10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn

[EchelonHunt]

10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn

What’s the number one misconception about non-binary people? It’s that we don’t exist.

In fact, if you Google “genderqueer is,” here are the top fill-ins that come up: “bullshit,” “a fad,” and “not real.” Awesome.

But despite the many Googlers doubting us, we do exist — in multitudes! It’s just that there are very few spaces where we can be ourselves.

Although many think that we don’t exist, ironically, there are still harmful stereotypes about us. Today, we’re going to look at ones that come from the United States.

Many people grew up being told that all people were either male or female. They never imagined that instead of two binary options for gender, there is a whole planet of possibilities out there.

Now — finally! — people are becoming more aware of non-binary genders, which you can learn more about here, here, and here.

This article in particular, though, is for people who already are aware that a world of gender exists and who want to know more about non-binary people.

Hopefully, it will also help you understand sexism in general more deeply. Because, as Julia Serano puts it, there are two main roots of sexism: One is the privileging of masculinity and maleness over femininity and femaleness, and another is non-binary oppression — or forced conformity to binary gender expectations.

While non-binary people are most directly oppressed by binary prejudice, revamping our conceptions around binary gender frees everyone.

Non-binary people are so marginalized that our genders do not occur to most people, except as a bad joke. We have no high-profile role models or political representation. Most people in the feminist community — and even many in the trans community — omit us in discussions of gender justice.

Yet our gender identities (or lack of gender) are at the heart of sexist thinking. Understanding non-binary oppression is a key piece of the puzzle for understanding gender-based oppression overall. Unlearning misconceptions and stereotypes about non-binary people is a great place to start.

But first, a note on language: Not everyone who is non-binary identifies as trans. Not everyone who isn’t solely male or female identifies as non-binary either. And agender people sometimes dislike the words non-binary and trans because they have the implication of gender within them. In this article, I will use the phrase “non-binary” as an imperfect umbrella term for anyone who does not solely identify as male or female.

Myth #1: You Are Trying to Be ‘Special Snowflakes’ (Or ‘This Is Just a Fad’)

This stereotype comes with the assumption that we’re spoiled and looking for attention by trying to be unique.

In actuality, this is simply our experience of gender, and it has nothing to do with “fads,” although I like to think we can be a fashionable bunch!

Common phrases that adhere to this stereotype include, “You can still wear whatever you want and be a girl/boy,” and “Just pick one already.”

When people say these things, they overlook the difference between gender identity and gender expression. Non-binary people can express our genders in any way that works for us, but at the end of the day, our gender identities still don’t fit solely into “male” or “female.”

For a non-binary person, choosing between being male or female is simply not an option.

The range of non-binary gender identities is nearly boundless — and so are the words we use to describe ourselves. Here is a list of some of those words. Our diversity, far from invalidating our identities, is at the heart of who we are.

Myth #2: You’re Just Confused

Being non-binary does not mean that we’re confused about our genders. It simply means that our gender is not solely male or female, or that we have no gender.

Underlying this myth is the idea that because others are often confused by us, there is no way that we could actually be sure about being non-binary.

There also is the assumption that if we’re confused, then it’s okay for people to decide how to refer to us.

However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being confused about your gender! Confusion is completely normal and a part of many trans people’s process.

What is unacceptable, though, is invalidating people’s genders because they’re still figuring things out. No matter what, others should affirm and respect our genders.

Myth #3: You Are a New Concept

Non-binary people have been around in all societies for a very long time. In mainstream American society, we simply have received no societal space or attention until recently. This reasoning is often backed up by the thought that “if I haven’t heard of it until now, it must not have existed until now.”

In fact, many cultures across the world have words for genders that are neither or both male or female, and a number of cultures have specific spaces for them.

This map, although it employs problematic imperialist language at times, is a good starting point to learn more.

Being non-binary is a normal and natural way of being and experiencing gender (or being agender). And it has been since—uh—forever.

Myth #4: You All Fit on a Spectrum, from ‘Masculine’ to ‘Feminine’

Many people like to say that the binary gender system only allows us two colors, when really the full possibilities of gender exist as a whole range of color.

This analogy is more useful than “spectrum” because it allows for all genders to be measured not by the amount at which they “measure up” to the two most common gender identities and expressions, but simply by the way they just are.

Sometimes the spectrum analogy is helpful. For example, it’s useful when someone is trying to describe their gender in relation to binary gender identities and expressions, or if their gender feels relatable to those things.

But gender has so many more possibilities than that. For some people, “spectrum” is just too small of a concept.

In terms of gender expression, “masculine,” “feminine,” and/or “androgynous” are words that work for some non-binary people. But there are also so many more ways for non-binary people to express themselves and to experience gender.

This is why it’s important to assume you don’t know someone’s gender identity and to always ask how to refer to someone.

Myth #5: You’re Genderqueer? That’s So Political!

We don’t tell binary people, “Oh, you’re a man? That’s so radical!” or “You’re a woman? That’s a divisive stand to take!”

Even though being a trans or cis man or a trans or cis woman certainly has political implications, it is first and foremost recognized as a gender identity.

People seem to think that we’re non-binary simply to spread a political message about gender — or to “smash the binary” in an ideological sense.

In reality, we are simply trying to live our lives as ourselves.

Being non-binary is first and foremost about gender identity.

When so many people deny who we are, our very existence can be political. We are (often, not always) political because our identities are so marginalized.

But our actual genders (or agender status) are simply an innate part of us.

Myth #6: You Want to Destroy Gender

This myth asserts that we are invalidating binary trans and cis people’s genders. It also ignores that many non-binary people do have genders themselves.

And sure – some non-binary people hate the whole idea of gender and the gender system, and therefore do identify with the idea of destroying gender. After all, the binary gender system has oppressed us literally out of our lives and ourselves.

Usually, though, the conversation is about building space for a whole world of genders. It’s not about disallowing binary people, trans or cis, from having binary genders.

Instead of destroying gender, many of us simply want more options for gender — or the option to not have one at all. We want a world that has been unnecessarily and painfully restricted to be opened up, in full color. We are creating a world where gender is joyful for all who experience it.

Myth #7: Your Pronouns Are Ridiculous

Trans people often have to fight for people to use the right pronouns. In addition to this, many non-binary people also have to fight against ridicule of their actual pronouns. People’s incredulousness often goes back to the idea that we are asking for special treatment.

Like with any pronoun change, people also tend to focus more on how difficult it is to accommodate the change rather than on how to make this as easy as possible for the person transitioning.

When there are unfamiliar pronouns involved, this reluctance can grow even more quickly. But instead, the focus should be on respecting the needs of the person who is transitioning. It can be a learning curve to get non-binary pronouns right, but respecting everyone’s genders is important.

Whatever pronouns anyone uses (and there are so many possibilities!), those pronouns are an expression of who they are. Some people use all or multiple pronouns, and some people use no pronouns.

Using “he/him/his” or “she/her/hers” pronouns does not always mean that someone is actually male or female. This is why it is better to introduce yourself with the combination of pronouns you use rather than calling them “male” or “female” pronouns.

And some non-binary people who use gender-neutral pronouns are happy with someone using any or many gender-neutral pronoun options. Some are not, for a large variety of reasons. So please be sure that you are clear on what the non-binary people in your life need.

When someone asks for a pronoun change, it’s to become more comfortable and happy. There’s nothing ridiculous about that!

For a discussion of why it is important to respect all pronouns, please check out this article.

Myth #8: You Don’t Medically Transition

Trans people have long been subjugated by the mental health and medical care systems in order to get the care they need. Trans women have had to express in typically feminine ways in order to get treatment, and the situation has been similar for trans men.

Non-binary people weren’t even recognized by the WPATH Standards of Care until a few years ago, when finally the mental health community said that a variety of gender-related treatment can be medically necessary for non-binary people.

Now that the Standards of Care have been updated, non-binary medical transition is slowly becoming more accessible.

However, research on non-binary treatment options is practically non-existent, and the possibilities are very limited. Physical transition for trans people in general is hard to access and poorly researched. With non-binary people, this problem is multiplied.

Just as with binary trans people, not everyone who is non-binary medically transitions. Some people don’t experience physical dysphoria; some do not have options that work for them; some people simply don’t want to; some people have been denied access.

But it is true that some non-binary people can and do transition medically.

Myth #9: Non-Binary Equals Intersex

These are two different things. Like, entirely.

Being non-binary is about having a gender identity that doesn’t fit neatly into “man” or “woman.” Being intersex is about being born with a physical sex that isn’t classified as typically male or female.

This idea that intersex and non-binary people are the same comes from the insistence that our gender identities must “match” our sexes, and therefore that the sexes of non-binary people must not be male or female (and therefore, supposedly, intersex).

Reducing people to their body parts is a basic form of transphobia — and sexism in general.

In addition, some well-intentioned people try to problematize the gender binary by saying that intersex people’s existence demonstrates that “man” or “woman” aren’t the only two options.

This flawed logic does more harm than good, however. The existence of a variety of sexes is unrelated to the existence of a variety of gender identities. This is because our bodies do not determine gender identity, even if they often influence the way we experience it.

Myth #10: You Don’t Experience Trans Oppression

In fact, we suffer significant impacts of anti-transgender bias and in some cases, are at higher risk for discrimination and violence than our binary transgender counterparts, according to this groundbreaking 2008 National Transgender Discrimination Survey.

This is probably due to the fact that binary prejudice is common in both the trans and the cis communities, leaving us with very few safe spaces and support systems.

These statistics also might be affected by the fact that a proportionally higher amount of people of color identified as non-binary since racism greatly increases the risks a trans person faces.

This survey found that, compared with binary trans people, we have higher rates of physical and sexual assault, police harassment, and working in the underground economy.

Non-binary people also attempt suicide at a slightly higher rate even than the already ridiculously high rate for trans people in general. 43% of us have attempted suicide, and that is deeply connected to the challenges we’ve discussed throughout this piece.

It is hard to live in a world where we are told we don’t exist and where we are punished and silenced for being visible.

***

Given the especially high levels of oppression non-binary people face in nearly every category, it is imperative that non-binary people are one of the foremost voices in conversations on gender justice.

There are ways you can help.

The biggest way you can combat non-binary oppression in your daily life is by including non-binary people any time a relevant conversation about gender comes up.

Ensuring that people are aware of non-binary experiences will go a long way towards making the world a freer, glitterier, happier place for all of our genders — and for those who have none at all.

Source: 10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn

[Deleted]

Well you know what they say, there is a grain of truth behind all myths. But all these myths sound like BS with a bunch of insecure people that may feel the same way but are too chicken shit to embrace it or even explore it.

1. No two snowflakes are alike. This is a miracle of nature. Just like no two humans are alike. We are all unique. Society tries to force us into certain boxes and groups but we are all different and going against that is breaking the rules of nature. A fad comes form society and their BS with clothes, fashion, thinking and so on. Maybe I am a stereotype though because I love fashion and clothes. Thinking and so on? I will follow no herd like thinking. I am a unique individual just like everyone. Most are afraid to admit and embrace it though.

But... why do unique individuals want to model themselves from someone else?

2. I am not confused. I figured out who I am a long time a go with no help from medical professionals or Psychological professionals. I am me. Take me or leave me. If you don't like me then "fuck off" because who the hell has the authority to tell another person who or what they are?. But I do know who and what I am and just because society views me as a weirdo, I think society as just as big of weirdos as I am. They hide it. I don't.

Yeah I am a little confused though as to why people in mainstream society have to be ignorant or push down who they really are.

3. I am not a new concept. As long as mankind have gained higher thinking and higher brain functions and more self awareness, we have been here. Maybe when we left the jungles of Africa and started walking on two legs and were basically just animals still, we had a clear impulse between male and female in order to spread ourselves worldwide. If you believe in evolution. Creation is different though but I believe in both in that we were created to evolve.

Yeah I do believe in evolution and creation and that both go hand in hand. I do believe that without one you can not have the other.

4. I do believe we all fit into a spectrum of masculine and feminine. But guess what? In a spectrum there is an overlap between masculine and feminine which would be both aspects in one. Or go one way or the other.  But a spectrum though has many levels without distinct barriers. OK I feel more female than male. The male is going away though. But I have no freakin' right to tell anyone who they should be. So no one has the right to tell me who I should be. This is coming from a redneck chick that most rednecks would hurt if they had a chance. Or at least bad talk and deny.... But a little secret though? Don't let 'em fool you because there are a lot of gay rednecks in the closet and a whole lot that like a chick with a little more.

This is from personal experience. Believe me. Some of the loudest voices that say they hate us or hate gays, in private will love us and in the closet.

I will finish this a little later. Damn 10 is a lot to reply to when you gotta' big mouth.

[Luyas]

Apr 15, 2016 21:18:10 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn

What’s the number one misconception about non-binary people? It’s that we don’t exist.

In fact, if you Google “genderqueer is,” here are the top fill-ins that come up: “bullshit,” “a fad,” and “not real.” Awesome.

But despite the many Googlers doubting us, we do exist — in multitudes! It’s just that there are very few spaces where we can be ourselves.

Although many think that we don’t exist, ironically, there are still harmful stereotypes about us. Today, we’re going to look at ones that come from the United States.

Many people grew up being told that all people were either male or female. They never imagined that instead of two binary options for gender, there is a whole planet of possibilities out there.

Now — finally! — people are becoming more aware of non-binary genders, which you can learn more about here, here, and here.

This article in particular, though, is for people who already are aware that a world of gender exists and who want to know more about non-binary people.

Hopefully, it will also help you understand sexism in general more deeply. Because, as Julia Serano puts it, there are two main roots of sexism: One is the privileging of masculinity and maleness over femininity and femaleness, and another is non-binary oppression — or forced conformity to binary gender expectations.

While non-binary people are most directly oppressed by binary prejudice, revamping our conceptions around binary gender frees everyone.

Non-binary people are so marginalized that our genders do not occur to most people, except as a bad joke. We have no high-profile role models or political representation. Most people in the feminist community — and even many in the trans community — omit us in discussions of gender justice.

Yet our gender identities (or lack of gender) are at the heart of sexist thinking. Understanding non-binary oppression is a key piece of the puzzle for understanding gender-based oppression overall. Unlearning misconceptions and stereotypes about non-binary people is a great place to start.

But first, a note on language: Not everyone who is non-binary identifies as trans. Not everyone who isn’t solely male or female identifies as non-binary either. And agender people sometimes dislike the words non-binary and trans because they have the implication of gender within them. In this article, I will use the phrase “non-binary” as an imperfect umbrella term for anyone who does not solely identify as male or female.

Myth #1: You Are Trying to Be ‘Special Snowflakes’ (Or ‘This Is Just a Fad’)

This stereotype comes with the assumption that we’re spoiled and looking for attention by trying to be unique.

In actuality, this is simply our experience of gender, and it has nothing to do with “fads,” although I like to think we can be a fashionable bunch!

Common phrases that adhere to this stereotype include, “You can still wear whatever you want and be a girl/boy,” and “Just pick one already.”

When people say these things, they overlook the difference between gender identity and gender expression. Non-binary people can express our genders in any way that works for us, but at the end of the day, our gender identities still don’t fit solely into “male” or “female.”

For a non-binary person, choosing between being male or female is simply not an option.

The range of non-binary gender identities is nearly boundless — and so are the words we use to describe ourselves. Here is a list of some of those words. Our diversity, far from invalidating our identities, is at the heart of who we are.

Myth #2: You’re Just Confused

Being non-binary does not mean that we’re confused about our genders. It simply means that our gender is not solely male or female, or that we have no gender.

Underlying this myth is the idea that because others are often confused by us, there is no way that we could actually be sure about being non-binary.

There also is the assumption that if we’re confused, then it’s okay for people to decide how to refer to us.

However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being confused about your gender! Confusion is completely normal and a part of many trans people’s process.

What is unacceptable, though, is invalidating people’s genders because they’re still figuring things out. No matter what, others should affirm and respect our genders.

Myth #3: You Are a New Concept

Non-binary people have been around in all societies for a very long time. In mainstream American society, we simply have received no societal space or attention until recently. This reasoning is often backed up by the thought that “if I haven’t heard of it until now, it must not have existed until now.”

In fact, many cultures across the world have words for genders that are neither or both male or female, and a number of cultures have specific spaces for them.

This map, although it employs problematic imperialist language at times, is a good starting point to learn more.

Being non-binary is a normal and natural way of being and experiencing gender (or being agender). And it has been since—uh—forever.

Myth #4: You All Fit on a Spectrum, from ‘Masculine’ to ‘Feminine’

Many people like to say that the binary gender system only allows us two colors, when really the full possibilities of gender exist as a whole range of color.

This analogy is more useful than “spectrum” because it allows for all genders to be measured not by the amount at which they “measure up” to the two most common gender identities and expressions, but simply by the way they just are.

Sometimes the spectrum analogy is helpful. For example, it’s useful when someone is trying to describe their gender in relation to binary gender identities and expressions, or if their gender feels relatable to those things.

But gender has so many more possibilities than that. For some people, “spectrum” is just too small of a concept.

In terms of gender expression, “masculine,” “feminine,” and/or “androgynous” are words that work for some non-binary people. But there are also so many more ways for non-binary people to express themselves and to experience gender.

This is why it’s important to assume you don’t know someone’s gender identity and to always ask how to refer to someone.

Myth #5: You’re Genderqueer? That’s So Political!

We don’t tell binary people, “Oh, you’re a man? That’s so radical!” or “You’re a woman? That’s a divisive stand to take!”

Even though being a trans or cis man or a trans or cis woman certainly has political implications, it is first and foremost recognized as a gender identity.

People seem to think that we’re non-binary simply to spread a political message about gender — or to “smash the binary” in an ideological sense.

In reality, we are simply trying to live our lives as ourselves.

Being non-binary is first and foremost about gender identity.

When so many people deny who we are, our very existence can be political. We are (often, not always) political because our identities are so marginalized.

But our actual genders (or agender status) are simply an innate part of us.

Myth #6: You Want to Destroy Gender

This myth asserts that we are invalidating binary trans and cis people’s genders. It also ignores that many non-binary people do have genders themselves.

And sure – some non-binary people hate the whole idea of gender and the gender system, and therefore do identify with the idea of destroying gender. After all, the binary gender system has oppressed us literally out of our lives and ourselves.

Usually, though, the conversation is about building space for a whole world of genders. It’s not about disallowing binary people, trans or cis, from having binary genders.

Instead of destroying gender, many of us simply want more options for gender — or the option to not have one at all. We want a world that has been unnecessarily and painfully restricted to be opened up, in full color. We are creating a world where gender is joyful for all who experience it.

Myth #7: Your Pronouns Are Ridiculous

Trans people often have to fight for people to use the right pronouns. In addition to this, many non-binary people also have to fight against ridicule of their actual pronouns. People’s incredulousness often goes back to the idea that we are asking for special treatment.

Like with any pronoun change, people also tend to focus more on how difficult it is to accommodate the change rather than on how to make this as easy as possible for the person transitioning.

When there are unfamiliar pronouns involved, this reluctance can grow even more quickly. But instead, the focus should be on respecting the needs of the person who is transitioning. It can be a learning curve to get non-binary pronouns right, but respecting everyone’s genders is important.

Whatever pronouns anyone uses (and there are so many possibilities!), those pronouns are an expression of who they are. Some people use all or multiple pronouns, and some people use no pronouns.

Using “he/him/his” or “she/her/hers” pronouns does not always mean that someone is actually male or female. This is why it is better to introduce yourself with the combination of pronouns you use rather than calling them “male” or “female” pronouns.

And some non-binary people who use gender-neutral pronouns are happy with someone using any or many gender-neutral pronoun options. Some are not, for a large variety of reasons. So please be sure that you are clear on what the non-binary people in your life need.

When someone asks for a pronoun change, it’s to become more comfortable and happy. There’s nothing ridiculous about that!

For a discussion of why it is important to respect all pronouns, please check out this article.

Myth #8: You Don’t Medically Transition

Trans people have long been subjugated by the mental health and medical care systems in order to get the care they need. Trans women have had to express in typically feminine ways in order to get treatment, and the situation has been similar for trans men.

Non-binary people weren’t even recognized by the WPATH Standards of Care until a few years ago, when finally the mental health community said that a variety of gender-related treatment can be medically necessary for non-binary people.

Now that the Standards of Care have been updated, non-binary medical transition is slowly becoming more accessible.

However, research on non-binary treatment options is practically non-existent, and the possibilities are very limited. Physical transition for trans people in general is hard to access and poorly researched. With non-binary people, this problem is multiplied.

Just as with binary trans people, not everyone who is non-binary medically transitions. Some people don’t experience physical dysphoria; some do not have options that work for them; some people simply don’t want to; some people have been denied access.

But it is true that some non-binary people can and do transition medically.

Myth #9: Non-Binary Equals Intersex

These are two different things. Like, entirely.

Being non-binary is about having a gender identity that doesn’t fit neatly into “man” or “woman.” Being intersex is about being born with a physical sex that isn’t classified as typically male or female.

This idea that intersex and non-binary people are the same comes from the insistence that our gender identities must “match” our sexes, and therefore that the sexes of non-binary people must not be male or female (and therefore, supposedly, intersex).

Reducing people to their body parts is a basic form of transphobia — and sexism in general.

In addition, some well-intentioned people try to problematize the gender binary by saying that intersex people’s existence demonstrates that “man” or “woman” aren’t the only two options.

This flawed logic does more harm than good, however. The existence of a variety of sexes is unrelated to the existence of a variety of gender identities. This is because our bodies do not determine gender identity, even if they often influence the way we experience it.

Myth #10: You Don’t Experience Trans Oppression

In fact, we suffer significant impacts of anti-transgender bias and in some cases, are at higher risk for discrimination and violence than our binary transgender counterparts, according to this groundbreaking 2008 National Transgender Discrimination Survey.

This is probably due to the fact that binary prejudice is common in both the trans and the cis communities, leaving us with very few safe spaces and support systems.

These statistics also might be affected by the fact that a proportionally higher amount of people of color identified as non-binary since racism greatly increases the risks a trans person faces.

This survey found that, compared with binary trans people, we have higher rates of physical and sexual assault, police harassment, and working in the underground economy.

Non-binary people also attempt suicide at a slightly higher rate even than the already ridiculously high rate for trans people in general. 43% of us have attempted suicide, and that is deeply connected to the challenges we’ve discussed throughout this piece.

It is hard to live in a world where we are told we don’t exist and where we are punished and silenced for being visible.

***

Given the especially high levels of oppression non-binary people face in nearly every category, it is imperative that non-binary people are one of the foremost voices in conversations on gender justice.

There are ways you can help.

The biggest way you can combat non-binary oppression in your daily life is by including non-binary people any time a relevant conversation about gender comes up.

Ensuring that people are aware of non-binary experiences will go a long way towards making the world a freer, glitterier, happier place for all of our genders — and for those who have none at all.

Source: 10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn

i agree completely we need more recognition and people that stand by us in the government and at schools. all school talk about is male,female-bathroom,lockerroom,etc just add a non-binary bathroom i mean why cant they is it soooo hard to add another bathroom? Also more people should know all this information it is very important

[angelwings]

Same, I'd like my school (an all-girls school, but I only stared coming out about being agender recently) to have a unisex uniform option - we have to wear dresses. Not that I have a problem with this I just prefer not to wear dresses every. single. day. A pants-and-shirt option would be so much more comfortable for me, and even some of my cisgender friends too.

[coco]

Thank you, this is an informative read really. To me, I think there can be male and female solely, of course. If one identifies completely with the gender they also physically appear in, that is awesome. But... if not, there should be freedom given by society to express oneself. As only I know how I feel and tick, inside my brains right? It shouldn't be just the one, or the other. As is acknowledged in other cultures, for eh, forever. right? makes complete sense to me xx

[Ativan Prescribed]

They try to estimate the number of NB people out there, and they have no clue or clues, they just go by the estimates for transsexulas and sorta their opinion of how many.
But the truth is that there are so many more people who are NB than even transsexual, they just don't pop out at others and can be seen.
You have to actually ask a person and if they did a national survey, they would find that there are way more than they think.
Even the estimates for trassexuals are off, there are certainly a lot of them in the closet, and that goes for NB as well.
Once you start to actually see these people as best you can, and not by appearance, but there can be little hints for sure, at first you see way more than you think you do, but it flips back to a reality based sort of thing.
You can easily just walk right past a person shopping who has a button telling you to ask for proper pronouns, I see them occasionally and some here get around a lot more and see them.
But there is a kind of recognition that can happen, so even if you are not out to anyone, others can know it a bit by something that isn't straight forward.
None of this is based on anything concrete, but then the number estimates are a lot farther away and not based on a damn thing worth using as an estimate.
But as it goes, more and more people are becoming less afraid to come out, and there are more and more cis who recognize that we are all legitimate people and are entitled to our own designations.
But there are the hard core haters who can't give a solid reason for their hate, they just do and usually they have never met a person who is LGBTQ, but they have and they don't know it.
As they suddenly realize that maybe their co worker or neighbor is a person they claim to hate, that hate gets a notch taken out of it, the tide is slowly turning and there is no way they can put us back into a closet.
Give information to a hater and they might stop claiming the earth is flat and see that they are just a few of the many people on this spherical planet and that there is nowhere for them to go...
(Unless you want to book passage on that magical trump plane that will take you to that magical planet of hate that trump wants to king of.)

[coco]

Think you in US are further with the 'fight' for acknowledgement and acception than in UK, or even Northern Ireland, although in Belfast where I live there is a growing community of LGBT+ and we even have our own little part of the town haha. But as for such, there is still a huge gap between the binary thinking people and people who feel they just don't fit in that categorie (anymore). Getting the crowd to accept diversity here in mostly conservative and unfortunately still pretty much sectarian thinking NI is at the moment to me a seemingly impossible task. But yeh, never stop fighting for ourselves, I learn this from yous now. xx

[Ativan Prescribed]

One of the big things about people who claim to be binary cis is that the more vocal they are about it, the more likely they are LGBTQ and are fighting the fact by denouncing LGBTQ.
I happens all the time, those people who do the entire hate thing about it can be seen as the ones who do that because they are afraid of being found out.
If they put up this big front against it, it is only because they are moving the attention from themselves and putting it elsewhere.
But in the end, they either admit to it or they are just plain found out, and once that happens, then they become advocates of LGBTQ or move away and try again, but in today's world, you are who you are no matter where you move to.
The same old thing has always been that the uppity TV evangelicals are found out to be doing the very things they rail against as a sin, they have all the wrong things going on and it is plain to see that it is their own downfall that lead them to be the evangelicals.
The preacher who screws the wives of their church, the church secretary who screws the preacher, look at all the priests who screw little boys, if that ain't a sin it sure as hell needs to be, they permanently damage those kids.
This kind of behavior is a standard in humans, they lie and make claims that they never do anything wrong, when everyone does, there isn't an innocent person alive once they reach a certain age, and it is a learned thing, a choice we all make.
But stuff like what makes a person LGBTQ isn't a choice, it is just the way people are, it is the choice of people to make their lives miserable to the point of others killing them and suicide.
The self righteous are nothing but the phonies who talk the talk but have never walked the walk.
That in some places it is different than in others is simply the way it is by the nature of the society there, but when it comes to LGBTQ, they are all wrong and from one extent to the other, they are still wrong, regardless.

[coco]

@ativan, never thought bout it this way, but tbh it sounds quite logical? Maybe that is human, too. The very thing we afraid of, we lie about.. crazy it is.

[Jamie Quinn]

May 4, 2019 21:32:45 GMT 8 coco said:

@ativan, never thought bout it this way, but tbh it sounds quite logical? Maybe that is human, too. The very thing we afraid of, we lie about.. crazy it is.

Well, it makes sense to my experience. I started becoming a bit incel-ish in high school because of the internalised fear and hatred I felt towards my feminine aspect. Thank God I made some cool feminist friends or who knows where I'd be...

[oldbutwise]

The problem with being non-binary gendered is that it's far outside most people's experiences. Even most (all?) transexuals are either male or female. What absolutely kills me, and is the reason I stopped having anything to do with the transgender community for many years, is that too many transexuals (and given what they go through even a small number is too many) say that we're either delusional or flat out lying. There was a poll on that site once that asked "how many genders are there?" You wouldn't believe the number of transexuals(!) who voted "two, just two, and you're one or the other, period". Arggh! And yet these same people are screaming to the high heavens daily that cisgendered people refuse to accept them or even try to understand them. Talk about hypocrits. That's why I appreciate it when people say they can't really understand what I'm experiencing but they know I'm experiencing it anyway.

I've thought a lot about this and I hope this helps explain to other folks what we experience on a day-to-day basis. I'm an androgyne so this works for me but I hope it will help others too. A lot of people know of David Bowie and how he dressed. If I ever had to explain what I experience I'll tell them that just like he dressed in a way that wasn't male or female but a sort of mix of the two that just seemed to work for him, that's how I am on the inside. Not male, not female, but a sort of mix of the two that just works for me. Now I know texchnically that's not really correct for most people but as I say it's just us unicorns who can really understand what we experience. Nobody else really can understand and we just have to accept that. But if we can use David Bowie as a concrete example they'll have at least a little idea and hopefully can accept that it's not weird or scary.

[loveliving]

I write a blog about what it is to be non-binary. I’m gender neutral and was wondering if it is ok for me to use come content from the discussion. I will not use anyone’s name or say the name of the sight. However, I wanna have a way to give y’all credit. So if you can give me some help on how to do that it would be amazing.

[francxs]

There was a great study some years ago which took a single set of pictures of various men and women and gave it to two groups to evaluate. The first group they asked to rate the pictures on a scale of masculinity. The second group they asked to rate them on a scale of femininity. What they found was that some people ranked high on one and low on the other (as you might expect). But a significant proportion ranked either low on both or high on both.

The conclusion was that masculinity and femininity were not on opposite ends of a spectrum but actually independent sets of characteristics which might well overlap in the same person.

The coolest thing about this, of course, was that it was not a set of genderqueer or non-binary folks who were making the call. It was a representative sample of the general population. This is to say, people already think in these terms. They're just cranky about someone inventing words for it.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Nov 27, 2023 12:03:58 GMT 8 francxs said:

This is to say, people already think in these terms. They're just cranky about someone inventing words for it.

This...
Growing up I realized at a very early age that I really didn't identify as male just because my sex was male.
I kinda was lost when it came to having a gender identity, I just couldn't get this the idea that I was supposed to think in a certain way.
It was funny to me to listen to the other kids trying to mimic what they thought they were supposed to be acting like, walking and talking, it was a part of growing up I suppose but to me there was little difference between what was expected of genders.
I would bring it up with other kids and they all kinda had the same response and were as lost as to why there were expectations.
But like all things growing up, you fall in line and being successful at being grown up was mimicking the things that were expected.
And of course if you were male and had feminine attributes, there were the crude expressions and words you were called, all the expected things to be told and to say.
But it is no different than the racist remarks and learning curve of the things to say depending on who you were, those were by far much worse than the bigoted remarks about how you adapted to a gender.
The idea that you could be NB was not a labeled thing back then, its a fairly recent term so the bigots jump all over it as if it is something new when it is as old as humans roaming the earth are, it just has a name suddenly for the bigot crowd.
Its a handle for them to grab onto and use to belittle others with, but since its used recently more people are just not quite sure what to think about it, on one hand the bigots make it sound awful and on another hand it's just a confusing thing for others.
But its true that male is not on one end and female is on the other, just like masculine is not one end and feminine is the other, its always been a blend and thats because its just the way humans are.
It isn't like feminine can't understand and even use characteristics of masculine and the other way around, people are not different species that have different brain structures, people are not divided with a barrier between genders.
People tend to be tribal when it comes to gender and often fail to realize that there is hardly any difference between genders and the way thought patterns and abilities actually work.
Its like we all know some women who have a ton of masculine swagger and depending on the individual it comes across as this or that, and the same goes for men, we all know lots of either or who crossover that middle ground of these differences quite often and we really don't think twice about it.
But when questioned, most people will revert back to that expectations of this and that, that we were taught in such off hand ways as we were growing up, some people just take it far to literally that you are supposed to be like this or that.
Reality is, we all know how to take it to extremes of you want to see it as a spectrum of characteristics, but having just some of this or that really isn't how the majority of people actually are, depending on the situation, we all move along that spectrum and more to the point, we are not on a place in this spectrum thinking, we are the entire spectrum and how we use those things on it depends on the person and the situation of the moment, and the moment is always changing and so we do accordingly.
Nobody is at a point on a spectrum, they are multiple points at any given moment and the monet dictates how many and which points (if you want to call it like that) we are using, everyone is a mishmash of characteristics and thats what makes each of us who we are.
Don't ever fall for the simplistic and often bigoted idea that there is an actual spectrum with male or masculine on one end and feminine or female on the other, there is no actual line, and if there was it wouldn't be a straight line, it would be a curve and if you really want to see it as something like that, its more like a circle and if you can imagine that then its not a big leap to see it as a doughnut and we are all inside of it moving around depending on what we need to be or do at any given moment and those moments are many and incredibly small and fleeting.
We are all humans and we all share everything as a species, there are some minor differences based on the needs of our sex, but that is something entirely different from who we are as a gender, we are so much alike as individuals that the very idea that we have different genders is really nothing more than a social construct and so the very idea that we have binary genders is actually a moot point.
We have differences that are related to our sex but our sex is one thing and trying to base a gender on that alone is rather pointless and really doesn't work, base gender on individual characteristics is rather pointless because those change by the moment.
For some odd reason society has decided that we have to have a gender and its only the bigots who decided that there are binary, but realize that having a bigots mindset is of a very limited intelligence.
Its why they are so annoying, its the lack of ability to see beyond a set of made up rules they were taught as a guide and they can't venture past them to the actual reality that society lives in, gender is a social construct.