home acceptance - SO's and us

[Deleted]

I have been lucky, to a point.  I get to express full nonbinary at home, with the wife and 2 of the 3 kids.  One still needs birth gender, sees more of a stealth GQ thing.

Only 2 kids can handle full female wigged presentation, dress and heels.  The wife cannot.

But we are quite happy, really....

Whats it like for you at home, if not with family, then with SO's like room mates or house mates?

A thread we all can have something to say on....

Trinity

[Ayla]

It is surprisingly good and the prognosis is positive. My 2 children accept me and so does my wife. My wife would prefer that I wasn't NB but she does not see this as likely to cause either of us to end our marriage.

This hasn't been a short or an easy path. 30 years of discussion, advice, secrets, partial disclosure, partial transition, expensive therapy, surgery, fear and a growing realisation that NB was my reality and something that worked for me and for us.

The most recent step forward was learning to love myself. This was hard for me to accept after my childhood, adolescence and adulthood. But when I learned to love myself I realised and experienced the love that my wife and family felt for me and for the first time I felt that I was deserving of this.

Some friends and family have ignored my disclosure, some are just relieved that I am 'ok', some are accepting and others are fascinated, almost cheerleaders. Those that don't know, seem at times to be uncomfortable with my changing appearance, but all in all we are in a good place. It is a far better place than I had imagined possible when I felt ashamed, broken and deviant. It is amazing what a good therapist, appropriate treatment, support and love can achieve

Safe travels

Aisla

[Laura J]

As my masqulinity is peeled away slowly, and more and more femininity emerges, my wife is continually put to the test of acceptance..

Things are good today, but the end outcome is always uncertain.......

[Ativan Prescribed]

I think some see the changes in perspectives in statements I make, sometimes it might seem confusing to them, expecting one that is more consistent with their own views.
But they do pay attention and respect my opinions.
They tend to be alternating several times within a short discussion, but are taken as advice, rather than statements of fact.
Emotional perspectives that tend to explain others opinions that are in conflict with each of the others.
Most everyone either don't notice my general appearance, while those who do are used to it.

[Emily]

I live alone so there are no issues about acceptance, but my 4 y.o. daughter stays over during weekends. Last time she was thinking something up and then came to me and asked quite upfront: "So... You want to be a girl?" (I am slowly working with her not to cause any traumas and to ease any future explanations. It kinda needs to be done, cause nothing beats me going out with her, entering a shop which is hardly visited by guys, chatting with sales ladies and then kid yelling "Daaaaddy, come look at this!" - other people usually dont notice, but I do...
So, yep, I replied that indeed, that is my intention to be a girl...
Sarah looked at me seriously, nodded and said: "Ok, I guess, You can then".

[megan]

Jun 11, 2015 2:45:21 GMT 8 Emily said:

I live alone so there are no issues about acceptance, but my 4 y.o. daughter stays over during weekends. Last time she was thinking something up and then came to me and asked quite upfront: "So... You want to be a girl?" (I am slowly working with her not to cause any traumas and to ease any future explanations. It kinda needs to be done, cause nothing beats me going out with her, entering a shop which is hardly visited by guys, chatting with sales ladies and then kid yelling "Daaaaddy, come look at this!" - other people usually dont notice, but I do...
So, yep, I replied that indeed, that is my intention to be a girl...
Sarah looked at me seriously, nodded and said: "Ok, I guess, You can then".

I have to say that is adorable  

Anyways as for me, well my family can't even deal with the fact that I am bisexual (actually demi-pansexual but yeah they would not know what any of that meant).  They spent about 8 years in denial of the fact that I wanted to remain single as a woman and that I wanted to go to college at all instead of staying in the middle of now where and marrying some random neighbor.   They were so far in denial that I was single or that I might be a 'lesbian' (because apparently bisexual isn't a thing...) that they convinced themselves that I was dating my best friend (who is actually very openly gay) until I met my current partner who is male (but is nonbinary).  So they were like woo she is straight.

If I even tried to explain what non-binary is they might have a giant blow out fight with me explaining all the ways that I'm going to hell and then promptly act like it never happened.   When I did actually come out in high school... or actually was outed... I got pulled around the house by my hair and screamed at for about 4 hours and then it was never mentioned again.   So yeah my biological family doesn't know much about my life or my identity but I'm okay with that because honestly they are horribly abusive and dysfunctional and I don't need that very close in my life. 

My friends (who I consider my true family) are either non-binary/trans themselves or are totally cool with it for the most part.  I use to live with my partner also non-binary, another non-binary roommate and my best friend who is a man but is pretty cool with the whole non-binary thing since both his best friends identify that way.  Now we are neighbors and I live alone with my partner.  So home life is wonderful and supportive.  That is why I think I can handle pretty much constant misgendering in my professional life. I have a place where I can be me at home.  And my field of work is more unaware than openly hostile. 

[Sisyphus]

My kids are good with me, but I've been easing into things. It was my niblings coming out that was more of a catalyst for how fast that happens, but the foundation was laid and my kids are rolling right along with me in learning and thinking and asking questions. We are not in a good housing situation, we are living with family, and I would never have said anything admitting anything around them, except for the trigger of my niblng and trying to support my nibling and it feels impossible without at least talking around what I am, but living in their house, no, I definitely don't get to express binary. Just being me in several other respects that I'm trying to keep tamped down is doing me some trouble. I wouldn't dare bring it up around my ex who would love to save it in their back pocket to sprinkle in varying levels of family drama down the road.

[Edge]

At home, it's just me and my son. I'm not sure if my son really understands yet since communication is difficult because of his autism. His other dad is totally fine with it.