An odd day and an encounter with the boss

[Deleted]

I want to put this into the public eye, in case it helps others.

I had a rather long conversation with the owner of our company tonight. 

During the course of the conversation, the following items came up.

1.    Folks at work are afraid of me, afraid to say the wrong thing, uncomfortable.

2.    Since I was a guy there for 8 years, they see me as a guy who wears makeup and jewelry, and is crazy.

3.    I have to watch my cleavage more.  Huh.  some guy, right?

4.    They have no clue of understanding whatsoever about me. 

5.    She thinks the customer base sees me as a guy, I think they see me as a girl, and both of us thinks they dont notice or care much anyway.

6.    She has no problem with people calling me sir around the customers.  I do.  But I have no problem with them sirring me privately as long as it is with respect.


We talked about the physical side of transgender, she does not believe it.    She also suggested that God could stop me from being trans, that it may have been why He said to me "trust me".  I told her she was incorrect, but she seems to not get the pain levels of dysphoria at all.  I had to compare it to depression.

Anyone else get caught up in this type of scenario?  My presentation is pretty well known around here...

No not looking for advice.  I have a stable scenario going and wont rock the boat, will stay low profile, and told the big boss that.  Just wanted to see what others experience in the workplace, it seems like a good open topic, regardless of our gender identifications.

-Trinity

[Ativan Prescribed]

Depression is an emptiness, a profound sadness, something that at the time feels like there is no way out, to an extent that it's hard to do just that.

Gender dysphoria is knowing that something is profoundly wrong and that you just know there is a way, that if you look hard enough you can find a way.
Social gender dysphoria is similar to depression and can feel like there is no way out as well, but the tendency is to at least look.

Logic aside, it's how I see all three, and none of them are an easy thing to deal with.
The best of logical sense is kinda like your only weapon, and when depressed, it seems ineffective.
I initially felt lost with gender dysphoria, either way. But only because I lacked a map, compass, direction.
Depression has only the map you make yourself out of experience to use, direction is hazy and what compass?

But the effects of dysphoria are non-stop for the most part, it can back off, but it's always there until you do find a way through it.
Depression can be like that, but it never has been for me, I always felt like it would go away as well as it being hopeless, it only feels like there is no way out.
Logic is hard to use, seems like it won't work, but instinctively you know it will get better one way or another, despite how it feels.
Dysphoria can leave you feeling hopeless, but it isn't as much a part of it like it is with depression.
It's rough and hard to deal with, but not hopeless, it just seems like you need to turn a corner and in a sense you do eventually.
You can think your way out of the hopelessness and you know there just has to be a way, depression doesn't have a way, even though you logically know it does.
If any of that makes sense, then you have likely gone through both at levels headed towards extreme.

Your boss relies on one thing as a cure all for what ails yah.
It doesn't work like that, beliefs like that, work like a cheerleading section in life.
You still have to go out there and play the game if you expect to win.
If that wasn't true, then we wouldn't have to do a thing about anything, just wait and if you believe hard enough, it just happens.
I think participation goes a long ways in making beliefs like that work much better, if you want to win. Don't participate, don't expect to win, regardless.
Beliefs are just fine, we all have our own, but you have to believe in yourself before another one is going to help you along in life.

[Deleted]

Good Star.

Yeah this place is one battlefield. What she said was revealing, it was a flat out rejection of the truth of gender dysphoria, and a total refusal to see me as anything but male. Body changes and all, there is a refusal to accept it.
Lines were drawn in the sand last night, both of us hardened in our position. She is much more sympathetic to the cos and their discomfort, and said I had to be uncomfortable looking as I did.

Cynthia was spot on.

It raises questions about my current job search. How to handle that.

I want nails on clear coat at the interviews...

But the revalation was her attitude, her unwillingness to acknowledge mixed gender. That's why she barred me from the girls bathroom, and I won't use the men's...I go to the non gendered one upstairs.

At work transition. Bet it's similar for others here too.

Personally I don't care. If they leave me alone I am.ok.with it. If not, I will deal with that.

Oh we need the protection laws. Big time.


As to dysphoria... I'll post again later.

Off to work.

Trinity

[Cynthia13]

She's sympathetic to what she, and the others that agree with her, views as their side. They lack the understanding, knowledge or even the willingness to gain any of these items. They remain stuck in their thinking of "normal" out of what? Fear? Judgement? Superiority? Or maybe just utter ignorance? People tend to be so black or white.

The comment regarding God's ability to fix you proves further faulty thinking if you ask me. God doesn't make mistakes so...

It's a shame that others aren't comfortable or are afraid, but that's not your problem. It's their's, don't own it as yours. Hopefully their fear is based in the an unwillingness to say or do something that would hurt or offend you, at least them there'd be some compassion.

At this point, I honestly pity them. Their closed minds keep them trapped and stunted in all of the posibilities of growth potential. If they remain that way, look at all they'll lose... there are some amazing people in this world that could teach and share a great many beautiful qualities all lost because of their lackings.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Saying they are afraid and uncomfortable are both really their problem and not yours.
But they put it on you just the same, an easy out for them, rather than having to confront a situation that they don't understand.
I like what Star did, it took the confrontational aspect out of it and if it is a problem, they own it.
Perhaps you can find an easy on them way to do the same thing, you'll have to make it about you, in easy enough terms they can understand.
That it has reached a certain level of confrontation already, makes it harder to do, but not impossible.
It kinda gives you an edge if you do want to hold a meeting, you already know how they are thinking, even if it is confrontational.
Use what you have learned as a way to alleviate their fears. Spin them back around in a harmless way of assurance that they don't need to feel uncomfortable.
Tell them you understand how hard it might be because this is their first time having to deal with it. Remind them that it is your first time as well...