inherit
17
0
Feb 26, 2021 11:29:15 GMT 8
1,139
Ayla
m2me
5,298
Nov 19, 2014 19:54:37 GMT 8
November 2014
aisla
Female
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Ayla on Mar 6, 2016 6:36:11 GMT 8
When musing offline it occurred to me that playing a role may be a means of finding one self.
I felt that I was learning to act the part of 'male' very early in my life. The trouble was that sometimes I was unaware or forgot that it was an act, it felt as though it was my 'normal', that it was 'me'. When on stage as a skilled actor, losing yourself in your character is important, even necessary - but doing this as a soul may indeed be 'life' threatening. We sometimes take on roles in our life for a variety of reasons - some are forced, some are assumed without thought, some are taken on as duty, some due to expectation, some for survival, some for love and some as a part of exploring, validating, expressing, understanding and accepting who we are. As long as we know which role is an act, which roles are aspects and which role is our truth, provided that we have the freedom and safety to choose the steps of the dance and the music which is played, then all is good. But for our brothers and sisters who are lost in, or between roles, are scared, cowed, distressed and damaged by dysphoria .. will they understand, be able to choose, play and express roles which give voice, substance and pay homage to their soul? We are indeed most fortunate. Our paths have been unusual, challenging and sometimes hard, but in the end are proving passable. How do we help others find their path, their truth and their life?
Safe travels
Aisla
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inherit
150
0
Apr 10, 2016 22:45:47 GMT 8
635
Shan
1,959
Feb 4, 2016 3:52:26 GMT 8
February 2016
shan
Non-Binary
Any as long as it's polite
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Post by Shan on Mar 7, 2016 0:49:27 GMT 8
I don't think I was playing a role as a man, I was just being who I was at the time and so I'll not try to justify or even overthink the reasons why I am who I am now. My transition is just a decision based solely on a whim and frankly I'm enjoying it and have few if any regrets at this point. Yeah it's been a struggle, but I was bored as hell and needed a change of venue. I know we're all uniquely different and have different ideas and motives for the decisions we have made. One good that has come of it is that I have become much more sensitive to others who are different and not cast from an original unbreakable mold like so many cis binary people would prefer to believe. That in itself is a mind expanding piece of now personal knowledge and experience that I formerly had never given any thought to.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
Deleted
inherit
guest@proboards.com
65
0
May 19, 2024 11:48:58 GMT 8
Deleted
0
May 19, 2024 11:48:58 GMT 8
January 1970
Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2016 1:59:17 GMT 8
But for our brothers and sisters who are lost in, or between roles, are scared, cowed, distressed and damaged by dysphoria .. will they understand, be able to choose, play and express roles which give voice, substance and pay homage to their soul? It seems to me one problem the newbies have is that they think they have to choose a role and then play it once they come out. You don't have to do that. You can just come out and do what seems right to you. Bit by bit you discover yourself, and then you're no longer playing a role. You're just being yourself.
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60
0
1
May 19, 2024 8:42:04 GMT 8
4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Mar 7, 2016 3:29:30 GMT 8
One of the drawbacks of choosing to be a description, the need to have a label. Be descriptive. When I read people doing that here, it has a sense of them being on the path.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 7, 2016 4:21:17 GMT 8
Find the core.
Then watch as it all unfolds.
Roles....so easy to become lost in, so hard to let go.
They come from ourselves and become part of ourselves, till in the end its one big overlay, but the core of who we are, it watches, it does not change. It is us.
Perhaps?
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 8, 2016 18:51:54 GMT 8
I am surprized at how comfortable i have become as a female on the street.
The fluidity socially is becoming increasingly normal to me.
The body increasingly female.
Yet on the phone, the male component is strong. That nuance was why my original shrink was resistant to giving me hormones and thought i was a crossdresser. Which still pisses me off.
Fascinating...roles and real...truly..
I do have the advantage of passing if my hair and makeup are on. And my body language at work is female, its quite uncomfortable, i am moving to andro at work its easier on me. But harder for them. I keep it subtle.
Thats the thing. I play roles for approval. The approval addiction drives it. Thats the battlefield in my brain.
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inherit
jasonmitchellemail@gmail.com
1
0
1
Dec 31, 2023 12:41:47 GMT 8
3,521
EchelonHunt
Avatar by @hitsukuya
3,193
Nov 17, 2014 22:05:35 GMT 8
November 2014
admin
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Post by EchelonHunt on Mar 8, 2016 19:50:58 GMT 8
Shortly after I came out a transman, I threw myself into the male role. You name it, I became obnoxious, loud, (regrettably) sexist and threw myself into the button-up t-shirts, snapback caps, and short cropped hair look.
While I was playing a male role, there was some truth under all that; I found I have trouble understanding women (it's different now), intimacy is not my forte, being a father isn't something I'm interested in being, I don't always want to be the "dominant", "giver" person in sexual situations annnnnd I was repressing femininity which is a huge part of who I am.
Once I threw away the male persona, worked on the aspects of truth I discovered about myself through the process, I have come to being myself.
Until I found I don't really identify as male as previously thought. Into the non-binary world I went, I discovered I am genderless but with a strong desire to have a male body in order to alleviate dysphoria. I also want to the freedom to express myself as feminine/female. The thought of appearing female and having male parts, it's appealing to me.
I found myself in the male role once again but for a different reason. Presenting myself as male for legal and some social purposes, classes, possible employment, and transition related stuff like appointments, consultations and surgeries.
Hmm, I wonder, if presenting female but having the name Jason, it would certainly quirk a few eyebrows I've thought of changing my name to Jacey but then again, my lecturer is called Jason but he tells people to call him Jay. I suppose I could do the same for myself but just say Jacey. Its why I like that some forms have "First Name, Surname, Preferred Name"
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inherit
150
0
Apr 10, 2016 22:45:47 GMT 8
635
Shan
1,959
Feb 4, 2016 3:52:26 GMT 8
February 2016
shan
Non-Binary
Any as long as it's polite
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Post by Shan on Mar 8, 2016 22:52:25 GMT 8
We're all evolving Jacey!
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inherit
60
0
1
May 19, 2024 8:42:04 GMT 8
4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Mar 8, 2016 23:00:35 GMT 8
Defragging a hard drive right now, am I evolving or just defragging myself? (It's these odd thoughts that keep me going sometimes)
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inherit
150
0
Apr 10, 2016 22:45:47 GMT 8
635
Shan
1,959
Feb 4, 2016 3:52:26 GMT 8
February 2016
shan
Non-Binary
Any as long as it's polite
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Post by Shan on Mar 8, 2016 23:07:48 GMT 8
Defragging a hard drive right now, am I evolving or just defragging myself? (It's these odd thoughts that keep me going sometimes)
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