Post by Trinity on Feb 22, 2016 20:27:58 GMT 8
Most of us have body dysphoria in here. Some don't, are blessed with that gift, some of us have it mildly, some, its not mild at all, its cruel and darned painful.
Its a life or death topic. Great. I doubt any of us feel up to the responsibilities involved with it, yet it is really our responsibility as transfolk to deal with it, because nobody else is going to get it. The cis are clueless, how could they know, they can be great allies, but I think it takes being us to understand how deep the pain levels can be. Debilitating.
Was there the other day, not suicidal I took that off the table long ago. In booze, I have unconditional sobriety, nothing on this planet can make me drink, there is no force in this world that can bend my elbow and force it down my lips. In dypshoria, I have unconditional survival, no holds barred warrior determination not to let the depression of dysphoria kill me, and having the faith to know some day it will get better. Which it has but its taken a lot lot lot of work to get there.
One of the standard trans narratives is to do 3 months of therapy, get your hormones, transition to the target sex overnight, leave your life behind you, and go live, dropping the therapy. They don't do so hot from what I understand. Some might, many wind up in a face off with death.
Others stay in therapy and work their paths, lining up allies in the war against their bodies, until they can own the bodies they both have now and will get later. Once they do that they become the diamonds of trans, it takes a lot of time and pressure to make the diamond, and a master to bring its beauty to completion. Not to mention money.
I cope with my own by acknowledging that these are the limits of my circumstances, these are the conditions of my diamond tightrope, the one that shines in the sun and cuts my feet to ribbons until I have the callouses I need to dance across the rope into the promise of a full life to come. The penis stays, I use all kinds of rationalization to ignore it, to percieve it as clitoral, to understand that it is a passive part of my body and accept it as this, not as the driving force it was once, but as the part of me that will give pleasure to me and someone else as I am taken, and taken...
Helping others has been the key. Communicating. Not hiding the feelings. Speaking of them, sharing the pain with others. Having faith that my breasts will become the promised C cups I was told of the day I crashed so hard and prayed in the car with my head on the steering wheel and was given the words "trust me" into my mind, clear as a voice beside me. I knew then I would have my breasts, and expected it to take the time.
Spiritually there is my timing, and there is Gods timing. You can say that many ways, we all have our understanding of our own spirituality, I don't mean to force mine on you. But your destiny has timings, divine appointments, benchmarks and lifechanging moments all through your life. Transition is one of them. Understanding that it will come, the transition, and since it will come, it is in a sense already here, know it in the now, its future, yes, but its promised you, so know it in the now. Even if you don't know how its going to happen, your future is your now, you already made the decision and the choice, it is already yours, the rest is just logistics and carrying out the battle plan.
We are trans, we have no choice but to be warriors, diamond warriors, hard as rock yet soft as silk. Lighting fires in the hearts of others who suffer, carrying them through that battle, as those of us that are strong defend and protect those who are fragile with our love and experience and fierce will to live and make things right.
So talk it out, cry it out, take up the sword of your transness and have faith, outlast the pain of dysphoria, a promise waits in the curved paths ahead. But be wise as you walk the treacherous paths of transition, a cliff by your side, a garden ahead. Share and talk, many know where it took them, many can tell you what was ahead on theirs, and how to survive and eventually flourish.
Don't die before your miracle. Be a diamond. Be a warrior. Be trans.
TSJ
Its a life or death topic. Great. I doubt any of us feel up to the responsibilities involved with it, yet it is really our responsibility as transfolk to deal with it, because nobody else is going to get it. The cis are clueless, how could they know, they can be great allies, but I think it takes being us to understand how deep the pain levels can be. Debilitating.
Was there the other day, not suicidal I took that off the table long ago. In booze, I have unconditional sobriety, nothing on this planet can make me drink, there is no force in this world that can bend my elbow and force it down my lips. In dypshoria, I have unconditional survival, no holds barred warrior determination not to let the depression of dysphoria kill me, and having the faith to know some day it will get better. Which it has but its taken a lot lot lot of work to get there.
One of the standard trans narratives is to do 3 months of therapy, get your hormones, transition to the target sex overnight, leave your life behind you, and go live, dropping the therapy. They don't do so hot from what I understand. Some might, many wind up in a face off with death.
Others stay in therapy and work their paths, lining up allies in the war against their bodies, until they can own the bodies they both have now and will get later. Once they do that they become the diamonds of trans, it takes a lot of time and pressure to make the diamond, and a master to bring its beauty to completion. Not to mention money.
I cope with my own by acknowledging that these are the limits of my circumstances, these are the conditions of my diamond tightrope, the one that shines in the sun and cuts my feet to ribbons until I have the callouses I need to dance across the rope into the promise of a full life to come. The penis stays, I use all kinds of rationalization to ignore it, to percieve it as clitoral, to understand that it is a passive part of my body and accept it as this, not as the driving force it was once, but as the part of me that will give pleasure to me and someone else as I am taken, and taken...
Helping others has been the key. Communicating. Not hiding the feelings. Speaking of them, sharing the pain with others. Having faith that my breasts will become the promised C cups I was told of the day I crashed so hard and prayed in the car with my head on the steering wheel and was given the words "trust me" into my mind, clear as a voice beside me. I knew then I would have my breasts, and expected it to take the time.
Spiritually there is my timing, and there is Gods timing. You can say that many ways, we all have our understanding of our own spirituality, I don't mean to force mine on you. But your destiny has timings, divine appointments, benchmarks and lifechanging moments all through your life. Transition is one of them. Understanding that it will come, the transition, and since it will come, it is in a sense already here, know it in the now, its future, yes, but its promised you, so know it in the now. Even if you don't know how its going to happen, your future is your now, you already made the decision and the choice, it is already yours, the rest is just logistics and carrying out the battle plan.
We are trans, we have no choice but to be warriors, diamond warriors, hard as rock yet soft as silk. Lighting fires in the hearts of others who suffer, carrying them through that battle, as those of us that are strong defend and protect those who are fragile with our love and experience and fierce will to live and make things right.
So talk it out, cry it out, take up the sword of your transness and have faith, outlast the pain of dysphoria, a promise waits in the curved paths ahead. But be wise as you walk the treacherous paths of transition, a cliff by your side, a garden ahead. Share and talk, many know where it took them, many can tell you what was ahead on theirs, and how to survive and eventually flourish.
Don't die before your miracle. Be a diamond. Be a warrior. Be trans.
TSJ
