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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2015 18:09:00 GMT 8
You're in the right forum dear...
It's a journey for sure. Keep talking out here.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2015 19:05:52 GMT 8
Transition is not the one size fits all solution. Nonbinary dysphoria, for me, can get really awful, I did make those hard choices, but I did not follow an all or nothing scenario. The amount of estrogen in me makes it impossible to physically operate as a male, the choices made affecting family had to be done very carefully and there was still collateral damage, though not complete.
When we are born nonbinary trans, not a woman trapped in a mans body, but a person who has a body that is not compatible to their physical, mental and emotional needs, then there is a lot of work to do to find out who we are, what makes us tick. I've been doing that a few years now. I am still learning, I know a lot for myself, but there is much more to be revealed. I am just beginning to really understand the dynamics of how my gender expresses itself, how it works.
Its a lot of emotion, its tough on the family, its best talked about here, and with a really good shrink. It is not best talked about in a binary forum. Not when its like this.
Take it slow, my advice, give space. Look at all aspects of your transdiamond. The gender people are the guides, and transition is cutting the diamond of your trans heart to make it shine and fill it with dazzling light. You never cut a diamond unless you know exactly how it works, its flaws, needs, how the stone wants to be shaped. That starts with full understanding of self, motives, sex, others in your outer circle beyond the shell of your body.
Theres a lot of work to do, but there is plenty of time to do that work. Right now, take time to smell the roses, and love up your family to the max. Talk to the shrink about the ways to mitigate the dysphoria, and see who you are in your eyes. You can always see your gender if you look deep into your beautiful eyes. That was key to me.
Hope that helps a little.
Trinity
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 21:14:15 GMT 8
As a follow on... I have just come back from a couple of weeks of leave with my wife and daughter. Whilst on leave I have made some stunning realisations. I have used my work to block dysphoria, however, if I get too stressed it triggers dysphoria. So, because I was on leave, I had no work per se, and over the first week I got gradually more and more dysphoric until I realised that I cannot keep this balance. I realised I was on the path to a nervous breakdown. I took my wife for coffee and had a really good heart to heart. Three years ago, I told her everything and she pushed back really hard and I retreated. This time, I explained that there was no retreat. This is who I am. I am no longer ashamed and I cannot deny this existence. She was OK, which really blew my mind a bit. I explained that I must express this feminine gender that is within me. I cannot deny it. So she has tentatively agree. Last night I have started to paint my toe nails. Baby steps, but steps never the less. It made her really uncomfortable, but with time, she will change her mental image of my foot to being one which is adorned. And beyond that, I will carry on pushing gently over time. I think I can be me, and remain married to the woman I love. So - here we go down the rabbit hole, one step at a time. Welcome to the world of non-binary!
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Post by Ayla on Sept 8, 2015 4:38:29 GMT 8
As a follow on... I have just come back from a couple of weeks of leave with my wife and daughter. Whilst on leave I have made some stunning realisations. I have used my work to block dysphoria, however, if I get too stressed it triggers dysphoria. So, because I was on leave, I had no work per se, and over the first week I got gradually more and more dysphoric until I realised that I cannot keep this balance. I realised I was on the path to a nervous breakdown. I took my wife for coffee and had a really good heart to heart. Three years ago, I told her everything and she pushed back really hard and I retreated. This time, I explained that there was no retreat. This is who I am. I am no longer ashamed and I cannot deny this existence. She was OK, which really blew my mind a bit. I explained that I must express this feminine gender that is within me. I cannot deny it. So she has tentatively agree. Last night I have started to paint my toe nails. Baby steps, but steps never the less. It made her really uncomfortable, but with time, she will change her mental image of my foot to being one which is adorned. And beyond that, I will carry on pushing gently over time. I think I can be me, and remain married to the woman I love. So - here we go down the rabbit hole, one step at a time. Welcome to the world of non-binary! Cherie So very pleased for you. This is a great step for you, but your wife will need time to adjust. Slow steps. This is your journey and its speed, direction and end point are unique to you. Communicate, communicate, and with love and luck you will both move forward together. Once you realised that you had to express yourself you couldn't ignore it without hurting yourself and others. My thoughts are with you both. safe travels Aisla
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2015 15:31:26 GMT 8
Thanks so much all of you. This is why I really like this forum. Our journey has begun.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2015 19:12:41 GMT 8
Take it slow darling, find what works for her, what is over her zone. Let her tell you what she can handle. Its a delicate walk, the diamond tightrope. Slow. Very slow. The choices that ease your mind without triggering hers are the ones to reach for. Mine was nails and clear polish. And satin androgynous nightwear.
Blessings dear
Trinity Satin Joy
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