Embracing Feminine Qualities as a NB Transboy
Nov 1, 2015 1:22:27 GMT 8
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Post by EchelonHunt on Nov 1, 2015 1:22:27 GMT 8
For the longest time in my life, I always believed that liking stereotypically feminine activities or fashion meant that it would validate the fact I was born female, like that people would think, "Oh, she is a girl who is enjoying girly things. That is normal and to be expected." I did not want people to think of me as a girl. I removed myself so far from the label of "girl" that even though I was referred to as a girl, daughter, she in front of peers or family, it did not register in my mind that I was a girl. From a young age, I knew I was not a girl but I was a boy who needed to have his gentalia fixed in order to function properly.
I had situations where I was forced to wear stereotypical feminine clothing for "formal" events (e.g. graduation, interviews, birthday parties, etc.) I absolutely hated those times and in those moments, I hated the clothes I wore too. It made me hate female clothing with a strong passion, even just remembering the memory and experiences makes me angry all over again. At myself for not standing up for myself more, at my parents for insisting I have to wear the outfits.
There was one time I let my sister put make-up on me for a party was because I asked her to. She was happy to do so and acted like this was the perfect moment to develop the sisterly bond between us. That was awkward and I didn't really This was one situation where I experimented with being girly, to see if I could embrace it. I wore a pink jumper, dangly earrings and everything. The end result was a disaster. I felt fake, like I was trying too hard to be something I'm not. It was a sobering experience for me.
When I began HRT, I found I became more comfortable in my skin, in myself and my identity as a male. My self-confidence rose, my low self-esteem began to mend, I slowly became less submissive and more assertive. This continues to change over time slowly but surely.
I found myself, over time, harbouring a curiosity towards stereotypically feminine activities and clothing. I became friends with a gay boy who wasn't afraid to experiment with make-up and daring outfits. It reminded me of my childhood friend I once had, he was an effeminate boy who enjoyed dressing up as Superman, Spiderman or Power Rangers with me. We were both sort of the odd ones out in our class at the time but we became good friends. I was curious about make-up at first, dresses/skirts then lingerie.
There is a strong desire to express femininity. I feel feminine, not necessarily female. It is like Kaoru Oshima says, "I look like a girl but I don't want to *be* a girl." describes my feelings to a T. Things like smooth, hairless skin, long hair, soft feminine facial features are something I long to have once again. I even want to focus on training my voice to be feminine so I can switch between masculine and feminine at will.
I still want a penis and I still identify as male in terms of sexual identity/behaviour and what my physical sex has to be in order to silence the body dysphoria.
And that is okay.
Your gender expression doesn't have to equate with your gender identity or your sex.
I had situations where I was forced to wear stereotypical feminine clothing for "formal" events (e.g. graduation, interviews, birthday parties, etc.) I absolutely hated those times and in those moments, I hated the clothes I wore too. It made me hate female clothing with a strong passion, even just remembering the memory and experiences makes me angry all over again. At myself for not standing up for myself more, at my parents for insisting I have to wear the outfits.
There was one time I let my sister put make-up on me for a party was because I asked her to. She was happy to do so and acted like this was the perfect moment to develop the sisterly bond between us. That was awkward and I didn't really This was one situation where I experimented with being girly, to see if I could embrace it. I wore a pink jumper, dangly earrings and everything. The end result was a disaster. I felt fake, like I was trying too hard to be something I'm not. It was a sobering experience for me.
When I began HRT, I found I became more comfortable in my skin, in myself and my identity as a male. My self-confidence rose, my low self-esteem began to mend, I slowly became less submissive and more assertive. This continues to change over time slowly but surely.
I found myself, over time, harbouring a curiosity towards stereotypically feminine activities and clothing. I became friends with a gay boy who wasn't afraid to experiment with make-up and daring outfits. It reminded me of my childhood friend I once had, he was an effeminate boy who enjoyed dressing up as Superman, Spiderman or Power Rangers with me. We were both sort of the odd ones out in our class at the time but we became good friends. I was curious about make-up at first, dresses/skirts then lingerie.
There is a strong desire to express femininity. I feel feminine, not necessarily female. It is like Kaoru Oshima says, "I look like a girl but I don't want to *be* a girl." describes my feelings to a T. Things like smooth, hairless skin, long hair, soft feminine facial features are something I long to have once again. I even want to focus on training my voice to be feminine so I can switch between masculine and feminine at will.
I still want a penis and I still identify as male in terms of sexual identity/behaviour and what my physical sex has to be in order to silence the body dysphoria.
And that is okay.
Your gender expression doesn't have to equate with your gender identity or your sex.