Post by Trinity on Feb 23, 2016 19:11:06 GMT 8
I shared about the rage thing earlier, the political thing too.
I feel stuck, there is just so much anger right now. I suppose the answer will be found in prayer, in the psalms. I'd be posting in the religion thread but I am in here instead.
The recent outbreak of persecution against trans has brought back old wounds I thought were healed. I guess they aren't. The memories of the bullying, the catcalls, the horrific abuse I suffered growing up, well they are back again. Takikng me to a place that is no longer healthy. The viscious rhetoric and targeting of our children, the nonsense over the bathrooms, the recent assaults on my friends, the rapes, the deaths, its finally getting to me and I feel like I am stuck in this rage thing now.
I watch in horrified fascination as the news continues on, I watch as the haters steal my religion and rip my God out of my loving arms to turn Him into a monster. I wail in my spirit over what they have done. It tears me apart. I could scream, I can't handle the hate, I can feel what is out there and its just horrible.
I don't want these people to change me, they are changing me.... they are turning a loving, nurturing, maternal fairy into a raging and angry phoenix, and I don't want that. So I have to find a way to rise above it. Walk on water. I know I can do it. I have seen someone else here on forum do it, and then give themselves completely to the service of others, I cannot shame them by falling.
I was talking with a very dear friend last night about the journey, and they mentioned that we as trans seem to be the ones making all the sacrifices. Maybe so. If we want to avoid the collateral damage - collateral damage that is created by a mad society that calls hate love and twists what is good into something else. A society bound in porn and broken marriages that demonizes us as part of the liscentious behavior when all we want to do is live a quiet life like any other man or woman or person. They drive us out of church, bar us from their elite spiritual places of sanctuary, ask of us what cannot be done. The Lord had many face to face conflicts with them in the beginning, they tried to kill Him, said he was demon possessed, tried to stone Him, but He would not let them. Instead He faced them with great anger, and told them "their sin remained". The most powerful and horrifying curse that exists, caused by legalistic hate in the guise of religion.
And so our young children are filled with no holds barred sex and wild partying. But is that so different from a straight nightclub? Who is really living according to the great law that was given us to stop the hatred and violence in the name of religion in the first place, the law of Love, Forgiveness, Sacrifice for others? To seek to understand with the heart and not to judge?
I guess we have to walk on water. Put down the sword and take up passive resistance. Learn from the other spiritual leaders of the day. Live the sacrificial life.
Rise above the pain, the abuse, the hatred. Prove that unconditional love of all, everyone, cis or not, will triumph over the darkness surrounding us.
I have strong views about it all, I know, it can alienate some here, I am sorry, it is my truth and I cannot survive without it. But we are all being put to the test now, it will test us spiritually, emotionally, physically. Its more devious, the slaughter of trans. Its being done through the mind, the poisoning of our hearts by the same people that drove me over the edge as a child, so many years ago, when I almost killed someone for calling me faggot. It was close, I almost smashed their head in with my foot, it was too close, I never let myself get mad like that again, back in the 6th grade, in a stairwell, when I went over the edge.
No child should be brought to that place. I was an innocent little boy that was different, I had feminine looks and emotions, I was so hated, so bullied, so scorned, so made a joke. They split my gender in two, those people with their abuse. Until the healing came, and that healing only came here, on this forum.
So I guess in my ramble I am looking for solutions. How do we protect the essence of ourselves, stay the loving and kind souls we generally are, overcome the bitterness, the fear, the rage? We have to do it you know. We cannot be slaughtered in our hearts by the hatred of other people. We cannot become poisoned in our minds by the active psychic brutality that is being perpetuated now from the ignorant. We cannot be killed off like the nazis killed off the jews. They wont do that, not with their hands, but they are doing it with their minds. And it is the same spirit that drives them.
Yes there are real demons in this world, and real saints. There is a battle over hearts, and that battle was won long ago. But its not by rules or the sword that we win. The battles are for hearts and minds, it has always been this way, from the beginning.
I am losing the battle. It cannot be. It is not why I was born into this world, not why you were born into this world, to lose the battle of your mind and heart.
Being a survivor and a warrior is more than survival. Its walking on water. Its rising above the madness around us, loving unconditionally, not allowing ourselves to drink the poison of these vipers tongues and pens.
Yeah maybe I just answered my own question. It has to be seen as what it is, a war in the spirit, a war in the heart. One that targets the innocent and kills the children, bringing rage, bringing hate. They are no different from the barbarians of the past. Only by rising above them can I survive, can you survive.
I dont want to be a bitter old lady. I want to be pretty, and beautiful, in this life I am given. I want that for all of us. Don't let anyone steal your beauty away. Shame them with your love.
Trinity/Satinjoy
I feel stuck, there is just so much anger right now. I suppose the answer will be found in prayer, in the psalms. I'd be posting in the religion thread but I am in here instead.
The recent outbreak of persecution against trans has brought back old wounds I thought were healed. I guess they aren't. The memories of the bullying, the catcalls, the horrific abuse I suffered growing up, well they are back again. Takikng me to a place that is no longer healthy. The viscious rhetoric and targeting of our children, the nonsense over the bathrooms, the recent assaults on my friends, the rapes, the deaths, its finally getting to me and I feel like I am stuck in this rage thing now.
I watch in horrified fascination as the news continues on, I watch as the haters steal my religion and rip my God out of my loving arms to turn Him into a monster. I wail in my spirit over what they have done. It tears me apart. I could scream, I can't handle the hate, I can feel what is out there and its just horrible.
I don't want these people to change me, they are changing me.... they are turning a loving, nurturing, maternal fairy into a raging and angry phoenix, and I don't want that. So I have to find a way to rise above it. Walk on water. I know I can do it. I have seen someone else here on forum do it, and then give themselves completely to the service of others, I cannot shame them by falling.
I was talking with a very dear friend last night about the journey, and they mentioned that we as trans seem to be the ones making all the sacrifices. Maybe so. If we want to avoid the collateral damage - collateral damage that is created by a mad society that calls hate love and twists what is good into something else. A society bound in porn and broken marriages that demonizes us as part of the liscentious behavior when all we want to do is live a quiet life like any other man or woman or person. They drive us out of church, bar us from their elite spiritual places of sanctuary, ask of us what cannot be done. The Lord had many face to face conflicts with them in the beginning, they tried to kill Him, said he was demon possessed, tried to stone Him, but He would not let them. Instead He faced them with great anger, and told them "their sin remained". The most powerful and horrifying curse that exists, caused by legalistic hate in the guise of religion.
And so our young children are filled with no holds barred sex and wild partying. But is that so different from a straight nightclub? Who is really living according to the great law that was given us to stop the hatred and violence in the name of religion in the first place, the law of Love, Forgiveness, Sacrifice for others? To seek to understand with the heart and not to judge?
I guess we have to walk on water. Put down the sword and take up passive resistance. Learn from the other spiritual leaders of the day. Live the sacrificial life.
Rise above the pain, the abuse, the hatred. Prove that unconditional love of all, everyone, cis or not, will triumph over the darkness surrounding us.
I have strong views about it all, I know, it can alienate some here, I am sorry, it is my truth and I cannot survive without it. But we are all being put to the test now, it will test us spiritually, emotionally, physically. Its more devious, the slaughter of trans. Its being done through the mind, the poisoning of our hearts by the same people that drove me over the edge as a child, so many years ago, when I almost killed someone for calling me faggot. It was close, I almost smashed their head in with my foot, it was too close, I never let myself get mad like that again, back in the 6th grade, in a stairwell, when I went over the edge.
No child should be brought to that place. I was an innocent little boy that was different, I had feminine looks and emotions, I was so hated, so bullied, so scorned, so made a joke. They split my gender in two, those people with their abuse. Until the healing came, and that healing only came here, on this forum.
So I guess in my ramble I am looking for solutions. How do we protect the essence of ourselves, stay the loving and kind souls we generally are, overcome the bitterness, the fear, the rage? We have to do it you know. We cannot be slaughtered in our hearts by the hatred of other people. We cannot become poisoned in our minds by the active psychic brutality that is being perpetuated now from the ignorant. We cannot be killed off like the nazis killed off the jews. They wont do that, not with their hands, but they are doing it with their minds. And it is the same spirit that drives them.
Yes there are real demons in this world, and real saints. There is a battle over hearts, and that battle was won long ago. But its not by rules or the sword that we win. The battles are for hearts and minds, it has always been this way, from the beginning.
I am losing the battle. It cannot be. It is not why I was born into this world, not why you were born into this world, to lose the battle of your mind and heart.
Being a survivor and a warrior is more than survival. Its walking on water. Its rising above the madness around us, loving unconditionally, not allowing ourselves to drink the poison of these vipers tongues and pens.
Yeah maybe I just answered my own question. It has to be seen as what it is, a war in the spirit, a war in the heart. One that targets the innocent and kills the children, bringing rage, bringing hate. They are no different from the barbarians of the past. Only by rising above them can I survive, can you survive.
I dont want to be a bitter old lady. I want to be pretty, and beautiful, in this life I am given. I want that for all of us. Don't let anyone steal your beauty away. Shame them with your love.
Trinity/Satinjoy