Post by Edge on Jan 19, 2015 7:48:07 GMT 8
I’ve noticed that, since transitioning, I’ve become a lot more of a feminist. Except I get really frustrated with other people’s perceptions of feminist issues. This probably makes me come across as “that guy” who think he understands women’s issues, but to be fair, I did live as a woman for many years and have experienced many things.
I also have a difficult time explaining the things that I think are issues because they’re subtle.
For example, on a writing group I’m in on facebook it came up that some people think a guy who has had multiple, consensual, female partners would consider women objects. I’m having trouble explaining that the assumption that the guy would automatically not consider these women as people is harmful because of the assumptions it makes about the women. It’s hard to explain that painting these women as victims assumes that they don’t like sex, wouldn’t choose to have these kinds of relationships for themselves, and that their choices are bad. That’s not the least bit empowering. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fair share of experiences with guys who saw me as an object and that definitely happens, but I’ve also had my fair share of issues due to the assumption that I must be considered as an object because I let guys have sex with me. I still struggle with a warped view of sex for quite awhile because it was drilled in my head that having sex means the other person can’t respect me.
Along the same lines is the idea that women shouldn’t “give it up too early.” This was drilled into my head so much that I thought it was the truth and that there was therefore something (which I couldn’t actually put my finger on) wrong with me for doing something “wrong.” (I can understand to an extent if this was told to me just by Christians although I’d get annoyed, but this was taught to me by all sorts of people.) It wasn’t until I realized that guys aren’t taught this that I looked closer at why women are. Turns out, it’s because it’s assumed that the only reason to treat women well is for sex. It also essentially says that it's the woman's fault for the way the guy treats her which is not fair to either. I know that not everyone consciously thinks that when they tell women not to “give it up too early.” Most people are probably like I was where it was completely subconscious and don’t actually understand where this idea comes from. It’s still harmful.
In a way, that may even make it more harmful since it's easier to fight something one sees and understands.
It seems to me that these things that, on the surface, seem to be to protect women from being treated as objects are actually the very things that teach that women are. It’s subtle messages like these that I think are a huge problem.
Or maybe it's just me. I don't know how other people feel about these things.
Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m getting at. Just that I’ve really been noticing and arguing against things like these since I started transitioning. I wonder if socially transitioning helped me see these things, if I noticed because I looked more into gender things in general, or if I am just slightly less messed up.
I also have a difficult time explaining the things that I think are issues because they’re subtle.
For example, on a writing group I’m in on facebook it came up that some people think a guy who has had multiple, consensual, female partners would consider women objects. I’m having trouble explaining that the assumption that the guy would automatically not consider these women as people is harmful because of the assumptions it makes about the women. It’s hard to explain that painting these women as victims assumes that they don’t like sex, wouldn’t choose to have these kinds of relationships for themselves, and that their choices are bad. That’s not the least bit empowering. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fair share of experiences with guys who saw me as an object and that definitely happens, but I’ve also had my fair share of issues due to the assumption that I must be considered as an object because I let guys have sex with me. I still struggle with a warped view of sex for quite awhile because it was drilled in my head that having sex means the other person can’t respect me.
Along the same lines is the idea that women shouldn’t “give it up too early.” This was drilled into my head so much that I thought it was the truth and that there was therefore something (which I couldn’t actually put my finger on) wrong with me for doing something “wrong.” (I can understand to an extent if this was told to me just by Christians although I’d get annoyed, but this was taught to me by all sorts of people.) It wasn’t until I realized that guys aren’t taught this that I looked closer at why women are. Turns out, it’s because it’s assumed that the only reason to treat women well is for sex. It also essentially says that it's the woman's fault for the way the guy treats her which is not fair to either. I know that not everyone consciously thinks that when they tell women not to “give it up too early.” Most people are probably like I was where it was completely subconscious and don’t actually understand where this idea comes from. It’s still harmful.
In a way, that may even make it more harmful since it's easier to fight something one sees and understands.
It seems to me that these things that, on the surface, seem to be to protect women from being treated as objects are actually the very things that teach that women are. It’s subtle messages like these that I think are a huge problem.
Or maybe it's just me. I don't know how other people feel about these things.
Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m getting at. Just that I’ve really been noticing and arguing against things like these since I started transitioning. I wonder if socially transitioning helped me see these things, if I noticed because I looked more into gender things in general, or if I am just slightly less messed up.