Post by Ayla on Mar 15, 2016 12:37:12 GMT 8
college.usatoday.com/2016/03/14/voices-4-college-students-on-identifying-as-non-binary/
The transgender community has been in the spotlight thanks to the popularity of shows like Orange Is the New Black and Transparent, and outspoken celebrities like Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox. But other gender identities on the spectrum don’t always receive the same level of attention, which makes it difficult for people understand their perspectives.
Now more than ever, though, many who identify as non-binary — neither strictly male nor female — are actively seeking recognition and support from their peers.
Four non-binary college students shared their stories with USA TODAY College, from daily challenges to the issues they would like others to better understand. The following interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
REILLY GALLOGLY, FRESHMAN, INDIANA UNIVERSITY
I’ve always known I was queer, but I never was really uncomfortable with my gender because … I didn’t have to fit in these types of categories until I showed up at college. Living on an all-boys floor there’s this hyper-masculine aggressive energy, and I don’t identify with this at all.
I think most people think I’m female because my physical appearance is very feminine. But I don’t necessarily identify with “she” pronouns, either. It took me six months to decide whether I wanted to officially change my pronouns. It was a big thing for me.
Reilly Gallogly
People who acknowledge and care about me recognize that using my preferred pronouns is important. People I don’t necessarily see regularly or care to see regularly — it’s not something I’m going to personally call them out on.
It’s really difficult being constantly addressed in different ways … it’s always super awkward, especially in social situations if I don’t know someone and am just meeting them.
When I go to the bathroom before lectures, men walk in, see me in the men’s restroom and then leave and won’t use it. It makes you incredibly self-conscious because you’re trying to go about your day, literally just doing simple things like going to the restroom, and people look at you weird.
A lot of people haven’t been exposed to non-normative genders, and they have a tendency to make fun or be aggressive towards things unknown — it’s just human nature. If something is brand new to you, you’ll be cautious. And I totally understand that’s where lots of people who act weird about it at first are coming from.
But everybody has computers, you have Google on your phone. If you don’t know something, search about it on the Internet. I think there needs to be a change. I think it’s important to be there for other people who aren’t comfortable or fully committed to who they are.
DUCK GROVES, SOPHOMORE, INDIANA UNIVERSITY
I was definitely a tomboy when I was a kid. I always thought it was weird that I couldn’t have sleepovers with my boy friends. I was always confused how a lot of my girl friends played inside while the boys played outside.
When I was junior in high school, I shaved my head. People treated me like I was crazy because no girls shaved their heads.
People I’m close with know I’m non-binary, but I haven’t told any of my family. People generally react supportively, but many don’t really understand or know how to wrap their minds around it. They mean well, but it’s kind of this, “What the hell are you doing?”
It’s a daily challenge how to present myself to the world. I feel like I present pretty feminine still, but there are periods where I dress completely boy-like and people don’t treat me as well. Strangers aren’t as polite to me, so that’s a challenge. Interactions with strangers are harder when you’re not projecting femininity or masculinity.
In class, people are gentler if I’m presenting feminine and snappier if I’m not being feminine. Social interactions are way easier when I dress femininely.
There are a lot of dudes I know who don’t identify with being male. They identify more as female, but they’re scared to show that because of our culture.
Most people try to understand how I want to use those pronouns, making sure they address me in ways I see myself as. But a lot of time people are trying to be supportive but wind up being, like, “What are you?”
Be aware of the pronouns you use. Also, recognize that a person’s gender is their business more than it’s your business. Don’t make gender matter more than the person that’s there.
RORY COOK, SENIOR, UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA
I switched my pronouns within my friend group first and asked that they use them/they pronouns. At a certain point, it no longer felt correct to respond to he/him pronouns. It wasn’t the way I thought of myself.
Oftentimes, people I’m not very close with don’t get my pronouns right the first time, so I correct them. I won’t deal with it with my professors. I’ll correct them a couple of times, but if they’re not trying to get them right, then it’s an emotional burden for me.
As a trans-feminine (a non-binary individual who identifies with femininity to a greater extent than masculinity), I wear skirts. Some people have come up to me and asked if I’m in a frat and being hazed. On Halloween one person said, “Oh, I really like your costume.”
Sometimes people are actually complimenting my outfits. … But the idea behind it is that I look wrong or off in some way, which makes me feel unattractive and doubt my presentation even more than I already do on a daily basis.
Sometimes, if I know I’ll be running around all over the place, I won’t dress a certain way. Using the bathroom on campus is very difficult. If I look visibly trans, I can’t comfortably use the men’s or women’s restroom.
B FREAS, JUNIOR, UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT
For a long time I was hesitant to change my pronouns because it felt like a favor to ask people. I didn’t want to ask people to do what they didn’t know how to do.
I think that the most difficult part is constantly feeling like I’m not being seen. It’s overarching and shows up in a lot of ways: people misgender me by using the wrong pronouns and there are (few) non-gender neutral bathrooms. … I’m constantly being forced to choose from this gender binary that, in my head, doesn’t exist.
It’s hard to feel like I’m constantly fighting.
The administration here is seeking ways to do better. … They’re becoming more socially aware. They changed my pronouns in the registrar, which is really great. Even then, when my name shows up on a sheet with my preferred pronouns, professors don’t know what it means.
But I think that’s one of cool things about the University of Vermont for me. I know it’s great here compared to a lot of places. It’s a really frustrating experience for me to feel like my existence is an inconvenience, but I think being at this school has helped.
I work as a tour guide for admissions. Last month, I got a chance to travel with the administration to Philadelphia. There were about 60 students there and three came up to me who identify as LGBT. It felt good to help other students try to find a community.
It’s so important to be sure of yourself and confident when interacting with the world. The words you use to identify yourself are real and valid.
The transgender community has been in the spotlight thanks to the popularity of shows like Orange Is the New Black and Transparent, and outspoken celebrities like Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox. But other gender identities on the spectrum don’t always receive the same level of attention, which makes it difficult for people understand their perspectives.
Now more than ever, though, many who identify as non-binary — neither strictly male nor female — are actively seeking recognition and support from their peers.
Four non-binary college students shared their stories with USA TODAY College, from daily challenges to the issues they would like others to better understand. The following interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
REILLY GALLOGLY, FRESHMAN, INDIANA UNIVERSITY
I’ve always known I was queer, but I never was really uncomfortable with my gender because … I didn’t have to fit in these types of categories until I showed up at college. Living on an all-boys floor there’s this hyper-masculine aggressive energy, and I don’t identify with this at all.
I think most people think I’m female because my physical appearance is very feminine. But I don’t necessarily identify with “she” pronouns, either. It took me six months to decide whether I wanted to officially change my pronouns. It was a big thing for me.
Reilly Gallogly
People who acknowledge and care about me recognize that using my preferred pronouns is important. People I don’t necessarily see regularly or care to see regularly — it’s not something I’m going to personally call them out on.
It’s really difficult being constantly addressed in different ways … it’s always super awkward, especially in social situations if I don’t know someone and am just meeting them.
When I go to the bathroom before lectures, men walk in, see me in the men’s restroom and then leave and won’t use it. It makes you incredibly self-conscious because you’re trying to go about your day, literally just doing simple things like going to the restroom, and people look at you weird.
A lot of people haven’t been exposed to non-normative genders, and they have a tendency to make fun or be aggressive towards things unknown — it’s just human nature. If something is brand new to you, you’ll be cautious. And I totally understand that’s where lots of people who act weird about it at first are coming from.
But everybody has computers, you have Google on your phone. If you don’t know something, search about it on the Internet. I think there needs to be a change. I think it’s important to be there for other people who aren’t comfortable or fully committed to who they are.
DUCK GROVES, SOPHOMORE, INDIANA UNIVERSITY
I was definitely a tomboy when I was a kid. I always thought it was weird that I couldn’t have sleepovers with my boy friends. I was always confused how a lot of my girl friends played inside while the boys played outside.
When I was junior in high school, I shaved my head. People treated me like I was crazy because no girls shaved their heads.
People I’m close with know I’m non-binary, but I haven’t told any of my family. People generally react supportively, but many don’t really understand or know how to wrap their minds around it. They mean well, but it’s kind of this, “What the hell are you doing?”
It’s a daily challenge how to present myself to the world. I feel like I present pretty feminine still, but there are periods where I dress completely boy-like and people don’t treat me as well. Strangers aren’t as polite to me, so that’s a challenge. Interactions with strangers are harder when you’re not projecting femininity or masculinity.
In class, people are gentler if I’m presenting feminine and snappier if I’m not being feminine. Social interactions are way easier when I dress femininely.
There are a lot of dudes I know who don’t identify with being male. They identify more as female, but they’re scared to show that because of our culture.
Most people try to understand how I want to use those pronouns, making sure they address me in ways I see myself as. But a lot of time people are trying to be supportive but wind up being, like, “What are you?”
Be aware of the pronouns you use. Also, recognize that a person’s gender is their business more than it’s your business. Don’t make gender matter more than the person that’s there.
RORY COOK, SENIOR, UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA
I switched my pronouns within my friend group first and asked that they use them/they pronouns. At a certain point, it no longer felt correct to respond to he/him pronouns. It wasn’t the way I thought of myself.
Oftentimes, people I’m not very close with don’t get my pronouns right the first time, so I correct them. I won’t deal with it with my professors. I’ll correct them a couple of times, but if they’re not trying to get them right, then it’s an emotional burden for me.
As a trans-feminine (a non-binary individual who identifies with femininity to a greater extent than masculinity), I wear skirts. Some people have come up to me and asked if I’m in a frat and being hazed. On Halloween one person said, “Oh, I really like your costume.”
Sometimes people are actually complimenting my outfits. … But the idea behind it is that I look wrong or off in some way, which makes me feel unattractive and doubt my presentation even more than I already do on a daily basis.
Sometimes, if I know I’ll be running around all over the place, I won’t dress a certain way. Using the bathroom on campus is very difficult. If I look visibly trans, I can’t comfortably use the men’s or women’s restroom.
B FREAS, JUNIOR, UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT
For a long time I was hesitant to change my pronouns because it felt like a favor to ask people. I didn’t want to ask people to do what they didn’t know how to do.
I think that the most difficult part is constantly feeling like I’m not being seen. It’s overarching and shows up in a lot of ways: people misgender me by using the wrong pronouns and there are (few) non-gender neutral bathrooms. … I’m constantly being forced to choose from this gender binary that, in my head, doesn’t exist.
It’s hard to feel like I’m constantly fighting.
The administration here is seeking ways to do better. … They’re becoming more socially aware. They changed my pronouns in the registrar, which is really great. Even then, when my name shows up on a sheet with my preferred pronouns, professors don’t know what it means.
But I think that’s one of cool things about the University of Vermont for me. I know it’s great here compared to a lot of places. It’s a really frustrating experience for me to feel like my existence is an inconvenience, but I think being at this school has helped.
I work as a tour guide for admissions. Last month, I got a chance to travel with the administration to Philadelphia. There were about 60 students there and three came up to me who identify as LGBT. It felt good to help other students try to find a community.
It’s so important to be sure of yourself and confident when interacting with the world. The words you use to identify yourself are real and valid.