uncertainty..and denial

[Deleted]

Hello my dears

Something has changed, something is different, Satinjoy has taken over body and mind, I am Sh'e.

It is scary, it is real.

Uncertainty...what are you uncertain about?

What are you in denial about?

I am uncertain, denial is cracking, will I stay married, will I become socially Sh'e.

Not today. But I have started a new chapter, and I do not control my transsexual destiny, even presentation is shifting.

Same thinking again, isn't it my very dear Ativan?

It's an open topic for all of us, it is here because I am nb mtf, but it crosses all the trans spectrum.

What are you uncertain about my dears?

Where are you in denial?

Love to all, and warmest hugs

Nails out hair down and no longer a male

Blessings

Satinjoy

[EchelonHunt]

There previously was uncertainty and denial about myself and my body but they have been erased by having regained focus. Therapy has been wonderfully helpful in this.

There is uncertainty about how my family will react to my feminine presentation but that will be years away and I will most likely be living by myself then. I plan to shift the presentation from male to androgynous to feminine at a very snail-like slow pace so it is not noticeable right away. I know if I do it slowly, my family will adjust accordingly as I am still me on the inside, just more comfortable and free to express however I like.

New chapters, new beginnings, new possibilities... such a blessed life and path we walk...

[Deleted]

Dec 13, 2014 23:00:35 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

There previously was uncertainty and denial about myself and my body but they have been erased by having regained focus. Therapy has been wonderfully helpful in this.

There is uncertainty about how my family will react to my feminine presentation but that will be years away and I will most likely be living by myself then. I plan to shift the presentation from male to androgynous to feminine at a very snail-like slow pace so it is not noticeable right away. I know if I do it slowly, my family will adjust accordingly as I am still me on the inside, just more comfortable and free to express however I like.

New chapters, new beginnings, new possibilities... such a blessed life and path we walk...

Good plan Jacey, that is the optimal approach to transition as opposed to just dumping everything in the family member's laps all at once. I know it has worked well for me.

[Ayla]

Dec 13, 2014 23:00:35 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

There previously was uncertainty and denial about myself and my body but they have been erased by having regained focus. Therapy has been wonderfully helpful in this.

There is uncertainty about how my family will react to my feminine presentation but that will be years away and I will most likely be living by myself then. I plan to shift the presentation from male to androgynous to feminine at a very snail-like slow pace so it is not noticeable right away. I know if I do it slowly, my family will adjust accordingly as I am still me on the inside, just more comfortable and free to express however I like.

New chapters, new beginnings, new possibilities... such a blessed life and path we walk...

Jacey

Very similar situation to mine i.e.

There previously was uncertainty and discomfort about myself and my body.   Some remain but are now relatively minor, therapy has been wonderfully helpful in this.

There is uncertainty about how my wife will react to my more andro/feminine presentation but this is a lengthy and careful process. I plan to shift the presentation from male to androgynous to more feminine at a very slow pace so that the progressive changes are barely discernible. I hope that if I do it slowly, that she will still love and accept me as I am still the same person, just more comfortable and free to express myself.

New chapters, new beginnings, new possibilities... such a blessed life and path we walk...

safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

Aisla, that was exactly my own approach and it works. I once gave a fellow who had been a chemist and who had lost his job a plan to get employed quickly. He had languished for two years waiting results from some job headhunters, he was distraught, his house was on the market and his marriage had become shaky. I was there as a property claims adjuster but I picked up on the dark cloud he was under. I told him to develop a game plan for each day, look outside of being a chemist and consider anything. Each evening tell the spouse what you have planned for the following day, this will offset her hand wringing anxiety because she looks to her husband for stability in her life. Long story short he was soon hired, kept the house, his wife was thrilled and he wrote me a thank you note. It was over the top and way beyond my job description but I saw the need and stepped up to the plate for them. 

But this is the key, a cis female spouse depends on her husband for rock solid stability or they become extremely anxious and their little voices get shrill and fearful as they express their seemingly irrational concerns, so it is absolutely incumbent on the husband to exude a lot of love and tenderness as they strive to keep the wife apprised of the plan on an almost daily basis. It's grueling hard work because as anyone who is or has been through transition knows we become ego centric, narcissistic and the center of our own little universe, when they formerly occupied that special place and it becomes very disconcerting for them and a bone of contention.

[Deleted]

That is an amazing post...

[Ayla]

Shan

Great response and I must say that since your forum status has moved up to 'God', I am paying a lot more attention.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

Dec 15, 2014 5:14:01 GMT 8 Ayla said:

Shan

Great response and I must say that since your forum status has moved up to 'God', I am paying a lot more attention.

Safe travels

Aisla

I don't know who the hell did that and I'm really upset about it and am unable to get rid of it, Senior Member was sufficient.

[Deleted]

Dec 15, 2014 5:49:51 GMT 8 Shan said:

Dec 15, 2014 5:14:01 GMT 8 Ayla said:

Shan

Great response and I must say that since your forum status has moved up to 'God', I am paying a lot more attention.

Safe travels

Aisla

I don't know who the hell did that and I'm really upset about it and am unable to get rid of it, Senior Member was sufficient.

Ten to one its the software designer that did proforms as the basis of what we are using.

[Laura J]

If someone else hits 500 posts, it may change to the same thing..?

[Deleted]

Dec 15, 2014 3:27:00 GMT 8 Ayla said:

Dec 13, 2014 23:00:35 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

There previously was uncertainty and denial about myself and my body but they have been erased by having regained focus. Therapy has been wonderfully helpful in this.

There is uncertainty about how my family will react to my feminine presentation but that will be years away and I will most likely be living by myself then. I plan to shift the presentation from male to androgynous to feminine at a very snail-like slow pace so it is not noticeable right away. I know if I do it slowly, my family will adjust accordingly as I am still me on the inside, just more comfortable and free to express however I like.

New chapters, new beginnings, new possibilities... such a blessed life and path we walk...

Jacey

Very similar situation to mine i.e.

There previously was uncertainty and discomfort about myself and my body.   Some remain but are now relatively minor, therapy has been wonderfully helpful in this.

There is uncertainty about how my wife will react to my more andro/feminine presentation but this is a lengthy and careful process. I plan to shift the presentation from male to androgynous to more feminine at a very slow pace so that the progressive changes are barely discernible. I hope that if I do it slowly, that she will still love and accept me as I am still the same person, just more comfortable and free to express myself.

New chapters, new beginnings, new possibilities... such a blessed life and path we walk...

safe travels

Aisla

 Mine still invalidates, yet I am sitting there trying to repair my nails after laying a bunch of tile, breaking none, getting brown mastic  stuck all over them, getting that off, and I am sitting there congratualating myself and reach for a box and rip a 5 mm nailtip off at the quick.  Since all 5 fingers were natural 5mm tips, sculpted, the arggh attitude went off.  Cant say anything to the wife, she is going out, I am recoating my nails with hardener and clear polish, and she had no neg reaction.  But then as she was walking out she says "dont go doing stupid stuff again, is that why you are not coming?"

Stupid stuff.  I told her no, its because I would burn out an need a break from hospital visits tonight, and now, I am doing her definition of stupid stuff.

I am relaxing fully presenting and resenting this f....ing beard I have to keep for her.

Anyway, it'll pass.  She still came a long way.  I have to look at what she has learned to accept, not what I still have to deal with.

An inch at a time I think dears.  And this is full mtf stuff.

Oh how I like having my hair on and being me.

[Deleted]

Dec 15, 2014 7:56:00 GMT 8 Laura J said:

If someone else hits 500 posts, it may change to the same thing..?

It will change.  Its not a hack, someone just set it up this way when they created the foundational proboard stuff.

Jayce might be able to manually override by putting Shan in some kind of group thing that would overwrite the quantity categories in that field.

[Deleted]

I've had moments where I wonder if this transition will ever truly fulfill where I am seen and acknowledged undoubtedly as a woman. I don't want to be seen as unconvincing. I don't need to be hot, just passable, and not for anyone else's sake but my own. I want to look into the mirror and see HER. I want to be able to wear what I want without looking awkward and gross.

I've tried to think about it with a sense of doubt, but certainty always wins. I just hope I'll be where I want to be (or close enough) in a year or so, and stop seeing this old face in the mirror that's making me feel ugly.

[Deleted]

May 29, 2015 15:04:19 GMT 8 @illuminess said:

I've had moments where I wonder if this transition will ever truly fulfill where I am seen and acknowledged undoubtedly as a woman. I don't want to be seen as unconvincing. I don't need to be hot, just passable, and not for anyone else's sake but my own. I want to look into the mirror and see HER. I want to be able to wear what I want without looking awkward and gross.

I've tried to think about it with a sense of doubt, but certainty always wins. I just hope I'll be where I want to be (or close enough) in a year or so, and stop seeing this old face in the mirror that's making me feel ugly.

She is already there dear.  We all see it.

Let yourself see it too.

It wall all come in time.  We have a way of seeing the old selves in the mirror, and it never being transitioned enough.  I do it to.

Just part of it all, I guess.  Focus on the gains and look for the beauty, its already there.

-Trin