Post by Ayla on Mar 27, 2016 7:43:09 GMT 8
www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-23/gender-fluidity-boy-girl-non-binary/7270260
Three young people who are pushing the gender boundaries speak to Lateline about identity, labels and growing up.
Annie, 12
I think I was 10 when I went to mum and said 'Mum, I don't think I'm a girl. And she's like "oh do you think you're a boy?" And I'm like "no, I don't."
During that time I was browsing on the internet and I found something that said "I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl, I'm not both, I'm not neither, I'm gender fluid."
That's when I realised that's what it is, that is what I identify as.
It's quite random, sometimes I'll wake up and I'll be like "oh no", and half way through the day I still don't know, maybe we'll have to wait, but sometimes you wake up in the morning and you're like "I'm definitely a girl."
It can be month by month or day by day. It changes a lot.
There was some point where I was for almost months at a time feminine or masculine very specifically and that's where it gets confusing because you start doubting yourself, a lot, whether you actually are gender fluid.
If you constantly say 'you're a girl' and you put me into that box I will feel very, very hurt because I do identify as gender fluid, meaning some days I do feel very, very masculine, I feel like I'm a boy, there is nothing you can do about it.
Gender is something that is very mental rather than physical. Gender is a construct but why do we rely on it so heavily as a personality thing?
Marita, Annie's Mum
She's still just Annie, it just means that some days Annie is a girl, some days Annie is a boy and some days she's both.
There are days when I don't know if I'm using the right pronoun, I don't know if I say 'let's go shopping, let's go buy some clothes, mother-daughter bonding!' It can be very difficult.
Shopping with teenagers is hard anyway, shopping with a child that might be a boy, might be a girl, shopping can be confronting, finding clothing to suit the mood they are in that day.
Annie's primary school graduation, the kids were expected to dress nicely so we went out to the shops, we'll get a nice dress, it's graduation, but then we also went to buy a suit because we didn't know if she'd feel like a boy or a girl on the evening.
Meri, 17
I would say that I've always had a bit of a problem with being a boy and when I found other people who identified as non-binary that solved confusion, it took it away, it gave me solidity in my identity.
Coming out to people has been difficult so I often have to deny my identity when talking to other people, especially new people so I don't have to go though what it means.
It's a balancing effort, having to explain all of it and the pain of denying my identity.
To people that would say this is just a phase, I'd say maybe but it doesn't make it less valid. I can ask you, is you wearing dresses a phase? Is you being a woman or a man a phase? Will you identify as transgender in a few years?
Nicole, Meri's Mum
The first thing was what does non-binary mean? Because it was not a term that I'd ever heard.
Part of them telling me that they were non-binary meant that they didn't like to be referred to as he or him, their preferred pronoun was them or they.
I refer to them as my child not my son because this is how they identify.
A person that feels like they are a female trapped in a male's body or a male trapped in a female body is a lot easier to understand than someone who doesn't identify as one or the other.
I just think as a parent you need to be accepting and listen to your child.
Cady, 18
When I look into the mirror I see me, my identity, everything that I am made up of. Just as if a female would look in the mirror and see femininity, I look into the mirror and I just see androgynous.
I don't see a specific gender because I don't identify as a gender.
It was a long period of time that I figured out that I didn't quite fit into male or female. It wasn't just an overnight thing.
I researched non-binary on YouTube and discovered that people could identify as something other than boy or girl.
Non-binary people are constantly invalidated, ignored and completely eradicated from everyday life.
Bathrooms are a really big problem and there are hardly ever gender neutral ones and I have to pick either female or male.
School uniform is also something that makes me really uncomfortable because uniform is gendered, so all the girls are supposed to wear a blouse and a skirt and the boys wear shorts and polo shirts.
My Mum coming to terms with my identity has been a rocky path.
I remember her telling me that she always wanted a little girl and then the fact that I was born a girl and I had all these fun times with her doing feminine things and then all of a sudden I didn't want to conform to femininity and I didn't want to be a girl.
Luckily she is very accepting and understanding and she knows that my identity is valid and she knows that how I feel is something that is genuine.
Three young people who are pushing the gender boundaries speak to Lateline about identity, labels and growing up.
Annie, 12
I think I was 10 when I went to mum and said 'Mum, I don't think I'm a girl. And she's like "oh do you think you're a boy?" And I'm like "no, I don't."
During that time I was browsing on the internet and I found something that said "I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl, I'm not both, I'm not neither, I'm gender fluid."
That's when I realised that's what it is, that is what I identify as.
It's quite random, sometimes I'll wake up and I'll be like "oh no", and half way through the day I still don't know, maybe we'll have to wait, but sometimes you wake up in the morning and you're like "I'm definitely a girl."
It can be month by month or day by day. It changes a lot.
There was some point where I was for almost months at a time feminine or masculine very specifically and that's where it gets confusing because you start doubting yourself, a lot, whether you actually are gender fluid.
If you constantly say 'you're a girl' and you put me into that box I will feel very, very hurt because I do identify as gender fluid, meaning some days I do feel very, very masculine, I feel like I'm a boy, there is nothing you can do about it.
Gender is something that is very mental rather than physical. Gender is a construct but why do we rely on it so heavily as a personality thing?
Marita, Annie's Mum
She's still just Annie, it just means that some days Annie is a girl, some days Annie is a boy and some days she's both.
There are days when I don't know if I'm using the right pronoun, I don't know if I say 'let's go shopping, let's go buy some clothes, mother-daughter bonding!' It can be very difficult.
Shopping with teenagers is hard anyway, shopping with a child that might be a boy, might be a girl, shopping can be confronting, finding clothing to suit the mood they are in that day.
Annie's primary school graduation, the kids were expected to dress nicely so we went out to the shops, we'll get a nice dress, it's graduation, but then we also went to buy a suit because we didn't know if she'd feel like a boy or a girl on the evening.
Meri, 17
I would say that I've always had a bit of a problem with being a boy and when I found other people who identified as non-binary that solved confusion, it took it away, it gave me solidity in my identity.
Coming out to people has been difficult so I often have to deny my identity when talking to other people, especially new people so I don't have to go though what it means.
It's a balancing effort, having to explain all of it and the pain of denying my identity.
To people that would say this is just a phase, I'd say maybe but it doesn't make it less valid. I can ask you, is you wearing dresses a phase? Is you being a woman or a man a phase? Will you identify as transgender in a few years?
Nicole, Meri's Mum
The first thing was what does non-binary mean? Because it was not a term that I'd ever heard.
Part of them telling me that they were non-binary meant that they didn't like to be referred to as he or him, their preferred pronoun was them or they.
I refer to them as my child not my son because this is how they identify.
A person that feels like they are a female trapped in a male's body or a male trapped in a female body is a lot easier to understand than someone who doesn't identify as one or the other.
I just think as a parent you need to be accepting and listen to your child.
Cady, 18
When I look into the mirror I see me, my identity, everything that I am made up of. Just as if a female would look in the mirror and see femininity, I look into the mirror and I just see androgynous.
I don't see a specific gender because I don't identify as a gender.
It was a long period of time that I figured out that I didn't quite fit into male or female. It wasn't just an overnight thing.
I researched non-binary on YouTube and discovered that people could identify as something other than boy or girl.
Non-binary people are constantly invalidated, ignored and completely eradicated from everyday life.
Bathrooms are a really big problem and there are hardly ever gender neutral ones and I have to pick either female or male.
School uniform is also something that makes me really uncomfortable because uniform is gendered, so all the girls are supposed to wear a blouse and a skirt and the boys wear shorts and polo shirts.
My Mum coming to terms with my identity has been a rocky path.
I remember her telling me that she always wanted a little girl and then the fact that I was born a girl and I had all these fun times with her doing feminine things and then all of a sudden I didn't want to conform to femininity and I didn't want to be a girl.
Luckily she is very accepting and understanding and she knows that my identity is valid and she knows that how I feel is something that is genuine.
