A different path, a different gender, a transitioned life
Nov 5, 2016 21:41:11 GMT 8
Ativan Prescribed, Valerie, and 2 more like this
Post by Trinity on Nov 5, 2016 21:41:11 GMT 8
There is a type of transsexual that is nonbinary, and a type of nonbinary that is transsexual.
We had a big craziness happen a while back, on this forum, and in the old forest, and it comes down to a rejection of this idea, which I think is truth. I know a lot of nonbinary full transition men and women and others. Because, in the end, if you are nonbinary, I don't think we are men and women anymore.
Thats my point I think. I have had 4 weeks of freedom, with the wife away, so all the controls are off of me. So I gravitate to who I naturally am.
Am I running around in a pink dress outside? I don't see much of a change in how I live. I am out more as sh'e, yes. Full out sh'e. Stealth sh'e.
I see the trans women and some of them have transitioned, detransitioned, and retransitioned. All I can think of is that they were lied to, were victims of trans puberty which is a bitch, being twice a teen is not easy. And I look at myself in the mirror, and the person looking back at me is sh'e. But sh'e isn't a woman, she is a transwoman. Full transition, full bodied no op trans woman. It would be pure denial to say I am anything else, the problem is, that word "woman".
I see trans people, who are not inverted gender, as in a woman trapped in a male body, or vica versa (not meaning to exclude AFAB here) - I see them as the third gender people. With special needs, special problems, things they need to take care of, none of which cis females need to worry about. The psychology of having a part of their gender male, or nothing, of being a mix, of being us.. Its really deep stuff, and I don't think anyone is addressing that need.
I live as an androgyne and that means sometimes I am living as a woman and accepted as a transsexual woman, and sometimes I am living as a man and am tolerated as an eccentric cis man, and sometimes, often times, I live in between the social stereotypes. I experience all of the worlds of gender, as others do on this board.
But the transsexual narrative always seems to discredit my narrative, trying to tell me how to walk and talk to be more female, with the subtext always that I am in denial of my true self, which would be female.
Well, I guess if you broaden the definition of transsexual female, then I am a transsexual female, so, shall we talk about the male social conditioning and the way we think and how our soul percieves ourselves as being women, yet in our hearts, we feel "Less than" or not part of? Do we bleed and have children? Do we want to play with dolls and baby carriages? Or race cars? See the stereotype crumble?
For me, as a nonbinary transsexual androgyne woman (HAH thats a mouthful) - I have male protective instincts, womens feelings, a womans body and wiring- and I mean a completely womans wiring, believe me. I have intense dysphoria requiring a full mtf transition, yet, somehow, that thing on the bottom is not a deal breaker, because I know I am not a woman. I am my own gender, and that gender is sh'e. Some day it may be she, but its hard to way.
It is the conditioning of the gender binary that drives me and others crazy, that this trait is she and that is he, that this clothing is she and that is he. And it is the conditioning of a life of being bullied that also drives a transition.
Its all a way of saying its not so simple. I am turned off by the nonbinary labels, with all due respect. They just don't mean much to me, and I don't mind if they mean a lot to you, thats just fine. I use androgyne because its a simple description of my truth, but it is not a limiting description of my truth, any more than me being a transsexual is. Transgender actually doesn't work for me, its the implication that I am a male crossdresser somewhere in there, that is my knee jerk reaction to it. I don't need cis men thinking I am a guy that dresses up as a girl. I am not. Far from it.
So, the post is for those who are on the fence, and maybe afraid to speak up, or conflicted that they are all the way mtf or ftm, but don't fit the standard trans narrative, and feel frightened and alone, and need someone to talk to, because they know that they are different.
I don't go for a switching or redefinition of binarism to go from male to female and instead change it to male or female to nonbinary and genderqueer, as three different polairities. I don't think it is remotely that simple. I think our genders are unique and individual, and should express who we are in complete freedom, without worrying about boxes to wear or judgements to bear or getting jumped for our views.
We pay such a high price being trans. This forum was created as an oasis from the thundering judgement of the binary transfolks trying to force us into binary thinking. It has been stated many times that this forum does not exclude anyone from being here based on their trans status or lack of it. Its a place for the freedom of ideas, provided that those ideas do not invalidate someone elses core identity, or manipulation of that identity using fear or anger or any other emotional tactic.
Jayce and I are both in the same boat in terms of dysphoria, and what we are doing about it. He/they are pursuing a full body transition, I/sh'e am doing the same, without changing my bottom. We percieve our bodies according to the binary matrix, maybe, i don't know. But both of us know we walk a different path from others.
Any comments? I was rambling, it was a brain dump. But I am watching collateral damage take out a bunch of my friends again, IRL, and at the core of it is once again not understanding gender wholeness, that (for me) gender is not all or nothing, its a symphony, a diamond heart, its simultaneous, complicated, and complete, contained in a body we construct to meet our very deep needs.
Trinity - Satinjoy - Perry
We had a big craziness happen a while back, on this forum, and in the old forest, and it comes down to a rejection of this idea, which I think is truth. I know a lot of nonbinary full transition men and women and others. Because, in the end, if you are nonbinary, I don't think we are men and women anymore.
Thats my point I think. I have had 4 weeks of freedom, with the wife away, so all the controls are off of me. So I gravitate to who I naturally am.
Am I running around in a pink dress outside? I don't see much of a change in how I live. I am out more as sh'e, yes. Full out sh'e. Stealth sh'e.
I see the trans women and some of them have transitioned, detransitioned, and retransitioned. All I can think of is that they were lied to, were victims of trans puberty which is a bitch, being twice a teen is not easy. And I look at myself in the mirror, and the person looking back at me is sh'e. But sh'e isn't a woman, she is a transwoman. Full transition, full bodied no op trans woman. It would be pure denial to say I am anything else, the problem is, that word "woman".
I see trans people, who are not inverted gender, as in a woman trapped in a male body, or vica versa (not meaning to exclude AFAB here) - I see them as the third gender people. With special needs, special problems, things they need to take care of, none of which cis females need to worry about. The psychology of having a part of their gender male, or nothing, of being a mix, of being us.. Its really deep stuff, and I don't think anyone is addressing that need.
I live as an androgyne and that means sometimes I am living as a woman and accepted as a transsexual woman, and sometimes I am living as a man and am tolerated as an eccentric cis man, and sometimes, often times, I live in between the social stereotypes. I experience all of the worlds of gender, as others do on this board.
But the transsexual narrative always seems to discredit my narrative, trying to tell me how to walk and talk to be more female, with the subtext always that I am in denial of my true self, which would be female.
Well, I guess if you broaden the definition of transsexual female, then I am a transsexual female, so, shall we talk about the male social conditioning and the way we think and how our soul percieves ourselves as being women, yet in our hearts, we feel "Less than" or not part of? Do we bleed and have children? Do we want to play with dolls and baby carriages? Or race cars? See the stereotype crumble?
For me, as a nonbinary transsexual androgyne woman (HAH thats a mouthful) - I have male protective instincts, womens feelings, a womans body and wiring- and I mean a completely womans wiring, believe me. I have intense dysphoria requiring a full mtf transition, yet, somehow, that thing on the bottom is not a deal breaker, because I know I am not a woman. I am my own gender, and that gender is sh'e. Some day it may be she, but its hard to way.
It is the conditioning of the gender binary that drives me and others crazy, that this trait is she and that is he, that this clothing is she and that is he. And it is the conditioning of a life of being bullied that also drives a transition.
Its all a way of saying its not so simple. I am turned off by the nonbinary labels, with all due respect. They just don't mean much to me, and I don't mind if they mean a lot to you, thats just fine. I use androgyne because its a simple description of my truth, but it is not a limiting description of my truth, any more than me being a transsexual is. Transgender actually doesn't work for me, its the implication that I am a male crossdresser somewhere in there, that is my knee jerk reaction to it. I don't need cis men thinking I am a guy that dresses up as a girl. I am not. Far from it.
So, the post is for those who are on the fence, and maybe afraid to speak up, or conflicted that they are all the way mtf or ftm, but don't fit the standard trans narrative, and feel frightened and alone, and need someone to talk to, because they know that they are different.
I don't go for a switching or redefinition of binarism to go from male to female and instead change it to male or female to nonbinary and genderqueer, as three different polairities. I don't think it is remotely that simple. I think our genders are unique and individual, and should express who we are in complete freedom, without worrying about boxes to wear or judgements to bear or getting jumped for our views.
We pay such a high price being trans. This forum was created as an oasis from the thundering judgement of the binary transfolks trying to force us into binary thinking. It has been stated many times that this forum does not exclude anyone from being here based on their trans status or lack of it. Its a place for the freedom of ideas, provided that those ideas do not invalidate someone elses core identity, or manipulation of that identity using fear or anger or any other emotional tactic.
Jayce and I are both in the same boat in terms of dysphoria, and what we are doing about it. He/they are pursuing a full body transition, I/sh'e am doing the same, without changing my bottom. We percieve our bodies according to the binary matrix, maybe, i don't know. But both of us know we walk a different path from others.
Any comments? I was rambling, it was a brain dump. But I am watching collateral damage take out a bunch of my friends again, IRL, and at the core of it is once again not understanding gender wholeness, that (for me) gender is not all or nothing, its a symphony, a diamond heart, its simultaneous, complicated, and complete, contained in a body we construct to meet our very deep needs.
Trinity - Satinjoy - Perry
. Yeah it don't work so well with the hardness and never did but it feels like... UGH.... I don't really know how to explain it but it is a really pleasant sensation. A really pleasant sensation that I feel not just from there but upward from there too. It's a really warm feeling that goes from there up into my abdomen even. No and it don't burn, no STDs here, until it reaches my mind then it becomes red hot. The same happens with women that I am attracted to sometimes or actually anyone that I am attracted to.
Yeah well the "stiffy" really don't exist with me. I have had guys that felt and even told me they felt less guilty because it would not work and I had tits and long hair. They did not want a stiffy during oral sex just stimulation and the smell, appearance, and emotions and actions of a woman. The air of femininity that is embraced and cherished by me and them too. I mean Holy Crap, I am so girly about some things that I am even embarrassed and self conscious about.