Reclaiming the body- and separation from others
Mar 23, 2016 4:08:58 GMT 8
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Post by Valerie on Mar 23, 2016 4:08:58 GMT 8
Hmmm... Interesting thread. I can't really think of many times where I had to act or pretend to be different.
When I think back on my childhood, I certainly do remember always playing the female character in video games, I just really loved how pretty they were, and the cute outfits. I also do remember that I use to love playing with dolls, action figures, power rangers, hot wheels cars, Hess trucks, dinosaurs, and ohh gosh I just played with whatever I wanted. And most time it would be all fantasy magical pretend games with my toys. A girl discovers she has magic powers and travels through portals to multiple dimensions stopping an evil power from merging the worlds together and ruling everything! But then I would also have very dramatic games with my Barbies, gi joe, and firefighter. Like Barbie was dating firefighter, but she met and fell for gi joe, and she had to choose between them. ( she chose gi joe who was waaaayyyyy hotter)
But anyway yea, I remember people always making comments to my mom about how I always went for dolls, and saying I'll probably end up gay. Which I started picking up on more. So like whenever I'd go to a store I'd be scared to buy a doll, but I'd go and do it anyway because I really wanted one, and I'd tell the cashier it was for my sister (I was younger than 10 at time, and I was an only child at time) and I started telling people I was a tomgirl because I liked more girly things.
I do remember one time in like middle school, and my best friend at time said to me, "you walk like a girl " and I was like I do? And it made me very self conscious and I started trying to be more aware of how I walked, and I would ask her "is this better? " all the times. And ever since then I was always self conscious of how I walked, and moved and body language to be less feminine.
My mom never really sad much to me. She would buy me dolls, Mary Kate and Ashley movies, Mary Kate and Ashley books, and she just let me be me. I mean she did try to get me into basketball at our church at time to help me make friends, but I hated it. I was never much into sports. I mean I would hit baseballs with my dad and go to batting cages because I loved just being able to spend time with him, and most time we spent a lot of time at the beach. Most my childhood when I would visit my dad was at the beach.
My dad never really said anything to me about how I carried myself either. The only he would say is to stop walking on my toes all time because it would ruin my back. I use to walk on my tippy toes all the time.
But I do remember in high school when I was confused about my sexuality, and having a hard time with accepting I liked guys, I tried blending in and dressing like straight guys. The whole baggy pants thing and what not. And I was more conscious with trying not to be feminine.
But wooowww hmm now that I think of it I guess I do pay very close attention to my body Language. When I talk I talk with hands all over, but then I am Italian sooo. Haha and you know I use to try walking and acting more masculine, but my feminine side is extremely strong haha.
I do know that when I'm on the bus I try to keep my legs closed to minimize my space so I don't take up too much room, I also tend to hold my leg up when I stand around sometimes, and I also tend to like just try standing more feminine now too.
And now I'm trying to learn to walk properly in these new boots! I asked my best friend how I walk, and she said that I do already have a feminine walk, and to remember heel toe, and just not to over think it. I love my best friend, she's the best and great support.
But huh, now that I look back on everything I guess I dids change myself bit here and there to be more masculine.
When I think back on my childhood, I certainly do remember always playing the female character in video games, I just really loved how pretty they were, and the cute outfits. I also do remember that I use to love playing with dolls, action figures, power rangers, hot wheels cars, Hess trucks, dinosaurs, and ohh gosh I just played with whatever I wanted. And most time it would be all fantasy magical pretend games with my toys. A girl discovers she has magic powers and travels through portals to multiple dimensions stopping an evil power from merging the worlds together and ruling everything! But then I would also have very dramatic games with my Barbies, gi joe, and firefighter. Like Barbie was dating firefighter, but she met and fell for gi joe, and she had to choose between them. ( she chose gi joe who was waaaayyyyy hotter)
But anyway yea, I remember people always making comments to my mom about how I always went for dolls, and saying I'll probably end up gay. Which I started picking up on more. So like whenever I'd go to a store I'd be scared to buy a doll, but I'd go and do it anyway because I really wanted one, and I'd tell the cashier it was for my sister (I was younger than 10 at time, and I was an only child at time) and I started telling people I was a tomgirl because I liked more girly things.
I do remember one time in like middle school, and my best friend at time said to me, "you walk like a girl " and I was like I do? And it made me very self conscious and I started trying to be more aware of how I walked, and I would ask her "is this better? " all the times. And ever since then I was always self conscious of how I walked, and moved and body language to be less feminine.
My mom never really sad much to me. She would buy me dolls, Mary Kate and Ashley movies, Mary Kate and Ashley books, and she just let me be me. I mean she did try to get me into basketball at our church at time to help me make friends, but I hated it. I was never much into sports. I mean I would hit baseballs with my dad and go to batting cages because I loved just being able to spend time with him, and most time we spent a lot of time at the beach. Most my childhood when I would visit my dad was at the beach.
My dad never really said anything to me about how I carried myself either. The only he would say is to stop walking on my toes all time because it would ruin my back. I use to walk on my tippy toes all the time.
But I do remember in high school when I was confused about my sexuality, and having a hard time with accepting I liked guys, I tried blending in and dressing like straight guys. The whole baggy pants thing and what not. And I was more conscious with trying not to be feminine.
But wooowww hmm now that I think of it I guess I do pay very close attention to my body Language. When I talk I talk with hands all over, but then I am Italian sooo. Haha and you know I use to try walking and acting more masculine, but my feminine side is extremely strong haha.
I do know that when I'm on the bus I try to keep my legs closed to minimize my space so I don't take up too much room, I also tend to hold my leg up when I stand around sometimes, and I also tend to like just try standing more feminine now too.
And now I'm trying to learn to walk properly in these new boots! I asked my best friend how I walk, and she said that I do already have a feminine walk, and to remember heel toe, and just not to over think it. I love my best friend, she's the best and great support.
But huh, now that I look back on everything I guess I dids change myself bit here and there to be more masculine.