Is cisgender rare and non-binary the norm?
Apr 1, 2016 16:36:14 GMT 8
Valerie, Trinity, and 1 more like this
Post by FaerieKim on Apr 1, 2016 16:36:14 GMT 8
We all know that binary gendered people exist. Whether cis or trans, there are people for whom it matters whether people consider them to be a man or a woman.
But a common experience I have when explaining my non-binary identity to apparently cisgender people is that they claim it's sort of normal to feel that way. It makes me wonder is it actually normal to feel neither male nor female on the inside? Is it actually cisgender that's a rarity?
Of course these are people that are happy to continue thinking of and talking of themselves as men or women, they just express that gender non-conventionally. Some of them do so in terms of clothing and appearance, being a bit androgynous in style, others it is just that they don't fit the stereotypical traits in personality and behaviour. But I think it's also true that many of them don't feel defined by the outward trappings of gender. They go through the motions, seemingly reasonably contently, but do not feel especially male or female inside. Does that make them non-binary, even though they still say of themselves that they are men or women? Does it make non-binary kind of normal?
A major difference between them and me of course is that I experience dysphoria. Even just the social dysphoria is enough. I suffer in my sexual relationships with women because I don't feel comfortable (or more to the point, sexy) using my penis in that way. I feel frustrated, angry, depressed and confused by all the silly codes and rules surrounding gender, things they would brush off and not even notice but just accept as "one of those things". Even though they might also claim to not feel any internal sense of gender. But over time I've realised I also suffer from some small amount of physical dysphoria too. It might seem cosmetic but my body hair doesn't just annoy me it depresses me. I don't like how male my face looks and feel I look ugly side to side with a woman in photographs. I don't like my body fat distribution and wish I was more curved in shape, not hugely so but at least a little more feminine in shape. My male chest seems weird to me, even though boobs would too. And although I'm very protective of my genitals because they are my source of self-pleasure, an important form of self-comfort for me, I honestly wouldn't mind if I woke up one morning and was physically female, or if I always had been. I enjoy a penis, I would also enjoy a vagina. It doesn't matter to me what genitals I have as long as they function. From what I'm aware that is definitely an unusual thing to think and feel!
So is that what makes the difference; absence or presence of dysphoria? Or is non-binary more common than we thought and a lot of cisgender people are non-binary really? Is cisgender actually just as rare as binary transgender? I can see why people would object to the term cisgender if they don't feel it's exactly correct that their inner self is aligned with their assigned gender, even if they do still call themselves men or women. But of course I can see the point that how you identify (ie. what you call yourself) is obviously the definition of what your gender identity is. But then if a lot of cisgender people feel non-binary, are we that take that extra step and define ourselves that way actually leading the way towards a brighter future for everybody?
I don't know. What do you think?
But a common experience I have when explaining my non-binary identity to apparently cisgender people is that they claim it's sort of normal to feel that way. It makes me wonder is it actually normal to feel neither male nor female on the inside? Is it actually cisgender that's a rarity?
Of course these are people that are happy to continue thinking of and talking of themselves as men or women, they just express that gender non-conventionally. Some of them do so in terms of clothing and appearance, being a bit androgynous in style, others it is just that they don't fit the stereotypical traits in personality and behaviour. But I think it's also true that many of them don't feel defined by the outward trappings of gender. They go through the motions, seemingly reasonably contently, but do not feel especially male or female inside. Does that make them non-binary, even though they still say of themselves that they are men or women? Does it make non-binary kind of normal?
A major difference between them and me of course is that I experience dysphoria. Even just the social dysphoria is enough. I suffer in my sexual relationships with women because I don't feel comfortable (or more to the point, sexy) using my penis in that way. I feel frustrated, angry, depressed and confused by all the silly codes and rules surrounding gender, things they would brush off and not even notice but just accept as "one of those things". Even though they might also claim to not feel any internal sense of gender. But over time I've realised I also suffer from some small amount of physical dysphoria too. It might seem cosmetic but my body hair doesn't just annoy me it depresses me. I don't like how male my face looks and feel I look ugly side to side with a woman in photographs. I don't like my body fat distribution and wish I was more curved in shape, not hugely so but at least a little more feminine in shape. My male chest seems weird to me, even though boobs would too. And although I'm very protective of my genitals because they are my source of self-pleasure, an important form of self-comfort for me, I honestly wouldn't mind if I woke up one morning and was physically female, or if I always had been. I enjoy a penis, I would also enjoy a vagina. It doesn't matter to me what genitals I have as long as they function. From what I'm aware that is definitely an unusual thing to think and feel!
So is that what makes the difference; absence or presence of dysphoria? Or is non-binary more common than we thought and a lot of cisgender people are non-binary really? Is cisgender actually just as rare as binary transgender? I can see why people would object to the term cisgender if they don't feel it's exactly correct that their inner self is aligned with their assigned gender, even if they do still call themselves men or women. But of course I can see the point that how you identify (ie. what you call yourself) is obviously the definition of what your gender identity is. But then if a lot of cisgender people feel non-binary, are we that take that extra step and define ourselves that way actually leading the way towards a brighter future for everybody?
I don't know. What do you think?
