How much at risk do you think you are?

[Laura J]

Dec 23, 2014 2:01:21 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Dec 23, 2014 1:26:09 GMT 8 Laura J said:

I am in much the same boat, hence my gender therapist was involved from the beginning and critical mistakes avoided.

I'm beginning to see the wisdom in that now. 

[Deleted]

I don't really think I'm at much risk for self harm or anything else from dysphoria. Yeah when it does hit, I'm in a funk ranging from a few hours to a few days. But... On the edge though. I'm always there. Just from the lifestyle I lead.  I'm not scared to go to places that others are warned about. Hell, I've lived in those places even. So really how much at risk to I think I am. Probably pretty good but not from the trans deal though. But every time we get in a vehicle, we are rolling the dice. Not from ourselves as much as others or mechanical failure. Every time I fly I don't even expect to make it back on the ground. No expectations. Being a pessimist sux but every new day is a day I didn't expect.

[Ayla]

There is risk with my marriage. However there is not a whole lot that I can do about it except to continue to be honest, open and present. She is challenged, she is confronted by my growth and moderate physical change. From my perspective she seems inordinately concerned by the reaction and potential reaction of others. She is surprised by the positive reaction of her friends and family to my longer hair and to my more relaxed and authentic presentation. Her insistence on continually "checking in" with our adult son and daughter is particularly annoying and invalidating. I explained how I felt about this and asked her if she would be ok if I started to check in with my son, daughter and perhaps her parents as to whether they were comfortable with who she is and how she is evolving. I think she now gets this.

My wife has been a great partner, mother and friend. She knows that I cannot revert to the person I once was, even if I wanted to, I would not choose to do this. I don't think she is trying to hurt me but she is a very private person and very protective of our family. I am now at the point that if our marriage continues in a positive and mutually accepting and respectful manner that I really wish that it continues, but as harsh as it may sound, I will not be able to continue if it becomes damaging to me.


Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

Aisla. One of the most messed up things about having higher brain functions and being human is having a dynamic life and psychology. I have heard that personalities change every seven years. But who we were yesterday is not who we are today and who we are today is subject to change tomorrow. It's mixed because we have self discovery. I really wish you luck. Some of us do end up being lucky and our spouses staying with us unconditionally. Others like myself are lucky because mine didn't want to stay with me. It really didn't seem like it but today I see it as being really lucky because now I am free. I never could have been with her. There is always a silver lining to those storm clouds no matter which way they go.

[Deleted]

It's a process. Time will tell. Communication...

[Deleted]

Dec 23, 2014 3:56:58 GMT 8 Ayla said:

There is risk with my marriage. However there is not a whole lot that I can do about it except to continue to be honest, open and present. She is challenged, she is confronted by my growth and moderate physical change. From my perspective she seems inordinately concerned by the reaction and potential reaction of others. She is surprised by the positive reaction of her friends and family to my longer hair and to my more relaxed and authentic presentation. Her insistence on continually "checking in" with our adult son and daughter is particularly annoying and invalidating. I explained how I felt about this and asked her if she would be ok if I started to check in with my son, daughter and perhaps her parents as to whether they were comfortable with who she is and how she is evolving. I think she now gets this.

My wife has been a great partner, mother and friend. She knows that I cannot revert to the person I once was, even if I wanted to, I would not choose to do this. I don't think she is trying to hurt me but she is a very private person and very protective of our family. I am now at the point that if our marriage continues in a positive and mutually accepting and respectful manner that I really wish that it continues, but as harsh as it may sound, I will not be able to continue if it becomes damaging to me.


Safe travels

Aisla

She's no different than my own spouse, most cis women from normal family backgrounds have expectations of normalcy in their lives and not unlike the family they came from they too are concerned about how family, friends, church, employer and social groups are going to receive this new and unsettling development. They are trusting us to be their rock, so naturally they will become anxiety ridden, hand wringing pitiable little things. So far you seem to be doing the right things to offset her fears, stick with it! As for me when I eventually shuck this mortal coil I want to have limited my personal failures as much as possible, and like Mark had said, I'd rather be dead than go on without my best friend ever, I'd rather be loved and admired than hated, so the rest is totally unimportant!

[Ayla]

Shan

I agree with your sentiments except for continuing in a relationship which is hurting either or both of us.   I think that we love and respect each other too much to do this

At the end I wish to keep her in my life as a friend if not as a spouse

Safe travels

isla

[LivingTheDream]

I think this upcoming year I could be at risk of doing certain things. It is going to be a big year, lots of changes coming up. Physical changes, transition, lots of other pain coming up next two months or so. Def need to try to find a better job, at least be able to support myself. School again perhaps in the fall, been an issue for me the last 2 semesters, added stress and depression from that. Don't have a whole lot going for me atm, so ya, this upcoming year will definitely be make it or break it type year for me.

[EchelonHunt]

I am at risk (I fear) of my genital dysphoria elevating after top surgery is completed. I know I will experience body euphoria at finally having a flat chest but I feel having top surgery done will put me at risk at saving even more meticulously for bottom surgery. Money is a source of stress and anxiety for me. I have coping methods in place as I view spending money as a form of therapy (ha, bad, I know.) but getting bottom surgery will be much more priceless and will have a life-long sense of completion than that five second giddy feeling of purchasing something online - I think I will be OK, risks aside and all..! Must persevere...!

[Deleted]

Dec 23, 2014 14:39:42 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

I am at risk (I fear) of my genital dysphoria elevating after top surgery is completed. I know I will experience body euphoria at finally having a flat chest but I feel having top surgery done will put me at risk at saving even more meticulously for bottom surgery. Money is a source of stress and anxiety for me. I have coping methods in place as I view spending money as a form of therapy (ha, bad, I know.) but getting bottom surgery will be much more priceless and will have a life-long sense of completion than that five second giddy feeling of purchasing something online - I think I will be OK, risks aside and all..! Must persevere...!

I really wish I could teach everyone how I deal with the dysphoria, but the truth is I don't even know myself. It comes and sometimes hits really hard and I suffer from it sometimes manifested as anger and other times depression but then it goes as fast as it comes and I'm back to normal or at least normal for me anyway . It varies from a few hours to a couple of days I may goe weeks or months without getting into a funk. I am extremely lucky in the dysphoria department. It's always there but not unbearable. The normal aspect may be part of it because I never really cared for being normal anyway. Never really wanted to. Never had a normal job and when I had to work somewhat normal jobs, I didn't fare too well. You know, not a team player and never could get into the whole "office politics" thing. Its always been the non normal jobs that I have been good at.

[Deleted]

Living the Dream and EchelonHunt,
                The positive aspect is that you both are planners and having a plan is the only way to achieve forward momentum unlike so many who can't think ahead of the immediate moment and spend their time in a depressed funk because of it, so kudos' to the both of you!

[LivingTheDream]

Oh I am definitely a planner. Everything I do is like planned lol. Is actually a problem sometimes, obsessing over it, and when they fail, ya can be quite bad for me...Thing is, I am very much a now person, maybe a bit of the past as well. I can do short term planning but long term, lol, forget about it. Hell, growing up, believed 100% I would be dead before I graduated school, not from anything I did, just somehow someway I would be. Could never imagine doing so I guess. Was quite surprised when I actually graduated!

Looking ahead tho, this year a bit, is kinda depressing though still. February I think is defintely gonna suck, that is when am planning on taking care of some much needed health business, gonna be painful physically and mentally Beyond that is kinda bleak as well, so we'll see...

[Deleted]

Dec 24, 2014 15:51:09 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

Oh I am definitely a planner. Everything I do is like planned lol. Is actually a problem sometimes, obsessing over it, and when they fail, ya can be quite bad for me...Thing is, I am very much a now person, maybe a bit of the past as well. I can do short term planning but long term, lol, forget about it. Hell, growing up, believed 100% I would be dead before I graduated school, not from anything I did, just somehow someway I would be. Could never imagine doing so I guess. Was quite surprised when I actually graduated!

Looking ahead tho, this year a bit, is kinda depressing though still. February I think is defintely gonna suck, that is when am planning on taking care of some much needed health business, gonna be painful physically and mentally Beyond that is kinda bleak as well, so we'll see...

The secret to happiness as a planner is to not over obsess and to take a pragmatic approach to the potential for failure of one or more phases and to have (what if) alternate tangents in place to meet your goals.

[Deleted]

Thank you my dear for yours.

The fairy is always watching for you dear, I am always here.

[Ayla]

Julie

As Ativan often said, our tendency is to seek and to find the 'edge'. We are strong, we are survivors. We know our limits and we know that we are loved and we have support.

This year, with Jacey, we are now linked and tied with each other in a way which combines and amplifies our strength. We are one and we are family. Julie, you bring much joy to so many of us. My Xmas wish is that you feel the warmth of our love, of our admiration and of our appreciation. We are much the richer for having you in our life. You deserve to know this and to feel this. We all do.

Safe travels

Aisla