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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2015 19:58:50 GMT 8
Not well phrased, the topic. Sleepy.
What's your latest hurdle, victory, moment that either moved a boundary, or roadblock, or challenged you to more freedom?
Me, it's the blending and mindfulness thing, and practicing it.
And trying to figure out home boundaries now that wifeelost her job due to being bullied.
But what's new for you lately?
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Post by Laura J on Mar 9, 2015 21:29:30 GMT 8
Being bolder being my true self. I used to always catch myself hiding my comfort to blend into someplace, to avoid any possibility I'd have to explain my true self. I don't worry what others will say or how they will respond to me much now, It just doesn't matter.
A great boost to this has been telling my wife all, and her being fine with me. I don't have to worry any longer about toning myself down for her to feel comfortable, so I no longer have to worry about anyone else either. Its very liberating being "fully out", and not just out as much as those around me will accept.
I really feel i can move ahead now, in any direction I want, with little or no resistance from any of the people in my life that mean most to me.
I just feel bolder, with more of a sense of self pride and desire to express my full nature more publically, instead of trying to hide it.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2015 0:55:42 GMT 8
Really nothing new with me. It's just the same old song and dance. Yeah I lost a marriage because she fell in love with me the woman. When faced with the woman instead of a man. I mean OMG how can a woman not tell that a so called man is a woman from what they like, their choice in style. Hell she even told me one time that I would have made a pretty girl. LOL. Really? NO BS she actually said that but when I brought that up a few years later and she remembered. OMG the horror on her face like I was monster. But I did have a lot better hair than her. So for me nothing new. It kind of sux because when it was new. OMG even though it wasn't really accepted or embraced it was almost like I felt lucky and ashamed at the same time. I can't really explain it but when I would see a cis girl I would feel sorry for her because she didn't know how lucky she was. When I would see a guy I would feel sorry for him because he had to be a guy. And both felt pressured to be one or the other. I know our brothers feel differently and maybe sort of like I did totally opposite. Does that make any sense to anyone but myself? I guess I'm more use to it than anything else.
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Post by LivingTheDream on Mar 10, 2015 15:14:02 GMT 8
This was like 2 weeks ago but i guess is still new? It's just a little baby thing that I did but still.. Anyways, 2 weeks ago or so I went to group. Always leave my place and come back in "guy mode", well mostly, have makeup on before I leave but I change clothes in my truck. Hate coming home cuz have to change back, don't wanna, and it's a pain in the ass doing it in my little truck. This time, I didn't change! I guess I sorta figured, what's the point, lol? Have makeup on, not taking that off in the car, if anyone sees me close are gonna see anyway so might as well look the part as much as possible. Come summer, well, no more darkness to hide so there was also that. Lastly, lease is up in a few months, if anyone has a problem, might as well figure it out sooner or later, could move if necessary before am stuck here another year and have issues come up then. It was a nonevent, nobody was around, but still felt really good . I almost went to my brothers house that day as well. I texted him on the way home; I drive right past his place, but he didn't reply back, so I didn't stop, but I was going to!
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Mar 14, 2015 8:43:30 GMT 8
Really nothing new with me. It's just the same old song and dance. Yeah I lost a marriage because she fell in love with me the woman. When faced with the woman instead of a man. I mean OMG how can a woman not tell that a so called man is a woman from what they like, their choice in style. Hell she even told me one time that I would have made a pretty girl. LOL. Really? NO BS she actually said that but when I brought that up a few years later and she remembered. OMG the horror on her face like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than her. So for me nothing new. It kind of sux because when it was new. OMG even though it wasn't really accepted or embraced it was almost like I felt lucky and ashamed at the same time. I can't really explain it but when I would see a cis girl I would feel sorry for her because she didn't know how lucky she was. When I would see a guy I would feel sorry for him because he had to be a guy. And both felt pressured to be one or the other. I know our brothers feel differently and maybe sort of like I did totally opposite. Does that make any sense to anyone but myself? I guess I'm more use to it than anything else. Somehow or other,.. someway or another,.. I just think this line could be used over and over at the end of most comments, whether it has anything to do with it or not. It's just to good to not use, somehow or another... OMG the horror on her face like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than her.
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Post by Laura J on Mar 14, 2015 11:55:13 GMT 8
A few days ago when I was at the doctors, I actually told him in our conversation That I was gender non binary. It was the First time I've ever talked about myself In those terms to a doctor. He was so nice about it too, it was such a good feeling.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2015 14:36:22 GMT 8
Really nothing new with me. It's just the same old song and dance. Yeah I lost a marriage because she fell in love with me the woman. When faced with the woman instead of a man. I mean OMG how can a woman not tell that a so called man is a woman from what they like, their choice in style. Hell she even told me one time that I would have made a pretty girl. LOL. Really? NO BS she actually said that but when I brought that up a few years later and she remembered. OMG the horror on her face like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than her. So for me nothing new. It kind of sux because when it was new. OMG even though it wasn't really accepted or embraced it was almost like I felt lucky and ashamed at the same time. I can't really explain it but when I would see a cis girl I would feel sorry for her because she didn't know how lucky she was. When I would see a guy I would feel sorry for him because he had to be a guy. And both felt pressured to be one or the other. I know our brothers feel differently and maybe sort of like I did totally opposite. Does that make any sense to anyone but myself? I guess I'm more use to it than anything else. Somehow or other,.. someway or another,.. I just think this line could be used over and over at the end of most comments, whether it has anything to do with it or not. It's just to good to not use, somehow or another... OMG the horror on her face like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than her. It does suck because the person my ex fell in love with was the woman. She thought it was the man but she was fooling herself. She loved when I wold go shopping with her. She loved all the chick flix we watched together. She loved the emotional support and everything else. When faced with the real me, the woman, she couldn't handle it. It sux but life goes on. I'm happy now and she is too. It was rough and hurt for a while but life goes on.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Mar 14, 2015 23:08:17 GMT 8
Somehow or other,.. someway or another,.. I just think this line could be used over and over at the end of most comments, whether it has anything to do with it or not. It's just to good to not use, somehow or another... OMG the horror on her face like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than her. It does suck because the person my ex fell in love with was the woman. She thought it was the man but she was fooling herself. She loved when I wold go shopping with her. She loved all the chick flix we watched together. She loved the emotional support and everything else. When faced with the real me, the woman, she couldn't handle it. It sux but life goes on. I'm happy now and she is too. It was rough and hurt for a while but life goes on. I know and I'm sorry that all happened, but that line just cracks me up for some reason. Maybe I'm just to narcissistic about my hair, but it is a mix from blonde to very dark brown, with enough red in there as well, and I do not have any split ends. I colored out the grey the other day, I just couldn't take it any longer. But it's nice, yah know? I can run my fingers through it anytime and it's never tangled. There are times that people will approach me from behind and once they see me from the front, it's pretty much that kind of reaction, I suppose they had their expectations set... (OMG the horror on their face, like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than them.)
Ativan
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 0:22:06 GMT 8
It does suck because the person my ex fell in love with was the woman. She thought it was the man but she was fooling herself. She loved when I wold go shopping with her. She loved all the chick flix we watched together. She loved the emotional support and everything else. When faced with the real me, the woman, she couldn't handle it. It sux but life goes on. I'm happy now and she is too. It was rough and hurt for a while but life goes on. I know and I'm sorry that all happened, but that line just cracks me up for some reason. Maybe I'm just to narcissistic about my hair, but it is a mix from blonde to very dark brown, with enough red in there as well, and I do not have any split ends. I colored out the grey the other day, I just couldn't take it any longer. But it's nice, yah know? I can run my fingers through it anytime and it's never tangled. There are times that people will approach me from behind and once they see me from the front, it's pretty much that kind of reaction, I suppose they had their expectations set... (OMG the horror on their face, like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than them.)
Ativan Well, when you lift your skirt to scratch your ass, stuff should get interesting
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2015 0:15:20 GMT 8
It does suck because the person my ex fell in love with was the woman. She thought it was the man but she was fooling herself. She loved when I wold go shopping with her. She loved all the chick flix we watched together. She loved the emotional support and everything else. When faced with the real me, the woman, she couldn't handle it. It sux but life goes on. I'm happy now and she is too. It was rough and hurt for a while but life goes on. I know and I'm sorry that all happened, but that line just cracks me up for some reason. Maybe I'm just to narcissistic about my hair, but it is a mix from blonde to very dark brown, with enough red in there as well, and I do not have any split ends. I colored out the grey the other day, I just couldn't take it any longer. But it's nice, yah know? I can run my fingers through it anytime and it's never tangled. There are times that people will approach me from behind and once they see me from the front, it's pretty much that kind of reaction, I suppose they had their expectations set... (OMG the horror on their face, like I was a monster. But I did have a lot better hair than them.)
Ativan OK I got what you mean. Yeah it's one of those "Oh shit moments" from the other person. Try having curls and then see what they look like when you turn around. Priceless. Because I know what they were thinking. It always brings to mind the couple of lines from the song Turn the Page. "You walk into a restaraunt strung out from the road. You can feel their eyes upon you as you're shaking off the cold. You pretend it doesn;t bother you but your just want to explode. Most times you can't hear them talk, other times you can . It's the same ol' Cliche, Is that a woman or a man? You always seem outnumbered so you don't dare make a stand." I caught that kind of hell driving a truck all those years. That wasn't too bad though because truckstops and drivers span all the spectrum from cis to trans. Unless it was a little restaruant with a few spots to park a truck in the middle of BFE. The gigs though. That was the worst. Starving to death and not setting them up right when you have a lot of miles between and you have to tear down, load up and haul ass. No time to get clean until you feel more comfortable timewise closer to the next one. Then you walk into a place dressed in messy makeup and damp hair because of the sweat. I would change clothes and wipe down with baby wipes because I can't stand riding or driving with wet undies. You could always try and wash your face fast but it never really seemed to ever all come off until you could properly get clean. Those people really look at you funny. The cops were the best though. We would get pulled over for speeding or just looking a little suspicious. and the cop would walk up to the front of the van and see 5 "strange looking girls" that looked like they had been down on mainstreet doing a lot of business. Or just been beat to hell. First thing would be out of our mouths would be, we are a band and coming from a gig trying to get closer to the next one. And a motel room. You would be surprised how many cops acutally play music. And yeah we would always have someone designated as the driver that wouldn't drink or get high. But that first look on the cops' faces. Again priceless. But they understood. Funny thing is we never got searched for drugs or accused of drinking and driving. A lot of them were redneck cops so it was really surprising. It's just funny because I guess we were just lucky. Did have to play Every Rose has it's Thorn one night played it right there in the van jsut with the accoustic not to get out of a ticket but because he honestly wanted to hear it and see if we could play it. No drums just an accoustic guitar and the lyrics. We got handshakes and a good look and a be safe and please slow down. If he only know how messed up four of us were except for the driver. OMG the good old days. I never thought I would say that.
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2015 6:42:14 GMT 8
One of the younger guys said ...goodnight ladies...plural, when he left work tonight.
There were two guys, both bosses, the woman behind me, and me, in the office.
In two years of transitioning, that is the first time I have been female gendered publically.
It was a compliment and a bit of a point made too by the kid.
I smiled for a half hour after that.
Cause to him, I was the other lady. An older one, but a lady nonetheless.
Good for you Alfred.
:-)
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2015 14:13:16 GMT 8
I guess, for me, it's not repressing my voice or mannerisms anymore while in public even though I'm not presenting (nor passing) as a woman. I don't even think about it. I'm just me no matter what it may look like to other people. I can't wait to go full-time, though. I'm so tired of all the misgendering. I know that most people don't know any better, but it still stings. The day I hear "miss" or "ma'am" will be a true victory day for me.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2015 7:18:56 GMT 8
Funny it resurrected, this thread.
First time out in public in a skirt today in 30 years.
Went great. It amused me somehow.
Theres no honest way to explain it. No kidding.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2015 3:51:40 GMT 8
I think I heard an Indian convenience store clerk call me "ma'am" the other day. I hadn't shaved in a few days, so it was kind of surprising. (By the way, three days of not shaving is not all that obvious. My facial hair isn't even dark anymore, and it's never been thick.) I could be wrong, but it sounded like he said, "would you like a bag for that, ma'am?" I seriously doubt he said "would you like a bag for that, man". Well, whatever he said, I'll just pretend he said ma'am. I got "sir"ed by my Uber driver this morning, though. Boooo.
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Post by Valerie on Sept 29, 2015 4:47:29 GMT 8
Ummm hmm. Nothing real new has happened with me. Um i tried tucking and going out tucked for the first time yesterday. I mean i just wore shorts and a t-shirt so i still passed as masculine. Umm but yeah, i totally felt comfortable and was glad that I tried tucking and going out like that. I was out and tucked from like 11:30am to 5pm, and it stayed! I was so happy and glad to have done it. I ended up untucking when i got home and had to use restroom.
I mean i know it's not really that big, but i also know it's baby steps into trying to get into what makes me comfortable and figuring myself out. I definitely know i enjoyed going out tucked and feeling flat down there. I felt different and right. I felt i was doing something right with this. I'm hoping one these days I'll be brave enough to go out in a dress or something and makeup. But it scares me to death. But i know it's important to take baby steps, and tucking for first time and going out like that for a good 5 hours is a good start. :3
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