How to Come Out

[EchelonHunt]

How to Come Out:

Disclaimer: This article is a very basic in coming out. It is not the only way to come out, after all, everyone approaches coming out differently. Feel free to add onto the list with your own advice.

1. Make sure of your identity.

If you're still trying to figure it out, it may not be the best time to start telling people.

2. Make sure you will be safe if you tell people.

People have been thrown out of their homes or had their safety threatened. Don't endanger yourself. Have a back-up plan in-case things go badly, e.g. a friend may let you stay the night at their place if things are too tense at home.

3. Before coming out, think of what questions they might ask and have answers in mind just in case.

Some people may also have misconceptions about the labels you identify as, so it may be a good idea to research things like that so you can explain it.

4. Start with close friends.

You can always know that your closest friends are more likely to be the ones who accept you.

5. Come right out with your statement.

Beating around the bush or dodging the subject will (1) scare your friend or family member; or (2) give the impression that you're ashamed. Instead, simply make your statement calmly and then discuss as necessary.

6. Allow time for people to process and assimilate this revelation.

Some family members and/or friends may need a little time to get used to the idea. Be gentle with them and give them time to come around. You took some time to accept it within yourself, so others will too.

7. Understand that this is something that will have a huge impact on certain aspects of your life.

Some friends may need to detach for a while, some family members may act differently towards you. Your parents may even feel different and may react a bit angrily towards you. In certain cases, they may even disown you. Others will be drawn to you. Things will change, but if you are patient and don't try to force the issue - while at the same time, refusing to suppress or deny it - there's a good chance those changes will end up being very positive.

8. Live out without being in people's faces about it.

Not everyone will want to discuss bathroom etiquette, passing, effects of HRT, the "one way to be trans" narrative on a daily basis. Don't let the label of transgender consume you entirely as a person. Don't be afraid to talk about subjects you discussed before you came out, it will help your family members/friends realize you haven't changed as a person - which is important!

9.Be able and willing to discuss your identity with sincerely interested individuals.

Of course, you shouldn't put up with people who just want to harass and humiliate you or make you the butt of jokes. There are individuals who will want to know about your experiences since it is unlike anything they have heard of before. Set boundaries, only answer questions you feel comfortable answering. Answering their questions can help build education and a deeper understanding of one another as human beings.

10. Remember - 

Coming out is a process. It takes time - don't rush.

(Source - WikiHow )

[Laura J]

That's really good Jacey. Thanks.

I think I'll repost this article on the blog and fb.

I thought that "national coming out day" we had last year here in the states was so cool, it was such a big deal to a lot of people, including me.

[LivingTheDream]

I fail with #5...

[Deleted]

Feb 10, 2015 3:31:55 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

I fail with #5...

I think most people do. *hugs*

[bhhfmm]

By the time I came out, most people had figured it out anyway. But I did go around and tell them straight up in person so they wouldn't hear something wrong from someone else.

[Raven]

This is wonderful!

[Ayla]

Well, it has taken the best part of 2 years but near all my family, friends, clients and colleagues now know me as NB trans. The last person I told was my homophobic brother. This morning's conversation went just as well as every other conversation. In fact I apologised to him for leaving this late. I apologised to him saying that I was guilty of expecting that because he has made homophobic comments and is quite a conservative catholic that he would be transphobic. He wasn't transphobic. He was relieved that I was ok, insisted that this disclosure changed nothing. I no longer have to worry about discovery and disrespect, or more importantly I no longer worry about having an inauthentic perhaps dishonest relationship with my brother.

[Deleted]

Dec 11, 2015 11:02:25 GMT 8 Ayla said:

Well, it has taken the best part of 2 years but near all my family, friends, clients and colleagues now know me as NB trans. The last person I told was my homophobic brother. This morning's conversation went just as well as every other conversation. In fact I apologised to him for leaving this late. I apologised to him saying that I was guilty of expecting that because he has made homophobic comments and is quite a conservative catholic that he would be transphobic. He wasn't transphobic. He was relieved that I was ok, insisted that this disclosure changed nothing. I no longer have to worry about discovery and disrespect, or more importantly I no longer worry about having an inauthentic perhaps dishonest relationship with my brother.

That is both amazing and heartwarming... 

[Mingma]

Aisla,
Freeing isn't it? You no longer need remember who knows what and why. As with all pilgrimages this journey has a beginning, challenges and moments of clarity and release. You and I have had many of the little epiphanies, each one transformational or incremental by turns. Congratulations on the seeking and finding of freedom.

Namaste,
Ming