Something I've learned about my own spirituality

[Yuki]

Actually, I've been learning a lot about myself lately. I thought I had myself figured out at one point, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

I've posted in a few places on here before, about how when I learned about nb genders, I knew it fit. But it didn't take long for me to try to ignore it in favor of being more socially acceptable.

I'm starting to realize that I did that in a lot of areas. Not just with gender, but other things too.

I've always been someone who was on the fringe of society, in almost every way. Everything that felt natural to me and made me happy and just felt "right" was always looked down upon, and everyone in my life would try to "fix" it, or redirect it to something more accepted. I'm sure all of you can relate to that in one way or another, so it doesn't really need much explaining.

So as I got older, (18+) I started to shun those things... one by one. I thought that, as an adult, what I needed to do in order to grow up and be successful was to try to fit in more. To become just like everyone else.

My gender identity is one thing that I tried to cover up. I also tried to be straight. I tried to not be disabled, tried to learn how to socialize better so it wouldn't give me away. I tried to dress more like people expect an adult woman to dress. I thought that if I did all of these things, that they would become my new truth and that people would stop looking down on me as just some weirdo who couldn't understand what was expected.

One of the things I gave up during that time was the only religion that felt right to me. It wasn't "normal", so I started to shun it. I started to be embarrassed to have ever believed in it. I couldn't bring myself to believe in Christianity either, though. (No offence to Christians or anything, at all. It just doesn't feel right to me, on a very personal level. I simply have a hard time believing it, or envisioning any of it. Even if I really try! But then, I don't think your belief in a religion should be forced... if you're forcing it, then it's probably not the right one for you. Right? Much like if you have to force yourself to be cis... then you probably aren't cis!)

I guess I really wanted to try to be what everyone else wanted me to be, for once.

It was horrible.

So as I'm getting more confidence in myself, and I'm allowing myself to be "me" finally, and trying to learn to do what feels right to me... and not just what other people want, I'm starting to realize that this was me all along. Like being nb? I can look back and see that I always identified with any character that you couldn't tell their gender right away. Any character that was hidden under clothes, or had a neutral appearance... I always wanted to be like them. I never looked up to men or women role models. I didn't want to be them. I wanted to be the one that no one knew what they were. Even as a kid. I can see that now.

I'm learning to accept other parts of me, too. I'm learning that it's okay to not want to wear what is the most popular right now. I just want to be comfortable, and I always have. I'm learning to accept my disability, but also to not let it limit me anymore.

And... yesterday, I happened to see something in a small local newspaper that reminded me about another part of myself that I pushed away in favor of attempting to fit in.

It reminded me of the only religion that I ever felt any sort of connection to. The only one to ever make me feel happy, and at peace. The only one that I could actually FEEL. And despite all of that, I shunned it. Because only people on the fringes follow it.

But I'm starting to realize that I will always be on the fringe, whether I like it or not, and no matter how hard I try not to be.

And this comes at an interesting time, too, because my husband (who always identified as atheist) was just recently talking to me about how, on occasion, he'll think about big questions like, "Why are we here?" or, "What is my purpose?" or, "What happens to us after we die?" and he said he will get depressed because he doesn't have the answer. But, like me, he said he has never been able to believe in Christianity, despite growing up in a very Christian family and going to mostly Christian private schools as a kid. He never felt a connection to it, either, and chose to be Atheist because he didn't really know what options were out there. I told him we could look up different religions, if he wanted to, and we could see which one he felt drawn to. He said he'd like that. But then, we got busy and forgot.

Until I saw this thing.

And so last night, I talked to him for a little while about it. Because we had no power, so we didn't have anything else to do. I told him about this religion, and how I used to believe in it. He wanted to learn more. So I told him everything I could remember. And, he loved it! Some of his questions I couldn't answer, because I'm really rusty on it. But he really seems to be extremely interested in learning more. He says I converted him.

And honestly, today, despite it being a somewhat shitty day due to the power being off... I felt happier, and at peace with things, much more than I have the past year or so. So I'm going to brush up on it... and he wants me to save anything I find tonight so he can read it, too. Which says a lot, because he hates reading! (Mostly thanks to his dyslexia and ADHD) So if he wants me to save something so he can read it, that means he is very serious about it.

So here we go... existing more on the fringe than we already were. But who cares? I'm done doing what other people who don't give a shit about me want me to do. I'm doing what makes me and my husband happy.

(I refrained from mentioning the religion specifically, because I wanted this to not be about the religion itself... but more about spirituality in general, and finding myself. The name of the religion is less important.)

[Trinity]

I was always a renegade Christian...

There's a lot out there. Have fun.

[Valerie]

Woooww good for you, Kai, on making so many self discoveries! It certainly is a lot of hard work working on gender, spirituality, and just figuring yourself out. You're pretty badass so far!
I was raised in a Christian family myself, but I never really felt like Christianity was for me either. Growing up I was forced to read the Bible, go to church, & I used to sneak out of kids church so much that they stopped letting me go to the bathroom, and I'd have to wait until mom picked me up! And then of course my step father was so strict that he would keep trying to get me to stop watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch, saying how it was evil, and I got in trouble for watching Charmed & The Nightmare Before Christmas. My stepfather punished me by making me reading the scriptures that said how witchcraft and fortune telling Evil yada yada I had to keep rereading it over and over and he'd quiz me to be sure I studied it.
My mom wasn't as strict as my stepdad though, she was totally cools, and let me have my interests, and she encouraged me to go to church & read bible more, but she'd didn't try forcing it on me like my stepfather did because she knew it'd only push me away further if I was forced, and she'd rather see me go into Christianity because I wanted to.
But as like you said I never felt like Christianity was for me, & like it didn't fit at all. See I was always interested in witches, witchcraft, & magic for as long as I can remember! When I was younger I would wish I were a witch like Sabrina! I'd also secretly read books on witches & witchcraft at my school library. I never dared to bring them home. I mean I brought a few on Salem witch trials home, but I kept them secret from my stepdad and only read them on bus, or when he wasn't around. Then of course another reason I completely left Christianity was in my teen years when I noticed I was attracted to guys, I became confused with my sexuality, went into full deep hatred for myself, and feeling like a disappointment after always hearing how being gay was a sin! I fought myself, and went into a dark depressive place of self hatred because I couldn't accept myself. Until I at least stepped away from Christianity, & looked at myself and finally came to terms with accepting who I was.
But anyways yea, it's actually really funny that I always was interested in witchcraft growing up because once I hit 18, and I completely left Christianity behind I actually started reading books on Wicca, and magic. Of course I kept my books hidden in closet at the time.
Then also In the last 3 years of my life I really have been actually reading more, and practicing more witchcraft! Personally I don't follow Wicca though because I didn't exactly feel like the Wiccan beliefs were for me.
But that's actually what I love about going down a journey of witchcraft because like it's much more of on a personal level & different for each individual. Like from what I've read it's more about an individual's personal journey & self growth, and is different for each person. You can easily tailor practicing witchcraft into whichever your own personal beliefs are! I've also read how there's also many different forms, and types of witches too.
For me I always felt such a strong powerful pull towards witchcraft, & like it was calling to me ever since I was younger, and now here I am today just finally starting to be confident enough in actively practicing more! The other night I tried working on a spell to help my best friend who's been having trouble sleeping at night, by making her a herbal sachet to protect her & fall asleep with ease. I'm hoping it worked, and I can't wait for her to get it in mail, and hear from her if it helps!

[Yuki]

Oct 19, 2016 12:12:45 GMT 8 Valerie said:

Woooww good for you, Kai, on making so many self discoveries! It certainly is a lot of hard work working on gender, spirituality, and just figuring yourself out. You're pretty badass so far!
I was raised in a Christian family myself, but I never really felt like Christianity was for me either. Growing up I was forced to read the Bible, go to church, & I used to sneak out of kids church so much that they stopped letting me go to the bathroom, and I'd have to wait until mom picked me up! And then of course my step father was so strict that he would keep trying to get me to stop watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch, saying how it was evil, and I got in trouble for watching Charmed & The Nightmare Before Christmas. My stepfather punished me by making me reading the scriptures that said how witchcraft and fortune telling Evil yada yada I had to keep rereading it over and over and he'd quiz me to be sure I studied it.
My mom wasn't as strict as my stepdad though, she was totally cools, and let me have my interests, and she encouraged me to go to church & read bible more, but she'd didn't try forcing it on me like my stepfather did because she knew it'd only push me away further if I was forced, and she'd rather see me go into Christianity because I wanted to.
But as like you said I never felt like Christianity was for me, & like it didn't fit at all. See I was always interested in witches, witchcraft, & magic for as long as I can remember! When I was younger I would wish I were a witch like Sabrina! I'd also secretly read books on witches & witchcraft at my school library. I never dared to bring them home. I mean I brought a few on Salem witch trials home, but I kept them secret from my stepdad and only read them on bus, or when he wasn't around. Then of course another reason I completely left Christianity was in my teen years when I noticed I was attracted to guys, I became confused with my sexuality, went into full deep hatred for myself, and feeling like a disappointment after always hearing how being gay was a sin! I fought myself, and went into a dark depressive place of self hatred because I couldn't accept myself. Until I at least stepped away from Christianity, & looked at myself and finally came to terms with accepting who I was.
But anyways yea, it's actually really funny that I always was interested in witchcraft growing up because once I hit 18, and I completely left Christianity behind I actually started reading books on Wicca, and magic. Of course I kept my books hidden in closet at the time.
Then also In the last 3 years of my life I really have been actually reading more, and practicing more witchcraft! Personally I don't follow Wicca though because I didn't exactly feel like the Wiccan beliefs were for me.
But that's actually what I love about going down a journey of witchcraft because like it's much more of on a personal level & different for each individual. Like from what I've read it's more about an individual's personal journey & self growth, and is different for each person. You can easily tailor practicing witchcraft into whichever your own personal beliefs are! I've also read how there's also many different forms, and types of witches too.
For me I always felt such a strong powerful pull towards witchcraft, & like it was calling to me ever since I was younger, and now here I am today just finally starting to be confident enough in actively practicing more! The other night I tried working on a spell to help my best friend who's been having trouble sleeping at night, by making her a herbal sachet to protect her & fall asleep with ease. I'm hoping it worked, and I can't wait for her to get it in mail, and hear from her if it helps!

I might have to talk to you!

Wicca is the religion I was referring to, actually. Although, now that I've done some research on it, it seems to be very largely based in the gender binary, which of course I never noticed before. Besides that, it's fine. I do wonder though, where a nonbinary person might fit into that. Though I do see some people saying that people are reinterpreting things to make room for nonbinary and trans people, and that the religion as a whole supports LGBT. And I do like the religion. Just not the binary polarity. I guess I'll have to figure it out for myself, how nonbinary people fit.

But I'd be interested in witchcraft, too. That's the part hubby seems most interested in, anyway. Well, that and the focus on sex. LOL.

I don't know, I just know I fit into paganism somewhere... with Wicca being most likely.

For me, it wasn't that I was always interested in that sort of thing, really. I didn't even realize that religions and things like that even existed. Until a friend and I met this person in middle school. If I remember right, she started late... her family moved in from somewhere else. She introduced us to Wicca... she had grown up with its and her parents were Wiccan. She invited us over to spend the weekend one weekend, so she could teach us a lot about it since we both seemed interested. So she taught us as much of the basics as she could, and encouraged us to read more on it and answered our questions. Even taught us spells that she used, and basic candle-making which apparently her family did a lot of. Then, a few weeks later, she was gone. No goodbye or anything.. just didn't show up at school anymore, and no one lived in that house anymore either. I guess her parents packed up and moved again somewhere. But my friend and I never did figure out where she went, or how to contact her.

It was strange. I do feel that there must have been some reason behind meeting her.

[Valerie]

Oct 19, 2016 12:36:32 GMT 8 Yuki said:

Oct 19, 2016 12:12:45 GMT 8 Valerie said:

Woooww good for you, Kai, on making so many self discoveries! It certainly is a lot of hard work working on gender, spirituality, and just figuring yourself out. You're pretty badass so far!
I was raised in a Christian family myself, but I never really felt like Christianity was for me either. Growing up I was forced to read the Bible, go to church, & I used to sneak out of kids church so much that they stopped letting me go to the bathroom, and I'd have to wait until mom picked me up! And then of course my step father was so strict that he would keep trying to get me to stop watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch, saying how it was evil, and I got in trouble for watching Charmed & The Nightmare Before Christmas. My stepfather punished me by making me reading the scriptures that said how witchcraft and fortune telling Evil yada yada I had to keep rereading it over and over and he'd quiz me to be sure I studied it.
My mom wasn't as strict as my stepdad though, she was totally cools, and let me have my interests, and she encouraged me to go to church & read bible more, but she'd didn't try forcing it on me like my stepfather did because she knew it'd only push me away further if I was forced, and she'd rather see me go into Christianity because I wanted to.
But as like you said I never felt like Christianity was for me, & like it didn't fit at all. See I was always interested in witches, witchcraft, & magic for as long as I can remember! When I was younger I would wish I were a witch like Sabrina! I'd also secretly read books on witches & witchcraft at my school library. I never dared to bring them home. I mean I brought a few on Salem witch trials home, but I kept them secret from my stepdad and only read them on bus, or when he wasn't around. Then of course another reason I completely left Christianity was in my teen years when I noticed I was attracted to guys, I became confused with my sexuality, went into full deep hatred for myself, and feeling like a disappointment after always hearing how being gay was a sin! I fought myself, and went into a dark depressive place of self hatred because I couldn't accept myself. Until I at least stepped away from Christianity, & looked at myself and finally came to terms with accepting who I was.
But anyways yea, it's actually really funny that I always was interested in witchcraft growing up because once I hit 18, and I completely left Christianity behind I actually started reading books on Wicca, and magic. Of course I kept my books hidden in closet at the time.
Then also In the last 3 years of my life I really have been actually reading more, and practicing more witchcraft! Personally I don't follow Wicca though because I didn't exactly feel like the Wiccan beliefs were for me.
But that's actually what I love about going down a journey of witchcraft because like it's much more of on a personal level & different for each individual. Like from what I've read it's more about an individual's personal journey & self growth, and is different for each person. You can easily tailor practicing witchcraft into whichever your own personal beliefs are! I've also read how there's also many different forms, and types of witches too.
For me I always felt such a strong powerful pull towards witchcraft, & like it was calling to me ever since I was younger, and now here I am today just finally starting to be confident enough in actively practicing more! The other night I tried working on a spell to help my best friend who's been having trouble sleeping at night, by making her a herbal sachet to protect her & fall asleep with ease. I'm hoping it worked, and I can't wait for her to get it in mail, and hear from her if it helps!

I might have to talk to you!

Wicca is the religion I was referring to, actually. Although, now that I've done some research on it, it seems to be very largely based in the gender binary, which of course I never noticed before. Besides that, it's fine. I do wonder though, where a nonbinary person might fit into that. Though I do see some people saying that people are reinterpreting things to make room for nonbinary and trans people, and that the religion as a whole supports LGBT. And I do like the religion. Just not the binary polarity. I guess I'll have to figure it out for myself, how nonbinary people fit.

But I'd be interested in witchcraft, too. That's the part hubby seems most interested in, anyway. Well, that and the focus on sex. LOL.

I don't know, I just know I fit into paganism somewhere... with Wicca being most likely.

For me, it wasn't that I was always interested in that sort of thing, really. I didn't even realize that religions and things like that even existed. Until a friend and I met this person in middle school. If I remember right, she started late... her family moved in from somewhere else. She introduced us to Wicca... she had grown up with its and her parents were Wiccan. She invited us over to spend the weekend one weekend, so she could teach us a lot about it since we both seemed interested. So she taught us as much of the basics as she could, and encouraged us to read more on it and answered our questions. Even taught us spells that she used, and basic candle-making which apparently her family did a lot of. Then, a few weeks later, she was gone. No goodbye or anything.. just didn't show up at school anymore, and no one lived in that house anymore either. I guess her parents packed up and moved again somewhere. But my friend and I never did figure out where she went, or how to contact her.

It was strange. I do feel that there must have been some reason behind meeting her.

Ohh definitely you're more than welcome to talking to me about it anytime! I myself am still very beginner and just a little witchling who needs to stop procrastinating, and actually practice how to sense energy and mediate more! Haha

See Wicca is very interesting, and I agree the only things that would I didn't fully agree with like you said is how extremely cis hetero focused it comes off as, and how very structured it is. But also I couldn't really get behind the God & goddess beliefs in it. I mean I loved the two sides of a coin part of goddess and god idealogy, but I just don't really believe in the Wiccan way of seeing things. Like I said I'm still like novice so I'm not gonna say much about Wicca other than what I've read.
I tend to mostly just call myself witch or say I practice witchcraft because it's more broad and vague that way. Because I'm still kinda agonistic. I mostly believe in a genderless omniscient entity that can take on many different forms like many different facets of a diamond. There all different reflections, and perspectives of the same diamond. So in a way it's like this is where all different gods/goddesses come from in different cultures that are linked to same entity. Like when people had different gods/goddesses for different areas in life to call upon for help in say hunting, fishing, love, war, agriculture, wisdom, etc! Multiple deities that are way of viewing and working with one entity. But that's just my take on it.
I mostly just view it as omniscient genderless entity/universe, and work with elements or say a certain deity for the aspect of whichever spell working on.
But oh yea the pagan community very broad! So many different branches of different ways to practice witchcraft. I've read many different books, things on tumblr, and online. Tumblr is a pretty good source for finding other trans, nb, and queer witches.
As for books I have a book called Gay Witchcraft by Christopher Penczak, it's really good if you want to get away from the usual cishetero dominance of witchcraft. And his books are pretty good! Only problem with the book gay witchcraft, it is more focused on being gay, although it does have parts in it mentioning trans and being a book in helping anyone LGBT+ in finding way around more queer magic. Other problem with "gay witchcraft " though is how he keep using "transgendered" that makes me cringe so much. Also i read an interesting book once called "witchcraft and the gay counterculture " it was good because it had a ton Of interesting queer history, and even talked about how Joan of arc, was actually more on trial for wearing men clothing, and acting more masculine than for being a witch. It is quite flawed though in way its worded because it was written in like 70s.
But yea from my readings there's tons of different ways to be a witch and practice witchcraft without having to follow Wicca. There's so so many different paths! The only thing that i try to be careful of though with witchcraft is that I try not to cultures appropriate! Like cultural appropriation is a pretty huge and heavy topic so far that I seen in witch community online. I personally stay away from any closed religions, Hinduism, Native American, and African beliefs. Basically I try my best to not appropriate with any of craft out of respect.
But yea I still need to do tons reading, learning, practice how to meditate more, and practice how to sense energy more! I'm such a huge procrastinator that I still barely know how to sense energy or meditate. But from my readings, and my personal take on witchcraft there is no right or wrong way to practice! Just do what feels right to you, and you're comfortable with! It's your own personal journey & bound to be different from anyone else's.

[Trinity]

Be careful on some of the things that are out there.

There are traps to avoid, spirits best not disturbed.

Being in tune with nature, seeing the unseen, sensing the energies, becoming one with the environment...these are go9d.

Avoid that which would control you on the outside. Divination can do that to you.


Other things dont control. Awareness things enhance l8ving.

I dont know wicca.

I do know the occult.

[Yuki]

The more I research Wicca, the more I see that it's not quite what I thought it was, and I see it doesn't quite match up with my beliefs. That's aside from the fact that it doesn't really allow much of a place for anyone who's not cishet. I don't mind structure... so long as it doesn't conflict with what I believe. I do believe that there are many gods and goddesses, in a way. But Wicca seems to be more about worship than I remember. Like, the main focus seems to be worshipping them. That's not quite how I was taught. Which, maybe they just believed a different way of Wicca... I'm not sure.

But, that's okay. I think I would like to just stay under the general umbrella of paganism.

I've done some practice of things when I was younger, but that was 10+ years ago... I don't remember much now. It's going to take a lot of studying to brush up on even what I knew then. But I can sit and study something all day, so it's not a big deal.

Valerie, I might look into those books you mentioned when I have some extra money. For now, maybe I'll see if I can find groups online that are LGBT and practice paganism and witchcraft.

Tumblr probably has the highest number of them. lol

Trinity, you're right. There's a lot that I won't mess with, though. I know where some of the dangers are, and plan to do research on anything that I don't know much about before I mess with it. Things can get dangerous, if you're not careful. I plan to keep it safe.

[Trinity]

You have to be very careful when dealing with entities.

Avoid channeling, all kinds of stuff can happen when you get into that.

Auras, empathy, one with nature, these are very good.

Divination, in the sense of knowing something is going to happen through intuition, that is good.

Tarot, and I don't want to step on any toes, this is only my personal opinion, the cards can be influenced by malicious entities. There is a always a question about source with the cards. I lost control of mine, and they eventually dominated me, turned on me. I had to get rid of the cards. A lot of fun though.

This is all occult stuff. As I said, I don't know wicca. Paganism either. But I do know spirits, and I do know what is out there in the unseen world. Personally I am protected.

Getting wired into the Godhead is tremendous, if look within at your core, learn to feel it, feel the outside, learn to find your instincts and your spiritual connection, its tremendous. That is different from channelling, which is being a medium, which allows a spirit to enter in and take control. That is the most dangerous thing you can get involved with. I've seen it, I have seen it backfire. And I have been told some crazy stuff.

I just got blocked from saying a whole lot more here, on other issues. My own suggestion is to find out more about your core, how that still, quiet voice connects with the Godhead, what it is saying to you in your spirit.

That intuition can be amazing. Something to think about.

I am little distracted, I hope there was something useful in this post.

Enjoy, magic Pan.

[EchelonHunt]

When I was going through a hard time emotionally, I did some research into Hinduism (it was random) and found that androgyny exists in the Hindu deities. I felt drawn to that and really liked that Shiva could take on many forms, including a half-male and half-female body with his wife.

I did more research into Hinduism and found that if you're not born Indian, you cannot practise it... well, you can but other Hindus won't accept you as one of their own. Not all but many Hindus reject the notion of homosexuality and transgender people. Hjira are treated as god-like and beautiful by some, but many are treated as social outcasts and living in less than standard conditions...

I can't deny I felt a connection to Shiva. His wife has different forms, one of them being the destructive being called Kali. One of her hallmark features is her forked tongue. Shiva could not calm Kali down from her beserk mode so he covered himself in the ashes of the dead and laid on the ground among the corpses of Kali's destruction. When Kali realised she stepped on her husband, she was so shocked, she bit her forked tongue off.

I don't know why but that story resonates with me even today.

I like the idea of queer spirituality. Being one with nature, earth, water...

[Deleted]

Look. Religion is nothing more than a social construct and we all know what society has done, does, thinks and treats us. Spirituality is different because that is your own personal relationship or perception or even both of a Creator, the Universe, a Devine Power or whatever else you may perceive. I mean. Do you think Allah hates LGBTs to the point that a lot of strict Islamic sectionists think they need to be killed?  Do you think that God hates LGBTs even though that very same God created LGBTs? I mean everyone says that society is a social construct and I will be the first to say that religions are a social construct too. Most religions seem to believe they created God instead of the other way around. The only time they created God is bringing God down to their own small minds in order to understand what they cannot possibly understand. I mean I am trans. There are lesbians, gays and bis. Love is love. Do you really think that God is gonna' punish a person for who they feel that special love for. Religions may make you think so but... Really? I am Trans. I am Female psychologically and personality wise. I present a lot as female. Just remember that these so called Divine texts were written by men supposedly through Divine Intervention and then later, I believe, perverted through society6 and the limited thinking of man. God or Allah or Nature or the Universe or some other Divine power created me and created me as Trans. So if Christians call you an abomination of God then they are wrong and have little Faith in God and God's Creations. They have more faith in societal norms and this is dangerously sinful.

Religions do not own God or Christ or Allah or Mohammad The Prophet. When they do think they are the "Chosen" ones then they are showing Vanity and that is a big sin.

If you are Christian just keep in mind that a church does not own Christ or God. Hell hon they don't even own us because we were created with the Divine Gift of Freewill. We are individual Spirits and we will fuck up from time to time. We can be forgiven and make amends for that. If you are Muslim then the Islamic religion does not own Allah or Mohammed. They too were created with Divine Freewill and choosing and judging against others as Infidels is a big Sin.

Just follow whatever teachings you want to follow but remember that Institutional religions have been perverted and twisted by societal perceptions. Wicca is a Nature based religion pretty much. But Spirituality and Nature go hand and hand. The Universe is a Natural Phenomenon and who know how many are actually in existence? The Christmas Tree is a symbol of Paganism and Nature and giving Gifts around the Winter Solstice. Sound familiar? The Winter Solstice occurs on Dec. 21st. Close to another date that should make a little sense. The shepherds only watched their sheep during birthing season which was spring time until the young sheep could run fast enough to avoid predators. So since the middle east is in the northern hemisphere and Spring lasts from April to June and all the Shepherds watching their flocks during Crist's birth then Christ was born during those months. Plus Mary and Joseph were on their way to pay taxes and that historically was during those months. All the Inns were full not because of a concert or football or other game but everyone went to Jerusalem to pay their taxes. So I wrote this because of all the symbolism connected to it. Winter is a dead month in the northern hemisphere. Spring is a rebirth in the northern hemisphere. So you can use the Winter Solstice as a new beginning to a new year. But the new rebirth actually begins during the Spring Equinox when all the flowers start blooming and the trees start budding. If you don't believe me just look it up. History and other stuff will tell you a lot. Just like we are now in the Age of Pisces and most people display the name of Jesus within the shape of a fish.

Everyone thinks they have all the answers and a monopoly on a Creator and Divine Profits. I mean I wish I did. I would love to know the answers. But I don't, you don't and no one does. Beware of those that claim to have all the answers though.
You don't have to have the same beliefs that you were indoctrinated to. You can be yourself and our Creator will still Love you. We were not created by a church, society or any other institution. We were created by nature bodily and Created Divinely Spiritually.

I mean from what I believe it is all entwined and infused together. You can't have one without the other. So without a Creator we would not have the Universe and without the Universe then a Creator could not Create it. So what came first? The chicken or the egg? How long does infinity last? What is the human Soul? What is the human Spirit? Who or What is God and What and Who was Christ. What is Enlightenment? So there is a saying, "With God all things are possible." So why limit yourself to a strict structural thinking about Spirituality? If all things are possible then that is Spirituality too. It is not about following doctrines but rather following your Heart and Soul with Divinity. It is not about Religions but about Faith. Real, True Faith and not faith in a book, institution a person, society or anything else. You follow what you believe as long as it is in Good Deeds and not evil intentions.

I really don't know if I make any sense to you or not. My mom was Pentecostal and that specific branch of Christianity did not make any sense to me when I was 5. When you read the ancient texts with an open heart and open mind then you will begin to understand. If you read it literally with a mind and heart that is influenced by material institutions and thinking then the messages are lost. I know there is a passage in the bible that a man shall not wear women's clothing. No they should not if they are not women Spiritually. Think of M*A*S*H* and Klinger trying to get out of the Korean War. But if Klinger was indeed a woman and shaved "her" legs, underarms and bitched about short hair then Klinger would have been a woman if Klinger was indeed Spiritually a female instead of male. Especially when "Hot Lips" Margaret Houlihan was a woman and was liking the war. I do believe this specific instance was written by mankind to prevent men from dressing as women to get out of their duty to serve and possibly die during a war. I did my duty and plenty of cis women want to do theirs too and I served with plenty of women that were way more "gung ho" than me. If I would have had to go to war to protect mine and our way of life and freedom of expression then I would have. Many women sign up for the same thing now but back then 2000 plus years ago was a different world. I mean there are plenty of Trans now that would sign up if they could, and many have and then have to suppress themselves, if it were more accepted. I would loved to have had "turd" on the back of my head due to long hair and wear my earrings and nail polish and have a class A uniform with a skirt instead of "suit". To wear the same headgear in Class A's as a female instead of a "Cunt cap" like a freakin' man. I mean I had to re pierce my ears when I ETSd. It took me over a year to get my hair enough to be comfortable. I signed up and never should have. I was so fucking miserable during most of those four years with the exception of Korea. I couldn't wait to get out to be femme again. So I went through hell. So I agree with the bible on this. A man should not wear a dress if he is indeed a man but scared to fight for what he thinks is right. Even femme, I would fight for what I think is right as long as I could express myself freely. OMG there are plenty of females willing to fight too so... But that particular passage that a lot of religions use against us I think is more about cowardice than transgenderism.

As for the passage of a man shall not lay with another man....  Most gays I know one is more dominate than the other. One more masculine than the other. Lesbians are different because a lot of areas back then had harems and you don't think that the women had a little fun between themselves while waiting for their turn with the husband? I mean I think that may be a holdover as to why "Lipstick Lesbians" are so accepted now by society even more than butch and femme lesbians. And yes I have a quite a few butch lesbians in my family and knew even when I was 7 or 8 years old. I am sorry because I am not a man. I am bi so I either want a masculine man or another lipstick lesbian. A masculine lesbian is OK as long as she is masculine. A transman I will see as masculine. Well transmen are more real men than a lot of cis men. So I am feminine and even with a man, I am still not a man. So I am not a man laying with another man. Besides that was the Olde Testiment. The New Testiment replaced the laws of the Olde Testiment and evolution says that even the new Testiment is challenged by Evolution. Love is Love as long as it is true. God will not judge you and even so, Love is Love as long as its true. At least for the moment anyway. How many christians are divorced? So judge not.

The whole thing about Heaven and Hell is nothing more than a promise or threat made up to keep society and followers in line. Our perceptions of Hell as a society is mentioned very little in the Bible. Hades which is the Ancient Greek Idea of the Underworld. I can't remember the name but I think it was mentioned in the Book of Daniel as a lake of fire. Hell we are usually buried underground and under the earth's crust is an ociean of fire. Another is Christ's parrable of the burning trash pits outside of Jeruselem and I guess any city in the middle east at the time. Criminals would be executed or punished and then throown into the fiery pits.

So ask yourself this question. If we are going through hell right now with all the hurt and pain, why would a Loving Creator punish us with more after we are gone? So I just tell you this. make up your own mind. Don't let anyone else make it up for you. I don't have any answers and no one else does either. If you want to follow the teachings of Christ then follow the Teachings with an open, sincere and loving heart. Same with Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca, Paganism and so on. So what you percieve then believe regardless of any structured doctrines. In other words you don't need a Chruch for God, you don't need a Temple for enlightenment, you don't need a Mosque for Allah and so on. All you need is within yourself. As long as it is good and true.

I really hope this helps a little. Learning a new religion is freakin' not the easiest thing to do and then you have accomplished nothing in the end. I will actually suggest go with what you know with an open heart and mind and just remember that established religions are just as much a social construct as gender. I mean God created us with Divine Freewill but a Church or instituation can't allow us to exercise that Freewill. So if I'm going to burn in hell because I am bi and trans then I most definately won't be the first in line.