What is Gender? What does it mean to you?

[EchelonHunt]

What is Gender?

I find it difficult to accurately define what gender is. Gender can be either intangible or tangible. For me, it is intangible.

What does it mean to you?

It means a lot of things to me. My identity, my expression, the freedom to be myself, whatever gender that may be. To see the reflection in the mirror reflect my self-image inside my mind.

What is Gender? What does it mean to you?

[Kira]

It's like art. Your gender is like art. Undefinable, different for every person. Definitely there, definitely meaningful but meanings change, perception changes, purple can argue about interpretation, it can be expressed in different ways... Its like art.

Don't get too caught up in defining what art is, just accept it, enjoy it allows yourself the freedom to express it.

[Trinity]

God I love that response... More later.

[Trinity]

Jan 31, 2016 20:52:16 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

What is Gender?

I find it difficult to accurately define what gender is. Gender can be either intangible or tangible. For me, it is intangible.

For me gender is very hard to describe.   The first assumption is gender is not your sex or sexuality.  OK, then that's interesting, what is it?  Is it your social self perception, how you feel when talking to others?  If it is, then I am a lot of genders.  But if its my core, then I am one gender, because I am always me, and it doesn't fit societal norms, though it is shifting more and more towards sh'e.  So at my core, I identify as being different from others.  But physically, I feel like a binary female, sexually also the same.  So what is gender?  Well I don't want mine to be a box, I want to be free to live any way I like.  But my gender?  I cannot tell you what it is.  I just know what I need right now.  My gender appears to be a transperson, transitioned from male to no op transsexual female, physically, and extremely fluid socially.  It rejects definition, it dislike limitations, it desires freedom to be me.

What does it mean to you?

It means a lot of things to me. My identity, my expression, the freedom to be myself, whatever gender that may be. To see the reflection in the mirror reflect my self-image inside my mind.

What does it mean to me?  Having denied it all these years, it means it is paramount to find the truth of who I am in this area.  From my gender comes my emotions, my social interactions, my sex life, my pain, my pleasure, my emotions.  My heart.

From it come my passion, my art, my sensuality, the way I create environments, my creativity, my music, how I love, how I touch you, how I stroke your cheek, brush my lips on the back of your neck, pin you gently to the kitchen counter and and love you.  And then flip you onto me, and open myself to you.  My gender is a huge part of that.

It means a lot to,  because it tells me how much of a price I must pay to be real, and whether it is worth the pain of either rejection, interference or of loss of income because my gender is not the normative gender of this world, unless I really am she, or he, and then I am in the rules of this worlds expectations and they pass me by.  Sometimes I dare the world, being openly nonbinary, its getting harder to do that, but not behind closed doors.

It can mean pain and isolation, but it also means fullfillment, and seeing myself in the mirror is something that is so priceless to me now, so very deeply important to me, that I can no longer live without being me.  I just cannot do it any more.  It means that I reveal parts of my gender to many, and all of my gender to some, and all of sh'e to one.  You know a lot about h'er, I talk a lot, but you do not know the full strength of h'er.  I am a beautiful woman when I want to be, when I allow myself to be, and I will not allow h'er to suffer any more at the hands of the ignorant.  Sh'e has suffered enough.

What does it mean to me?

At this time in my life, it means everything.  It is a way to touch a life, maybe even save a life that was hopeless by giving hope and self esteem.  And  that in turn saves mine.


Nails out hair down,


Trinity Satin Joy

[kdkorz10211]

What is Gender?

Gender is very difficult to pin down. It's not body or interests or personality. It's ephemeral; it's indescribable. To me gender is a sort of energy or quality of Spirit.

What does it mean to you?

It means self-understanding.

[Ayla]

What is Gender? Gender is my most fundamental truth. It is my understanding of, and sense of, my self. It is in part my spirit, my energy, my core and my identity.

What does it mean to me? A life time quest to uncover, understand, accept and to express my self. Being trans gender, I have dealt with gender dysphoria all of my life. I no longer fear, suspect or believe that I am broken, defective or have a weird kink. I understand that this dysphoria is bio, psycho, and social in origin. I accept that I don't belong on a spectrum which some may see as lying between two 'normal' or socially acceptable binaries. Fortunately the use of hrt has enriched my life and reduced my dysphoria. However I have learned that hrt brings physical change along with emotional peace. It is the physical change which plays havoc with relationships and places me at risk. There is no place quite as lonely or as threatening as when folk find it hard to gender you and can't decide if you are being dishonest, playing a game, are a potential mate or a potential competitor.

Life gets better and better but I wish that gender was not always 'top of mind'. Dysphoria is the shadow in the corner, the fear unvoiced. I don't accept that a full transition is the only way to safely express my androgynous or non binary nature. However I also know that as time passes, even the most resilient seek a safe harbor and shelter from the elements.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Trinity]

Interesting segue. Full transition nonbinary. I think we transition to us. With hrt, without, whatever works.

If gender did not include the body i would be in a world between the binaries and fairly male. The feminine is also there but a lot of that has to do with how i experience my body.

If gender was all physical i would be female, regardless of the op, for i am physically wired and now transitioned that way.

If gender was who i identify as socially i would be fluid.

So i give up. Buts its cool to know how i feel and not run away from it. And i so need my body. Dysphoria is a whip.

[Deleted]

I actually have no idea. All I really know is that it's a social construct. But it is core or else people would not get so twitchy about it.

[Trinity]

Feb 14, 2016 13:55:17 GMT 8 @cherie said:

I actually have no idea. All I really know is that it's a social construct. But it is core or else people would not get so twitchy about it.

I think some is construct and some isnt.  Mostly expressions on construct side.  Perception of it.
I dont think physical gender is construct.  I think thats hardwired.  But thats just me.

Complicted stuff.  

[Shan]

Feb 14, 2016 13:55:17 GMT 8 @cherie said:

I actually have no idea. All I really know is that it's a social construct. But it is core or else people would not get so twitchy about it.

I'm not good at discerning gender but I know that the world outside of my house has it as a simple, cut and dried concept based on externalities, (Penis = male, Vagina = female) with no consideration of the mental and spiritual aspect of my being or of how I may internalize myself in light of the CIS world around me. So yes, to the outside world it is merely a social construct with it's rigid boundaries that makes everyone securely either one or the other, and it makes me an anomaly that is difficult for them to mentally assimilate, so out of civility and politeness they switch their mindset to politically correct thought and let that suffice rather that have to bear any discomfort sorting through their own socially constructed bias's that they had ingrained in themselves beginning in their own childhood.   

[Deleted]

It's so weird. My wife keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm nonbinary, whilst I am having a dysphoric weekend. But she seems to be able to cope with non binary. Trans and mtf she really struggles to engage with. This year, she is finally also seeing a counsellor, something I am very happy about. But I think it is working her hard too, for her to understand gender as something that is not abstract, but as a real thing.

[Ayla]

Cherie

My wife has the same issue, concern and fear. I think she understands the concept at an intellectual and spiritual level but worries that the standard trans narrative may end up being our narrative and end our relationship. I have found that there is nothing I can do other than being honest with myself and with her. The fact that many non binaries physically transition to give themselves greater freedom to express themselves as non binary feeds into her fear. It would be great if she was bisexual but she isn't.

Still, in the space of 24 hrs we moved from talk of divorce and separation to a space of appreciation, affirmation, respect and love, so we can still believe that we have a future together.

Tomorrow I have another decision to make. Do I move to the max HRT implant or not?

Safe travels

Aisla

[Shan]

Feb 15, 2016 2:28:44 GMT 8 @cherie said:

It's so weird. My wife keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm nonbinary, whilst I am having a dysphoric weekend. But she seems to be able to cope with non binary. Trans and mtf she really struggles to engage with. This year, she is finally also seeing a counsellor, something I am very happy about. But I think it is working her hard too, for her to understand gender as something that is not abstract, but as a real thing.

Heterosexual women have a difficult time dealing with the idea that their spouse may turn into a woman. They can't envision themselves suddenly being thrust into a bi-sexual or lesbian relationship with someone that was formerly "their man". I get this and my own spouse went through it with me, and believe me it took some monumental finessing, loads of long heartfelt conversations. Feel free to PM me anytime you have thoughts or questions that you'd prefer to remain private.

[Taka]

gender is something innate. some people have more of it than others, or it is more defined and suits their genitals better. and because they're majority, they made it socially extremely difficult to not be like them.

but that will change. and as more non-cis people start living more in tune with their genders, i think we'll also find out that gender isn't purely a social construct.

it will be like the norwegian gender equality paradox. i don't think there are many countries where cis genders are more equal than in norway. we do have equal opportunities. but guess what, girls choose traditionally female jobs. not because anyone tells them to, but because they want to. while in india, which is hell for women, girls will try the best they can to become engineers, because that's the only way to get one's own life.
kind of funny to see that the reason some lines of work were traditionally male or female may have been because the majority of people interested were female.
i'm not too sure about those male jobs though, since it seems boys experience their own form of social pressure to be "manly".


but, my own view of gender is that it's an inner quality of someone's person.
seems i react more to people's way of speech, social conduct, and mannerisms, than whatever's on the outside.
it has me terribly confused at times, and makes me hate the lack of neutral pronouns and ways of addressing or referring to people in english and norwegian.

saami is so much easier. i can just disregard gender because people are persons unless i feel a need to point out they're a girl or a guy. and gendered pronouns don't exist.

[Trinity]

Feb 15, 2016 2:28:44 GMT 8 @cherie said:

It's so weird. My wife keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm nonbinary, whilst I am having a dysphoric weekend. But she seems to be able to cope with non binary. Trans and mtf she really struggles to engage with. This year, she is finally also seeing a counsellor, something I am very happy about. But I think it is working her hard too, for her to understand gender as something that is not abstract, but as a real thing.

More later on this.  Feel free to chat honey, take it slow.    Dont scare her, share your fears with us first.  She has a lot to process including her own fear.

Its something we hear a lot.  But when you are nb you don't have to go all the way, and you can still have your body needs met.  There are a lot of ways to play this deck of cards we drew.

We will help.