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Post by Leena on Feb 6, 2021 5:24:38 GMT 8
I pretty much still feel the same way as what I said in that thread 6 years ago, other than I wouldn't call my current presentation genderqueer. It is also an older term, and doesn't seem to be used as much as back then. I do think it tends to imply you usually present in a way that is clearly GNC. The look I was describing included facial hair and heavy eye makeup, though there are other looks.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 6, 2021 10:10:34 GMT 8
Wow it's been a while since I registered, only now I saw that my account was approved... But here I am! I'm Droomvlucht and I live in the Netherlands. I may or may not be non-binary, so that's why I am here, to meet other people with maybe the same doubts and the same (or other) thoughts about their gender identity. Looking forward to meet you! I looked up your date that you became a member here, it was dec 27th 2020, I look at the data on stuff here every so often and I didn't think there was a backlog of people getting approved. Each person who registers is hand approved by our administrator, and while they do a fantastic job of sidelining the riff raff and trolls, they do take time off for a couple days here and there. One of the things that sets this forum apart is no formal moderators, there has never been a need for them, mostly because it is a small forum and because of the efforts to weed out the trolls before they can even post. So approvals can take a few days, it pays to watch for it when it comes, but it doesn't take usually more than a few days unless the person doing all the work manages to take some time off for themselves. Just wanted to clarify that it isn't a long process and is painless for the people who register, not singling you out, but I thought I would just point this out here because its the introduction thread. And again, there are no moderators, just one rule and thats the golden rule.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 6, 2021 10:26:34 GMT 8
nonbinary.proboards.com/thread/6/genderqueer-non-binaryThis thread made me wondering... Maybe it would be correcter to call myself genderqueer? But that word is not really used in the Netherlands, only as a really political/academic term, not really to describe your gender identity. At least, as far as I know, but I'm not a really active member of the lgbt+-community (like: I never went to parties or bars or something like that for lgbt's, almost all of my friends are cis-gendered and hetero and so on), maybe it is more common there, I wouldn't know. I don't think the language matters really, it could become another "box" that limits experience of self, but if it frees you to experience more, then why not....
Threw up a pic of me in early transition. I had boobs growing at that time, but they weren't that big yet. They still aren't.
But its a very nonbinary kind of pic. I like nonbinary because it can mean anything and so can my gender.
Hard to see but there's heavy mascara on those eyes.
-Trinity
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 6, 2021 15:16:32 GMT 8
Wow it's been a while since I registered, only now I saw that my account was approved... But here I am! I'm Droomvlucht and I live in the Netherlands. I may or may not be non-binary, so that's why I am here, to meet other people with maybe the same doubts and the same (or other) thoughts about their gender identity. Looking forward to meet you! I looked up your date that you became a member here, it was dec 27th 2020, I look at the data on stuff here every so often and I didn't think there was a backlog of people getting approved. Each person who registers is hand approved by our administrator, and while they do a fantastic job of sidelining the riff raff and trolls, they do take time off for a couple days here and there. One of the things that sets this forum apart is no formal moderators, there has never been a need for them, mostly because it is a small forum and because of the efforts to weed out the trolls before they can even post. So approvals can take a few days, it pays to watch for it when it comes, but it doesn't take usually more than a few days unless the person doing all the work manages to take some time off for themselves. Just wanted to clarify that it isn't a long process and is painless for the people who register, not singling you out, but I thought I would just point this out here because its the introduction thread. And again, there are no moderators, just one rule and thats the golden rule. Thanks for the clarification! I was not reproacing (? blaming? ) them, just expressing how glad I was that I was approved. I just had never been on a forum where that was necessary and even though I already figured out that it was the week of the holidays so that they were probably just having a time off I was doubting if I did something wrong. Obviously it's wonderful that trolls can't post here. The forum where I am moderating sometimes get really weird posts in the night about princes who can give you money...
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Post by nyx on Feb 6, 2021 15:44:37 GMT 8
nonbinary.proboards.com/thread/6/genderqueer-non-binaryThis thread made me wondering... Maybe it would be correcter to call myself genderqueer? But that word is not really used in the Netherlands, only as a really political/academic term, not really to describe your gender identity. At least, as far as I know, but I'm not a really active member of the lgbt+-community (like: I never went to parties or bars or something like that for lgbt's, almost all of my friends are cis-gendered and hetero and so on), maybe it is more common there, I wouldn't know. I must admit that I don't fully get the distinction. In the end, it's just labels and both of them are umbrella terms that include similar sets of other labels, some of them being the same under each umbrella, some may not be the same but I don't know if it makes a big difference. My experience is that some people prefer one term, some prefer the other, but I wouldn't be able to chose one judging from their personalities/appearances...
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 6, 2021 16:17:10 GMT 8
Okay, thank you for the answers. I was thinking along the line that if you're not-hetero and not planning to do any hormone therapy and have feminist opinions (like it's wrong to sell pink T-shirts that tell girls they should be cute and grey T-shirts to tell boys they should be strong) maybe genderqueer would be correcter? I don't know what I was thinking, and I definitely should get rid of my prejudice that non-binary people are unhappy, it doesn't make sense at all. And after all it are just definitions, trying to grab and define your gender identity. I don't know why that's (sometimes) so important to me, I don't have a word for my sexual/romantic orientation either. Maybe because there the pragmatic argument that it doesn't matter because I'm married weighs heavier? And because I'd like to change a thing or two at my gender expression I guess. Anyway, I feel much calmer than earlier this week. Don't feel the need to worry all the time anymore. I'm just being hey
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Post by nyx on Feb 6, 2021 17:05:28 GMT 8
I think this is the thing about nb, that it can be very confusing if you want to pick a box because the binary boxes don't fit and it can lead into thinking, if I can't take the woman box and neither the man box, I need to find a suitable box or else I am in the middle of nowhere. And for some, it might help to pick one of the more or less common nb boxes, but it can also be your truth that none of these is perfect for you and you have to find your very specific personal box. But I think it takes time to sort this out and being confused or sometimes frustrated is normal.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 7, 2021 9:16:07 GMT 8
NB is the umbrella term for people who do not consider themselves to be binary. Genderqueer falls under it as do all the labels that express not being a part of the binary. Years ago the idea for labels was pretty much expressed as labels are for things like products, putting labels on people just makes little sense. But regardless of what term or label you would prefer to use, here we just consider everyone to be NB who doesn't consider themselves to be binary. There are no other deliberations made other than that, there are no rules and no presentations, it's simply an either or thing and to be honest, some people drift back and forth from binary and NB until they come to grips with whatever is true for them, and even then, I suppose you can be either or, why not? Thing is, people have the right to change and to think of themselves in any way they want, gender is one of these things, it is personal and can be totally complicated and for a lot of people it is confusing to some extent or more. But the overall consideration that this forum uses is that if you don't neatly fall into one or the other of the binary boxes, don't feel like checking one of them, then you are NB. But being binary doesn't exclude you from being a member here, its a support forum, and while there is some politics to it, in general you can't escape some of it, it isn't a political activist forum for NB, support is what people come here for mainly. But that said, politics isn't a taboo subject either, the politics of the day impact people here to a great extent, but if its activism you are looking for, its just not a function of the forum, support is and if that involves some politics, its because politics seems to think it has a right to say and even regulate our lives as NB, but then politics in general thinks it can separate and dictate conditions for people everywhere, which is odd because politics is a function of people and it should always be about the people and not about the differences of one group over another, politicians make politics complicated for the sole purpose of generating the idea that they are more necessary than they really are. The idea that NB people are not happy is kinda giving us a personality that for most of us is simply not true, and for those who find their truths about themselves, the end result is being much happier and better adjusted to what life throws at everyone. They key to life according to one members friend, is to outlast the bullshit, in other words, if it isn't something that is true, then it is BS and eventually gets replaced with other BS, which just gets easier to outlast once you are able to see how much is BS that society gets all up in arms about.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 7, 2021 9:34:39 GMT 8
And the key to being happy is to realize it comes from within, not from without. So once we become who we really are, we learn to be happy about who we are without caving in to those on the outside that want to make us unhappy with who we are, for whatever reason.
Anyone that wants to make us unhappy with who we are because of our gender, does not deserve to be empowered for being mean like that by us allowing them to make us feel bad or be afraid.
Catch us in a bad mood, and they are the ones who should be afraid lol.
Anything coming from the outside in, pressures, can screen the truth from us. But what comes from the inside out, the core of us, the soul, or the heart, that reveals the truth to us, but we need to listen to it. And that simply cannot be put in a box. Labels fail NB, and often even words fail, and we talk in allegory to describe what it is like for us.
My gender is a symphony. It is living and free and plays all kinds of music with all kinds of instruments, the choir sings high or low, it is everything at once, if an instrument is not playing, it is not that it isn't there, it is, its just that its not expressing itself until the time it bursts into song.
It transcends language, boxes, stereotypes, it is a living, breathing, spontaneous experience.
And if someone does not like by symphony, well, they don't get to write the music, I do, based on the core, the heart, the soul, that creates the music. They can listen to it, maybe appreciate it, but they can never control it. And if they don't like it they can create their own music.
Nonbinary for me is so much better and more fun than having to play only a trombone or a flute because society says you have to be a trombone or a flute.
Be the symphony, find your music.
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Post by Leena on Feb 7, 2021 10:40:51 GMT 8
I was pretty hung up on labels for quite awhile. I felt like I couldn't move forward with my transition until I found one I was sure of. It seems pretty silly now. It was very stressful to me back then though, kind of still is if I think about it too much.
I don't seem to have the same mindset binary trans women have, but want most of the same things. Then again, I don't think there's anyone that thinks quite like me in this world on a lot of things, but somehow this is much more distressing when it comes to gender labels.
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 7, 2021 21:46:46 GMT 8
Thanks for all the responses, it's so helpful But the overall consideration that this forum uses is that if you don't neatly fall into one or the other of the binary boxes, don't feel like checking one of them, then you are NB. I looked at the options in the profile to see if I should add more information several times and each time I come to the conclusion that I just don't feel like checking them, haha. I am a (lesbian) woman when I'm with the people I love. Or with people who don't understand non binary gender. Just because of pragmatism. I am non binary when I'm with people who understand the concept and are okay with it. And when I'm on my own. Both are true. And that's fine. In the end the people I love will view me the way I am, and if I act more like the person I'd like to be, that will change their view of me too and then it will become more balanced. At least, that's what I hope.
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