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Ayla
m2me
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Nov 19, 2014 19:54:37 GMT 8
November 2014
aisla
Female
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Ayla on Jan 2, 2015 10:49:58 GMT 8
To me, personally, it means being real. Being transparent, honest, a person who dooesn't twist words, who does no mind games and her actions reflect her beliefs. To me that's the most important. It's to be free in your skin whichever way you are presenting. External presentation does not have much to do with authenticity to me, it's part of your style, how you want to present yourself, but it really is not the most important. The real you lies within your heart. Transition for me is just a confirmation of what there is inside already. Persephone Just noticed that this was your first post. Would like to give you a warm welcome and I look forward to further posts and discussion. Changing, transitioning and transforming validates and expresses my truth, my core. It feels like I am becoming more real, acting more from my heart and from my soul, and less from my head and according to the expectations of others. Safe travels aisla
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guest@proboards.com
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2015 7:42:05 GMT 8
To me, personally, it means being real. Being transparent, honest, a person who dooesn't twist words, who does no mind games and her actions reflect her beliefs. To me that's the most important. It's to be free in your skin whichever way you are presenting. External presentation does not have much to do with authenticity to me, it's part of your style, how you want to present yourself, but it really is not the most important. The real you lies within your heart. Transition for me is just a confirmation of what there is inside already. Nice comments from a Greek goddess, I couldn't agree more!
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Leena
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veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Jan 3, 2015 12:59:47 GMT 8
I posted this in another forest. It's funny how my answer then was so different than it is now. I'm tired of pretending to be a man, even if there clearly are some benefits to it. I'm also tired of presenting as a slightly androgynous guy, even though that too has some benefits. I underdressed today for the first time at work, and I don't really care what the transphobic guys at work say anymore. At this moment, I want to be Veronica all the time, even if it means I have to give up some things. That said, this time last week I was visiting family for the holidays, and was almost totally flipped masculine…it seems when I have to do that, there is always an equal and opposite reaction, but I don't know this time…something feels different...
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May 20, 2020 11:46:45 GMT 8
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Patty
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Nov 19, 2014 19:40:30 GMT 8
November 2014
patty
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Post by Patty on Jan 3, 2015 13:19:32 GMT 8
I posted this in another forest. It's funny how my answer then was so different than it is now. I'm tired of pretending to be a man, even if there clearly are some benefits to it. I'm also tired of presenting as a slightly androgynous guy, even though that too has some benefits. I underdressed today for the first time at work, and I don't really care what the transphobic guys at work say anymore. At this moment, I want to be Veronica all the time, even if it means I have to give up some things. That said, this time last week I was visiting family for the holidays, and was almost totally flipped masculine…it seems when I have to do that, there is always an equal and opposite reaction, but I don't know this time…something feels different... I totally understand what you are saying.Wearing and or presenting masculine drove me so crazy that 5 months before HRT I went full time. Shocked a lot of people but it was for my well being and not theirs. They got used to it after a while so everything is ok now.Dealing with a work environment is past history as I retired years ago, now I am not sure what or how I would have dealt with that problem as it was a very hardcore male job and I was the manager.Best wishes for a safe and happy journey. Patty
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Leena
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veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Jan 4, 2015 14:44:13 GMT 8
Work really is the primary reason I don't transition and go full time. I could probably find another job that I could at least present as the slightly androgynous guy in skinny jeans look, rather than business casual, which there is only so much I can do with. I don't know that I can find one as, from an employer's perspective, essentially just a crossdresser, especially one that does not come of as super confident. I feel a little better today, I went out to the mall today, and saw a few obviously MAAB that were pushing a genderqueer look much further than I ever pushed it publicly. I'm lucky that I live in an area that this is not uncommon, I probably should do this a bit more before going out wearing a dress.
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Anato
Full Member
Posts: 125
Gender: Genderfluid
Pronouns: She/He/Ze/They
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Aug 3, 2015 5:41:04 GMT 8
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Anato
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Nov 26, 2014 3:32:01 GMT 8
November 2014
anonbear
Genderfluid
She/He/Ze/They
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Post by Anato on Jan 5, 2015 3:37:26 GMT 8
Being honest. With yourself (and others if possible).
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Patty
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Post by Patty on Jan 5, 2015 11:31:44 GMT 8
Work really is the primary reason I don't transition and go full time. I could probably find another job that I could at least present as the slightly androgynous guy in skinny jeans look, rather than business casual, which there is only so much I can do with. I don't know that I can find one as, from an employer's perspective, essentially just a crossdresser, especially one that does not come of as super confident. I feel a little better today, I went out to the mall today, and saw a few obviously MAAB that were pushing a genderqueer look much further than I ever pushed it publicly. I'm lucky that I live in an area that this is not uncommon, I probably should do this a bit more before going out wearing a dress. We all need to work it pays the bills, my life was spent split, work as a guy when off work and in a safe place I would dress to make my core happy and find peace .I did that all my life,two different lives linked to one body and always the fear of discovery. My meltdown changed everything and forced me to become my core inside and out and was the best thing for me. After 18 months full time I am pretty comfortable the more you do it the more confident in yourself you become and it shows. Just dress to blend in with what the others are wearing if they are wearing pants and a top follow their lead and you will blend in perfectly unless your 6'6"like me I can't blend in anywhere but I try and am surprising successful. Confidence is really a key here and it does take practice,walk with a purpose, shop with a purpose and just relax and be yourself. Patty
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Leena
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veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Jan 5, 2015 14:06:31 GMT 8
Confidence is really a key here and it does take practice,walk with a purpose, shop with a purpose and just relax and be yourself. I'm trying to avoid having a meltdown, but my fluidity really messes with my confidence. Not the social fluidity I have to do for work, and sometimes family purposes, I 'm fine with that, but the mental fluidity that sometimes wants SRS and sometimes wants to just be a heterosexual guy, not so much. I was totally sure I wanted SRS before puberty, but I actually do really enjoy having sex like a heterosexual guy. I don't know how to get past this conflict though. I've always known I was a girl, but I don't entirely hate the body and genitals I have. My only real issue with testosterone is that it wants to put hair in places I don't want and take away hair from the one place I do want it, but there are other ways of dealing with the hair issues than HRT. Maybe considering this conflict as fluidity is not correct. I have a deep desire for a vagina because I am girl, but I'm not sure I want SRS because I have no way of knowing if I'll be lucky and be in the 70% that are orgasmic, and am sure that I'll have a hard time finding cis-women who are willing to be partners with me. Actually, this conflict is resolved now that put it all together, thanks. I am a girl but I don't want SRS because I don't like the current techniques, and don't currently know a woman that would want to have sex with me post-op. Both of these could change in the future, but regardless, I simply am a girl that is OK with having a male body, because for now, that's the best available option as she sees it. I'm going to decorate my body as feminine as I can get away with because I don't really care that people know I'm a girl, because I am a girl.
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Patty
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Nov 19, 2014 19:40:30 GMT 8
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Post by Patty on Jan 5, 2015 18:58:09 GMT 8
Veronica in describing yourself you have just described me and a lot of others whom I have had the privilege of sitting down one on one and speaking with. Go back and read some of my old posts I think that you may find them interesting.One thing though I did not realize that there was even a name for what I felt till I was 63, just thought I was really weird. Many of us do have conflicts, I lived with mine all my life knowing and accepting has changed my life around. Patty
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
Deleted
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guest@proboards.com
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May 19, 2024 20:08:42 GMT 8
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2015 20:01:35 GMT 8
We are all quite the same and quite different, I found that as time went on it was easier to accept. I have no male sexuality at all left, although with my wife I am the aggressor, until we frolic and I spin her on top of me or do other traditionally female physical things either with her or with me. But I can live with the thing between my legs, the view from the top dissassiates it with the rest of me physically, it always has been like that for me, and I can see the physical female I absolutely need to see.
But SRS is off the table, and I am bisexual choosing to remain faithful to my wife, 24/7. I would love the neo, but not the consequences of having one. So I remain as is. Besides my shrink is totally against it for me. He seems to have my family in mind as well as me.
It works itself out, over time, but it seemed to take quite a lot of therapy and time on the forum to figure it out for me.
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Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
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Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Jan 6, 2015 11:03:58 GMT 8
It works itself out, over time, but it seemed to take quite a lot of therapy and time on the forum to figure it out for me. I may actually need therapy and HRT. I thought somehow I was different than everyone else, but I don't know now. I guess I didn't really ever seriously consider HRT only and not SRS. Maybe it's because when I first heard of SRS when I was 8, I didn't know about hormones, I just thought everyone just had SRS and a boob job and that was it, and I really always thought that until relatively recently, I didn't really see how I would ever be viewed as a woman. I did a little research when I first got online in the 90's, but saw the price tag and didn't really want to know much more because I didn't see myself ever being able to afford it, and just fought thinking about it which was working good until a few years ago I tried to start my own business, and had as much free time as I wanted, safe to say my business never even launched, as I pretty much spent all my time drinking and reading posts on that other place. The drinking isn't really as much of a problem now, I can get that under control. I thought somehow, I could do the same with these thoughts, but this isn't an addiction, even if I might crave certain outfits and such.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Deleted
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guest@proboards.com
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May 19, 2024 20:08:42 GMT 8
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2015 12:14:40 GMT 8
Far more complex than addiction, though there can be someeparallels there. And hrt is heavy stuff. It's more than hormones, more than surgery, more than presentation. It's the core of who we are, and it takes wisdom and the eyes of trustworthy others to help us find our way.
The booze will screw with that, clarity is crucial.
I had to do hrt. I had to do therapy. I use the wisdom of aa. I needed all of it.
And I am doing great, hormonal mtf no op.
You will.find yourself, you are well into it, line up your allies, keep chatting with us. It's big stuff, you'll need us.
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Jun 29, 2023 11:06:51 GMT 8
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LivingTheDream
276
Nov 19, 2014 22:31:27 GMT 8
November 2014
livingthedream
Female
She/Her
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Post by LivingTheDream on Jan 6, 2015 14:28:24 GMT 8
Take your time, look into it, decide on what you want, which way you would like to go, that's my advice. There is no hurry and looking into something, learning, getting more info about something can't hurt right?
I am weird cuz I didn't hear about any of this stuff until pretty recently, like a year ago recently..No idea about srs or hrt, anything till then. Funny thing is, was already self medding with something, trying feminize my appearance...Found out a lot and started doing the "right" way, I guess. Found out there is stronger, and real, stuff out there for this and was like I had to do it. Even with all the info I had on this (I lived on places like this for like a year lol, seriously, way too much...), still was a bit worried when time was approaching to start, perhaps am still a bit, but excited at the same time. Has only been a lil bit since then but still going strong, nothing huge or life changing happened (disclaimer: not a doc, everyone's experience diff, blah blah, all that good stuff!)
So ya, I say, look into it, get more info, figure out what you want.
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Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Jan 6, 2015 16:20:15 GMT 8
Far more complex than addiction, though there can be someeparallels there. And hrt is heavy stuff. It's more than hormones, more than surgery, more than presentation. It's the core of who we are, and it takes wisdom and the eyes of trustworthy others to help us find our way. The booze will screw with that, clarity is crucial. I had to do hrt. I had to do therapy. I use the wisdom of aa. I needed all of it. And I am doing great, hormonal mtf no op. You will.find yourself, you are well into it, line up your allies, keep chatting with us. It's big stuff, you'll need us. Whether my problem with booze or my gender issues gets resolved first doesn't really matter to me. I do want both of them resolved eventually, though I don't know that it needs to be the alcohol problem first…I'd actually like them to be less interconnected…and they already are, there was a time I had to be drunk to be Veronica, now I pretty much always am, even if I am not presenting. A very big mental transition has happened…I do want to drink even less, I don't like the AA ideal of none never, but if I were to take a break, and not have any alcohol until a long while from now, it would probably be a good thing for me, if nothing else, it will give me the opportunity to lose the weight I really want and need to...
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Deleted Member
Posts: 0
Deleted
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guest@proboards.com
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May 19, 2024 20:08:42 GMT 8
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2015 18:49:07 GMT 8
Sounds familiar, and booze anddtrans? I'd wind up on a bar floor looking like a slut in heat.
I had to hit a hard bottom on booze. It takes the realization of being out of control and hopeless. You probably are not there.
It's going to be exciting to watch how you progress and make your choices.
Everyone's journey is there own. I had a good shrink session yesterday. We talked about progression, I have definitely shifted more. It's a process for sure, and I don't think the endgame is clear, not for me. So I live for today, and chat here. Even if I am incorrect, people know someone actually cares.
One last thing, knowing and accepting my core was everything. Now it's about the courage to show that core.
You seem to be in a good place to me..
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