. I'm able to be helpful now on a big FB closed group of gender fluid mostly young people, and I can sense that this is my forte, and probably the only place I give advice, other than here, but I'm much better at listening here than advising.

A lot of people know much more about their issues than they thought, if they just have an understanding ear to listen to them, and enough trust in you to be honest and open. Kids are much quicker and better at that than most older folks.

I'm not sure how to guarantee giving the right advice all the time, or finding the right words to help someone off the edge.? Nobodies perfect, no one can really know all of the levels of depth within another person, or not trigger someone unknowingly. But lacing our advice and words with love, genuine care, and a reasuring words, hopefully will be enough to keep any mistakes from causing more damage or confusion to someone already in a fragile state.
You just have to try, and do our best, there's nothing more we can do.

I believe if we just go about our lives, living for ourselves, its somewhat of a waste of the knowledge we've all learned about these issues. I mean we've all gone through some real heavy shit, stuff thats almost killed some of us. There's lots of others out there going through it to, and a new generation thats facing the very beginning of it all, and they so desperately need an ear to listen to them, another person who can understand and make them not feel like the only person on the planet facing this stuff..

Its really true what Trinity said above, no one really can be sure of another's gender.? That's why its as important to listen, as it is to advise.

And I was thinking today, how much I love being a part of the trans community, and how blessed I feel. We are seriously some of the coolest people on the planet.!
Its so important that we stick close together, rely on each other for help and advice..
Cuz we ain't gonna get it anywhere else.!
Love you all.

[Deleted]

The more I know the less I know.

Right now, I just know I don't quite know, so I am learning.

Ya know?

[Laura J]

I do know what you mean..

[Laura J]

I forgot to add,
That I still need help and advice too.?
I'm still not sure where I fit into the
scheme of things.? Just that I am..

[Laura J]

You you you.!   
You're far too sweet to me Julie.! 

I don't know, I feel like a chameleon sometimes, 
With my identity changing depending on who I'm with, 
and where I am.? I suppose thats the "fluid" part of gender fluid. 

[Deleted]

Been there done that.

It's an evolution I think.

I shift socially, but the core is constant...as is the body.

[Deleted]

One question. "How do you feel?" You can then take it from there. Let them open up. That one question may open a flood gate. Then we can make suggestions. I can't help anyone discover their gender. This is something that is a total self discovery. There may be questions and all we can do is answer then with our own unique circumstances and how we feel. But ultimately it is up to them and if they want or need help then they can ask. If not it may take a while to sink in. They may find that this was the place they were looking for all along. The thing is that I or no one else can help anyone discover their gender or gender identity. That is something that they have to do on their own. After they realize that something isn't quite like it should be then I may be able to help them or point them in the right direction.