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1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Choices
Jan 13, 2016 19:26:01 GMT 8
Post by Trinity on Jan 13, 2016 19:26:01 GMT 8
Ok so I can socially morph into various presentations but its seldom all girl. We already know my physical gender itself is a constant that is fairly binary female. And strengthening...
And now i have been on the street all girl and its so different.
Yesterday i was in long island hair on. Walking on the street being read as she. Guy is salking dog, gets way off the sidewalk, lets me pass. I say thanks instinctively in that airy whisper voice that doesnt read, he smiles at me. Treats me like a lady.
And it felt true. Omg.
Unexpected, i've been so aggressively nb as a survival mech...now the brakes are off And i can find out who i really am.
External factors control every choice. Collateral damage, fear, sex, marriage, carreer, put pressures on self perception as we adapt and survive. Coming out of isolation is a big deal....taking it to the street a big deal...
Choices. No choice in being trans but many in how we live trans.
What choices did you make and what were the results? Mine so far cost me my job and home but gave me a better job and home will come again later, if i stay low profile. By now they gotta know im trans at work between the nails, rings and eyebrows. Those are choices that are driven...i chose to be comfortable even while stealthy. Just had it with the bs, the news section here drove me to fight back, i have had enough of being contolled by others who have no business controlling the most intimate and vital part of myself. The most basic part of me.
Hear the chains breaking? Yours and mine? Chains of fear and of domination?
So its getting interesting and i choose to be sh'e more than ever now. Because after all, isnt sh'e me?
Coming out of isolation is so key. It started here.
Choices? What did yours do for you, to you, to others?
Nails out hair down heart wide open...what i used to say. I still believe in that. Though it sounds egoistic.
Lovingly
Trinity
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Jul 24, 2015 4:03:56 GMT 8
351
Mingma
Prefer she/her am fine with they, not so hip on he.
391
Jun 20, 2015 1:16:10 GMT 8
June 2015
minga
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Post by Mingma on Jan 14, 2016 6:33:44 GMT 8
Ok so I can socially morph into various presentations but its seldom all girl. We already know my physical gender itself is a constant that is fairly binary female. And strengthening... Choices. No choice in being trans but many in how we live trans. What choices did you make and what were the results? Mine so far cost me my job and home but gave me a better job and home will come again later, if i stay low profile. By now they gotta know im trans at work between the nails, rings and eyebrows. Those are choices that are driven...i chose to be comfortable even while stealthy. Just had it with the bs, the news section here drove me to fight back, i have had enough of being contolled by others who have no business controlling the most intimate and vital part of myself. The most basic part of me. Yes we can make behavioral choices, but for me they are still affected by being trans and some of the choices allow no options really to who I am. I went on a rant yesterday and embarrassed myself a little (with my therapist). Might have been the whole locker room thing. I've been using the woman's locker room for years. For me to do otherwise would be to invite being attacked. I've been raped once and cannot imagine it again. I'm discrete and courteous but that isn't the point, I was really resentful of being in transition. I want it done and settled! I feel that I am being pushed into a binary decision because to choose otherwise is to damn hard. I want to be comfortable naked. I do not want to be careful. I want to live an anonymous normal life. I't doesn't seem to be in the cards. I hate this right now. Why couldn't I have been born a boy or a girl with the parts and the soul in congruence? Instead I have a body and spirit that won't really match regardless of what I finally do. The passing of David Bowie pushed this up to the surface for me and I still haven't processed it. He was a kind of hero to me in my twenties. Unreachable, magical, mythological even. I lusted after an androgynous reality. Now I don't want this to be my reality. I detested living as I did, I mostly love my life today - but I still don't feel that I fit and I lack the psychic strength to be proudly and happily queer. I don't know Trin maybe we're switching levels of acceptance. You are becoming good being s'he, I live s'he, and would just like to ditch all the apostrophes. Peace, Ming
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1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Jan 14, 2016 7:14:36 GMT 8
Ok so I can socially morph into various presentations but its seldom all girl. We already know my physical gender itself is a constant that is fairly binary female. And strengthening... Choices. No choice in being trans but many in how we live trans. What choices did you make and what were the results? Mine so far cost me my job and home but gave me a better job and home will come again later, if i stay low profile. By now they gotta know im trans at work between the nails, rings and eyebrows. Those are choices that are driven...i chose to be comfortable even while stealthy. Just had it with the bs, the news section here drove me to fight back, i have had enough of being contolled by others who have no business controlling the most intimate and vital part of myself. The most basic part of me. Yes we can make behavioral choices, but for me they are still affected by being trans and some of the choices allow no options really to who I am. I went on a rant yesterday and embarrassed myself a little (with my therapist). Might have been the whole locker room thing. I've been using the woman's locker room for years. For me to do otherwise would be to invite being attacked. I've been raped once and cannot imagine it again. I'm discrete and courteous but that isn't the point, I was really resentful of being in transition. I want it done and settled! I feel that I am being pushed into a binary decision because to choose otherwise is to damn hard. I want to be comfortable naked. I do not want to be careful. I want to live an anonymous normal life. I't doesn't seem to be in the cards. I hate this right now. Why couldn't I have been born a boy or a girl with the parts and the soul in congruence? Instead I have a body and spirit that won't really match regardless of what I finally do. The passing of David Bowie pushed this up to the surface for me and I still haven't processed it. He was a kind of hero to me in my twenties. Unreachable, magical, mythological even. I lusted after an androgynous reality. Now I don't want this to be my reality. I detested living as I did, I mostly love my life today - but I still don't feel that I fit and I lack the psychic strength to be proudly and happily queer. I don't know Trin maybe we're switching levels of acceptance. You are becoming good being s'he, I live s'he, and would just like to ditch all the apostrophes. Peace, Ming I would melt down in a ladies locker room as a no op. Ladies rooms are scary enough. I totally get it regarding the pressure. Hair on believe my i only show that which is she, fully passing. Which I am lucky enough to do out there. Social pressures are intense. Especially with fear as an enforcer. As to vaginas, look, if i could, id consider it, but not in my current living scenarios. Not worth the pain for me. Yeah im changing a lot. Sitting here with my wife, and i am in a skirt and sweater and all trans right now cause i need to be me.
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jasonmitchellemail@gmail.com
1
0
1
Dec 31, 2023 12:41:47 GMT 8
3,521
EchelonHunt
Avatar by @hitsukuya
3,193
Nov 17, 2014 22:05:35 GMT 8
November 2014
admin
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Post by EchelonHunt on Jan 14, 2016 13:16:38 GMT 8
I made the choice to seek out help from my GP to get bilateral mastectomy and hysterectomy when I was 16/17, I was begged him, tears in my eyes and all. He said nobody would perform such surgeries on me unless I had cancer in both areas or in regards to hysterectomy, if I had a family (aka, had kids) and didn't want anymore, I could get it done. I felt I had no options left, I fell down the downward spiral of depression, struggled against suicidal thoughts. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I began soul-searching and came to the conclusion I was transgender. I made the choice to come out to my parents as transgender. Hell broke loose, there were so many arguments, tension and hostility in the first few years. Eventually it dissolved slowly over time and while they have accepted it's not going to go away, no longer a "phase", they both support and don't support me in my transition. It's hard to describe. But our relationship towards one another has increased tenfold from what it was. I was a withdrawn, quiet person pre-HRT, I had zero relationship with my family, it's safe to say I was a stranger living with them. I didn't converse at dinner time, couldn't joke around, was overly sensitive, cried a lot. Now, I chip in at dinner, joke round heaps, no longer sensitive and rarely cry at all. I made the choice to start hormones, it alleviate the hellish dysphoria to tolerable levels. I find it most interesting that the dysphoria became focused on my breasts or genitalia. It was like being covered in chains from head to toe, suffocating in it, HRT cleared away most of the darkness, just many remain on my chest and genitalia region. I lost things people did to me only 'cause I was female, people stopped giving their seat up for me on the train, no looks of people undressing me with their eyes, nobody pestered me about my body weight, the societal pressure to conform to woman's beauty and weight goals vanished in thin air, I became invisible. However, what came was the societal pressure to fulfil the male stereotype of being a sexist, homophobic cis-guy and/or chauvinistic pig. I witnessed this firsthand at a pet warehouse store I worked at for the first time as a male. Many of the guys there would comment on attractive customers and expect me to join in. I'm sorry, I'm a gentleman, not a goofy teenager who can't stop his dick from standing at attention whenever a girl walks past. The most baffling thing was they perceived this as normal, acceptable behaviour. Women deserve more respect than to be objectified as a piece of meat to drool over. I made the choice to fly half-way around the world to stay my then-girlfriend for two months. I've learned people can make themselves seem like the most stable, well-centred individual online, only to be the complete opposite offline. She was unravelling at the seams. She expected me to conform to the male stereotype (basically a male version of herself) of being a sexist, homophobic cis-guy, something I was not. I also was personally coming to terms with my feminine traits and accepting them in myself. I also began to be comfortable with my choice to wear lingerie and similar clothing. She rejected this completely, abhorred this behaviour. I knew then we weren't going to last at all. I broke things off with her and that was that. The relationship ending led me to discover my non-binary identity. I don't identify with society's concepts or stereotypes of men or women at all. Embracing my non-binary identity allowed me to truly accept and love myself more than ever, something identifying as a transman started but couldn't quite complete. I made the choice to have top surgery. Things fell into place and moved so swimmingly, I knew it was the right time there and then to have it done. Having the breasts gone lifted a weight off my shoulders and removed the chains surrounding my chest. I got to wear chemise and bras and feel blissfully content with how it looked. I made the choice begin the path to getting a hysterectomy done this year. The information became available to me out of the blue via the transmen FB group and I jumped at it. For me, it was either making a choice, a risk to be happy or make no choice and suffer in silence in a body I am unhappy with. Great topic, Trinity
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131
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1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Jan 14, 2016 19:14:12 GMT 8
We choose to be brave
We choose to face the fear
We choose to keep what is right and ours
We choose not to hide
We choose to hide for a season till the time is right.
We choose to love and not hate
We choose to survive and to live
We choose to touch and to heal
We choose the warriors way
We choose a life that is truth.
We are trans.
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17
0
Feb 26, 2021 11:29:15 GMT 8
1,139
Ayla
m2me
5,298
Nov 19, 2014 19:54:37 GMT 8
November 2014
aisla
Female
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Ayla on Jan 14, 2016 20:40:54 GMT 8
Ming/Trin
"Instead I have a body and spirit that won't really match regardless of what I finally do. The passing of David Bowie pushed this up to the surface for me and I still haven't processed it. He was a kind of hero to me in my twenties. Unreachable, magical, mythological even. I lusted after an androgynous reality. Now I don't want this to be my reality. I detested living as I did, I mostly love my life today - but I still don't feel that I fit and I lack the psychic strength to be proudly and happily queer.
I don't know Trin maybe we're switching levels of acceptance. You are becoming good being s'he, I live s'he, and would just like to ditch all the apostrophes." Ming
There are continual twists and turns on our journeys. Perhaps our journey just is just a möbius loop and at the end we are left where we started, just with ourself. Alternatively perhaps our journeys require us to fold time and space to move from our current universe to a reality that better reflects that of our core or essential self.
Sometimes I think that we have very little choice - to grow or to shrink, to flourish or to fade, to express or to shut down, to journey forward or to turn away ... to choose authenticity or to live with artifice, as a simulcram or construct designed by others for others.
I am enjoying a more honest, more andro space. Most everyone I know, knows me to be trans. They often times appear confused, perhaps expecting me to radically transform from one binary presentation to another, but that is not my truth. HRT et al, were only pursued to shut down my dysphoria. Physical changes are part of the package but other than longer hair, permanent hair removal and andro cues eg shaped brows, pony tail, some mild FFS remodelling and the return of my breasts I don't think that I am really that different. My hobbies remain the same, I still like active sports and I still prefer female company but now I am a whole lot more comfortable with myself. I just feel better and more honest with myself and with others.
Perhaps if my wife was more supportive I might consider a full transition as my sense is that those who are female bodied have more presentation amplitude available and find more social acceptance when 'bending' their presentation.
This week has been more challenging than most. David Bowie's death has hit me hard. Bowie first showed me that being andro or feminising myself was a possibility. Now they have reminded me that we don't have a lot of time on this planet and that I need to keep exploring, traveling and growing. A waste of this human life would be a waste of a precious opportunity.
Safe travels
Aisla
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May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Jan 14, 2016 21:01:06 GMT 8
The choice I made to listen to the nonbinaries in another forest most likely saved my life. The nonbinaries that chose to leave that forest and create a new one, one of freedom rich in life and joy and pain and truth. The nonbinaries that still remain here. Then others joined us, both binary and nonbinary are here, but the truth of freedom to live our genders as we understand them, without fear of rebuttal, it is part of them too.
It was the dream we shared, to have a place where we could all be as one. It is a dream fulfilled, right now.
By choosing to see through the gender matrix, it became possible to understand nonlineal gender. By choosing, if it was a choice at all, high octane HRT, the body I need, while falling short of where I want it (boobs, still believe they will grow though), it does all that Aisla said, and I retain all of the traditionally male enjoyments, including playing football in the backyard. I have not changed, but she in me was set free, and I became they, I became sh'e.
I am sorry that others feel incomplete, but are they? You may be more complete than you know.
I woke up in joy this morning. The symphony of gender played, and I picked up my guitar and sang a song of thanksgiving to my God who accepts me as I am, fully transitioned, truly me. In the car, I enjoyed being myself, he, in the moment, behind the wheel, and I saw a handsome man in the mirror, and smiled, for a half hour before sh'e was all girl, in h'er resting state of truth. Sh'e thinks he is hot, in the mirror, he thinks she is beautiful, in the mirror, I am pleased, it makes me smile, I am we.
The music plays and the instruments are becoming better and upgraded, we play to the audience out there, the core aware and conducting the freeform symphony as the music of gender plays a remarkable song. Dynamic as music, is my gender, free and new. Occassionally I fall out of tune and a section becomes unbalanced, but it always returns to its freedom and harmony.
This is the dream for me of the nonbinary, to have the body I need, the lifestyles I choose, the freedom to be any gender I wish to the outside world, while within, amused, is Trinity, unplugged from the matrix yet enjoying all that the matrix offers and so freely gives, immersed in she, in he, in truth, in me. Whole. Complete. Trans.
What did I choose?
Truth.
Trinity
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Jul 24, 2015 4:03:56 GMT 8
351
Mingma
Prefer she/her am fine with they, not so hip on he.
391
Jun 20, 2015 1:16:10 GMT 8
June 2015
minga
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Post by Mingma on Jan 14, 2016 22:54:36 GMT 8
Everyone,
Beautifully Put. Truth is really the only choice we truly make. All the rest is the consequence of that fundamental and vital choice.
Thank You,
Ming
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