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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2015 8:18:50 GMT 8
Wait, wait, Trinity and Julie are you both trying to foist off some kind of old grumpy person mystique on me? I'm trying to remain in my 30's here! I love teasing Shan.... Uh-huh wait till I catch you big bird, your panties will be flying from my auto antenna!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2015 8:25:15 GMT 8
Uh-huh wait till I catch you big bird, your panties will be flying from my auto antenna! Lmao
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Post by Taka on Feb 18, 2015 19:24:02 GMT 8
now you're just playing. all of you.
what is trans advice? i don't think i understand the question.
taking advice is difficult, knowing whom to trust near impossible. i've decided to not even trust myself. at least not my heart, that one is completely unreliable.
gut feeling is usually right, ignoring it can have severe consequences. the people i trust are people i feel good about. my boss is one i trust to be an ally, in many ways. but i don't trust him completely, particularly not in spiritual matters. there's something not right about him, an unhealthy ambition that he doesn't hide well enough. but i don't regret letting him convince me to start at my current job.
even when all the good forces seem to be working for me, i can't be sure those forces really are good. i was once about to get a house built. i'd have gotten help with everything, but somewhere in the process, the entrepreneur stopped answering my emails. i didn't do anything to contact him, or ask if he just didn't read my last email. and now i'm glad that this project was never really started. the place wasn't right. and the entrepreneur or his allies in town hall have gotten into some tax troubles.
i like to know things, but there are times when i don't ask too. knowing something shady is going on is good. knowing exactly what is bad, because i'd become responsible too.
what kind of advice would i trust? depends on what advice i'm seeking. best to get it from someone who knows what they're talking about.
when it comes to the interpretation of old scriptures, i ask my step father. he's a priest, though he doesn't work as one, and has also studied greek and hebrew. when it comes to taxes, i just call the experts. they'd rather forgive mistakes than fine people, if people just give them the chance.
just writing a whole lot of random stuff...
trans people don't always give the best advice. except when it comes to transitioning. trans people who give options rather than advice are great. think about it, and figure out what's the best choice for yourself. there is always more than one choice. seeing this fact can be difficult, but good friends will help you see the other options.
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Post by Edge on Feb 21, 2015 22:11:21 GMT 8
Do you mean advice from trans people or advice about being trans? I trust (or don't trust) advice from trans people about as much as I trust (or don't trust) advice from anyone. Most of the time, I don't trust anyone's advice about being trans because I think my trans stuff is personal to me. Even if the other person is trans, they aren't me. I'll listen to advice, I'll appreciate it most of the time, and I'll see how it fits with my experiences, but I'll always go with my gut over someone else's advice. I don't trust advice about passing. When I was first starting, I heard and read that I should cut my hair short and wear button up shirts, never t-shirts. Now, I have long hair, wear mostly t-shirts, and pass more than I did with short hair. It is probably mostly the T, but the fact of the matter is, long hair and t-shirs are not preventing me from passing. Trying (and failing) to pass while looking like someone I'm not was uncomfortable to say the least.
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Post by Taka on Feb 22, 2015 3:56:57 GMT 8
when it comes to passing, i think the best thing anyone could do is look like themselves. all the other passing advice sounds more like advice on how to look like a stereotypical something or other.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2015 4:48:56 GMT 8
Passing. for me it would be trying to be all girly and stuff.
Id rather just be me, screw passing.
But then again, I live as me anyway, and how does genderqueer pass as anything but either shocking or exotic?
And if you can nail exotic, omg. Yum, as far as I am concerned, the blends are so cool and so real.
But for the fully binary types, presentation, spirit wise...
Yeah I suppose folks that want to be identified as their transitioned gender identity would want to know every trick in the book if they want to go stealth.
I would thank that path would be really hard to walk. Foreign to me, maybe for most nonbinaries. Who wants to fake any part of our selves?
As to the advice, some rings true, some rings false, and some in the past have sent me over the edge into either breakdowns or other fun painful psych issues, including hellish dysphoria.
Whole week without that! Woo hoo. Blended.... mild dysphoria at the racetrack, a bit jealous of hair, bodies, nothing too much. My hair is on display in the closet...as good as theirs....
But advice, yeah I wanna here the folks that got through it, the ones in it, everyone. And thank God for the people on this forum that do the intervention and loving up thing. The loving heart diamonds here.
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Post by Edge on Feb 22, 2015 6:40:31 GMT 8
when it comes to passing, i think the best thing anyone could do is look like themselves. all the other passing advice sounds more like advice on how to look like a stereotypical something or other. I think the point behind button-up shirts was to help hide body shape. The hair also makes sense because even cis guys with long hair get mistaken for women. As for me though, it turns out that I'm both more comfortable and confident looking like a stereotypical metalhead. \m/ \m/
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 22, 2015 8:09:26 GMT 8
I get seen as a woman from behind quite a bit. It isn't like I have a real feminine walk, but there are some traits to that, as well as hip chuck look when standing a lot. I do have long hair, but I wear it in a ponytail, about a third of the way up from my neck, it's just comfortable that way. If I wear my fleece lined jean jacket, which seems very male to me, I still get seen as a woman. If I wear my long coat and 3" chunky heels, I can hear the comments a lot closer to me. I let it go, I don't stop doing whatever it is I'm doing, but I have had a few guys walk around to see what I look like from the front. Surprise! I think it's the mustache I sport that throws them off, lol. But I find it odd that my hair has that much to do with it. I flip it around so it sits over my shoulder and is on my chest and I hear hardly a thing. Just flipping it back has gotten comments. I see guys with hair about as long as mine a lot of times, it isn't that strange to see around here. I have to admit I'll stick a hip out if I stop, but that to isn't solely female, I see guys doing that as well. If I had a cute face, no doubt I'd go in that direction with my looks, if it fitted, but I don't, so I have a mustache because one looks good on me. I've even thought about sporting one that has the long sides, maybe a soul patch or even a small goatee. Work with what you got. I do like hearing hearing guys walk up behind me making stupid guy comments. I also like the attention I get from woman from either direction. Work with what you got, change what you can, but for many, how we are perceived is just going to be the way we are.
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Post by bhhfmm on Feb 22, 2015 8:28:58 GMT 8
I'm open to advice from anyone, trans or not, but I do take into account how much someone likely knows about me and my own situation while they are giving said advice. Then chances are, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do anyway, lol.
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Post by DriftingCrow on Feb 22, 2015 9:45:48 GMT 8
I think everyone has a unique situation, and I think there's multiple causes of trans*gender=ism/gender dysphoria/whatever you wanna call it. There's multiple identities. I can take the time to learn from everyone, and apply what fits me to my situation.
Trust? I don't know, like others above, I trust advice/information from trans people as much or little as I do from everyone else. It depends on the person talking; some people I know have biases, some have an agenda, some are delusional, some are ignorant. . . I take that into account when deciding to utilize what I've gathered.
The best thing (for me at least) is to get as much information, and life stories from others, and keep learning more and continually questioning my personal beliefs, my present state of identity, and continue to evolve. If I stayed ignorant to the more varied ways of identifying your own gender, I'd probably have gone on the FTM traditional medical transition route and then ended up very unhappy down the road.
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Post by Laura J on Feb 22, 2015 11:29:41 GMT 8
When I joined this group almost a year ago, I discovered in time it was wise to listen to, and in a lot of cases act on the advice of those here.. I say that not because this group is a super human race that has better advice than anyone else, but because my knowledge is still limited in my own experience, and those here know me better than anyone anywhere else, and just have more valuable info and advice than most.
I do trust others in my life also, just a very few, but not concerning the issues we talk about here, nor in the depth that is frequently shared by others, in the most personal and delicate of issues..
I remember well the division between the NB and MTF at that other forum, and I've also experienced it on FB with my trans friends.. I realize it's just a different journey for them and me, and it's often difficult to take or give advice from some who are on a different gender road that I am.? I know it's not personal, they still care and try to be inclusive, but it's different at the same time, and I wouldn't necessarily accept they're advice or wisdom for my issues any more than I would expect them to accept mine as the best info and advice available.
I don't want my relpy to seem divisive, but I do notice this sometimes, and just wanted to expresss it..
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Post by Ayla on Feb 22, 2015 19:37:20 GMT 8
Mark
I don't think that your response is divisive. In fact I think it is very clear that folk with different experiences, perspectives and frameworks are likely to provide advice aligned with and supportive of their world view.
There are however some folk who have the gift of helping you frame the questions and encourage you to find the answers that work best for you. These are the wise ones. These are the folk whose company I seek. Their motivation is to help and to provide wise counsel and support. They could be trans but they may also be cis.
Safe travels
Aisla
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Post by EchelonHunt on Feb 22, 2015 21:10:08 GMT 8
I would trust my sister on health advice since she is very stringent about her diet and is at the peak of her physical condition.
I trust my psychiatrist and therapist on their advice they give me as it is the most logical approach in terms of personal development and emotional maturity.
I wouldn't trust a pet retailer storeperson on advice about fishkeeping unless it was very evident that they were knowledgeable in what they were talking about rather than a person who just wants to make a quick sale... thankfully, it is easy to weed out the latter. Oh, this isn't that kind of thread is it? Whoops!
If I asked for advice, be it if the person was transgender, cis or alien... I would have to keep an open mind, to think through the advice given, my circumstances involved, the possible consequences and then decide on what to do.
That's the thing with advice, you can either take it or dismiss it.
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Post by ThePhoenix on Feb 23, 2015 2:39:39 GMT 8
This may sound surprising, but at least when it comes to transition and passing, I categorically reject *all* advice from trans* people. I listen to cis women when and if the advice makes sense to me.
Why? Because I find that most female identified trans* persons know very little about women. Most of their advice is very shallow, simplistic, artificial, and based on stereotypes that don't actually exist very often in the real world. It's rare that I encounter one who actually understands much about what it means to live as a woman. Hence the reason I post about sexual harassment on a trans* oriented website and usually get nothing but replies from trans women saying they wish that would happen to them, there is no risk involved, and I should just take it as a compliment.
The advice trans women normally give is how to be what I do not want to be. So if I want to live my life as a woman then I will take advice from people who actually, truly get it a lot better. It works well for me.
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Post by Emily on Feb 23, 2015 2:56:56 GMT 8
This may sound surprising, but at least when it comes to transition and passing, I categorically reject *all* advice from trans* people. I listen to cis women when and if the advice makes sense to me. Why? Because I find that most female identified trans* persons know very little about women. Most of their advice is very shallow, simplistic, artificial, and based on stereotypes that don't actually exist very often in the real world. It's rare that I encounter one who actually understands much about what it means to live as a woman. Hence the reason I post about sexual harassment on a trans* oriented website and usually get nothing but replies from trans women saying they wish that would happen to them, there is no risk involved, and I should just take it as a compliment.
The advice trans women normally give is how to be what I do not want to be. So if I want to live my life as a woman then I will take advice from people who actually, truly get it a lot better. It works well for me. Being sexually harassed as some sort of affirmation? That is borderline stupid. But yep, I would totally agree that there are a lot of things which I almost took for granted truth (read about them on the other site) and then female acquaintances rolled their eyes on me and said that apparently I have some stereotypes which are plain wrong .
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