What do you do when dysphoria bites hard?

[Trinity]

I am helping a binary tgirl on a number of levels.  For anonymity sake I wont say too much about it though.

What do you say to a binary transperson when they have a dysphoria meltdown?  When their voice is just not making it for them and they just are crashing out because they hear the male testosterone lowering and they dream of being a cis female woman?

I got taken by surprize on this, I know how to fight nonbinary dysphoria, not binary dysphoria.  So my usual tricks dont work, because as nonbinary we can accept some of the mixture of gender.  I mean, I get it, every time I see someone with a smaller and thinner bone structure my own dysphoric pain crests fast.  I wont talk about that dramatic stuff though here, its whining at this point, for me. But not for someone else.

What do  you say to a binary transperson when they have a dysphoria meltdown?  I did the best I could, I told her first and honestly that she did not sound like a gay guy in drag, and she does sound like herself, and I do not hear a guy anything.  And that she needs to be the most pretty transwoman she can be, and see how pretty it is, because she should not compare herself to the cis, but instead, maybe to herself.

Anyone got some hints that will help me help her?

Love to all of you

Trinity aka Satinjoy

[LivingTheDream]

I think that sounds pretty good actually..prolly better than anything I would've said on the spot like that. It's hard to really understand something unless you experience it yourself, you know? Like for example, the downstairs equipment issue thing many people have. I don't particularly like it, and although it does have some benefits, I'd rather it be gone for many reasons; however, I can't understand how others get to the point of suicide or wanting to chop it off themselves you know? Makes no sense at all to me..

Everyone has things they dislike about their appearance, even the prettiest model probably thinks they don't look good or are too heavy or something and wishes they could change some things.

I hate my voice (I think like almost every transwoman does). I hate working on it cuz to me makes me feel fake. I think I sound totally manly and I cringe and get depressed hearing it. I'd like to change it surgically, maybe someday I will (come on lottery tix that I don't play!)

I don't like being 5'11, I feel too tall. I hate having big hands and especially feet. Hairline to high/face too long. No ass, hips or boobs. A gut. Teeth..Look manly still imo. Could go on and on...

I guess I just made peace with it. I have flaws and so does everyone else. I'm finally ok with the fact that I do. Work on what you can and don't worry about what you can't.

I thought of something else too. I dunno how far along transition she is or what she looked like to what she looks like now, but for me, looking back at where I came from (before dudely pics) and how I was and how I felt, to now; it um, definitely helps. I've gone thru and done many things that I never thought I could do to get to the point I am at now and I kinda can't help but be a bit impressed and I guess proud? of myself for making it thru all that and ya, it feels good.

[Shan]

Good points Dream Girl, and you're right no one's perfect. CIS women literally kill themselves trying to have a perfect figure. I could go on and on about all of the medical cosmetic surgeries that cis women routinely endure for the sake of feeling attractive. The women that are dealing with all the stuff they hate about themselves are the ones that have taken a pragmatic view of it all, said what the hell, and have just moved on with their lives as is. Somewhere along the line people just have to pop their delusional bubbles and accept what is and live with it.

[Trinity]

These are great points. I have her writing a gratitude list for the things that she has recieved in transition. And I pointed out how foxy Lauren Bacall is in Casablanca. Now there is a deep whisky voice for you. And its funny you mention, Dreamy, that stuff about your stuff. A lot of that is the same as me. Probably the same as all of us in the full body transition boat.

And we get father along in transition and the body gets farther along too, yup, I am sure on that one, it gets better and better.

She is 4 years into transition. And impossible to gender as anything but a woman. She's quite pretty, I can never believe that she is trans when I see her, until we start talking about the things we have in common.

The funny thing for me, is that I completely identify with her and get it.

In some ways I think binary trans and nonbinary trans are no different from each other when they are full transition transfolk. The only difference seems to be a choice in the gender(s) they decide to live in, and how comfortable they are with being in that social reality of self. I see binary trans post ops that act nonbinary, and nonbinary trans pre ops that act binary. The thing we have in common is that we are all transpeople, all have some level of dysphoria, and all are living a truth that is different from the expectations forced on us when we were born and were pink or blued based on a little thing between our legs.

Your comments will help her and I thank you deeply for them. Both posts, Shan's and The Dreamgirl's.

[LivingTheDream]

DreamGirl, Dreamy . Y'all referring to yourselves in third person? I gotta get with the times!

[Trinity]

Feb 16, 2016 12:50:20 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

DreamGirl, Dreamy . Y'all referring to yourselves in third person? I gotta get with the times!

Lol its a compliment girl. Hope you enjoyed the nicknames. Both are slang for gorgeous.

[Shan]

Feb 16, 2016 12:50:20 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

DreamGirl, Dreamy . Y'all referring to yourselves in third person? I gotta get with the times!

It's cause your Auntie Shan saw your rather stunning photo sweetheart, yeah Dream Girl fits and you wear it well.

[LivingTheDream]

You guys are too nice! *Blushes*

[Trinity]

Feb 17, 2016 4:21:14 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

You guys are too nice! *Blushes*

ROFL!!!

GUYS?????

HAHAHAHAHA

[Shan]

Feb 17, 2016 5:28:56 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Feb 17, 2016 4:21:14 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

You guys are too nice! *Blushes*

ROFL!!!

GUYS?????

HAHAHAHAHA

It's ok, a lot of cis gals will say guys when dealing with several other women. It's just a generic handle and not the least bit insulting when taken in that way.

[Trinity]

Feb 17, 2016 5:40:05 GMT 8 Shan said:

Feb 17, 2016 5:28:56 GMT 8 Trinity said:

ROFL!!!

GUYS?????

HAHAHAHAHA

It's ok, a lot of cis gals will say guys when dealing with several other women. It's just a generic handle and not the least bit insulting when taken in that way.

I'm definitely not insulted but still laughing about it

HAH1

[Trinity]

Well they cancelled my aa meeting cause trees fell on wires and i almost walked into them.

So a nice yummy fireman said "Dont go there ma'am it its not safe here" and shoo'd me away protectively...

I loved it

What were we talking about?

Oh yeah. Being blessed with living "she".

☺



Love ya girls.

Trin.

[Shan]

You should have asked them for one of their firemen hunkster calendars.

[Trinity]

Feb 17, 2016 9:39:37 GMT 8 Shan said:

You should have asked them for one of their firemen hunkster calendars.

Lol

She is a bit horny tonight.

I've been guy throughout the funeral supporting my wife and my gender is rebalancing hard to she right now.

So i guess theres a little fire burning...

☺

[LivingTheDream]

Feb 17, 2016 5:28:56 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Feb 17, 2016 4:21:14 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

You guys are too nice! *Blushes*

ROFL!!!

GUYS?????

HAHAHAHAHA

I hope I didn't offend you with that Trinity. I think I always use guys when referring to two or more people...I've had a few bad experiences misgendering strangers (at work mostly) that I basically made myself stop using pronouns most the time. There's not much worse you could call a cis guy than ma'am or miss; or using ladies and not noticing a dude with them or something you know? Learned guys don't really like that, LOL. If looks could kill, ha, I'd prob be dead from doing that.. I started using guys for groups cuz to me it's pretty gender neutral, most politically correct common word I could think of. Unless I know for sure I don't miss or sir anyone either.