Respect - Violence Against Women Australian Ad

[EchelonHunt]

I stumbled upon this ad while waiting to watch a Youtube clip, it stayed with me ever since. I thought I would share it here.

I like how it also highlights the young boy feeling inferior because his dad told him to "stop throwing like a girl." Using girl as an insult towards boys keeps the sexism alive and also shames boys into not wanting to be perceived as "girls" because it's "weak"

I have no doubt that if a boy is constantly teased or ridiculed by his father for not being masculine enough, that he takes on the same ideals and becomes the kind of bully that is known, the ones that calls other people "faggots", pushing smaller, defenceless boys they perceive to be "girly" around to feel all big, tough and masculine and so on.

I'm not sure if this ad is shown regularly on TV as I don't watch TV anymore, but if it isn't, it should be.

The sad thing it's going to take much more than an ad to change people's views, to dislodge the sexism that is rooted into people's thought processes. I praise the ad because it brings about exposure.

I just wish, one day in the future, there's an ad for girls and boys, a daughter being pressured to do "woman" things, to dress feminine, etc. a son being pressured to do "man" things, to dress masculine, etc. Showing them give into the pressure, forced to wear a mask to make others happy, to make family comfortable rather than uncomfortable, the person ends up being miserable, drinking and abusing drugs before someone who sees them struggling, comforts them and tells them that it's okay to be who they are, that they don't have to be who their family/friends want them to be. End the ad with "You don't have to be feminine to be female" or "You don't have to be masculine to be male." or "It's okay to be who you are. Don't let yourself be another person's ideal of you."

I honestly believe, things like sexism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. will become a thing of the past. Things like parents forcing their children to dress/act feminine/masculine to fit their view of the gender binary or what a girl/boy should look/act like... I think, people will look back on this behaviour and think of it as barbaric. The way I see it, if parents really unconditionally loved their child, they would let them dress however they want. It feels like the families care more about outside judgement, the risk of them feeling embarrassed, like "Oh no, I will be a bad parent, I will be embarrassed if other people think I condone this behaviour" or "Oh no, what will the neighbours think?!" rather than thinking of their child's happiness, whether they are comfortable and happy.

[Deleted]

Thanks for sharing Jayce. I kind of had to laugh a little though when the girl got the door slammed on her. That shit happened to me all the time. Yes I was always picked last for teams when I actually tried playing any kind of sports. Not because I was some high tech nerd either.  Same with the "Stop throwing like a girl." comment. Maybe why I was always picked last for teams in PE. Thank god I only had to spend 1 year taking that class in high school. But I had spent the previous three years in middle school in coed PE classes which made me a little more comfortable. Then it was optional PE or band or doing your own music thing for some sort of grade. The high school band used one big room and alternate bands used much smaller rooms with soundproofing. Half had Jazz drum sets and half had Rock drum sets owned by the school. I still to this day do not know how the hell we got graded but it seems we all made an A.  Jeez, I wonder.

You know it is really funny because men love women and women love men and men love men and women love women, this goes for cis and trans. In this case though I think its kind of one sided. My ex was extremely verbally abusive at times. Even physically a couple of times. I never called the law on her even though I could because pretending to be a guy or an actual guy and reporting spousal abuse is kind of taboo unless she uses a weapon or actually tried to kill you. Some guys really go through hell.

There are always gonna' be bullies and controlling assholes. The thing is recognizing it for what it is and then ending the relationship. I wish we could stop violence period. I throw like a girl and suck at sports, so what? A girl throws like a guy and is good at sports, so what? Some of the girls in my family were really good at sports and then later turned out to be lesbian and at least one trans. But they got called "Tomboys" and that was OK but I was called a "Sissy" and that wasn't OK and somehow meant to be shameful? Every time I got called a sissy it just reinforced who I was inside and sort of made me a little stronger. Secretly satisfied me maybe?  Misogynistic double standards. One is a term of endearment and the other a derogatory term meant to humiliate. Until we can accept the fact that Sissy and Tomboy are the same explanation for opposite conditions for opposite birth assigned genders and respect both terms equally, we will never change.

Yes sometimes Tomboys grow out of it but sometimes not. Sometimes Sissies grow out of it and sometimes not. Sometimes both end up hiding it and Voila, we have closeted trans men and women.

[EchelonHunt]

My nephew has a tendency to smash his toys against the ground, I comment about how much of a brutus he's being and my mum says, "That's what boys do."

... Just stop it, stop making excuses for him throwing things around on being a boy. That kind of excuse is just bullshit and feeds into the facts the ad is representing that, "It's ok for him to smash things, he's a boy, let him do it."

So girls are supposed to be passive and boys are just meant to be aggressive, right?

Fuck that. I want to talk to my mum about that because it's troublesome that she's excusing his behaviour on the fact he's a boy. She will most likely get defensive and say "Boys have always been that way."

[Valerie]

Jun 22, 2016 13:26:08 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

My nephew has a tendency to smash his toys against the ground, I comment about how much of a brutus he's being and my mum says, "That's what boys do."

... Just stop it, stop making excuses for him throwing things around on being a boy. That kind of excuse is just bullshit and feeds into the facts the ad is representing that, "It's ok for him to smash things, he's a boy, let him do it."

So girls are supposed to be passive and boys are just meant to be aggressive, right?

Fuck that. I want to talk to my mum about that because it's troublesome that she's excusing his behaviour on the fact he's a boy. She will most likely get defensive and say "Boys have always been that way."

Jayce, you're absolutely correct! It is bullshit, and people really do needs to stop saying "boys will be boys" because it's just excusing violence, and toxic masculinity. When I was younger I was never violent, or aggressive. I was extremely timid, shy, and just extremely uncomfortable with any social interaction. But when I did play with others, I was always on the more passive side.

I mean I did smash my cars into each other and stuff likes that, but that was only within the stories of what happened in my games haha. And I use to love this videogame called Rampage, and I got to be a monster and destroy buildings, cars, and eat people! I use to play that soooo much, it reminded me of Godzilla haha

I also use to play pretend magic games with my power rangers, and ninjas. The pink power ranger was always my favorite, and she was the main heroine with the most powerful magic chosen, to fight and stop the dark lord Ninja!

I also would play with my Barbies and action figures and it was like a love triangle where Barbie, and firefighter were together, but then she met GI Joe, and she started falling for him and ultimately chose him to be with.

But anyways, yes! "Boys will be boys" thing is utter none sense because as I said when I was younger i was much more on the softer side.

Now my sister on the other hand she's complete opposite of me she's very much more active, loves sports, more active stuff, she's very forwards, and speaks her mind. And I love that my dad, and stepmom just let her be her! They just comment on how she'll be one the boys. And it's just really awesome to see no gender roles or gender norms being pushed on her!

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2016 13:26:08 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

My nephew has a tendency to smash his toys against the ground, I comment about how much of a brutus he's being and my mum says, "That's what boys do."

... Just stop it, stop making excuses for him throwing things around on being a boy. That kind of excuse is just bullshit and feeds into the facts the ad is representing that, "It's ok for him to smash things, he's a boy, let him do it."

So girls are supposed to be passive and boys are just meant to be aggressive, right?

Fuck that. I want to talk to my mum about that because it's troublesome that she's excusing his behaviour on the fact he's a boy. She will most likely get defensive and say "Boys have always been that way."

Sounds like some real issues there with your nephew Jayce. Why smash your own property and fuck it up? Anger issues maybe? Deeper issues maybe?

I think a really good question is why is he doing this? I know when I was young I liked my more feminine toys like dolls or action figures  than I did my "boy toys". If you have a Ken then you have to have a Barbie too, right? I remember I had this cowboy doll and had to have the cowgirl doll too. With the Star Wars craze I just had to have Princess Leah "action figure". She was my favorite. All my cousins my age were girls and my parents bought me a Ken doll so I could play with them and be the "man" but being an only child I had to have a Barbie too. I mean Ken can't be seen driving a pink car, Right?

I guess what I'm saying is that I sort of abused or at least neglected my boy toys and took way better care of my girly toys.

Depending on the age though. Its not really what boys do but rather really young kids do. I mean girls do the same thing like ruin their dolls by cutting the hair or breaking them because of muscle coordination but after 5 years old that should change.

How does he treat stuffed animals? Or maybe a ragdoll? I know it sounds stereotypical but the stuffed animals and ragdolls even boy oriented ragdolls brought out a more nurturing aspect of myself at a very young age. Who knows maybe it is what boys do. I never did but I never was a real boy though. Or so it seems. I remember I had this one ragdoll named Diaper Dan. It had a diaper like a baby that you could change and a little vest and I would rock the him to sleep and change the diaper and so on. This is when I was 4 or 5. I remember my mom and dad saying to each other, he is gonna' make a good father later on. Yeah right?

Just keep in mind that it may very well be possible that your nephew is abusing his toys because they are boy oriented, if they are.

I mean this started for me at a really young age. I mean ever since I can remember I wanted to be a girl. I never grew out of it and actually grew more into it than anything else. A whole lot of people picked up on it throughout my life. I was usually labled gay. I knew I wasn't gay though. Bi maybe but not gay. I was a girl damnit. Still am. This is from my first memories so it may verywell be that your nephew's abuse of his toys may actually be frustration.

This may or may not be the reason and when I was growing up toys were usually special property and we did not abuse them. Play with them until they wore out for sure but not abuse them like that.

Just something to think about.  

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2016 22:52:09 GMT 8 Valerie said:

Jun 22, 2016 13:26:08 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

My nephew has a tendency to smash his toys against the ground, I comment about how much of a brutus he's being and my mum says, "That's what boys do."

... Just stop it, stop making excuses for him throwing things around on being a boy. That kind of excuse is just bullshit and feeds into the facts the ad is representing that, "It's ok for him to smash things, he's a boy, let him do it."

So girls are supposed to be passive and boys are just meant to be aggressive, right?

Fuck that. I want to talk to my mum about that because it's troublesome that she's excusing his behaviour on the fact he's a boy. She will most likely get defensive and say "Boys have always been that way."

Jayce, you're absolutely correct! It is bullshit, and people really do needs to stop saying "boys will be boys" because it's just excusing violence, and toxic masculinity. When I was younger I was never violent, or aggressive. I was extremely timid, shy, and just extremely uncomfortable with any social interaction. But when I did play with others, I was always on the more passive side.

I mean I did smash my cars into each other and stuff likes that, but that was only within the stories of what happened in my games haha. And I use to love this videogame called Rampage, and I got to be a monster and destroy buildings, cars, and eat people! I use to play that soooo much, it reminded me of Godzilla haha

I also use to play pretend magic games with my power rangers, and ninjas. The pink power ranger was always my favorite, and she was the main heroine with the most powerful magic chosen, to fight and stop the dark lord Ninja!

I also would play with my Barbies and action figures and it was like a love triangle where Barbie, and firefighter were together, but then she met GI Joe, and she started falling for him and ultimately chose him to be with.

But anyways, yes! "Boys will be boys" thing is utter none sense because as I said when I was younger i was much more on the softer side.

Now my sister on the other hand she's complete opposite of me she's very much more active, loves sports, more active stuff, she's very forwards, and speaks her mind. And I love that my dad, and stepmom just let her be her! They just comment on how she'll be one the boys. And it's just really awesome to see no gender roles or gender norms being pushed on her!

So Valerie, have you even pused the boundries yet? It does suck that girls get to be tomboys greely and sissies are frowned upon but push a little to see how they are gonna' act. Little things like maybe watching the show I am Jazz with them and see what they think and say about her. Fish for info on what they think.

Shit, most of the girls in my family that acted like your sister turned out to be lesbian later on in life.

I won't sugar coat it because it sux. It is a really hard road to go down but one hell of an interesting road.  Girls can have short hair but boys can't have long hair, depending but most can't have girly hairstyles. For haircut time I always ran away until my mom and dad said Scew it. Of course I lived in the country and a lot of places you can hide in the woods. After a few times of trying to chase me down they finally gave up. This is like when I was 10. When I peirced both ears it messed them up too but screw it. I could always run away again. I hid it from them for a while. Peirced them myself and stole some diomond studs from my mom' jewelry box. This is about the same time I started learning the guitar so.... Musicians are wierd anyway, right? And at almost 13 I had to start shaving because a doctor suggested it due to over sweating or hyperhydrosis and getting bacterial infections. OMFG ingrown hairs don't have shit over a bacterial infection. Then came the little boobs.  Gynecomastia, Thank God. The doctor said mentioned surgery and I said no way. God put them there and god can remove them. Made my mom happy but not my dad. Then came full on puberty with sexual desires and with it the realization that I liked guys and girls for different reasons. The girls were more like friends with benefits and the guys were more like actual boyfriends. I really never grew "down there" but I still had to be a boy though, somewhat.

It sux. Every dad love's a daughter that is a tomboy but not all dads love a son that is a sissy. But you need to realize one thing. You were born into this life to live it on your own terms. You were born to be your own person no matter who or what that may be. Parents are supposed to nurture, take care of, protect you, allow you to think for yourself, allow you to make both good and bad decisions and support and help you through when you make the bad ones but the number one job of a parent is to nurture and protect a strong, confident, and self thinking person confident to live thier own life. Yes I hid who I was a lot and snuck some shit in under the radar but always had an excuse.

Push it but a tiny bit at a time. Chances are that no one will even notice. When I started plucking my eyebrows, I did a little at a time starting with the middle and over a few months had feminine brows and no one even noticed. If they did they never said anything sort of like they are second guessing themselves. Yeah this was also during puberty too.

Transitioning starts on the inside and it is totally up to you to decide how far to go. But trying to hide it means little steps and so minute that no one notices because they will eventually be acclimated to it when you are satisfied with yourself.

Keep one thing in mind that I grew up in redneck country and "guys" did not shave their legs and underarms or pluck their brows other than the middle. A lot wore one earring but I had both peirced. Hair was longer and messy for guys but mine was longer than theirs and way more feminine.

Some "boys will be girls and girls will be boys". Just a fact of life.  

[EchelonHunt]

My nephew is two years old. My sister is concerned he may have autism because he didn't speak until much later than other kids, he doesn't interact with other kids and is happier to just play by himself. I think she might just be paranoid because all kids develop differently, just because her son has developed at a slower rate, talked later, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him.

Then again, moms have maternal instincts so maybe he does have something like that and she's picking up on it.

He will throw things randomly or sometimes he will throw his toys and giggle like a little brat. He is affectionate with the cuddly toys (puppy or cat toy), giving lots of cuddles and kisses. If I go "Cuddles!" and cuddle an imaginary toy, he will do the same to the one he's holding. On rare occasions, sometimes he will randomly throw the cuddly toys but it is no where near the frequency of when he throws his cars.

He is also excessively needy. If he is left alone for less than 5 minutes, he will throw a temper tantrum and start screaming. It's like, if he doesn't have 24/7 attention or constant entertainment, he doesn't know what to do with himself.

I hope that my sister and her husband will teach their son to be open-minded and respectful of others when he grows up. But I have a feeling that may just be wishful thinking, I don't want to say my sister's husband is sexist but he is very controlling about what my sister can or can't do. He puts her down a lot, saying she is fat (she is NOT fat, she is at healthy weight) and just generally chips away at her self-esteem. Honestly, I fucking hate it. If my nephew sees this behaviour and think it's normal or acceptable to treat women this way, he's probably going to grow up treating women the same way.

But it's none of my business, it's their kid, their life and their family. In a year and a half, I'll be moving to the UK and this will all be behind me.

[Deleted]

Yeah hon but she is your sister. Eventually she might wizen up on the controlling husband issue and she may need your support one day.

She may be right. Children do develop at different rates but at two he should be able to communicate slightly. Does he avoid eye contact? I believe that is one of the symptoms of autism but then again it all depends on the child.

But one thing you said is that your brother-in-law is controlling and verbally abusive. If he throws fits your nephew might be mimicking that behavior when he gets frustrated. but I will say verbal abusing and stripping away one's self esteem is abuse too. Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. And no one deserves to be abused. If he thinks she is fat then he needs to do her a favor and leave her for a woman that fits his idea of not fat. It may hurt her for a while but in the long run she would be much better off finding someone that would treat her with respect.

[Taka]

my own "mother's instinct" told me to break up with my boyfriend when we got a kid, because we had too many loud disagreements to be able to create a healthy home for a kid to grow up in.

i've grown up with parents who didn't treat each other well, and know how damaging that is to the kids. even though kids who grow with one parent statistically are in greater danger of developing mental disorder, i believe that more oftwn happens in the cases where the mither is trying to run away from a guy who just never wants to accept that it's over. i know kids who have seen their father strangling their mother's new boyfriend, and heard him come in the night to rape her. no wonder the youngest of those girls has had serious mental issues since early childhood.


but you're quite mellow regarding your sister's husband, jayce. if my own sister's boyfriend had done anything to put her down (instead od raising her up, like he actually did), i would have chewed him up and spit him out into the gutter.
i only once had to have a serious talk with him, and luckily it was because of a misunderstanding caused by him only knowing how to talk gangster, and my youngest brother being rather paranoid. interesting how someone who was something of a charlatan in his youth can turn out to be that good to women, while those "perfect" guys easily can be the most abusive.