Is there a gender definition for me?

[Cloe]

Hello all! I'm new here, searching for my identity and one that i have difficulty identifying.
Not that i can't live without answering it. I'm searching more for the fun of it and not cause i need to categorize myself somewhere.
So,.. i was born female, i feel female and i always liked, and still do, being female. I never had any problems seeing my body as female, i really like it.
I never questioned my gender identity up to now. For you see there are some specific times when i would really like to have male genitals. I'm pansexual, and have a sweet tooth for trans women. My relationship is a bigender person and i really love her/him. And the questioning begun a few months ago, although it really begun unconsciously, on August of 2013.
I found my sexuality 2 and a half years ago. And i started dating trans* and bigender people one and half year ago.
Since then, when in more private moments with them, i felt like my mind was switching to a more masculine thinking, i could understand the guys point of view and feelings on certain things, something like an epiphany or something, like small explosions in my head, and i would take the top male role while in that private situation. Something that had never happened to me either with the men or women i dated before.
And the most weird/frustrating thing is that now, more than ever, i'm thinking of how cool would it be to have male genitals. But not for ever. Just when i want them. Trying to fantasize how would it feel to have them. And it feels really good! I have dreams about it, so realistic dreams and i really liked the way it felt! If there could be a magical way to switch between female and male genitals whenever i want! Or have both working and all. So, maybe, trans* people are bringing out the male inside me, but mostly just when having sex. But here's the other thing. I remember myself when i was as little as 10 years old, putting thingies in my undies pretending to have a penis. And some blurry dreams of having one.
Sooo.... is that a... non stereotypical cis female identity? Is it non binary female? is it genderqueer? Genderwhatever?
Have searched for a while but you can find a lot of meanings to a single word and i almost forgot what i already knew!
Anyway... does someone have a definition for this?

edit: forgot to tell you that anyway i'm not the stereotypical female. I'm bored of make ups and women accesories and i almost never make up although i do make up for saturday night as girly as i can and , i don't really like jewelry but have many piercings, i prefer sport clothing from jeans and generally what women wear but i like club wearing and high heels for Saturday night or when i'm going out to have fun.

[Deleted]

You sound pretty normal for these pages dear! My spouse is a lot like you and likes riding cowgirl style, so I don't see anything unusual in that as we both get to enjoy our fantasies. I think that you can come up with a number of labels for yourself if you wish but more and more we are finding out that the labels tend to box us in and it's so much better to just be you and live in the moment. Many of us consider ourselves to be non binary internally, meaning neither fully male or fully female but a composite expression of both genders. So let me extend a warm welcome you because you obviously belong here with us. 

[Deleted]

Just be who you are. Like who you like and be true to yourself and whoever you like.

I don't think there is a specific gender definition for anyone other than be yourself. 

I would say your gender definition is "you". Trying to put yourself in a box is just gonna' limit you so try not to do that.

[Laura J]

I really love what Jamie said.!!

Welcome Cloe.

Yeah, like Shan said, you're in a good place here..
Your safe to explore your identity and ask anything here.

Sometimes I think too much about these identity names and labels,
and it becomes a negative restrictive thing..?

Maybe this will help ease your mind and just let you be yourself with less concern.
I found a gender identity I really like, and I think I'm going to use it.

Its "EGOGENDER - latin/greek prefix ego, meaning self, i (first person); a gender that is solely based on yourself, and no words seem to define it other than me gender, [name] gender, i’m just who i am and my gender is mine"

Welcome again, its nice having you in the group.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Gender is never about one or a few things, it's about a lot of different things for different reasons.
These are the things, the components that make up gender in the overall sense of what gender is.
It's all a mix and match kind of thing, pick the ones that fit, and then fit them together, that is your gender.
The nice thing about this is that you can pick new ones, you can discard old ones, you can add to the collection or narrow them down.
All that definitions are for, is to define a label and all a label is going to do, as has been said, is to limit your thinking.
Labels are like a box and it sounds like you are already thinking outside the box, so,.. welcome to your gender.
The best thing about gender is that you get to have one that is your very own and that's one of many reasons we are here together.
So have you given any thought to what you are going to name your gender? Cloe sounds pretty good. 
Ativan

[Cloe]

Hello again!!!
Thank you all for your very nice answers and your warm welcome!
I agree with you all, gender categorizing and categorizing yourself in general isn't something that someone should do. It causes more problems than solves them. Although sometimes, i believe, it's useful. Actually it's useful depending on each person. Some need to be categorized to feel they belong somewhere and they are not alone. Not all the time and not for all things but.... for some things for sure. For example, well, i wasn't insecure or longing to find where i belong to before i found my sexuality, although i was wondering. Well i thought i was bi but that didn't actually cover me. I liked persons and some persons intrigued me more than others and if someone asked me i said well...i'm like bi...but i don't care , you know? Everyone is in my list! (ok, not EVERYONE! that would be exhausting hahahha!!) I like persons, not genitals.
So one day i was searching for something and i stepped into the pansexual term. I can tell you it filled me with enthusiasm! And i called everyone i cared for and told them Heyyy!! I found what i am, i'm pansexual! It's it cool??? ^_^
And i felt like... at last i belonged somewhere, i wasn't "alone" or.... i don't know how to describe it really!
That's kinda how i see it. Depends on the way you use each term, i think.
"Riding cowgirl"?? haha well i liked that!! I can be a a "riding cowgirl-gender" then! Pretty normal for these pages? haha in my country i'm a weirdo!!! But i like it Stereotypes are ruling the place here even among the LGBTQ community.
But as you all said the most important is to be true to yourself whatever you do! And you had some pretty good ideas about the definition of ourselves ^_^

[Taka]

so you also found freedom in the pansexual term? it was funny, how well it fit. i have no idea what'a wrong with bisexual, maybe it's just because i recognize more than two genders. or it could be this odd form of gender blindness that at times makes me unable to recognize any genders.

good luck on finding your label.
i gave up on finding something conventional and settled for 29a. that's hexadecimal btw.

[Taka]

it's all about having fun, isn't it?
if a mark is a shape, then it isn't the mark. mine is a different mark, and holds a much more comical meaning.
sooty is a different shade of black from nero.

[Deleted]

Welcome Cloe...

Gender?

Human. Special. Real. Unbound. Wild. Free. Untamed.. joyous...

Couple labels there.

Those not-boxes, the ones without walls, unlimited, freeing, feeling, are the gifts we share.

Diamonds of trans.

Enjoy your special diamond.

Blessings

Trinity

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2015 16:42:26 GMT 8 Cloe said:

Hello again!!!
Thank you all for your very nice answers and your warm welcome!
I agree with you all, gender categorizing and categorizing yourself in general isn't something that someone should do. It causes more problems than solves them. Although sometimes, i believe, it's useful. Actually it's useful depending on each person. Some need to be categorized to feel they belong somewhere and they are not alone. Not all the time and not for all things but.... for some things for sure. For example, well, i wasn't insecure or longing to find where i belong to before i found my sexuality, although i was wondering. Well i thought i was bi but that didn't actually cover me. I liked persons and some persons intrigued me more than others and if someone asked me i said well...i'm like bi...but i don't care , you know? Everyone is in my list! (ok, not EVERYONE! that would be exhausting hahahha!!) I like persons, not genitals.
So one day i was searching for something and i stepped into the pansexual term. I can tell you it filled me with enthusiasm! And i called everyone i cared for and told them Heyyy!! I found what i am, i'm pansexual! It's it cool??? ^_^
And i felt like... at last i belonged somewhere, i wasn't "alone" or.... i don't know how to describe it really!
That's kinda how i see it. Depends on the way you use each term, i think.
"Riding cowgirl"?? haha well i liked that!! I can be a a "riding cowgirl-gender" then! Pretty normal for these pages? haha in my country i'm a weirdo!!! But i like it Stereotypes are ruling the place here even among the LGBTQ community.
But as you all said the most important is to be true to yourself whatever you do! And you had some pretty good ideas about the definition of ourselves ^_^

Take it from someone that is on the outer fringes of society. Everyone belongs somewhere. Hell we are all trans so we truly belong to an exceptional community.

Ya' think so hon? Well I'm not really a weirdo but...  I don't think anybody is a weirdo, hell here on the outer fringes of society is where the absolute most interesting people can be found. Being "normal" is so overrated.  Let me tell you though that those normal people most times make us look like we are the most upstanding citizens of society. Some of them really have some real kinks in their lives. They just lie, deny and hide it really well. So they are the ones that aren't being true. Let me just say everyone has secrets and some secrets that people keep are pretty out there.

[Ayla]

Cloe

Labels can be useful, but they can also be limiting. At the end of the day your gender is probably Cloe and mine is probably Aisla. Each a beautiful expression of our unique natures. Of course some audiences require taxonomy, it seems to relieve their stress and reduce the effort they might otherwise need to understand others as individuals. Pan sexual sounds a good descriptor but I still prefer Cloe, it just seems to capture more of you.

Safe travels

Aisla