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Post by Edge on May 16, 2015 11:05:27 GMT 8
I guess I would see sexuality and sexual behavior as not necessarily the same thing. Like, sexual behavior could be driven by sexuality, but may also be driven by other things. Unless I don't have quite the grasp on sexuality yet. Yeah, but one's attitude towards sexual behaviours is part of sexuality I think. For example, someone who is polyamorous would have a different view of their sexuality than someone who is strictly monogamous would have of theirs. Also, sexuality wouldn't be limited to who one likes to have sex with. It would also be how one likes to have sex. If that makes sense.
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2015 19:14:16 GMT 8
I guess I would see sexuality and sexual behavior as not necessarily the same thing. Like, sexual behavior could be driven by sexuality, but may also be driven by other things. Unless I don't have quite the grasp on sexuality yet. Yeah, but one's attitude towards sexual behaviours is part of sexuality I think. For example, someone who is polyamorous would have a different view of their sexuality than someone who is strictly monogamous would have of theirs. Also, sexuality wouldn't be limited to who one likes to have sex with. It would also be how one likes to have sex. If that makes sense. Sexuality vs love attractions. Always was in opposition with me. I married girl, but need to be Sh'e. Love girl, guys, fond of, not that deep love. Sexuality then is shemale. Or female, whatever.... words argh. Orientation isn't gender. Gay guys are guys loving guys. Orientation, love patterns..not gendered? Gender isn't what I thought it is. Edge, without sucking up here, you've altered my perception of it all. Very freeing. The music helped, especially that transformation one.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on May 16, 2015 22:13:24 GMT 8
Yeah, but one's attitude towards sexual behaviours is part of sexuality I think. For example, someone who is polyamorous would have a different view of their sexuality than someone who is strictly monogamous would have of theirs. Also, sexuality wouldn't be limited to who one likes to have sex with. It would also be how one likes to have sex. If that makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. One can step outside of their orientation just for the sex, and not so much the person they are having it with. To fulfill your sexual preference by stepping outside of your orientation is not unheard of, not by any means.
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Post by Edge on May 16, 2015 22:51:15 GMT 8
Yeah there's that. I was meaning more that, even in one orientation, there are various ways to have sex. You know.... fast, hard, gentle, slow, various positions, oral, anal, piv, etc. People like different things.
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2015 23:44:01 GMT 8
Where's that all of the above checkbox....
:-)
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Post by EchelonHunt on May 17, 2015 23:52:22 GMT 8
I am finding out a lot of new things about myself lately. More and more, I find I am male in nearly every aspect of myself.
There's this underlying urge that grows stronger every passing day, I know my physical body has to be male.
My gender still is genderfluid but there is a strong sense of male identity within the core of it.
Gender expression is fluid as ever, it's the only thing that is not strictly male. Freedom to dress and present as any gender I please... bliss. Absolute bliss.
Sexuality... is a tricky one. I identify as aromantic asexual... with an active sex drive.
Sexual fantasies... I am almost always male. I cannot reach orgasm unless I am envisioning myself as male, focusing on the aspects of my male body (especially the way they do in Trap hentai, e.g. "Your towel wrapped around your chest, your hair tied up into a bun but this HARD evidence right here says it all! *motioning to erection*" ) always seems to push me over the edge into utter ecstasy. Having a vagina puts a damper on things, it has no sensation and no use to me, it's not supposed to be there but one day, it will get fixed.
I rarely experience attraction to others but I notice I think about relationships (especially fantasies) with girls in a heterosexual manner and relationships with guys in a homosexual manner, if that makes sense?
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 0:47:37 GMT 8
Lots of sense dear.
I'm still thinking about the no rules thing, so much different from when I grew up where everything was gender conditioning, despotic...where we grew our hair and the establishment freaked out...where unbuttoning the top button of your shirt was radical...you remember, 50s 60s child's?
Learning from you folks is a treat.
:-)
Deprogramming that stuff has been a bitch, that gender training Crap. Takes mindfulness to realize there is no spoon, just the matrix.
Uggh.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 3:16:18 GMT 8
I see the women, the way they relate, the subtle things. It is not me.
I see the guys, the way they relate, the subtle things.
There's more of me there.
But not when I see the body physical. The needs are strong for Sh'e, very strong, mindbreaking strong, for me to be h'er.
But Sh'e is her own gender, it breaks the binary thing. I said rules earlier today, it was funny, at home depot, I watched the many games of self expression and social conditioning related to gender, and I got jealous of the ones wearing what I would self express as were I truly free. Tucked in short shorts, certainly.
There are no rules, yet I see social rules imposed on me at every turn. Rules that have consequences when broken. Would not be so if I was alone...but loneliness is the most awful of the price older trans often pay.
But male, female...in the brain, I swing. My gender is just me. I wish I could show more of who I am outside, but I can show it to me, to you. It is enough.
Yesterday I showed my nails to a guy at radio shack.
He said ...cool...showed his, clear polished.
Had nothing to do with gender for him, everything to do with it for me.
Change really is in the wind.
Take me with you into this place of freedom.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 6:07:56 GMT 8
Jayce mentioned the male moving to core.
I wonder if there is a layering.
Like, core, gender, sex, sexuality...
And then there is the expression of it all.
Like, anything goes, or jeans and ripped up teeshirt, or nice dress, ...
That may or may not reflect core gender.
I was pretty darn girl full out in Aa.
I think from a physical level it's truth.
But the core...the gender...
If it was all about physical gender needs, most of us would slide hard to binary I think. Maybe not.
But the mind gender, maybe that can be observed by who you sense you are like, boys, girls, both, neither...
Core gender sense.
Like, for Mtf, woman trapped in wrong body. But, what about gender noncomforming trapped in a body.
We are core spirits needing a body we need.
Dunno.
Seems like the body needs are a lot easier to figure out than our heads are.
Back to work...
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Post by Marooned In This Body on May 19, 2015 2:38:54 GMT 8
I have heard this phrase before (or something similar too it) I find it helpful in terms of figuring out my own identity and less helpful in me explaining to others. My sex is female which I am fine with but if I suddenly woke up male or something in between I feel like I would be fine with it once past the disorienting feeling of having ones body change suddenly. My gender is non-binary and fluid. My sexuality is pansexual and I am poly-amorous which I am still trying to figure out if that is part of ones sexuality or a separate thing mono vs poly which is further confused by the fact that I'm in a poly-fidelity relationship, I digress. Anyways, for me it feels like all these things do happen to align, they just don't align in a binary structure. My gender is non-binary, my sexuality - pansexuality is pretty much like a non-binary sexuality. And I suppose my sex/body is just what it is and I don't have strong feelings about it. I like it and don't want to change it because I'm use to it but if it did change it would probably not bother me all that much. On a side note, isn't it funny how in tv shows there are sometimes episodes where people body swap through some random event and it's always sort of just a joke, like the binary male gets swapped with a female and it's funny because 'hey I can touch my own boobs' lol. And no one is horribly disturbed that they have suddenly switched sexes? I wonder what would happen in real life if someone who feels strongly male was switched in to a female body (or vice versa). How would they really react? Would they feel disturbed or be mostly okay with it? Would they want to switch back or stay the same? Of course when you factor in sexism and all that it's even more complicated but it is interesting to think about. i love the way you worded this. my gender is non-binary too (bigender) and my sexuality is also pan. i read somewhere an article where a bigendered girl was explaining she was into girls when she was a girl and into guys when she was a guy. it was very interesting to say the least. my therapist explains that scientifically and psychologically we do not know enough about gender identification or sexuality to really explain it all that well, it all comes down to how you feel on the inside instinctually. i have to agree with him. whether there are studies or not, it is just someone's opinion and what really matters is how YOU feel about it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2015 0:30:41 GMT 8
Things unfold so rapidly when the time is right. I've been thinking about this thread, and i think it has some really important keys in it certainly concerning me, and maybe concerning others.
I am thinking of a recent Ativan post with the way the mind worked, vs the way the body worked. Self perception, vs body perception and sex.
Relating to the world around us, interacting with that world, and how gender affects that interaction. How our genders affect our behaviors, not just in the bedroom, but out in the world. How it colors who we are, and what we do with that knowledge, or the fear of it.
There is so much to mine from this, so much to dig into and see. And how lack of balance in this area can cause a bunch of chaos, wreak some havok.
Love that Star Trek line. "Cry Havoc"... just before the Klingon got blown up by a bomb up their tailpipe.
HAH!
Blessings
Trinity
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2015 8:26:57 GMT 8
They are as you described them, for you. It can be a little more complicated, but essentially... That they are different things, sure, the level of importance at any given time can change and it does. Depending on how you perceive them is how changing one might affect the others, it's subjective. Sex is easily defined, relatively. Gender is a part of your thought process as well as sexuality, but they are two different things for the most part. But very easily connected for each individual. They are separate when talking about people in general, a way to define things. It's very easy to blend them in ways that one affects another, it's that way most of the time for most people. But just knowing that it doesn't have to be, that you can make a conscious decision, one doesn't have power over another. You are who you are, don't get me wrong, you don't have a choice about each one, but you can in how they interact. You see someone who turns you on, your sexuality comes to the front, you get dressed and your gender might be more to the front. But you can also dress according to gender, and to be sexually provocative as well, they both come to the front. I see myself as some combination of 'she', 'he', and self. They are very interconnected, I'm not that aware of she or he unless I stop to think about it, most of the time. But my sex, gender and sexuality are separate, and of course they are all connected, but those connections can be changed and do change. Sometimes we don't have the ability to control those connections, sometimes we do. But knowing the structure can be empowering. Anywhere from awareness to complete control. There's really not as much rigidity in any of this like it's being written, just sounds that way for lack of a better way to describe it. It's not the end all of how it works, just a way of perceiving things, but that's how we see most everything, as perceptions. Two people can stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon, one see's a lot of breathtaking beauty, the other see's a big fricken hole in the ground. Perceptions. Not trying to change the way people see any of this, it's just a perception. But I think it's one that as it was told to me, as I read about this and that, what others have said, it seems like one that can be mutual for a lot of us. But even then, no two people are going to see it the same, even if a definitive answer to it could be made. It is this post that echoes through my mind, and has for months. It is still under the surface, as I wonder at how I got to where I am now. The me that unfolded, a new way of looking at it. In separating it out, there came a freedom to be. I once talked about a triad gender, social, physical, core. I still believe in that concept. Somewhere in the threads there is mention of a possible dissasociation between gender and our body wiring. I forget where it was, but I know for me it has been a true thing, that of the physical, the body need to be transitioned far to the female binary, and the other total freedom to be socially pretty much a guy most of the time. A guy with long clear polished nails, small breasts that are not moobs concealed in shirts that are a little large, and just a different aura around him, because in most respects I do not consider myself either a guy or a girl. It gets more interesting if the DES involuntary womb transition is taken into account with all the wiring installed by that drug, the altered body chemistry and the resulting desire in me to find my way back to the comfort found in that prebirth place, where the hormone balances were whacked. But that deviation, the need for the body, the sexual wiring that is very much TS, yet, the social drive that moves away from typical female associated stereotypical behaviors... and that has never satisfactorily been answered by the way, not to me. The idea that some traits are feminine and some masculine, and the hot arguments about why traits had to be associated with either a male or female gender... I look at a woman pushing a baby carriage, I dont have those instincts. I have other instincts, very competitive ones. So I dunno. But I think this quote above holds a key or two. It has certainly pulled me back from the edge, it is one of the contributing posts to seeing beyond what I originally considered to be true. And blatantly wasnt, to the point that I am sometimes embarrassed by what I have written in the past, yet at that time, it was my truth, I believed it, acted on it, and nearly cracked up over it. Because I was fighting my nonbinary gender. Good luck with that. The entire picture, sexuality, sex as in physical characteristics, mine are of course modified to my self perception and body needs now, and the social gender and interactions with others, others by the way trapped in a binary perception and overlaying it onto us so that they dont necessarily see us, or we dont see ourselves, but all of this seems to make up our... what. Our whole? Or our nonbinary life? Blessings my dear friends Trinity Trinity
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Post by Me on Sept 26, 2015 15:56:39 GMT 8
What is gender? If gender is not sex or sexuality...definitely not orientation...then what is it? I self express as an androgyne now. It's my current real.. I think you could say that since I think that way, it's a gender. Thinking unboxed fluid, that is, quite variable. Is that a gender? Is the physical mtf androgyne a gender? Is the wild she sexuality a gender? Or is gender how you perceive yourself in comparison to others? What is gender? Very good question... I've been searching for the answer for a good 20 years and it has not only alluded me but the possibility of finding the answer has been receeding into the distance. My conclusion at this point is that it's a completely fabricated social control mechanism for restricting people's choices and actions, based on relatively small differences in physiology, very much like the equally arbitrary concept of so-called 'race' and the control system built around it. IMO, the sooner this caste system is demolished the sooner humanity can unite and flourish.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 26, 2015 0:39:06 GMT 8
Triggered by a comment from Jamie i am ressurecting the thread again. For me as a full transition no op with a nonbinary core, its one of the most important threads on the board. My perception of it continues to dial in. Its Christmas so I will post later, but for me understanding it is paramount in living a happy life. And its the core truth of my ability to have such a dynamic social experience living trans yet moving all over the gender range at will.
Trinity
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2015 5:50:01 GMT 8
Triggered by a comment from Jamie i am ressurecting the thread again. For me as a full transition no op with a nonbinary core, its one of the most important threads on the board. My perception of it continues to dial in. Its Christmas so I will post later, but for me understanding it is paramount in living a happy life. And its the core truth of my ability to have such a dynamic social experience living trans yet moving all over the gender range at will. Trinity Shit. I'm so sorry I triggered you somehow.
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