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Post by Ayla on Dec 4, 2014 2:12:56 GMT 8
This thread is hoping to draw out the insights and learnings that each of us have had on our respective journeys. Some will be painful, others joyful but I am hoping that each will be of potential benefit to future travellers. I will be back to share mine.
safe travels
Aisla
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Post by Ayla on Dec 4, 2014 2:28:00 GMT 8
CT
Here are two of the many lessons I have learned on this road less travelled - that there is no substitute for doing the hard work ie there are no shortcuts; and there is danger in the 'need for speed'.
The danger in what appears to be a familiar narrative is that both medical professionals and our community can sometimes reach a hurried or premature conclusion resulting in misdiagnosis and serous consequences.
My psych spent a number of sessions helping me unpack my feelings, my experiences and perspective. They ensured, as best they could, that I was not suffering from other coexisting disorders which could be treated or could present with similar symptoms to dysphoria such as DID. I then saw 3 other therapists to confirm their diagnosis of gender dysphoria and my trans gender nature.
Even though they did not mistakingly diagnose me as trans this is serious stuff and there are still other areas where things can go wrong. The impact of hrt on a male or female body is profound. The impact emotionally can also be, at times, overwhelming. The person most affected is you. There is a need to take care, to take your time, do the work with a good gender therapist and take each step as consciously and as deliberately as possible. Being fully informed means just that. It is important for each of us considering hrt to make sure that this is true for us. A good therapist and endo will discuss the potential benefits and dangers/downside of hrt. They will also discuss dosage and should ensure that they are in frequent and close contact with you.
Fortunately, in my case the diagnosis proved accurate and hrt proved to be (ultimately) beneficial. The twist in the tail though was that I ignored my endo's advice to delay ffs until I saw the impact of HRT on my facial features. I was also advised to not increase my dosages if I felt uncomfortable with the rate of emotional/physical change. However because I had a 'window' of time available for surgery and because I felt that I needed to make up for lost time (being in my early 50's) I threw caution to the wind. This caused me unnecessarybemotional stress, angst and further surgery, including a bilateral breast reduction. If I had 'heard' and acted on their advice my journey would have been far less stressful. Low dose HRT has now proven to be the best treatment for my non binary identity. I thought that I was 'fully informed', I felt in a hurry to reach my destination (which I originally assumed was binary trans MTF) and on both counts I was wrong. In my case it wasn't my therapist, my doctor or my endo's fault it was mine.
I am now older, wiser and a little more cautious.
Safe travels
Aisla
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Post by Whisper on Dec 4, 2014 3:21:46 GMT 8
some things that seem important at the beginning are not really important. some things that seem trivial are absolutely important. in all things, a good sense of humor is vital. Ayla in the mid 90s, i was misdiagnosed, with a college mental health center psychologist (she specialized in eating disorders however). even though i mentioned only one weird experience with a guy, and all my mixed gender - feminine and masculine - emotions, feelings, and behavior, she said i was probably latent homosexual. the strange part was my vast attraction to females. she said maybe i just rather wanted to dress in drag, rather than love another woman. good lists of gender therapists exist online now. i hadn't found any back then. i hadn't even used the internet yet, at that time. i had to try figuring out things from then on. the internet emergence opened the doors, windows, and roof. since then, i married a woman, divorced, but through it all feel more grounded in intergender-androgyne gender identity. i accept whatever comes naturally, despite social norms, some times with socially detrimental results. however, at least even in the bad, things remain true and real. luckily, now days, nearly universal internet access is the norm. the young can discover things much earlier, now. non-binary was very infantile, outside of the major cities back then. although resources for MAAB non-binary identified people is much better now, the resources are still painfully slim, given the much lower population, and maybe lack of major contributors. hope everyone finds their own happiness whisper
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Post by Ayla on Dec 4, 2014 3:49:10 GMT 8
Whisper
I had a similar experience. My first counselling (late 80's) centred on my recurring need to cross dress. This led to meeting a doctor specialising in gender who told me to strip off, saw my large(then) athletic body and said that I would never pass so would not have a successful transition. I was shocked and appalled.
Fast forward to 2010, met my first gender therapist and diagnosed as trans. Started hrt, had ffs. No discussion of low dose hrt or non binary. This came in 2011. Since then I have been making my way forward. The internet has helped, better training for medical professionals and therapists have also helped. Along the way I have refocused and now actively pursue a powerful, authentic life. All is good. I hope that younger folk find the path more easily and their progress less challenging.
Safe travels
Aisla
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2014 10:54:20 GMT 8
some things that seem important at the beginning are not really important. some things that seem trivial are absolutely important. in all things, a good sense of humor is vital. Ayla in the mid 90s, i was misdiagnosed, with a college mental health center psychologist (she specialized in eating disorders however). even though i mentioned only one weird experience with a guy, and all my mixed gender - feminine and masculine - emotions, feelings, and behavior, she said i was probably latent homosexual. the strange part was my vast attraction to females. she said maybe i just rather wanted to dress in drag, rather than love another woman. good lists of gender therapists exist online now. i hadn't found any back then. i hadn't even used the internet yet, at that time. i had to try figuring out things from then on. the internet emergence opened the doors, windows, and roof. since then, i married a woman, divorced, but through it all feel more grounded in intergender-androgyne gender identity. i accept whatever comes naturally, despite social norms, some times with socially detrimental results. however, at least even in the bad, things remain true and real. luckily, now days, nearly universal internet access is the norm. the young can discover things much earlier, now. non-binary was very infantile, outside of the major cities back then. although resources for MAAB non-binary identified people is much better now, the resources are still painfully slim, given the much lower population, and maybe lack of major contributors. hope everyone finds their own happiness whisper What I intended to say was that the counselor must have been suffering from a rectal-cranial inversion because it's not uncommon for younger same sex people to experiment sexually with one another and still remain perfectly hetrosexual, so her comment about having latent homosexual propensities was way over the top and probably didn't do you're self esteem any good in the long run.
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Post by Whisper on Dec 6, 2014 12:25:20 GMT 8
Well dammit, I didn't intend to repost Whisper's commentary, just wanted to quote it but the damned program didn't let that happen.What I intended to say was that the counselor must have been suffering from a rectal-cranial inversion because it's not uncommon for younger same sex people to experiment sexually with one another and still remain perfectly hetrosexual, so her comment about having latent homosexual propensities was way over the top and probably didn't do you're self esteem any good in the long run. Shan I think I saw that you live in Washington State. It was in cow-town Ellensburg, WA at CWU, she was a eating disorder specialist. They didn't have any gender therapists at that time, though they might now. Bowman was nice, but specialized in something else. She was over her knowledge, but put me back several years. At least she helped with anger feelings I had for my uncle. The strange thing, is I had a long distance girlfriend at the time. Though, when I had told her about how I like the masculinity my girlfriend possessed (which she was a pretty aggressive tomboy), maybe she thought that I was suppressing natural attraction to men or something. I waited a few years after breaking up with her, to figure out if I was attracted to men, and would naturally turn to drag. Nothing emerged. My self-esteem really didn't develop until nearly 10 years later, after a few more misteps. Ayla Your experience does sound similar in shock. Glad to see you made it, though 20+ years later.
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Post by DCW on Dec 6, 2014 13:54:35 GMT 8
The biggest lesson for me was to trust my gut/heart. I had a therapist and a few endos who had definite ideas of how I should handle transition that just weren't right for me. I had a lot of struggles over many years for it.
I'd love to say that because I did it the way I felt was best everything went fine, but it was only partially true. The important stuff long-term did go fine - work, family, etc. - however my therapist and endos weren't pleased that I didn't strictly follow their advice. Tough on them; it's my life and not theirs, and I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of my choices, not them (and, yes, I was clearly a bit slow to learn that...)
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 6:39:22 GMT 8
Yeah 17 day old thread but let's revive it. What I've learned? I'm nuckin' futs. Wouldn't have it any other way. But seriously lessons learned. Let no one else define who you are. Always be true to yourself no matter what. Screw the people that can't handle that. And do what you want with your life, it is yours after all. Be true to your friends and if they can't handle it then they really aren't your friends. And be as happy as you can be and I'm pretty happy being nuckin' futs.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 8:46:04 GMT 8
Get the absolute best people on board.
Listen to your core.
Trust experience.
See through others eyes.
Love unconditionally, radically, passionately.
Speak and live truth.
And don't leave your vibrator in the shower by accident.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 11:59:55 GMT 8
The biggest lesson for me was to trust my gut/heart. I had a therapist and a few endos who had definite ideas of how I should handle transition that just weren't right for me. I had a lot of struggles over many years for it. I'd love to say that because I did it the way I felt was best everything went fine, but it was only partially true. The important stuff long-term did go fine - work, family, etc. - however my therapist and endos weren't pleased that I didn't strictly follow their advice. Tough on them; it's my life and not theirs, and I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of my choices, not them (and, yes, I was clearly a bit slow to learn that...) Learning to go with your gut is a big leap for many of us who trust intellect implicitly over anything else. A Native American friend of mine claims that since we are so heavily ensconced in our style of civilization that we have lost a lot of natural instincts that humankind used to rely on for survival, gut instinct is one of those.
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