what is your earliest gender or trans related memory?

[Deleted]

Just curious. I knew I was different right from scratch.

And wearing a shirt and those 50s plastic pants was some kind of weird turn on. Fantasized about that until I got hold of sisters underwear. And one look in the mirrorrat the girl I saw, and it was all over for me.

Lot of sex and physical self perception in my scenario. Not so much with the girl associated things to do, that wasn't me, that part was not me.

Split. Physical vs social. From the start it was all messed up by the normies standards.

[bhhfmm]

As far back as I can remember, way before I started school. I know some of the early pics from Alaska(3 or less years old) had me wearing some article of my older sisters clothing, even her coat and boots in the house, lol.

[Deleted]

I think I duplicated this thread.

Too much on my mind I guess.

Sorry...

Maybe it's ok since it is specific to earliest one.

[Deleted]

Jan 18, 2015 7:11:36 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

As far back as I can remember, way before I started school. I know some of the early pics from Alaska(3 or less years old) had me wearing some article of my older sisters clothing, even her coat and boots in the house, lol.

Well yeah I even get that you were such a pretty baby.

[Deleted]

In my teens when I met some fantastic looking cross dressed drag queens late at night in a hotdog place on Market Street in San Francisco, they had just gotten off work at at a place called Finocchios. A friend and I had hitchhiked to Malibu from Seattle for Spring break and were coming back. We were penniless and sitting in a "Doggie Diner" when these flamboyant people came in and started chatting, we told them we were heading for the highway at first light, they bought us hot dogs and coffee, chatted awhile and left. I couldn't get them out of my mind, I thought they were fantastic!

[Laura J]

Lately I've been doing a lot of soul searching to find these answers.. I've meditated a lot just going back into old memories and re-living moments in time, and trying to piece together how they fit into the issues I'm dealing with today..?

I have to say I became self aware I felt different during puberty.. Being a small boy, I never gave it a second thought, even early teens, but then at 15-16 years, the bottom fell out of my boat.. It seemed like within one summer I went from happy go lucky boy, to feeling so strongly that I didn't fit in any longer.. My clothes all felt creepy on my, I spent lots of time alone, sad, depressed.. Of course I had never heard of transgender ever at that time, so I just assumed there was something wrong with me.? My parents took me to shrinks, with no answers really..

The years passed, and here I am today...

But to answer the question, I was 15-16 when I began feeling what must have been dysphoria of some kind, I don't know how else to explain it.?

[Whisper]

i don't think i really understood gender until much later. i didn't notice the difference until mid schooling age. i sort of thought back then that many others acted and felt more like me. i think for the most part, i fit in more until those mid school ages, and especially high school when everything got weird. by college, almost nothing related to others. there was definitely a divide starting in the late elementary, to early teens.

it may be that others changed, and i didn't. sorta like a rule book was absorbed, yet i rejected the rulebook.

[Edge]

Knowing I was supposed to be a girl and trying to be one. Not so much in a gender role way since I didn't understand those, but in a trying to take pride in being a girl way. Also, not that I saw anything wrong with being a girl. I just felt disconnected and kind of subconsciously confused by the idea of me being one. It's difficult to describe. It's like, consciously, I knew I had to be a girl, but deep down I was like ???
Of course, I didn't figure out why until much later and, by itself, that wouldn't have been enough of a hint.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I have a very distinct memory of me as a girl when I was 2 yrs old. We moved before I was 3, so the age fits.
I've talked about those memories and my mother confirmed that details were correct. Not a lot of them just some.
But that one seems more real, and very distinct.
I told my mother about seeing myself as a girl and she told me she had wanted me to be a girl when I was born.
She kept my hair long, for as long as she could.
Unfortunately I have never seen any pictures of me from then, except for one and my hair is a buzz cut.
Just before or soon after I started school, I saw some of my sisters clothes waiting to be washed, and tried some on.
I don't remember why, but it seems like I was drawn to them, but maybe just curious. The effect was instantaneous.
That I do remember very well. I was always teased and pushed around for being to much like a girl in grade school.

[Anato]

Funny enough my earliest memories were of talking to other people about my feelings, not so much the feelings themselves. Weird. But yeah I remember saying to my dad "I wish I had a lower voice" (I wanted to say 'male voice' but knew he wouldn't approve) he asked me why and I said because they sound stronger and I liked that. He just sort of nodded and said 'yeah I guess they are' and we trailed off into talking about something else.

Another one is my cousin asked me why men and women have different clothing. There must be a reason for it, and behind her question I could feel she was both genuinely curious and also asking me 'why are you dressing like a boy? That's weird.". I just ducked the question and said "I don't care what anyone is wearing as long as they have clothes on!" and segued into another topic.

I just remember always liking how men were built and feeling a deep envy for their physic. The voice, the muscle, the angular appearance, all of it. Except the genitals. I was indifferent to that.

[Deleted]

Jan 19, 2015 12:51:14 GMT 8 Anato said:

Funny enough my earliest memories were of talking to other people about my feelings, not so much the feelings themselves. Weird. But yeah I remember saying to my dad "I wish I had a lower voice" (I wanted to say 'male voice' but knew he wouldn't approve) he asked me why and I said because they sound stronger and I liked that. He just sort of nodded and said 'yeah I guess they are' and we trailed off into talking about something else.

Another one is my cousin asked me why men and women have different clothing. There must be a reason for it, and behind her question I could feel she was both genuinely curious and also asking me 'why are you dressing like a boy? That's weird.". I just ducked the question and said "I don't care what anyone is wearing as long as they have clothes on!" and segued into another topic.

I just remember always liking how men were built and feeling a deep envy for their physic. The voice, the muscle, the angular appearance, all of it. Except the genitals. I was indifferent to that.

I can buy into that! There is nothing pretty about either male or female genitals. I still use the men's locker room at the gym and occasionally feel visually assaulted by people walking around with their junk uncovered. It isn't nice! My spouse complains about the women's being just as bad and "OMG this one has a Brazilian wtf for?" Yeah I get all that really, you'd think she'd want to hide it.
 

[Deleted]

When I was about 4 I put on a dress. The dress was just lying around somewhere, don't know why, don't know who it belonged to, possibly my sister. Later I very innocently told my dad what I'd done. I didn't know it was wrong. He told me if I ever did that again, I'd have to wear a dress to church. I suppose I should have taken him up on the offer. But I'm quite sure he didn't mean that seriously. If he had ever caught me in a dress, I feel sure he'd have taken drastic action. That wasn't something he'd have messed around with. In any case, I understood that putting on a dress was a very bad thing to do.

Another time, when I'd have been 7 or 8, a neighbour girl was in a play at school. She was a princess and naturally was wearing a beautiful dress which caught my eye. A few days later when we were down at their house, for some reason she had the dress out and invited me to put it on. I declined because I knew it was very wrong, but she started laughing at me because she could tell I wanted to.

At any rate it shows how early repression came for me--at it lasted a long time.

[Deleted]

Jan 19, 2015 8:43:14 GMT 8 Ativan Prescribed said:

I have a very distinct memory of me as a girl when I was 2 yrs old. We moved before I was 3, so the age fits.
I've talked about those memories and my mother confirmed that details were correct. Not a lot of them just some.
But that one seems more real, and very distinct.
I told my mother about seeing myself as a girl and she told me she had wanted me to be a girl when I was born.
She kept my hair long, for as long as she could.
Unfortunately I have never seen any pictures of me from then, except for one and my hair is a buzz cut.
Just before or soon after I started school, I saw some of my sisters clothes waiting to be washed, and tried some on.
I don't remember why, but it seems like I was drawn to them, but maybe just curious. The effect was instantaneous.
That I do remember very well. I was always teased and pushed around for being to much like a girl in grade school.

Wow Ativan. My Mom prayed for a girl when she was pregnant with me. She got one just not like she was hoping for.  Not to mention the whole DES thing because I was a high risk pregnancy. 2 miscarriages before me and three after. But her and my dad tried to force the boy thing. I used to run away when I head the term "haircut". They finally had to give up. At 6 years old I would hide in the woods and a couple of nights slept in the woods. 4 years of this crap when they finally give up and I won.  I guess stubbornness and hard headedness paid off for me. Hell people would call me a girl because of the hair and gave me a little satisfaction even. Most real boys would have been upset, not me though. I felt.... I really don't know but nothing negative about it.

[Deleted]

Jan 20, 2015 0:33:50 GMT 8 Shan said:

Jan 19, 2015 12:51:14 GMT 8 Anato said:

Funny enough my earliest memories were of talking to other people about my feelings, not so much the feelings themselves. Weird. But yeah I remember saying to my dad "I wish I had a lower voice" (I wanted to say 'male voice' but knew he wouldn't approve) he asked me why and I said because they sound stronger and I liked that. He just sort of nodded and said 'yeah I guess they are' and we trailed off into talking about something else.

Another one is my cousin asked me why men and women have different clothing. There must be a reason for it, and behind her question I could feel she was both genuinely curious and also asking me 'why are you dressing like a boy? That's weird.". I just ducked the question and said "I don't care what anyone is wearing as long as they have clothes on!" and segued into another topic.

I just remember always liking how men were built and feeling a deep envy for their physic. The voice, the muscle, the angular appearance, all of it. Except the genitals. I was indifferent to that.

I can buy into that! There is nothing pretty about either male or female genitals. I still use the men's locker room at the gym and occasionally feel visually assaulted by people walking around with their junk uncovered. It isn't nice! My spouse complains about the women's being just as bad and "OMG this one has a Brazilian wtf for?" Yeah I get all that really, you'd think she'd want to hide it.
 

OK so a guy's locker? OMFG, I think I would faint from too much visual input. Yep this is your neighborhood slut. I caught shit in my freshman and sophomore year because I had tiny tits and had to practice hair removal from a doctor's suggestion due to hyperhidrosis and breaking out in bacterial infections. I caught shit but a lot of those that I caught shit from wanted to cop a feel. HMMM... What's wrong with that picture?

A Brazilian? WTF for. Well for a three reasons. Keeps things from stinking, some guys like it, and the feeling is amazing when... OK. I'm gonna' shut up now. It's something everyone should try at least once. The hygiene factor is out of this world.

[Deleted]

Jan 21, 2015 5:56:31 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Jan 20, 2015 0:33:50 GMT 8 Shan said:

I can buy into that! There is nothing pretty about either male or female genitals. I still use the men's locker room at the gym and occasionally feel visually assaulted by people walking around with their junk uncovered. It isn't nice! My spouse complains about the women's being just as bad and "OMG this one has a Brazilian wtf for?" Yeah I get all that really, you'd think she'd want to hide it.
 

OK so a guy's locker? OMFG, I think I would faint from too much visual input. Yep this is your neighborhood slut. I caught shit in my freshman and sophomore year because I had tiny tits and had to practice hair removal from a doctor's suggestion due to hyperhidrosis and breaking out in bacterial infections. I caught shit but a lot of those that I caught shit from wanted to cop a feel. HMMM... What's wrong with that picture?

A Brazilian? WTF for. Well for a three reasons. Keeps things from stinking, some guys like it, and the feeling is amazing when... OK. I'm gonna' shut up now. It's something everyone should try at least once. The hygiene factor is out of this world.

Obviously you missed Vagina Monologue Jamie.