I feel like this theory makes things much worse for not easily passable trans people. That someone can only truly become a woman(or man) if they pass. It goes back to how things once were where non-passable trans women were gate kept from transitioning. Maybe it does make some trans people feel better to feel their transition is over and stop calling themselves transgender, but they still are not the same as cis gender people.
I don't know that you personally said that non-passing makes one non-binary. It's just that most binary trans people, and also some cis-people, seem to think being full time is the holy grail, and anyone who isn't doing everything in their power to go full time ASAP is not really trans.
I still don't feel like there are many resources for someone like me. I do have to live a genderfluid or else a completely closeted life. Telling myself I'm genderfluid or bigender because I can't be full time isn't that much better for me mentally than telling myself I'm a man. Allowing myself to get into that mentality puts me in a perpetual state of questioning.
I think Superman is a better analogy for what my life is really like. He is always Superman and always has super strength and X-ray vision, but puts on glasses and a normal men's suit over his costume when he goes to work, and calls himself a different name. He behaves slightly differently as well. I just have a hairless body and lingerie under my work clothes, not a cape.
The Theory The theory is
not concrete. I’ve expanded the theory to include everyone on the transgender spectrum, it no longer is strictly focused on transsexuals who have passing privilege - it counts
everybody in;
(It includes non-binary, binary trans, passing, non-passing, pre-op, post-op, non-op, genderqueer,
everybody and yes, this could even include cisgender people who don't feel 100% cis, who don't identify as trans but feel their anatomy should be different from the conventional standards of sex they've been taught to believe... e.g. women who become sexless, women who get their breasts removed, men who get penectomy and get their scrotum modified to look like external appearance of vagina, to become a man who is proud of his p*ssy and so on.)
Everybody who feels they should have a female (or male) body, have nerve wiring and body-map of a female, while their biological sex is male.
Everybody who feels they should have a male body, have nerve wiring and body-map of a male, while their biological sex is female.
Everybody who feels they should have a mix of both male and female body, have nerve wiring and body-map of both male and female, while their biological sex is male or female.
Everybody who feels they should have a sexless body, have nerve wiring and body-map of sexless person, while their biological sex is male or female.
Basically, there are a million ways to be binary trans, there are a million ways to be female, male, both, neither or non-binary. There is no cookie-cutout or mould people have to perfectly fit into.
You can be a transwoman who has a fluid presentation that switches from masculine and feminine. You could be genderfluid/bigender and have a fluid presentation. Just like cis-women have fluid presentations (presenting masculine or feminine), you have the same freedom to be present however you like.
It's all about your perception of it all.
Me? I am AFAB, medically transitioning to rightfully take back my male body that I should have been born with, however I don't want to look like the average guy. I desire to look feminine, hairless, curvy body, all traits commonly associated with women but I don't want to be female. I still feel genderless within, I'm a male-bodied person who just so happens to feel most comfortable having male genitalia underneath female clothes. I am in a situation where I have to present as male in everyday life but I hope to express my femininity more outwardly in the future.
"Not Trans Enough"
The "Not trans enough" got to me, too. You're not alone. I understand how you feel. I was treated lesser than at Susan’s because I was AFAB transitioning to male and I didn't want to grow a beard - I wanted to pursue electrolysis but still be on T because it gives me mental stability, I was told, "Why bother being on T then? Why bother transitioning to male at all if you're not going to embrace the beard?"
It was awful, I felt so alienated and isolated. I felt like a freak because I didn't want to look like every other average trans guy out there with a beard, muscles, hairy body with a masculine presentation. My idea of being male just so happens to be an androgynous-feminine one, one that is hairless, smooth, curvy with androgynous features.
Don't let the invisible rules and standards of the trans-community get you down. I once thought that if I didn't act hyper-masculine all the time, that I'd be deemed "not trans enough" in the eyes of others. It was a suffocating way to live.
Abandon these ideals, avoid communities who adhere to these ideals as the golden rule. It is identity policing and life policing as well. It's not on. Everybody's path is different, so what if you're not full-time? It doesn't make your experience and your identity any less valid than the person who is full-time.
These are exactly the reasons why I have chosen to absolve myself of my trans status and the trans label. I am sick to death of the negative connotations, invisible rules and standards that come out of the general trans-community. I am not proud of being "trans" either.
I do say I'm medically transitioning to male, I just will never refer to myself as a transman or a transgender individual because I've realised it's quite clear that I hold different opinions, beliefs and my way of life (being an AFAB person with male body who likes looking like a girl) is an inconvenience to the "real" transfolk. I'm also non-binary so on that alone, I trigger many binary transfolk's
"There's only TWO genders!" button.
ResourcesWe can make resources available for you. Please tell us what you need help with and I'll do my best to find resources to help you. You can't possibly be the only person going through this, you aren't alone!
Also, the Superman analogy is neat.
I think that could apply to me...
actually, the day of revolution is interesting because of what happens later. yes, the parents kind of half forced the operation, just the same way that some parents would sendtake their kids into harmful "therapy" for being different. but the author does let a doctor mention how it's more common to not make any changes, and she is more interested in exploring how even the operation doesn't make her a typical girl and how the past affects the. future. it's food for thought, not advocating harmful treatment. the story kind of starts from the assumtion that karyotype dictates sex and gender, but later on makes the mc and also the reader doubt whether this assumtion is right at all.
though i understand one could miss this point if triggered. and it could be quite triggering to some.
Ah, I see. That makes sense.
And I didn't get triggered, just the manga's type of humour doesn't appeal to me at all (e.g. forcing the operation became comedic with the MC's outbursts of protest towards their parents and MC's male friends suddenly wanting to date/marry MC once finding out MC had a "sex-change". Young!Me would have laughed at that humour without hesitation, Current!Me not so much so I couldn't push myself to read the rest of it after those scenes. Not to say this reflects badly on the author, not at all. I was emotionally sensitive that day so I'll give the manga another shot later.)
Thanks though, Taka. I understand where you are coming from. You're just trying to help.