NB editorurges people to stop 'asking which parts' they have
Apr 5, 2016 14:16:23 GMT 8
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Post by Ayla on Apr 5, 2016 14:16:23 GMT 8
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A person who doesn't identify as a man or a woman has penned a candid essay about what it means to have a non-binary gender identity and the importance of gender neutral pronouns in response to those who have ignorantly asked them about what 'parts' they have.
Sam Escobar, a Brooklyn-based beauty editor at GoodHousekeeping.com, explained in an essay for Esquire that since they came out in November, they have faced endless amounts of invasive personal questions from people who don't understand what it means to be non-binary and identify with gender-neutral pronouns.
'You'd be surprised how many people ask me about my crotch,' they wrote. 'It's a lot. I have had people ask me which "parts" I have, how they look, what I plan to do with them.
'I don't run around with a sign that says "ask me about my crotch", but as soon as I bring up my gender identity to certain people, all of a sudden it appears on the discussion table like a highly inappropriate Seamless order.'
Sam noted that at least once a week they will have to explain to someone that they don't identify with being a woman or a man even though they wear make-up.
They explained that even 'progressive' people living in New York City ask these types of questions, and although they don't necessarily mind them, it can get repetitive.
At times, people insult Sam by deducing that they are 'just trying to be different' without understanding that their are people who don't identify as male or female.
Sam said that they have known for at least five year that they weren't cisgender or someone whose gender identity that aligns with the one they were assigned at birth.
Personal preference: Sam explained that many people wrongly presume that 'all non-binary people are androgynous', which isn't true
The beauty editor pointed out that many people incorrectly use the words 'gender' and 'sex' interchangeably, as gender refers to the characteristics that a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine and the latter relates to a person's physiological and anatomical biology.
'The gender binary separates those who identify as male or female, simple as that,' the explained. 'Non-binary genders, however, don't fit neatly within these two—they can be a combination of male and female, a fluid back-and-forth, or totally outside of the binary.'
Sam noted that many people wrongly presume that 'all non-binary people are androgynous', which isn't true.
They went on to explain that most people presume they are a cisgender woman because they 'present fairly feminine' but that is not the case.
'I keep my hair long because I prefer a lob cut. I don't shave my legs. I wear dresses once in a while, and I play with makeup every day because it's literally my job.'
Sam pointed out that these types of physical preferences are all 'wholly' based on the person, and just because they do something, it doesn't mean that is true of all non-binary people.
They went on to say that being non-binary has nothing to do with being gay as 'sexual orientation and your gender identity are separate', and while those who don't identify as being male or female get 'shuffled into the transgender category', not all people who are non-binary identify as being transgender.
As for what bathroom they prefer, Sam said they would 'prefer to safely use whichever one is most readily available'.
And while they will opt for the women's restroom if forced to make a decision, it is different for everyone.
Sam went on encourage people to politely ask non-binary people which pronouns they prefer, but they maintained that is is never okay to ask non-binary people 'which parts' they have.
'It's shocking how many people think it's okay to ask someone about what's going on in their pants,' they said. 'It would be weird if someone at a party spontaneously asked you about your junk, right?
'So maybe don't ask your trans and non-binary friends and acquaintances what's up with theirs.'
A person who doesn't identify as a man or a woman has penned a candid essay about what it means to have a non-binary gender identity and the importance of gender neutral pronouns in response to those who have ignorantly asked them about what 'parts' they have.
Sam Escobar, a Brooklyn-based beauty editor at GoodHousekeeping.com, explained in an essay for Esquire that since they came out in November, they have faced endless amounts of invasive personal questions from people who don't understand what it means to be non-binary and identify with gender-neutral pronouns.
'You'd be surprised how many people ask me about my crotch,' they wrote. 'It's a lot. I have had people ask me which "parts" I have, how they look, what I plan to do with them.
'I don't run around with a sign that says "ask me about my crotch", but as soon as I bring up my gender identity to certain people, all of a sudden it appears on the discussion table like a highly inappropriate Seamless order.'
Sam noted that at least once a week they will have to explain to someone that they don't identify with being a woman or a man even though they wear make-up.
They explained that even 'progressive' people living in New York City ask these types of questions, and although they don't necessarily mind them, it can get repetitive.
At times, people insult Sam by deducing that they are 'just trying to be different' without understanding that their are people who don't identify as male or female.
Sam said that they have known for at least five year that they weren't cisgender or someone whose gender identity that aligns with the one they were assigned at birth.
Personal preference: Sam explained that many people wrongly presume that 'all non-binary people are androgynous', which isn't true
The beauty editor pointed out that many people incorrectly use the words 'gender' and 'sex' interchangeably, as gender refers to the characteristics that a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine and the latter relates to a person's physiological and anatomical biology.
'The gender binary separates those who identify as male or female, simple as that,' the explained. 'Non-binary genders, however, don't fit neatly within these two—they can be a combination of male and female, a fluid back-and-forth, or totally outside of the binary.'
Sam noted that many people wrongly presume that 'all non-binary people are androgynous', which isn't true.
They went on to explain that most people presume they are a cisgender woman because they 'present fairly feminine' but that is not the case.
'I keep my hair long because I prefer a lob cut. I don't shave my legs. I wear dresses once in a while, and I play with makeup every day because it's literally my job.'
Sam pointed out that these types of physical preferences are all 'wholly' based on the person, and just because they do something, it doesn't mean that is true of all non-binary people.
They went on to say that being non-binary has nothing to do with being gay as 'sexual orientation and your gender identity are separate', and while those who don't identify as being male or female get 'shuffled into the transgender category', not all people who are non-binary identify as being transgender.
As for what bathroom they prefer, Sam said they would 'prefer to safely use whichever one is most readily available'.
And while they will opt for the women's restroom if forced to make a decision, it is different for everyone.
Sam went on encourage people to politely ask non-binary people which pronouns they prefer, but they maintained that is is never okay to ask non-binary people 'which parts' they have.
'It's shocking how many people think it's okay to ask someone about what's going on in their pants,' they said. 'It would be weird if someone at a party spontaneously asked you about your junk, right?
'So maybe don't ask your trans and non-binary friends and acquaintances what's up with theirs.'
