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Post by EchelonHunt on Dec 20, 2014 12:37:07 GMT 8
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 22:54:42 GMT 8
I would rather get bammed. Wouldn't you dear? Oh my...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 22:55:48 GMT 8
Alright everyone, be on your best behavior. Jacey's here. We all don't want to get banned. Sarcasm of course. Ummm
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 23:00:29 GMT 8
See my edit regarding kids in last post. Hi Trinity, try to google: transgender parenting, lots off stuff here. Great tip will do dear thanks
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 23:27:42 GMT 8
How old are your kids? how menu? Boy's, girls? Their ages and maturity levels make a lot of difference as to how they will respond to a transitioning parent.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 23:55:29 GMT 8
How old are your kids? how menu? Boy's, girls? Their ages and maturity levels make a lot of difference as to how they will respond to a transitioning parent. 20,22,25. 25 has the anxiety disorder, 20 is fuzzy, and 22 fully accepted ans is buying me a bra for Christmas. The dear.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 23:56:05 GMT 8
Girls all.
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jasonmitchellemail@gmail.com
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Post by EchelonHunt on Dec 21, 2014 0:14:20 GMT 8
Aw, Fuzzy being the youngest
While I think getting a bra for Christmas is very nifty (how I would love to receive lingerie sets for Christmas...!), have you thought whether your wife and eldest daughter may react differently?
Anxiety disorders are no fun, I suffer from anxiety and the stress accumulated from it daily.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2014 0:15:04 GMT 8
They'll all come around, don't worry sweetie. At least they aren't really young and have to deal with the teasing some get at school for having a transitioning parent. All girls will eventually get on board easier than boys will. Just be your patient loving self and try not to be too weirdly overboard in front of them and it will happen.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2014 0:20:54 GMT 8
Aw, Fuzzy being the youngest
While I think getting a bra for Christmas is very nifty (how I would love to receive lingerie sets for Christmas...!), have you thought whether your wife and eldest daughter may react differently?
Anxiety disorders are no fun, I suffer from anxiety and the stress accumulated from it daily. (((hugs)))
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Post by EchelonHunt on Dec 21, 2014 0:58:37 GMT 8
Aw thanks Shan. It's not a biggie, having coping methods in place has made me deal with them better
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2014 5:04:32 GMT 8
Aw, Fuzzy being the youngest
While I think getting a bra for Christmas is very nifty (how I would love to receive lingerie sets for Christmas...!), have you thought whether your wife and eldest daughter may react differently?
Anxiety disorders are no fun, I suffer from anxiety and the stress accumulated from it daily. (((hugs))) That gift will be a hidden one. :-)
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 20:36:12 GMT 8
Resurrected thread for Cherie..do we have additions now that almost a year has passed?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 21:58:54 GMT 8
An interesting thread worthy of continuation. In retrospect I was in the heart of trans puberty and stuggling to come to terms with just about everything. In the year that followed, I did shave the beard. At the time of the original post I was still trapped in binary thinking. All or nothing transition thinking. He/She thinking. In the year that followed, as many many times my wife and I communicated, and Fuzzy and I communicated, my daughter, go back and see what she posted in the introduction thread as an SO it will rock you back on your heels... but in the year that followed I did find the freedom to become myself and keep my relationships.
My eldest daughter cannot even tolerate the word trans and we remain close. She needs her dad, yet, she has seen my camis slip out getting coffee from the robe, she sees the long nails and clear polish, it is a boundary I told her would not change. It took her two years to accept that.
My middle still buys me bras. My youngest had to have me dial back around her, she thought she could handle it and could not. She can handle it in androgynous, and we need to go to a race as soon as we can again. She went with me this summer to Stafford, it was marvelous, and I was genderqueer at the track. Talk about balls, sheesh. The pics in the pic thread thats members only.
As to my wife, yesterday I bent over to pick something off the floor when I got up and she playfully put her foot on my ass. I was wearing serious lingerie, I always do, I walk around the apartment in it with no repercussions. There are specific boundaries we both understand and I wont cross them. The biggest of these is social, what we do in the house stays in the house. That is similar to Shan's comments.
Julies comments here were deleted out as she was ejected from the forum at one time. It is a private matter, but the point of it is that she - she had a crush on me then I think poor thing - was very binary and inadvertantly was triggering me all the time by thinking it was hard to walk the diamond tightrope of balance and boundaries. It is not. It comes down to surrender and acceptance and giving everyone including yourself time to adjust to the transition process. Not all of our transition needs to be visual. My wife has not seen my tits, but she has cupped them at least once, she has seen me in nothing but a bra (she laughed her ass off frankly and I thought it was pretty funny too at the time) and she now sees me as I am. 2 Years ago she would not touch my back. Now she wraps herself into it.
Laura - then Mark - chose the binary path. When we pushed back on invalidation and the binary narrative here in the forum, she and others left. The pushback was largely for my protection, I was unstable and in danger of losing my sanity due to splitting apart from fighting the binary matrix, from the separation of he and she, and from heavy psych damag from the past that caused some of that splitting. Gendersplit instead of genderfreed. The treehouse thread is full of that process. Now I am integrated.
Laura is still here but seldom contributes. Her support on the Christian thread has been inestimable and I am curious about what happened to her, she is a dear spirit and gives wonderful hugs, I have met her.
The rest of us carry on.
But the thing about it is that for me it has worked. For Aisla it has worked. For Shan it has worked. For others it has worked. Shan left the forum to be with family, they were taking care of their own responsibility in their age and needs to love their wife and support their family, the forum was too much of a distraction, they moved on and left it in our hands. I think I aggravated them too, with the fighting inside me. They may have become collateral damage to my own dysphoric pain and their constant attempts to help. I was dragging them down and I regret it. But I honestly don't know, I only know they made a choice, for their family and their peace of mind. I love them dearly and hope they are well.
But you cannot really predict outcomes. You only can communicate, and be. Watch for cues and dont push a boundary. Walk in it, let them adjust, you adjust too. Dont be driven by dysphoria to deadly choices. See the matrix, know yourself, save it for private moments and reveal it when appropriate, as a woman reveals her own body, as I reveal mine behind closed doors to the one I love so much. For it is hers to love, and mine to gently yeild to her arms. That is a precious and romantic thing.
Sometimes we settle for only a hug in the end and the love of each other. Who can predict where that will go, it may change. But unconditional love of the SO's will probably prevail in the end I think. If not, the core of love was not enough. But perception is everything, and unless the binary view is mitigated, unless the all or nothing thinking is gently addressed as not the absolute or the final endgame, they will percieve themselves in a gay relationship and they may not be able to handle that.
Its all in perception. You have some control over that, and your own.
Trinity Satin Joy
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 5:25:37 GMT 8
I am so glad this thread was resurrected.
This is so relevant to so many lives that have had families and careers until we figured out we could not hide ourselves anymore.
BTW there is always a cost. Some large and some small. That is life.
As for collateral damage? How damaged are we from surpressing it? I believe that surpressing it causes more collateral damage than not. Yes I did not practice what I preach and broke my Ex's heart supposedley. If I knew now what I didn't know then I would have never hurt anyone. I would have lived my life the way I wanted and never would have faked anyone or fooled myself into thinking that I could be a "normal" guy. I lied and I feel and will always feel guilty about it. I lied to myself and to her. Now I don't. I am who I am.
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