Malachite
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Post by Malachite on Jul 26, 2015 14:37:14 GMT 8
Went To church. It was great. I feel better. Ativans help has helped too. I feel more hope and faith. It is good. I am at peace with my gender. I am unjacked. God Bless. Trinity Amen! It is wonderful how no one can steal our identity in Christ: who we are, once we are grounded in the faith. I may not be around as much, but I you are still often in my mind.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2015 19:52:02 GMT 8
So are you my dear.
Many things are happening, the Lord is requiring my service with family support, 5 family members are going to pass, 4 from age, one from cancer barring a miracle, they need my direct help. Things are coming together in a way and with a timing that could only come from Christ. I am doing the best I can to not screw it up, it feels like lifting the hands and falling backwards over the edge, trusting hands are there to catch me.
And we are seeing this. More later as it continues to develop.
Blessings my dear ones. Blessings, for you.
Trinity
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2015 8:33:14 GMT 8
So many things have fallen into place that it would take your breath away to see it unfold. Not just with my life, but every life it is touching right now, as I was just following Him and surrendering and going forward. Had I run in self will, we would be ruined right now, but because we were able to discern His will, a new life is being given, and certain disaster has been avoided.
He said Trust Me long ago. My heavens He sure wasnt kidding.
Oh, sorry the avatar is a little ... wild. But it reflects my mood right now, so its there, for a little while.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 1:45:23 GMT 8
Went to Times Square Church.
In spite of their anti gay stance, it was great. I wish I could debate with them about trans but am likely to stay stealth. I am too desperate for Christ to risk being shunned.
I am totally convinced I am fully accepted in Christ. The rest of what they preach and believe I totally agree with.
I hope the church can see through it all to the truth of who we are and Christ's relationship to us as transgender Christians.
Meanwhile, I have some gunk to purge out through Him. I have been a bit of a bitch lately.
Blessings and love
Trinity
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 9:19:57 GMT 8
I dont think the church will ever understand.
It is clear to me, but to them, they lump it all into lasciviousness.
Yet porn, divorce, selfishness, and loose living is a problem inside the churches. That church is not so much, they are sold out for Christ, but we are not the whores of Sodom nor the temple prostitutes of Pauls time.
Look to Christ. Learn of the body and the brain structures as we were careated. Live pure and love deep.
See with His eyes. Love with His heart.
I saw that today in church. Few stared, some did. Most just loved.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2015 20:08:01 GMT 8
Where is Malachite I am finding that with the publicity of the trans situation and the pushback from the conservative elements, my faith is weakened. Its weakened by deep disappointment, by grief over the suffering they are causing. It gets weakened by this little voice that says "but what if they are right"? which if agreed with would put me into a position of disaster. I would not have the life that I have without Christ. Add to this the reality of the enemy of our souls, using this as leverage against the mind, the enemy is the creator of much of the matrix. Oh yes these powers exist, there are most certainly entities that battle. The more pain they can create the more they feed off of it, I know they are there. And the absolute rejection of Christianity by those I love that are trans or gay is heartbreaking. They really are rejecting the church, but because the church is stating that they are the definers of Christ, as opposed to the author of our lives, as transpeople, He is the one that should be defining Himself, not the ones who are supposed to be following Him. I don't know if I should challenge the church or not. I might. But I am too easy a prey for the enemy right now. Since I am weakened it is not good timing to try to reach the most influential of the preachers that I know. Dunno, I need to pray over it. I think that eventually trans will form its own way and its own doctrines. We may incorporate much of the churches doctrines, for most of them are really very sound, just the legalism thing is so far off center. All good works and freedom from sin stems from our bonding and love with Christ. I doubt the men of the church can even allow themselves to feel that close love, my experience with men, Cis men, is that they will never admit any kind of love for another guy. It is shut down and that fact is antithetical to all of Jesus's teachings and actions. While we are not Eunichs, the spirit of the ways of God shows full acceptance of Eunichs in the bible. I dont know much about them. But it is certainly a type of a different gender for some who were that way. It was a barbaric time, most were not that way by choice. But Jesus clearly indicated some are born Eunichs, which in His reference most likely meant they were born non sexually motivated. I am far more interested in the experience of Christ and His love. When I hold up who He is against who is coming down on trans, they don't even begin to show in their spirits the expectation I have of a Christian. What I expect to see is unconditional love reaching out to the suffering and offering a way out. Sin is self destructive. It hurt us, others, everyone. Thats what sin is, its not a rule. Its based on natural laws, cause and effect, karma if you wish, karma erased totally by Christ's cross by the way, through His substitution and taking our sin upon Himself. And we or I cannot live free from sin unless He is in control of my spirit, my toungue, my feet, my emotions. In myself I do not have the stregnth and I am too selfish to be able to ward off the lust of the flesh or the deep rage that can be born of the past or of injustice. So, the erosion of my faith, and it got stronger by writing this little post here, but this erosion coming from the toungues of those who truly do not understand either us or the heart of Christ - for they believe in Christs heart He would change us, while in my opinion we were born trans and there is no reason for us to be changed other than to conform to rules and a world system that was not defined according to the present times but was defined based on looking at temple prostitution and declaring that evil, then applying that rule to everyone everywhere regardless of who they are - but this erosion is probably the most awful abuse of the tranfolks that is out there. We are like Him now. We are rejected and persecuted for our truth. We walk lonely walks, but we are not alone. Heaven holds its breath and grieves, as the church self destructs by getting this wrong, opening the new age gates wide open for doctrines that are not of Christ, but come from the evil one, the enemy of our souls. And he uses trans, believe me, with collateral damage, with creation of naratives that involve a selfish disregard for those we love, inflaming the pain of our own dysphoria as we seek to minimize the collateral damage. Always whispering in our ears "its not fair". Feeding the flame of bitterness, to strengthen his postion, feeding the walls of exclusion, to mock the church that saves many souls. If the church would only repent of their hardness of hearts. But since they do not, we can only accept what is true, and reject what is shown to be in error, while being crystal clear of the heart of God and the scripture twisting satanic horde that seeks to bring us down. Using scripture out of context, using verses with out looking at the whole. Taking one perspective and making it all or nothing, instead of understanding the whole miracle of the Christ we love, who they will meet, and they will explain themselves in that day. And not very well as we stand next to the living God in the places prepared for us from the beginning of time, asking "Why?" As He asks "What did you do for my beloved trans children, who I cherish and love?" -Trinity
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 21:31:23 GMT 8
I just sent this to my cis prayer partners. For those not choosing to be Christian please do not be offended. But this part of the forum is sanctuary to those who do follow this walk, we do not force it on anyone, it is just our way. In this forum there is no criticism of other walks, only celebration of our uniqueness and our understandings of the truth, with respect for everyone here.
----------------
In many ways, because of my birth divergence from the norms of gender, I feel like I walk it alone in the wilderness, my heart crying out to Him, and He walking with me with His arm across my shoulders. As my angel wings are spread and my body is made whole, not as the world wanted it to be, but as He has created me, to reach out to those rejected and tortured by this world and its traditions, the very traditions Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross to free us from.
It is when I realize He is with me and it was for this purpose that I was born into this world, this among others, that I continue to walk and not faint. But the temptations are many and the hardships are hard. The loneliness is keen, but I have found others like me now, and this is also His purpose. Rejected by the church, seeking any hope they can find, grasping at straws to find a way to have the courage to live. And that is my calling. To give hope to the hopeless and open the eyes of those who think they can see. To be His hand reaching out to His loved ones, those rejected by man, the very people He chose to have as His closest companions.
Oh His heart is grieving, and mine with Him.
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Malachite
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Post by Malachite on Nov 10, 2015 16:20:12 GMT 8
Where is Malachite I am finding that with the publicity of the trans situation and the pushback from the conservative elements, my faith is weakened. Its weakened by deep disappointment, by grief over the suffering they are causing. It gets weakened by this little voice that says "but what if they are right"? which if agreed with would put me into a position of disaster. I would not have the life that I have without Christ. Add to this the reality of the enemy of our souls, using this as leverage against the mind, the enemy is the creator of much of the matrix. Oh yes these powers exist, there are most certainly entities that battle. The more pain they can create the more they feed off of it, I know they are there. And the absolute rejection of Christianity by those I love that are trans or gay is heartbreaking. They really are rejecting the church, but because the church is stating that they are the definers of Christ, as opposed to the author of our lives, as transpeople, He is the one that should be defining Himself, not the ones who are supposed to be following Him. I don't know if I should challenge the church or not. I might. But I am too easy a prey for the enemy right now. Since I am weakened it is not good timing to try to reach the most influential of the preachers that I know. Dunno, I need to pray over it. I think that eventually trans will form its own way and its own doctrines. We may incorporate much of the churches doctrines, for most of them are really very sound, just the legalism thing is so far off center. All good works and freedom from sin stems from our bonding and love with Christ. I doubt the men of the church can even allow themselves to feel that close love, my experience with men, Cis men, is that they will never admit any kind of love for another guy. It is shut down and that fact is antithetical to all of Jesus's teachings and actions. While we are not Eunichs, the spirit of the ways of God shows full acceptance of Eunichs in the bible. I dont know much about them. But it is certainly a type of a different gender for some who were that way. It was a barbaric time, most were not that way by choice. But Jesus clearly indicated some are born Eunichs, which in His reference most likely meant they were born non sexually motivated. I am far more interested in the experience of Christ and His love. When I hold up who He is against who is coming down on trans, they don't even begin to show in their spirits the expectation I have of a Christian. What I expect to see is unconditional love reaching out to the suffering and offering a way out. Sin is self destructive. It hurt us, others, everyone. Thats what sin is, its not a rule. Its based on natural laws, cause and effect, karma if you wish, karma erased totally by Christ's cross by the way, through His substitution and taking our sin upon Himself. And we or I cannot live free from sin unless He is in control of my spirit, my toungue, my feet, my emotions. In myself I do not have the stregnth and I am too selfish to be able to ward off the lust of the flesh or the deep rage that can be born of the past or of injustice. So, the erosion of my faith, and it got stronger by writing this little post here, but this erosion coming from the toungues of those who truly do not understand either us or the heart of Christ - for they believe in Christs heart He would change us, while in my opinion we were born trans and there is no reason for us to be changed other than to conform to rules and a world system that was not defined according to the present times but was defined based on looking at temple prostitution and declaring that evil, then applying that rule to everyone everywhere regardless of who they are - but this erosion is probably the most awful abuse of the tranfolks that is out there. We are like Him now. We are rejected and persecuted for our truth. We walk lonely walks, but we are not alone. Heaven holds its breath and grieves, as the church self destructs by getting this wrong, opening the new age gates wide open for doctrines that are not of Christ, but come from the evil one, the enemy of our souls. And he uses trans, believe me, with collateral damage, with creation of naratives that involve a selfish disregard for those we love, inflaming the pain of our own dysphoria as we seek to minimize the collateral damage. Always whispering in our ears "its not fair". Feeding the flame of bitterness, to strengthen his postion, feeding the walls of exclusion, to mock the church that saves many souls. If the church would only repent of their hardness of hearts. But since they do not, we can only accept what is true, and reject what is shown to be in error, while being crystal clear of the heart of God and the scripture twisting satanic horde that seeks to bring us down. Using scripture out of context, using verses with out looking at the whole. Taking one perspective and making it all or nothing, instead of understanding the whole miracle of the Christ we love, who they will meet, and they will explain themselves in that day. And not very well as we stand next to the living God in the places prepared for us from the beginning of time, asking "Why?" As He asks "What did you do for my beloved trans children, who I cherish and love?" -Trinity I'm here, and I'll try to pop in more often. You do bring up a lot of great points here about the trans thing with conservatives/fundamentalists. As a fundamentalist myself, I have asked myself that question of "what if they are right"? For me, it is scary to think about dying, and waking up in Hell because I apparently have taken the "Romans 1" path, and/or that I rejected the body God has given me, etc. However, as a believer, I HAVE to hold on to His promises. After all, His promises are stronger than their interpretations when it comes to this subject. I know for me, being transgender has lead me to Christ. If I were cisgendered, there probably was a good chance of me being a false convert. I too feel your pain of seeing some of our LBGT sisters vehemently go out of their way to reject *Christianity*, because conservatives use passages like Romans 1 against us. I sometimes have to wonder if the church is partially responsible for creating "reprobates", through a lot of their hatred. I dare not call this a doctrine or anything, but more like a pondering. Many LBGT people grow up in churches, but turn away from the faith. They heard about Him, but because of harsh, and sometimes, anti-scriptual teaching about who they are, they turn away from God, and become the descriptions that Romans 1 tells us of a reprobate. Being in the last days only ramps this up. This may be harsh to say, but I believe that it is indeed true that it is too late for some people walking this Earth right now (LBGT AND cis/straight). Even though we are to preach the Gospel to every creature, I do believe that we as genuine trans Christians, are called to especially reach the trans community, and pull them out of the fire, hating even the garments spotted by the flesh, before it is too late. We do this with the Word, as the Word of God saves, but we also pull them closer by our actions. Some are watching even if we do not know it, and they drawn to us, but really it is the Light that pulls them in, and convicts them. You may say that say that your faith is weakened, but may I submit to you that some of THEIR (non-affirming conservatives) faith is actually weakened? A non/anti-Christian transgender individual? Yes, they expect that, but a person who is transgender AND Christian.....walking out their faith better than some cis Christians? That will not compute to most. We are the anomaly. However, anomalies become the best revolutionaries. <mytubeelement data="{"bundle":{"label_delimitor":":","percentage":"%","smart_buffer":"Smart Buffer","start_playing_when_buffered":"Start playing when buffered","sound":"Sound","desktop_notification":"Desktop Notification","continuation_on_next_line":"-","loop":"Loop","only_notify":"Only Notify","estimated_time":"Estimated Time","global_preferences":"Global Preferences","no_notification_supported_on_your_browser":"No notification style supported on your browser version","video_buffered":"Video Buffered","buffered":"Buffered","hyphen":"-","buffered_message":"The video has been buffered as requested and is ready to play.","not_supported":"Not Supported","on":"On","off":"Off","click_to_enable_for_this_site":"Click to enable for this site","desktop_notification_denied":"You have denied permission for desktop notification for this site","notification_status_delimitor":";","error":"Error","adblock_interferance_message":"Adblock (or similar extension) is known to interfere with SmartVideo. 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Post by Trinity on Nov 10, 2015 18:48:32 GMT 8
That weird stuff is happening with your computer are you losing anything said?
I will have more later. Personally i stay away from hellfire it is a terrible motivator. As we draw closer to Christ more of the enemy of our souls tactics are revealed.
Ttansfolk need loving up. By the way, romans one describes progression. But weceere born that way, so were many gays. Thats not progression. Romans 1 is about choice and wild orgyistic sex. Its actually pointing straight to the cis. The clubs.
No sin is unforgivable. Reprobate minds are not the wounded ones who cry and turn away. They are stone hearts instead.
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Post by Trinity on Nov 10, 2015 19:26:41 GMT 8
We Need to have these discussions, it has been a very long time since I was able to talk about this. The only folks I can talk to about it are Cis and I am always on the defensive, I wind up talking to the very same folks that were reprogramming me until I lost my mind. The trans perspective was not present in them, they cannot talk along the insights and lines that we will be able to talk to as we wrestle with the Christian dogmas and the Biblical interpretations.
It has been so long that the fundamental truths in my mind are weakened, I wind up relying on the feelings I have of being wired in, and that has been weakened and cut off by bitterness caused by exactly what you are speaking of.
Yes that whisper in the mind of "what if you got it wrong" can be dibilitating. Whispers in the mind, who speaks in the ear instead of in the soul? hmmm
There is a knowing and there is a rationalizing. We can rationalize anything. We know however what His heart is. We know that in the Pauline scriptures they were trying to work with the law, and also work with the Spirit. And there were a lot of issues with that and they had trouble with it, that is why Jesus said you must put new wine into new wineskins. Heavy quote, bears much thought, multiple meanings in this quote. Old testament stuff brought into the new testament, things as legalistic as hair covering..... those are rules, conventions, constructs, culture. Its about attitudes, hearts, minds, spirits. Its about the radical guygod that walked around doing the miraculous, who was enraged at pharisitical practice and burden, and who loved the prostitutes and others that seized on what He promised, stopped judging others or themselves, fell in love with Him and started to reach out right where it counted, right into the hearts and needs of those around them. Where the rubber met the road.
The interpretations of the church assinging trans or gay to appostate and using the scripture in ways that are so wrong, these are harmful, even antichrist. Using rules as a club, the threat of hell as a club, using fear as a motivator. Fear is corrosive, look at the fruit of fear, if you look for long you will find evil at every turn. It was love that was the focus, not fear. It was the massive power of the one who heals, and who wants to keep healing. You may say that well I am trans or I am gay and I dont need healing. No, that does not need healing for that is not sick is it. But your heart sure does. Your wounded trans heart over the years of abuse by a crushing system that has no room for us at the table. But look at the table of Jesus and His closest friends, yeah we didnt have trans there, but look who was there. Look at His closest friends.
Not the most socially loved folks were they. And they had the guts to change everything.
I love the gospel of John, he had it so dead on.
Our issues are that we are assigned the same places as those who live the lascivious lifestyle, and that is a lot of the disco folks and a lot of the bed swapping. I was floored when I found out how loose most trans folks were.... but they were driven away, why would they not be loose? You bar the doors and what do you expect?
People are barring heaven from other people, out of ignorance, innocence or hate. THAT is an enormous sin. Condemning gay folks to a life of loneliness, denying them marriage rights, yes I know its controversial, but those forever vows cannot be denied the gay folks either. And as to those who said it was wrong because God did not make Adam and Bruce but Adam and Eve, that is the kind of reasoning being used on us. It is so stupid its laughable. Of course He didn't. Where is the procreation? And their kids married each other and made babies.
There is so much stuff in all of this. We say the heart is desperately wicked, well is it? Is flesh desperately wicked to? I am treading on tricky ground here, but sex was given to us as a gift, an enjoyable thing, a deep bonding. Flesh and the ability to enjoy the things that bring pleasure is not of itself evil at all. Pursuing that selfishly, selfishness, now that is another thing. Look at what the fruit of flesh is, you will see those emotions and motivations that damage others. That is what is talked of, its human stuff inside that hurts folks. Spirit is in opposition to this, its not, for me, about some kind of austerity that boils down to another form of pride in the end. Its about finding the will of the Spirit of God and doing it. Getting back up when you fall down and relentlessly pursuing what is right and holy and beautiful, extending His hand. And telling of what He did for you.
I have seen Him. I know what He does. And with all the noise around us, I am losing my connection to Him, and that is the work of the enemy, and that work is being done by Christians who say they know me better than I do, that they have the right to determine who I am and how I was born and that they over ride and trump Jesus who said He loves me and Trust Him, while I was shattered to shreds in the car crying my eyes out and holding onto my sanity with a fingernail.
That is NOT His will. Nobody should be driven to that. I was. Let it stop NOW. It is not His will. But purity needs to be brought into it, selflessness needs to be part of it, wise handling of avoiding collateral damage to others by our transition has to be part of the walk. I see the typical narrative that does not take into account other peoples needs, that is the way of self, and that is what I think others that judge see. Thats the scary part, trans puberty is intense and we do crazy things in it. Especially starting the hormones and getting the new bodies.
He is about healing. Dysphoria is healed by getting what we need physically and hormonally. But more than that the heart needs healing and most of us are brutally wounded by the time we get here. That is a tough process to go through.
Trans people need all the help that can be given them, scripturally, lovingly, and in every way. The gay folk can stealth up, its much harder for us, we are in their face.
And there has to be a realistic dialogue about all this. I have questions, I need answers. And I want them straight from source, and that means I spend times in the red letters, and especially in the Godspell of John. The keys are right there, not interpreted or stated as truths from other insights, but straight from the horses mouth so to speak. Grafted in, wired in. Branches on the vine, fruit of His fruit. Living by the Spirit of God.
Thats where the kingdom keys are. And where the words will birth from your lips or your keyboard.
Trin.
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Post by Trinity on Nov 10, 2015 19:48:35 GMT 8
Good grief all heck is breaking loose inside my head I must have hit a nerve straight on. thats how fierce this spiritual battle has become, and it nails me in fear and anxiety hard. Almost more than I can handle, just talking about it, but its so important to do that. I sense the anger of God, I sense the enemy, and I sense my own terror and wounds.
Only one thing to do, and that is to entrust it all to Him.
I am being controlled by my desperate need for transfolks to stay with me to keep me able to walk this path. I lost 2 Christian friends and one trans friend, they were my closest, it was pride and fear and absolute selfishness and stupidity that caused that, and betrayal of trust on my part, I did a very evil thing, I may be forgiven above, but not below.
All of this interferes with being sane when talking through this stuff, as the fear builds I lost sight of "Trust me". He spoke only those two words into my mind and soul that day in the car when I was just at the end of it all, and those two little words are what has carried me through to this day, and beyond it. They hold the key to everything.
Its probably not just for me. He knows I share what happens to me with others. Its how I am. So its for you too.
Why would He say that if He did not love trans people?
I know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves me, and I am trans.
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Post by Trinity on Nov 24, 2015 1:10:49 GMT 8
Collapsed from exhaustion at church yesterday, but we went, my wife and I. I went fully ringed, all 5 of the female rings on and one is a rainbow ring. Showing NB.
Didn't care. Wanted to be real whatever the cost. Just toned down slightly, no earing, clothing was male or gender neutral. And I didn't worry about the body language.
It was a great service, I wasn't even bitter about it. All good. I may not agree with one part of their theology but the rest I am totally in agreement with, and I feel and am wired in again, albeit it a little weak or tired.
I am aware of my protectors being a cloak right now. It is most reassuring. And I feel Christ again, I sense Him. My lifeline is intact, I feel that connection that I survive on.
Mid service I was screaming in my Spirit for the transfolks that are suffering right now. Not just crying, it was screaming, deep inside.
I have some part to play. Some reason that I was born trans and also able to feel Him. To know His heart and sometimes His mind about some things, mostly about things concerning me, sometimes others. And so I post here. Light the candle in the dark, the dark will not overcome it.
Blessings dear ones.
Trinity
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guest@proboards.com
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2015 18:28:45 GMT 8
First Sunday of Advent Reflection:
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Trinity
DES Trans
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Nov 29, 2015 23:49:51 GMT 8
If you knew what your return to the forum means to me and how much hope and life your videos have brought into my dried up heart...
Brought me to tears, again.
I am so grateful to you. You have made a difference in my life in a very hard time.
Blessings dear one.
Trinity
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guest@proboards.com
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May 20, 2024 1:52:48 GMT 8
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2015 1:36:59 GMT 8
That means so much to me. I think we are soulfriends, you and I. This song is dear to my heart. I will try to find a song for each Sunday in Advent.
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