Why are you attracted to men/women/etc?

[Deleted]

Have any of you ever pondered as to why you are attracted to a certain gender? We seem to just accept our sexual orientations without much thought or question as to why we are attracted to what we are attracted to.

Straight women / gay men are attracted to men, but why?
Straight men / gay women are attracted to women, but why?

What is it about a man that makes you squirm in your seat?
What is it about a woman that makes your soul blaze with passion?

Is it his masculinity, his alpha protector personality, his strength?
Is it her femininity, her tenderness, or her smile?

Or is it something more specific, more nuanced and subtle; some underlying force or energy that just synergises with yours?
As for me, I am attracted to women, but not every kind of woman. Nonetheless, no matter what her personality is, a woman is very unique in what she provides emotionally, spiritually, and even sexually. Personally, I love an androgynous aesthetic and personality; a balanced blend of masculine and feminine characteristics. I don't like "girly girls".

Even though my attractions lean towards more "butch" women (I hate that term, though) she still has within herself that specific tenderness, and clemency. She is fierce with passion and raging beauty that is softly tempered by the sweetest sufferance and compassion. She provides what a man cannot, at least not with the same subtle intensity.

The point, though, is that there is definitely some kind of intangible, yet highly intuitive communication or connection when it comes to attraction, and there's nothing we can do about it. Dating guru David DeAngelo said:

"If you meet a woman and you interact with her enough that she forms an impression of you — she has an impression of who you are as a person — and she doesn't feel attraction for you, there's essentially nothing you can do about it. No amount of logic, pursuing her, buying her things, giving her gifts and compliments. None of it will work. Why? Because it's not a choice. Attraction isn't a choice. The flip side of the coin is, if you meet a woman and you interact with her long enough that she forms an impression of you, and she does feel attraction for you, then there's nothing she can do about it. No amount of peer pressure, friends or parents, logical realisations that 'this isn't the right guy for me'. There's nothing she can do about that attraction, because attraction isn't a choice."

So, mull it over. Really think deeply on it. Maybe it really is just as simply as thinking someone is hot, or you like their snarky sense of humour; but I think, at the end of the day, it's much more complicated than that social level of attraction.

[Trinity]

Cool thread honey.



Its electric, isn't it?



I am thinking of specific people, both men and women, their effect when I am sitting close to them.



And it does cause me to wiggle in my seat. Its embarrassing, when I get going, I can't walk right. I really cant. I flush, everything tingles. I become accutely aware of my body. So sad that this was lost in my marriage. It is a source of very deep pain.



A gentle voice does me in. It has happened to me in here... different nonbinaries have taken me into that place, if we met face to face, sparks would fly, she will flutter, she does that. I do that.



And if the equipment is there, the smells, the rough whiskers on the skin



Darling I have to stop typing

[Mingma]

What causes attraction?  For me it is fairly consistent with both men and women.  It is curiosity and wit.  Yeah I guess I like the snark, but also reflective conversation.  

I also am very much attracted to fitness and health.  A buff dude or a strong and lithe woman immediately piques my interest.  But far and away the sexiest people I know combine a gentle heart and an interested mind.  

I can lose myself in the eyes of my beloved more when they, by virtue of their insight, help me to understand something new about myself and reveal the spirit that resides within them.  It is those connections that make me quiver.  You want to be my lover? Then let's exchange sonnets or prose poems by candle light.  Let's bathe each other with  sweet smelling soap.  Connect with an warmed oil massage but always, always, help me understand who I am and who you are.

All that said, you'll need infinite patience and the acceptance of a saint.  I'm single for a reason and it has very little to do with the availability of amazing and wonderful people in my life.

Ming

[EchelonHunt]

I can't speak for sexual attraction because I've haven't experienced that. I came to the realisation a few weeks ago that my "love" I've felt for my partners in the past, wasn't really love at all, it was codependency disguised as a distorted sense of love.

However, I can speak for emotional attraction or just the most general form of attraction (if there's a such thing)

It seems my attraction splits into two categories:

- People whom I look up to, admire and wish to emulate as a person.

Take three YouTubers I watch, Markiplier, Jacksepticeye & Ericvanwilderman. They all have common traits between the three of them, they are funny, likeable, respectful, relatable and very human and at the same time, can be childlike, energetic, pretty much a child in a man's body but not in an obnoxious way. And they are also male. I see myself in them and I feel a strong connection to them, I strive to become a better person because of them.

- People whom I see myself entering a long term relationship with, even if at my current state, romantic and sexual attraction is not possible. (So in other words, it's a hopeful fantasy.)

As a male, I see myself in a relationship with a female or male (cis, trans or non-binary). As a female, I see myself in a relationship with a male or female (cis, trans or non-binary). As neither or both, I see myself in a relationship with all of the above. In all relationship fantasies, irregardless of whom I'm dating, I see that both parties are flexible when it comes to sex. No enforced gender roles, no females expecting males to be the "giver", no males expecting females to be the "receiver". It always seems to be my experience in the past that heterosexual women can't see themselves in any other position than being the receiver because they are socially conditioned to believe such, that they are female, must be submissive, therefore cannot be dominant or in the giver role because that is a "man's role" in sex.

I'm attracted to femininity and androgyny in both men and women. I'm attracted to masculinity in girls as well but if it's like 70% Masc 30% Fem, I'll shy away. If it's 70% Fem 30% Masc, I'll be more likely to feel they are approachable. I don't like those terms either, you're not alone

Also, great thought-provoking topic! 

[Taka]

why?
because of my brain structure of course.

it would be a different answer if you asked what i'm attracted to though. i might think about answering.

[Deleted]

Feb 29, 2016 1:05:38 GMT 8 Taka said:

why?
because of my brain structure of course.

it would be a different answer if you asked what i'm attracted to though. i might think about answering.

That's the simple answer. That's like saying a banana fudge sundae with nuts and sprinkles is just a bowl of sugar. Yes, it's your brain structure, but inside of that brain is a vast consciousness full of complexities and variables. Identity isn't just a giant fatty organ. So, you see, this is a philosophical / psychological question, not a scientific one.

[Shan]

I find that at my current state in life that I am attracted to people who are congenial and charming, it's not about sexual attraction, but more about the kind of people that I'm drawn to whether if be male or female.

[Taka]

but it is a scientific question.
particularly after scientists have found that androsexual people react physically to the scent of testosterone bomb.

even the psychological side of it is a whole lot of science, like what one thinks of as beautiful. that would be the average of all the faces one has seen, which is probably also part of the reason why the asian beauty ideal has gone from round faces to the more western looking after american movies.

[Shan]

Since I have been neutered I am not sexually attracted to anyone. Guess that's why the kings and Sultans always put eunuch's in charge of their harems. I am still visually attracted to gorgeous women in a non sexual way, but so is everyone.

[Trinity]

Feb 29, 2016 2:04:39 GMT 8 Shan said:

Since I have been neutered I am not sexually attracted to anyone. Guess that's why the kings and Sultans always put eunuch's in charge of their harems. I am still visually attracted to gorgeous women in a non sexual way, but so is everyone.

So much for me getting that orchi.

Nope.

[Shan]

Feb 29, 2016 4:06:49 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Feb 29, 2016 2:04:39 GMT 8 Shan said:

Since I have been neutered I am not sexually attracted to anyone. Guess that's why the kings and Sultans always put eunuch's in charge of their harems. I am still visually attracted to gorgeous women in a non sexual way, but so is everyone.

So much for me getting that orchi.

Nope.

Trin, this isn't intended to hurt you, but if you ever intent to go the full transition it's all going to be a moot point honey.

On another note, males that have found out that I have had that procedure treat me as if I no longer exist and are completely incapable of asking me why or anything about it whatsoever. Which leads me to believe that men place so much stock in their cock and balls, that without them they would cease to exist having no purpose in life. Thankfully for me, I have found that life is so much more.

[Taka]

well... there are cis men who have lost their equipment to land mines or other accidents. it's so devastating to them that it's almost weird to think about.

if trans men ever get perfect penises, it will be because of war and trying to fix people's lives after it. cause they aren't working so hard to make them artificially because of trans men...

[Kira]

I always liked men and to a certain extent, tomboys. I guess I have changed a little since starting hormones. I go more for men now. Pretty much exclusively, but I occasionally let a tomboy into my mind.

Your preferences seem to be largely genetic, with hormones helping to determine direction. Its not really possible to determine the why with any significant accuracy, it's a lower brain function, and questioning lower brain functions has no real satisfactory answer, like where do ideas come from, why do I hate cheese (nobody actually hates cheese do they?) where do emotions come from, why do we dream. Lower brain functions have limited explanations and just tend to occur based on the nature of your make up.

[Trinity]

Feb 29, 2016 4:25:33 GMT 8 Shan said:

Feb 29, 2016 4:06:49 GMT 8 Trinity said:

So much for me getting that orchi.

Nope.

Trin, this isn't intended to hurt you, but if you ever intent to go the full transition it's all going to be a moot point honey.

HAH!

Doesn't hurt at all dear.  And I doubt very much that I would mind at all about the libido drop...and with my sky high estrogen levels, I suspect my libido will be just fine...

Never the full op while my wife is alive.  And I want her to stay that way.

On another note, on high estrogen, my preferences most definitely did change, to a very straight female orientation for hot guys.  But the lesbian side of me is also still quite strong.  Either way I am a "bottom".

Blessings

Trinity

[Kira]

Yeah I am definitely still submissive in bed. I always was but now even more so if just gives me butterflies to think about a partner using their way :-) tmi?